Non-gendered word for "princessy"?

November 17, 2018 6:19 AM

I'm looking for words or phrases that convey the same or similar meaning to "princessy," in the sense of an adult who acts like they are too delicate or special to have to do drudge work and thinks others should do it for them, that is not gendered.
posted by lazuli to Writing & Language (60 answers total)

“Snowflakey”?
posted by madcaptenor at 6:23 AM on November 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

I like to refer to the landed gentry.
posted by teststrip at 6:24 AM on November 17, 2018 [26 favorites]

Precious?
posted by ellerhodes at 6:27 AM on November 17, 2018 [58 favorites]

Fragile flower
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 6:28 AM on November 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

Broken hands. As in "are your hands broken" or "so and so had broken hands today".
posted by Ftsqg at 6:30 AM on November 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

The first up against the wall when the revolution comes.
posted by Radiophonic Oddity at 6:31 AM on November 17, 2018 [15 favorites]

Effete?
posted by Carol Anne at 6:39 AM on November 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

Fussy, entitled.
posted by Mizu at 6:43 AM on November 17, 2018 [10 favorites]

above-it-all
posted by wreckingball at 6:44 AM on November 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

Diva
"Your highness"
posted by Hatashran at 6:48 AM on November 17, 2018

Royalty
posted by greermahoney at 6:49 AM on November 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

Useless, lazy, selfish, thinks they're better than other people. Can you tell that I don't like people who are like this? Get in there and work, Your Highness. Other people are not your servants, your parents don't work here, grow up and get to work. It's better than digging holes in the rain (n.b. don't say this if it's actually digging holes in the rain) somebody's gotta do it, the work needs to get done and you're getting paid the same either way. It's part of the job, if you can only do the fun parts then you suck at your job. Are you really gonna make someone else do that for you?

Out of touch, unable to deal with real life, squeamish, selfish, precious, can't do the work, not reliable, not someone I want on my team, doesn't have my back.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 6:51 AM on November 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

Privileged and +1 for Entitled both come to mind.Depending on contest, spoiled or sheltered could also work.
posted by nalyd at 6:52 AM on November 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

Seconding precious. Prissy would also work, possibly delicate or pampered. Privileged and entitled were also good suggestions though they're a bit overused lately.
posted by Awfki at 6:55 AM on November 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

I like fussy as well. Also "delicate"
posted by chasles at 6:55 AM on November 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

Light hands make many work.
posted by glonous keming at 6:56 AM on November 17, 2018 [4 favorites]

Some that come to mind I haven't seen mentioned yet:

- haughty
- indolent
- majesty ("sorry, your majesty" or "his/her majesty couldn't be bothered")

Gendered-ish, depending on the person "oh, look at Mr./Mrs. Howell over here." (Requires the audience to be old enough to get the Gilligan's Island reference, though.)

Note that I would read "prissy" and "diva" as gendered. Particularly "diva" since it was originally coined to refer to a female singer.
posted by jzb at 7:07 AM on November 17, 2018 [12 favorites]

I’m older, but I associate “prissy” with taunting boys who aren’t sufficiently masculine, with the underlying suggestion that they’re gay (and that being gay is a Vey Bad Thing). So it’s not only gendered - it could read as homophobic.
posted by FencingGal at 7:19 AM on November 17, 2018 [40 favorites]

prima donna
posted by Homer42 at 7:19 AM on November 17, 2018

Some of these have pretty strong homophobic connotations—"effete" certainly but also "prissy." Things like "precious" and "delicate" (said with audible air-quotes) also get used as euphemistic digs at gay men, so consider your target. (on preview, seconding FencingGal)
posted by wreckingball at 7:23 AM on November 17, 2018 [27 favorites]

Pissant.
posted by BostonTerrier at 7:42 AM on November 17, 2018

lackadaisical
lazy
clueless
work-shy
underactive
underperformer
slothful
a subscriber
"Well you can't accuse them of trying too hard"
posted by bunderful at 7:42 AM on November 17, 2018

For reasons discussed above (high risk of sounding gendered or homophobic), I’d stay away from a one-word insult and say it seems the task is “beneath” them or they’re “too good for” the task.
posted by kapers at 8:14 AM on November 17, 2018

Imperious, haughty, peremptory, bossy.
posted by Pryde at 8:36 AM on November 17, 2018

unfortunately obsolete: "nice." But that usage is too rare nowadays to be understood.

