Help me be less of a priss
November 26, 2018 9:17 AM Subscribe
I am very private and uptight about bodily functions and bathroom stuff. How can I chill out and be a normal person?
I loathe jokes, discussions and sharing of all bathroom stuff. And while I'm grossed out if a friend, say, shares a poop story, my real horror is exposing my own bodily functions to other people. Honestly, even admitting that I am a human being with poop and gas (ugh) makes me cringe. Now, I've lived alone for years so this isn't really a debilitating problem, but I want to chill out for a couple reasons:
1) I'm prone to stress-related GI upset that's probably mild IBS (runs in the family), but I've never discussed it with my doctor because I'm too embarrassed.
2) I want to move in with my boyfriend at some point, and "I'm afraid to take a shit with you in the apartment" isn't a great reason not to. (And we live in an expensive city, so a multi-bathroom mansion is not in the cards.)
3) I obsess over past incidents of this nature that would never matter to a normal person, like a single time where I passed gas in front of an ex 5 years ago.
How do I stop being such a freaking priss? I am pretty sure I have always been like this and while my family aren't the burping-contest type they're nowhere near me. If it matters, I'm a late 20s woman with an anxiety disorder. I have a therapist for the anxiety, but the thought of even bringing this up in therapy makes me cringe-- clearly, there is work to be done.
I loathe jokes, discussions and sharing of all bathroom stuff. And while I'm grossed out if a friend, say, shares a poop story, my real horror is exposing my own bodily functions to other people. Honestly, even admitting that I am a human being with poop and gas (ugh) makes me cringe. Now, I've lived alone for years so this isn't really a debilitating problem, but I want to chill out for a couple reasons:
1) I'm prone to stress-related GI upset that's probably mild IBS (runs in the family), but I've never discussed it with my doctor because I'm too embarrassed.
2) I want to move in with my boyfriend at some point, and "I'm afraid to take a shit with you in the apartment" isn't a great reason not to. (And we live in an expensive city, so a multi-bathroom mansion is not in the cards.)
3) I obsess over past incidents of this nature that would never matter to a normal person, like a single time where I passed gas in front of an ex 5 years ago.
How do I stop being such a freaking priss? I am pretty sure I have always been like this and while my family aren't the burping-contest type they're nowhere near me. If it matters, I'm a late 20s woman with an anxiety disorder. I have a therapist for the anxiety, but the thought of even bringing this up in therapy makes me cringe-- clearly, there is work to be done.
You've taken the first step in acknowledging the problem. You should be commended. It is good that you have a therapist so I think that is the proper course for you to start with. I know that broaching a difficult topic face to face can be a challenge, so with that said, can you drop your therapist an email that you'd like to discuss this. Example:
posted by mmascolino at 9:38 AM on November 26, 2018 [17 favorites]
Spending time around my friend's toddlers has cured me of any lingering issues of this variety. It's like a solid punch to the anxiety brain - toddlers are just learning about this stuff, it's endlessly fascinating and endlessly annoying, it's important to someone who isn't me who I care about very much who is vulnerable. Once you end up witnessing parents singing songs about squatting to help poop easier before bedtime, an off-hand comment about gas or whatever becomes a nothing moment. Of course, ymmv and you might not have any extra small friends with their own beloved copies of "Everyone Poops" to help you out.
I think that maybe starting with your doctor to help sort out your GI issue might be a good idea. You already talk to your doctor about your body. You could write down your symptoms and why you think it's something that runs in your family, and bring that to your appointment. Many doctors do email consultations now, too, and you might find it easier to start in text like that. Then, once you've begun to handle the medical issue you have a specific thing to discuss with your therapist, and even something you could bring up in conversation with your boyfriend that is adjacent to the poop-shy problem but not the problem itself (and then you can work on remembering how everything was fine afterwards.) It can help a lot to have a specific thing to "bite off" when starting to engage with a big nebulous anxiety related issue.
