Help me pick out a fancy outfit
October 25, 2018 7:48 PM   Subscribe

I have to go to a family wedding next week and I am still not sure what I'm going to wear. I need some advice?

It will be in downtown Chicago on a Friday night. As a woman, I "should" wear a dress, but I don't have any dresses I'm super happy with, mostly because they are sleeveless.

Also, since it's a wedding, I shouldn't wear black? But it's fall/winter, right? It's still OK to wear dark colors to weddings right? I haven't been to a wedding in awhile.

I have a modern blazer that has those rouched sleeves. Is that OK to wear? Can I wear nice black trousers and a fun top? Can the top be white with a print or can I have any white in my outfit at all? What colors are okay? Can I wear a blazer over a dress? Can I wear a blazer with a fun skirt? I never see ladies wearing blazers outside of job interviews. But it's hard to find dressy options that cover my arms but aren't out of date or "mother of the bride"/matronly. I need my family to think I understand how clothes work. I can't wear a cardigan to a fancy party can I? It doesn't seem right, because that's what I wear to work. I dunno??

For shoes the only dress shoes I have are black flats, which are pretty nice looking. If I wear a dress with tights, do I have to get boots? Tights with flats makes me feel like a toddler.

I walked around the mall today and got myself all panicky because there are so many rules about what to wear to a wedding that I'm only vaguely aware of and I didn't see anything that seemed suitable both to me and to "the occasion". And I have a traumatic experience in my past when I was around 20, being told to "get a fancy dress" I showed up to another cousin's wedding wearing basically a bridesmaid dress without being a bridesmaid and I was so embarrassed. I'm so afraid of showing up in a "mother of the bride" outfit this time or something. My thinking on this is kind of all over the place so any help you can provide would be appreciated.

Thank you!
posted by bleep to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (14 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
I have worn black to an evening wedding, and many women did the same. In fact, I think I wore a sleeveless black dress. One tip is to get a colorful scarf/shawl to wear over the dress. It keeps you warmer and gives a pop of color. I think that would look a bit fancier than a blazer, but I also think a blazer or colorful cardigan would probably be fine. Yes, you can wear black trousers and a colorful top. I would skip the blazer/skirt combo, which maybe seems more like something you would wear to work.

You definitely do not need boots! In fact, I think boots are less dressy than flats. How about stockings instead of tights?

I think there are fewer rules about dressing for weddings than there used to be. Avoid white, and you're good.
posted by bluedaisy at 7:53 PM on October 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Specifically, to go with the sleeveless black dress, as examples: you could wear this shimmer wrap in a color other than black; this metallic wrap in gray; a nice fringe wrap in a lighter color; or this evening wrap.
posted by bluedaisy at 8:01 PM on October 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Is there a consignment shop near you? They're great for carrying affordable, worn once, dressy outfits. Maybe you can find a dressy sweater or jacket to go over your black dress. Try Googling "what to wear to a city wedding" and see what images pop up to give you a sense of direction.
posted by Elsie at 8:01 PM on October 25, 2018


Absolutely fine to wear black and wear pants to an evening wedding. A white top with pants is fine, too - just no white dresses. I'd wear a fun top with black pants and go for bold accessories and and makeup (if you wear it.) Have fun!
posted by quince at 9:57 PM on October 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


Another pro-black vote—perfect for Friday evening wedding.
posted by she's not there at 10:10 PM on October 25, 2018


Why not ask the people who are getting married? Check if they have a dress code section on their wedding website (if they have one) and if not, then throw them (or their bridesmaids or parents) a quick email going "uh, I'm not sure what the dress code is?"

ETA. I've worn dress + cardigan to UK weddings
posted by kariebookish at 2:22 AM on October 26, 2018


I was just at a v nice wedding weekend before last at the Palmer House. Classy af. Attire was officially "after 5/cocktail".

I looooaaathe dressing up. Here is what I wore: this exact skirt, a black top with 3/4 length sleeves, a necklace I borrowed from the bride (lol) since I don't own any necklaces, and my glitter doc martens. I looked fine.