Precious and fragile flower are in the zone. Also lazy. And, you know, sometimes this does come from cluelessness. I honestly believe my husband thought I enjoyed clearing the table and washing the dishes until I disabused him of the notion and told him it was his job to do it after I'd prepared the dinner. But I trust that you know what's going on, and are just looking for a label.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:41 AM on November 17, 2018

snobby
fancy
fussy
don't want to dirty your hands
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:46 AM on November 17, 2018

FYI, Homer42, “prima donna” is inherently gendered. It literally means “first woman.”
posted by schroedingersgirl at 9:21 AM on November 17, 2018 [12 favorites]

Is it a person that insists that all social interaction happens on their terms? You call that person an “asshole.”
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:34 AM on November 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

They have a piano tied to their ass. (Preventing them from making a move to help out.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:20 AM on November 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

Hothouse flower.
posted by jgirl at 10:29 AM on November 17, 2018 [4 favorites]

I like to say 'so and so the work shy fop'. Nice ring to it.
posted by RandomInconsistencies at 10:29 AM on November 17, 2018

Spoiled.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 10:57 AM on November 17, 2018

Yeah, too many "princessy" substitutes have certain connotations - note how you're not looking for synonyms for princely. Maybe stick to the laziness angle: Goldbrick: a person who shirks assigned work.
Goldbricking: the practice of doing less work than one is able to, while maintaining the appearance of working.

As in, get your goldbrickin' hide over here and pitch in already, what, are you waiting for an engraved invitation?
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:04 AM on November 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: The context where this comes up is my workplace, and it tends to not be laziness so much as entitlement; they're people who do work hard, they just seem to think they should get to do only the interesting/rewarding parts of the work and that other people should do the more boring stuff, even in instances when the more boring stuff is drastically and urgently needed. They also often get majorly enabled by management.

So I think that for my purposes that terms like "spoiled," "pampered," and "entitled" are along the right lines. I also thought of "coddled" and "over-indulged." Other suggestions along those lines welcome.

And I'm not looking for "insults" or anything that I'd use to speak to any of these people about the behavior; I'm working on the practical part of it in other ways. I've just been framing it as "princessy" in my own head and I don't like that I'm thinking about it with gendered framing.
posted by lazuli at 11:15 AM on November 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

On reading your update, I retract my "piano tied to ass" suggestion--it wouldn't fit that situation.

One alternative that popped to mind: bubble wrapped or insulated. As in, protected by management from having to take on tasks they don't like.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:24 AM on November 17, 2018

Yes in Australia it is common for people to be described as precious - or not precious - about work. Tone of voice helps a lot too!
posted by jrobin276 at 11:50 AM on November 17, 2018

The context where this comes up is my workplace, and it tends to not be laziness so much as entitlement; they're people who do work hard, they just seem to think they should get to do only the interesting/rewarding parts of the work and that other people should do the more boring stuff, even in instances when the more boring stuff is drastically and urgently needed. They also often get majorly enabled by management.

That seems like a pretty good framing to me. Is there a benefit to boiling it down to a pithy phrase?

I don't think it's a coincidence that most of the one- or two-word options feel distorting, mean or otherwise problematic.
posted by aws17576 at 12:28 PM on November 17, 2018

Response by poster: That seems like a pretty good framing to me. Is there a benefit to boiling it down to a pithy phrase?

I wanted to reference it quickly in responding to a thread on the Blue without diving into a long background explanation. Looking for a short descriptive phrase for situations like that.
posted by lazuli at 12:31 PM on November 17, 2018

Exceptional. Too exceptional to shred the recycling? To exceptional to put paper in the photocopier? Too exceptional to tidy the stock cupboard?? Too exceptional to file the random papers at the bottom of the filing cabinet???
posted by glasseyes at 1:02 PM on November 17, 2018 [2 favorites]

I would say these people "don't want to do the dirty work" or "always want to be the star of the show." Slacker, shirker, laggard?
posted by momochan at 1:19 PM on November 17, 2018

Arrogant
Condescending
Self-important
posted by jamjam at 1:33 PM on November 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

I read an article about the division of labor in the workplace along gender lines, and they used the construction of "glamour work" and "housework". Not exactly a response to your question but I thought "glamour work" might come in handy for you.
posted by Emmy Rae at 1:51 PM on November 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

I feel like 'entitled' or 'don't want to do the dirty work' hit closest.