posted by Mizu at 9:40 AM on November 26, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think that maybe starting with your doctor to help sort out your GI issue might be a good idea. You already talk to your doctor about your body. You could write down your symptoms and why you think it's something that runs in your family, and bring that to your appointment. Many doctors do email consultations now, too, and you might find it easier to start in text like that. Then, once you've begun to handle the medical issue you have a specific thing to discuss with your therapist, and even something you could bring up in conversation with your boyfriend that is adjacent to the poop-shy problem but not the problem itself (and then you can work on remembering how everything was fine afterwards.) It can help a lot to have a specific thing to "bite off" when starting to engage with a big nebulous anxiety related issue.
posted by Mizu at 9:40 AM on November 26, 2018 [2 favorites]
but the thought of even bringing this up in therapy makes me cringe
Step one, would you be comfortable just saying to your therapist "There's something difficult that I want to discuss with you but I'm having a hard time saying it?"
Therapists are used to different people finding things difficult, and used to working with people who are struggling to say something hard. It could be a starting point for you to work up to it, together, over however much time you need.
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:41 AM on November 26, 2018 [10 favorites]
Step one, would you be comfortable just saying to your therapist "There's something difficult that I want to discuss with you but I'm having a hard time saying it?"
Therapists are used to different people finding things difficult, and used to working with people who are struggling to say something hard. It could be a starting point for you to work up to it, together, over however much time you need.
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:41 AM on November 26, 2018 [10 favorites]
Might I recommend a different formulation of your main question?
You ask: "How do I stop being such a freaking priss?"
First, I don't think you have to call yourself names like this. You are not a freaking priss. You experience anxiety regarding bodily functions. That's something a lot of people experience. You experience this anxiety to such an extent that it is interfering with your life. I imagine a lot of pain, frustration, and exhaustion, given what you have shared with us here. Can you allow yourself to word this question more compassionately?
Second, I see you already have a therapist you're working with for anxiety issues. That's great! You already have a support system in place to help you. As you say, you're so anxious about this, you don't know how to bring it up in therapy. That makes sense -- it sounds like you feel a lot of shame, and it is hard to discuss what we find shameful, even in the safety of a therapist's office. But you know you need your therapist's help. You know this is a form of anxiety. You know the answer to your question is, talk to your therapist about it.
So, here is the re-formulation I recommend: "How can I bolster up my courage enough to ask my therapist for help?"
Is that a reasonable way of expressing the difficulty you're having? Does it seem helpful to think of it in these terms? I hope so.
One good suggestion that shows up in AskMe a lot may work for you: print out your question and hand it to your therapist. You were able to find enough courage to write our your question, here, and so I think you can also find the courage to present this written question to your therapist. It'll be hard (because all scary things are hard), and you will probably feel shame (because what you are dealing with is feelings of shame at even acknowledging bodily functions), but you can do it.
posted by meese at 9:41 AM on November 26, 2018 [31 favorites]
You ask: "How do I stop being such a freaking priss?"
First, I don't think you have to call yourself names like this. You are not a freaking priss. You experience anxiety regarding bodily functions. That's something a lot of people experience. You experience this anxiety to such an extent that it is interfering with your life. I imagine a lot of pain, frustration, and exhaustion, given what you have shared with us here. Can you allow yourself to word this question more compassionately?
Second, I see you already have a therapist you're working with for anxiety issues. That's great! You already have a support system in place to help you. As you say, you're so anxious about this, you don't know how to bring it up in therapy. That makes sense -- it sounds like you feel a lot of shame, and it is hard to discuss what we find shameful, even in the safety of a therapist's office. But you know you need your therapist's help. You know this is a form of anxiety. You know the answer to your question is, talk to your therapist about it.
So, here is the re-formulation I recommend: "How can I bolster up my courage enough to ask my therapist for help?"
Is that a reasonable way of expressing the difficulty you're having? Does it seem helpful to think of it in these terms? I hope so.
One good suggestion that shows up in AskMe a lot may work for you: print out your question and hand it to your therapist. You were able to find enough courage to write our your question, here, and so I think you can also find the courage to present this written question to your therapist. It'll be hard (because all scary things are hard), and you will probably feel shame (because what you are dealing with is feelings of shame at even acknowledging bodily functions), but you can do it.
posted by meese at 9:41 AM on November 26, 2018 [31 favorites]
Can you show this question to your therapist? As a starting point?
When I eventually had to admit that I needed help for my depression and anxiety, I was so embarrassed to speak to the doctor that I basically handed over a list of symptoms and hid my face. He was wonderfully kind and understanding. I felt like having the list in writing helped me get over the initial terror of forming the words out loud.
posted by doornoise at 9:42 AM on November 26, 2018
When I eventually had to admit that I needed help for my depression and anxiety, I was so embarrassed to speak to the doctor that I basically handed over a list of symptoms and hid my face. He was wonderfully kind and understanding. I felt like having the list in writing helped me get over the initial terror of forming the words out loud.
posted by doornoise at 9:42 AM on November 26, 2018
The thorough, grown-up answer to this has to be some version of "Talk to your therapist."
However, I do also have a short-term, kicking the can down the road answer to item #2. One of my spouse's co-workers had serious anxiety about the possibility of her boyfriend smelling her BMs. She considers this product a godsend. It's a spray that creates a film of essential oils over the surface of the water in your toilet bowl. When your poop passes through, its odor is basically sealed under the water. She swears it makes it so that her poops leave nary a trace of odor in the bathroom.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:42 AM on November 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
However, I do also have a short-term, kicking the can down the road answer to item #2. One of my spouse's co-workers had serious anxiety about the possibility of her boyfriend smelling her BMs. She considers this product a godsend. It's a spray that creates a film of essential oils over the surface of the water in your toilet bowl. When your poop passes through, its odor is basically sealed under the water. She swears it makes it so that her poops leave nary a trace of odor in the bathroom.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:42 AM on November 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
My suggestion is thinking about this as part of an anxiety (or possibly OCD, but they are related) issue that seems to be manifesting around bathroom stuff. There is a huge range of normal up to and including "Don't share your poop stories with me!" feelings. However, this is upsetting you and there are some good reasons to work on this so I think meese has great advice. Find a way, even if it's just copying this question and handing it to your therapist, of working towards getting a little more flexible about this.
That said, really this is in the range of normal except where it's upsetting you and hindering what you wan. Lots of people have similar feelings about wanting extreme bathroom privacy or feel weird about talking about these sorts of things. Only saying this because it's important to understand that even if you get "cured" of this (so you can talk to your doc and therapist and move in with your boyfriend) you may still not like poop jokes or feel weird around your own farts. Don't beat yourself up over it (and don't let anyone else). There are a lot of ways to be normal.
posted by jessamyn at 9:46 AM on November 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
That said, really this is in the range of normal except where it's upsetting you and hindering what you wan. Lots of people have similar feelings about wanting extreme bathroom privacy or feel weird about talking about these sorts of things. Only saying this because it's important to understand that even if you get "cured" of this (so you can talk to your doc and therapist and move in with your boyfriend) you may still not like poop jokes or feel weird around your own farts. Don't beat yourself up over it (and don't let anyone else). There are a lot of ways to be normal.
posted by jessamyn at 9:46 AM on November 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
I'm concerned because it sounds like you have mentally created a binary of "prissy abnormals" and "vulgar regular people" with no space in between.
Many people are private or modest about their bodily functions and find potty humor off-putting. Many people are open and relaxed about their bodily functions and find potty humor hilarious. Both of these types of people are normal! The second subset of people tends to generally be more vocal/loud/socially dominant/extroverted and they often create a narriative that they are "normal" and people unlike them are "uptight" or abnormal, much as extroverts do to introverts- but that doesn't make it true.
The problem here isn't that you're an insufferable priss, or whatever names you're calling yourself. It's that your feelings and ruminations about your own bodily functions are so overpowering that they are interfering with your life. That's the issue to bring to your therapist. Maybe you would feel safer and more able to speak if you phrased it this way?
posted by windykites at 9:52 AM on November 26, 2018 [9 favorites]
Many people are private or modest about their bodily functions and find potty humor off-putting. Many people are open and relaxed about their bodily functions and find potty humor hilarious. Both of these types of people are normal! The second subset of people tends to generally be more vocal/loud/socially dominant/extroverted and they often create a narriative that they are "normal" and people unlike them are "uptight" or abnormal, much as extroverts do to introverts- but that doesn't make it true.