I worked with a builder who used the expression 'the Royal stand-backs' for people like this, which I quite like.
posted by Pink Frost at 1:51 PM on November 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

High maintenance?
posted by skye.dancer at 2:52 PM on November 17, 2018

How about "bad at their jobs?" When you take a job, you take the whole thing. If you're only doing the fun parts then you're not doing your job. If you're not doing the less-fun parts of your job, chances are your coworkers are having to do those parts for you in addition to doing their own jobs. If you are only doing part of your job, you suck.

Or how about "bad worker?" A "good worker" in my mind is someone who shows up and does what needs doing whether it's their favorite thing or not. People who skive off as soon as it gets tough, or boring, or unpleasant, are bad workers. When people at work say that something sucks, I tell them about the ten days I spent living in a field, in the rain, covered in bees. I tell them about how I got giardia and had to keep going because there was nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. Shit could be worse, so suck it up buttercup and get to work. (Is "buttercup" gendered?) We'll all get through this together.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:01 PM on November 17, 2018

"selectively motivated"

"ready for their closeup now Mr DeMille"
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:12 PM on November 17, 2018 [3 favorites]

Upon reflection, I agree with others: spoiled, pampered, undeservedly privileged, aspiring to royalty
posted by zaixfeep at 8:29 PM on November 17, 2018 [1 favorite]

High maintenance?

No offense, but I’ve only heard that in reference to women or gay men.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:18 PM on November 17, 2018 [5 favorites]

Fancy Pants.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:01 PM on November 17, 2018

Within my crowd "sparkle pony" has a similar (but not identical) meaning, and is not gendered: If you're a sparkle pony, it never even crosses your mind to handle drudge work, and you blithely skate by on your good looks and the kindness of stranger.
posted by adamrice at 9:29 AM on November 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

Supercilious
Presumptuous
Self-anointed
Jumped up
Grandiose
posted by jamjam at 10:39 AM on November 18, 2018

*madly scribbles down "sparkle pony" into pocket notebook*
posted by SinAesthetic at 11:04 AM on November 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

“Thinks he/she's too good to...”
“Bob’s far too important to get his hands dirty/do the shitwork like the rest of us plebs”
“Lord/Lady Bob wouldn’t be caught dead doing... with us”
“The routine work is far too boring for the likes of Bob to bother his head about/sully his hands with/demean himself with”
“Will your Highness be joining us for the meeting, or do you have better things to do than contribute to Project X/annual reports?”
posted by tinkletown at 11:21 AM on November 18, 2018

Oh! "Stunt X"

In a community theatre thing I did 90% of the cast was there for every single rehearsal - or expected to be - but a few "stunt performers" would come in at the last minute and cover some solos. To be fair they were getting special parts because they were good performers, trusted, and in demands (i.e., already doing other shows that conflicted w some of our rehearsals).

Having had that experience I now call my dad a "stunt cook." My mom is an every day, cooking's gotta be done so I gotta cook, cook. Dad makes some super-special unusual thing once a year or so and forgets to do the dishes when he's done. Less about him being too special to cook scrambled eggs and more about traditional gender roles.
posted by bunderful at 1:17 PM on November 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

This is the kind of thing I always liked the phrase “his nibs” for, though it’s probably too obscure for general use.
posted by ejs at 5:16 PM on November 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

self-aggrandizing
self-congratulatory
posted by effluvia at 5:20 PM on November 18, 2018

"Precious" to me implies more that they are so protective over their work that they won't consider any kind of feedback or criticism. "It must be done exactly the way I envisioned it and I won't accept any sort of adjustment", but in a way that shows that this is not a good thing (as opposed to being particular BECAUSE it's necessary). So not really your situation.

Your situation sounds a bit like the work version of a "fair-weather friend". This is also the sort of thing activists that talk about cultural appropriation are kind of referring to, including in activist organising - people who swoop in and just engage with the glamorous stuff but aren't willing to do the hard work of supporting more marginalised folk who get hostility for doing much the same thing.
posted by divabat at 9:37 PM on November 18, 2018

Precious.
posted by flabdablet at 3:45 AM on November 19, 2018

Helicopter teammate/contributor, in the vein of helicopter parent
posted by zaixfeep at 1:39 PM on November 19, 2018

After your update, the first thing that sprung to mind was the "ideas person" trope—someone who swans in with a thousand great ideas that dazzle the bosses, but the second the rest of the team is like, "Great! Here's what I need from you to start on my part of this great idea!" they VANISH into the wind.
posted by helloimjennsco at 8:45 AM on November 20, 2018