The problem here isn't that you're an insufferable priss, or whatever names you're calling yourself. It's that your feelings and ruminations about your own bodily functions are so overpowering that they are interfering with your life. That's the issue to bring to your therapist. Maybe you would feel safer and more able to speak if you phrased it this way?
posted by windykites at 9:52 AM on November 26, 2018 [9 favorites]
I want to second what meese said. A lot of people who write on AskMefi about their feelings want a way to stop feeling what they feel, and we can't really do that; we can just make up with our feelings, and bury the hatchet. It's okay that you feel this way. You just want to take a step forward in life that will require you to work on some channels away from this anxiety. You don't have to a have a military-service lack of give-a-fuck about this just to cohabit with someone. You can be prudish and prefer your privacy. It's fine. If you view it as a particular problem to solve, rather than a flaw that needs to be fixed, you'll have an easier time.
I went to a boarding school. Teenagers have a lot of bad solutions for things, and I thought of most of them. The one that got me through was visiting the bathroom in the absolute middle of the night. Again, this is not a great solution, but if it gets you from one day to the other, it can help.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:55 AM on November 26, 2018
I went to a boarding school. Teenagers have a lot of bad solutions for things, and I thought of most of them. The one that got me through was visiting the bathroom in the absolute middle of the night. Again, this is not a great solution, but if it gets you from one day to the other, it can help.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:55 AM on November 26, 2018
As a fellow priss, using your definition, I want to call out the "normal person" part of your question. Bodily functions are extremely personal and honestly, kind of gross (in spite of being natural and everybody does it, whatever), and it's totally OK to not want to listen to stories about other people's poop and to feel uncomfortable at the idea of moving in with your BF without establishing some norms about when doors get closed, etc. For what it's worth, my husband and I have been together for 30+ years and are still extremely private about bathroom etiquette and seldom talk about our own bodily functions beyond "don't eat the ___ because it made me a little sick."
All that said to assure you that your core beliefs are well within the realm of normal. I agree with the posters above about using your health team (physical and mental) to begin to broach the topic in an effort to work through the parts that are causing you anxiety and discomfort, and hope you will go easy on yourself through the process.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 9:57 AM on November 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
All that said to assure you that your core beliefs are well within the realm of normal. I agree with the posters above about using your health team (physical and mental) to begin to broach the topic in an effort to work through the parts that are causing you anxiety and discomfort, and hope you will go easy on yourself through the process.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 9:57 AM on November 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
These seem like normal boundaries and discomforts to me - I have no desire to smell or discuss the faeces of anyone else. When living with someone, separate bathrooms has been essential for me - doesn't need to be a mansion, just say a main bathroom and an ensuite.
posted by JonB at 10:11 AM on November 26, 2018
posted by JonB at 10:11 AM on November 26, 2018
Yes, there is a huge range of behaviour within couples about bathroom matters. Maybe your goal shouldn't be to be "completely cured" but to find a middle ground.
I know a couple where one person will poop while the other one brushes their teeth or uses the shower. They keep the door open at all times, allow smells to waft where they may, and speak openly about the "results." One will rub the other one's stomach to help them pass gas!!!!!
Even typing that out made me want to gag. It's horrifying to me! But do not consider myself a prude about bathroom topics.
In my relationship, we are certainly aware that the other defecates and urinates! But we SHUT and LOCK the doors, use matches/air freshener, and speak about the toilet only humourously* and indirectly: "Don't go in there if you care about your sanity." or "You had better take your toiletries into another room if you want to use them in the next 20 minutes." This is absolutely a workable model and everyone gets to retain their dignity and - importantly - attraction to the other one.
*Your humour may vary
posted by cranberrymonger at 10:17 AM on November 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
I know a couple where one person will poop while the other one brushes their teeth or uses the shower. They keep the door open at all times, allow smells to waft where they may, and speak openly about the "results." One will rub the other one's stomach to help them pass gas!!!!!
Even typing that out made me want to gag. It's horrifying to me! But do not consider myself a prude about bathroom topics.
In my relationship, we are certainly aware that the other defecates and urinates! But we SHUT and LOCK the doors, use matches/air freshener, and speak about the toilet only humourously* and indirectly: "Don't go in there if you care about your sanity." or "You had better take your toiletries into another room if you want to use them in the next 20 minutes." This is absolutely a workable model and everyone gets to retain their dignity and - importantly - attraction to the other one.
*Your humour may vary
posted by cranberrymonger at 10:17 AM on November 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'm going to agree with what others have said above, especially Sweetie Darling: I think you're really creating false dichotomy between "priss" and "normal person." I am not, trust me on this, what anyone has ever called a priss, and I detest poop and fart jokes, stories, etc. Not wanting to hear those things doesn't make you a priss; it makes you someone who doesn't care to hear jokes or stories about people's bodily functions, which is a perfectly acceptable place to be on this particular spectrum. So if you could find a way to give yourself a break about that, you might feel a bit less anxiety about the other stuff.
posted by holborne at 10:20 AM on November 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by holborne at 10:20 AM on November 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'm just like you. I don't want anyone talking about poop/gas (just writing it is making me cringe!). And we are in a world where it's a big part of comedy on TV & social media. It's a go to for comparison and people talk about it often. So I commiserate with you.
To be honest, I got slightly more comfortable when my girlfriend kindly made it lighthearted. She said something like "what's the big deal. We all do it". And I was silent and slightly horrified at the mention of it. But over time, I got better because it wasn't a big deal to her. Also Poo Purri & turning up the TV/music when anyone was in the loo helped. I'm also 100% comfortable that this makes me uncomfortable. I just let these savages talk about it while I zone out:)
posted by PeaPod at 10:23 AM on November 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
To be honest, I got slightly more comfortable when my girlfriend kindly made it lighthearted. She said something like "what's the big deal. We all do it". And I was silent and slightly horrified at the mention of it. But over time, I got better because it wasn't a big deal to her. Also Poo Purri & turning up the TV/music when anyone was in the loo helped. I'm also 100% comfortable that this makes me uncomfortable. I just let these savages talk about it while I zone out:)
posted by PeaPod at 10:23 AM on November 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
If it helps at all this seems like a fairly common thing to have anxiety about, especially if one has some form of GI issues, and also seems more common in females. You also seem to be dealing with it a lot better than a lot of people! It sounds like you have a pretty normal life and a reasonable amount of anxiety about things that make a lot of people anxious. So, kudos to you.
Agree with other posters you seem a bit down on yourself about this, and to try to get help from your normal doctor and your therapist by putting the request in writing. Stress-related GI issues could be "normal" (stress is HORRIBLE physically) or it could be a food sensitivity or something else; perhaps if you can talk to your doctor about it they could suggest things to cut down on that? And therapist should be able to help you work towards a comfort level that works better for you.
I live in an area where two bathrooms = mansion so understand that concern; what I do is turn on the faucet or some music and try for good ventilation. The sound is a nice little privacy mask. As far as living with a SO don't really talk about these matters too much unless, for example, we're coming home after an event and I really need to use the bathroom for a while - so will ask "hey are you going to be quick in there? Because I think I need to use the restroom for a little while" or something like that. Since we both will generally need to use the restroom to varying degrees and nobody wants to be aware of another's bathroom usage if a "quick usage" can come before a "long usage"... I am pretty blunt and sometimes crass but there's no real need, IMO, to get to a level of comfort higher than polite shared space usage requires...
posted by love2potato at 10:28 AM on November 26, 2018
Agree with other posters you seem a bit down on yourself about this, and to try to get help from your normal doctor and your therapist by putting the request in writing. Stress-related GI issues could be "normal" (stress is HORRIBLE physically) or it could be a food sensitivity or something else; perhaps if you can talk to your doctor about it they could suggest things to cut down on that? And therapist should be able to help you work towards a comfort level that works better for you.
I live in an area where two bathrooms = mansion so understand that concern; what I do is turn on the faucet or some music and try for good ventilation. The sound is a nice little privacy mask. As far as living with a SO don't really talk about these matters too much unless, for example, we're coming home after an event and I really need to use the bathroom for a while - so will ask "hey are you going to be quick in there? Because I think I need to use the restroom for a little while" or something like that. Since we both will generally need to use the restroom to varying degrees and nobody wants to be aware of another's bathroom usage if a "quick usage" can come before a "long usage"... I am pretty blunt and sometimes crass but there's no real need, IMO, to get to a level of comfort higher than polite shared space usage requires...
posted by love2potato at 10:28 AM on November 26, 2018
I would try to reframe this in your mind as an anxiety symptom, rather than "being prissy." We now know that anxiety can manifest with pathological levels of disgust, though this is still a relatively new area of research.
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:55 AM on November 26, 2018
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:55 AM on November 26, 2018
You are not alone, you are not weird, you are someone with generalized anxiety AND a very specific anxiety focus, which your therapist is there to help you with! Print this out and share this with them at your next session. I feel your pain and I am still working on this myself (I do not want to be perceived as gross, EVER, and it makes my life very hard.) Godspeed, love!
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:46 AM on November 26, 2018
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:46 AM on November 26, 2018
Oh, my dear, you have my sympathy. I suffered from this for most of my life, so I know how difficult it can make even simple things like trips and visits, much less sharing living spaces. I'm finally getting past it, but the recommendation of running water or playing some sort of sound definitely helped me (in fact, I don't know why public restrooms don't have that built in).
This is a good place for me to recommend a product for, uh - bathroom odors. My mom is very old and incontinent, and it makes for times when there are truly gorge-rising odors wafting about. I've tried so many products to knock down the odor. I need something that eliminates the smell, not just covers it up, and most important, it must work instantly. I finally found the product that does this. It's used in medical facilities, and it is called Medi-Aire. No lie, this actually works. It's also available in purse-pack size bottles to travel with. That may also help anyone who cringes just thinking of the after-effects of their bathroom visits.
posted by Lunaloon at 11:48 AM on November 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
This is a good place for me to recommend a product for, uh - bathroom odors. My mom is very old and incontinent, and it makes for times when there are truly gorge-rising odors wafting about. I've tried so many products to knock down the odor. I need something that eliminates the smell, not just covers it up, and most important, it must work instantly. I finally found the product that does this. It's used in medical facilities, and it is called Medi-Aire. No lie, this actually works. It's also available in purse-pack size bottles to travel with. That may also help anyone who cringes just thinking of the after-effects of their bathroom visits.
posted by Lunaloon at 11:48 AM on November 26, 2018 [3 favorites]
Have you told your boyfriend that you're like this? Speaking as someone who is like this, it helps a lot to just say that you are. Technically it's okay to say out loud because it's not like you're admitting that you do... THAT THING. You're just saying that you don't like the idea of anybody else being within miles of someone trying to do... THAT THING. If you can say that--employing any and all euphemisms or code words that make it easier for you--and your boyfriend can be nice and reassuring about it, it can really free you up from a lot of impractical and nervewracking inconvenience. I still have every other problem associated with this thing--like sometimes I have to make an excuse and drive home from work in the middle of the day because if there's any way to avoid having to do... THAT THING at the office, it's worth whatever inconvenience--but I'm fine with my boyfriend at home. He and I share a single bathroom and there's no shame. It was very hard to talk about it but it's just not possible, otherwise, so I said I didn't like the idea, and he was so kind and gentle and sweet to me and not shaming at all and most of the anxiety dissipated quickly. Pretty soon it was all gone, and now I'm perfectly fine at home. If you're okay at home, you can continue to muddle through with the other stuff.
I had another boyfriend years ago who didn't have a problem talking about it but who didn't like it, either. He just didn't like to do... THAT THING. Said it made him feel like a beast in the field. Talked lyrically and at length about a magical land we could all go to where it didn't have to happen ever. I've been really lucky with boyfriends in this one respect.
posted by Don Pepino at 12:38 PM on November 26, 2018
I had another boyfriend years ago who didn't have a problem talking about it but who didn't like it, either. He just didn't like to do... THAT THING. Said it made him feel like a beast in the field. Talked lyrically and at length about a magical land we could all go to where it didn't have to happen ever. I've been really lucky with boyfriends in this one respect.
posted by Don Pepino at 12:38 PM on November 26, 2018
Definitely write an email to your therapist and close your eyes and click send, because this is clearly causing you distress and that's not good.
I'm not, like, super thrilled to share poop-related areas of my life. It's related to childhood health problems and their very embarrassing treatments. When I moved in with my now-husband, I had to just be honest and request his respect for my boundaries. If I'm in the bathroom, and the door is shut, you don't come in, you don't talk to me through the door, you do not acknowledge that I'm in there, it's not something to use for humor, I just have a thing about butt stuff and if you love me you'll respect this request and not force me to talk about this ever again.
If anything, it's an excellent gauge for whether a gentleman is truly a keeper or not.
(Over the past 20 years I have been able to relax somewhat. But that's because I did have someone who was able to just roll with my request for a very particular boundary and let me work through things in my own time.)
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:06 PM on November 26, 2018 [4 favorites]
I'm not, like, super thrilled to share poop-related areas of my life. It's related to childhood health problems and their very embarrassing treatments. When I moved in with my now-husband, I had to just be honest and request his respect for my boundaries. If I'm in the bathroom, and the door is shut, you don't come in, you don't talk to me through the door, you do not acknowledge that I'm in there, it's not something to use for humor, I just have a thing about butt stuff and if you love me you'll respect this request and not force me to talk about this ever again.
If anything, it's an excellent gauge for whether a gentleman is truly a keeper or not.
(Over the past 20 years I have been able to relax somewhat. But that's because I did have someone who was able to just roll with my request for a very particular boundary and let me work through things in my own time.)
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:06 PM on November 26, 2018 [4 favorites]
I'm on the prissy side about this, and I have gotten a more relaxed.
I accept that I am just never going to naturally laugh uproariously at fart jokes or enjoy someone's terrible-but-now-it's-funny tale of the time they shit their pants. I'm okay just embracing my prissiness at this and have learned to just roll my eyes rather than squirm with discomfort.
However, I can now poop in the house when my spouse is home!
Public bathrooms were actually a godsend for desensitizing myself. I used to always muffle all noises with a wad of tissue and would rather hide forever than come out of a stall with another human present who would know that I had been pooping. But I basically practiced NOT being embarrassed, starting with the big anonymous high-traffic restrooms, like at department stores or entertainment venues, where no-one even notices who went into what stall and how long they were there. Then, I worked on not cringing in smaller public restrooms with fewer stalls. Then, my work restroom with only three stalls.
Secret knowledge: Even the most nonchalant poopers prefer to do it in an empty house.
It took me a little effort to actually type the word "poop."
posted by desuetude at 2:31 PM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
I accept that I am just never going to naturally laugh uproariously at fart jokes or enjoy someone's terrible-but-now-it's-funny tale of the time they shit their pants. I'm okay just embracing my prissiness at this and have learned to just roll my eyes rather than squirm with discomfort.
However, I can now poop in the house when my spouse is home!
Public bathrooms were actually a godsend for desensitizing myself. I used to always muffle all noises with a wad of tissue and would rather hide forever than come out of a stall with another human present who would know that I had been pooping. But I basically practiced NOT being embarrassed, starting with the big anonymous high-traffic restrooms, like at department stores or entertainment venues, where no-one even notices who went into what stall and how long they were there. Then, I worked on not cringing in smaller public restrooms with fewer stalls. Then, my work restroom with only three stalls.
Secret knowledge: Even the most nonchalant poopers prefer to do it in an empty house.
It took me a little effort to actually type the word "poop."
posted by desuetude at 2:31 PM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
Oh, and you have GOT to talk to your doc about your GI stuff. At the very least, they need to know your baseline normal in case something starts changing or going wrong.
You can do it with your hands over your eyes if you want, prefaced with "this may seem silly but I really really hate talking about bodily functions."
As a bonus, you can later tell your therapist about telling your doc, which may be easier since it's kind of one step removed from actually talking about the thing.
posted by desuetude at 2:35 PM on November 27, 2018
You can do it with your hands over your eyes if you want, prefaced with "this may seem silly but I really really hate talking about bodily functions."
As a bonus, you can later tell your therapist about telling your doc, which may be easier since it's kind of one step removed from actually talking about the thing.
posted by desuetude at 2:35 PM on November 27, 2018
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