At this wedding there were:
LOTS (most) of women in dark and black colors
LOTS of women in simple cocktail dresses
A few women in really quite fancy cocktail dresses
A few women in jumpsuits
A few women in actual suits
Many women in jackets and blazers for the actual ceremony and also it was cold out, with sleeveless dresses or suits underneath

Legs and shoes were all across the board. One woman was wearing Crocs with a floral print that matched her dress. Some dark tights, some lace/patterned tights, some sheer hose, some bare legs. Lots of strappy shoes, a few booties, plenty of flats, and of course one asshole wearing her doc martens.
posted by phunniemee at 5:17 AM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Your first option of rouched sleeve modern blazer, pants and a fun top sounds great. The reality of a lot of weddings is that there will be people super dressy, and people less dressy. At the end of the day you need to be comfortable and feel awesome. Your first instinct (unless that involves turning up in jeans or your pyjamas) is usually the best way to achieve this.
posted by cholly at 7:26 AM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Thank you for asking this; I have a family wedding coming up, and my spiffiest clothes are skirts that have black, and black velvet tops, which I feel better about wearing after this question. In my case, not a dressy venue. In your case, you can dress things up with jazzier some but not all of earrings, necklace, hair doodads, scarf, snazzy tights.

Can I wear nice black trousers and a fun top? Yes
Can I have any white in my outfit at all? Yes, just not an all white outfit.
What colors are okay? Colors that flatter you. I still won't wear all black, but even Miss Manners says if you have colorful accessories, you're good. Just don't look funereal or bridal.
Can I wear a blazer over a dress? Yes
Can I wear a blazer with a fun skirt? Yes
options that cover my arms - if you can find a beautiful shawl, it can hide your arms, keep you warm, look lovely.
I need my family to think I understand how clothes work.
I can't wear a cardigan to a fancy party can I? I am wearing a sequined cardigan to the rehearsal dinner or wedding. You can wear a pretty cardigan, maybe not the pilled, droopy one you keep on your office chair. Fine gauge cardigan + snazzy scarf is classy.

The single thing you can put on to look good is confidence. That means wearing something that fits, because constantly adjusting clothes is not confident. Something in good repair, cut well, a color that looks good on you, that you can move in. Stand up straight, smil, have fun.

posted by theora55 at 8:29 AM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


I personally would get a long-sleeved black body suit and a nice skirt that fits on your natural waist. Something like this with this.

I hear you on the tights and flats thing, so I would go pick a pair of low, chunky heels. If Black with black hose, of course. If that sounds boring, you can pick your low heels with a bit of metal on them. Gold and black would be cool with that skirt linked above. And yep, I said hose. Real Adulty Panty Hose, rather than opaque tights - they just look dressier.

Maybe a chunky necklace to add on, and you’re good to go!
posted by functionequalsform at 10:39 AM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


I haven't tried this but maybe it would make those sleeveless dresses of yours work.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:53 AM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Since you're worried about rules (and I am deep in wedding planning blogs lately), here's all the potential etiquette around wedding guest outfits:

1) Be roughly within the dress code. This may be written on the invite, on the wedding website, or found out from asking someone close to the bride or groom (if you don't want to ask your family members, you could reach out to a bridesmaid or someone else if you are Facebook friends). This is within reason - if the dress code is something absurd like "must wear 3 inch red heels" you are free to ignore! But if the dress code is "casual BBQ" then you probably wouldn't want to wear a sequined dress, or if it were "black tie" you wouldn't want to wear jeans.
2) Don't wear white - pretty straightforward! It's ok for there to be a little bit of white in a pattern or something, but I'd say roughly more than 50% of the outfit shouldn't be white, and I'd stay away from something that's 100% a super light color that might look white if you squint.
3) In some cultures (usually southern, very traditional, e.g. having a giant wedding at an estate in the summer), black is frowned upon. I can basically guarantee this doesn't apply to your wedding, since it's in the winter in downtown Chicago and on a Friday (and even if it did apply, black isn't really scene as a faux pas, just "less ideal", so I wouldn't worry about it).

That's it! There are no rules about blazers or flats or anything like that at weddings. There's nothing wrong with you or your outfit even if it has similarities to things bridesmaids or mothers of brides might wear - there's no exclusive claim on chiffon dresses by the wedding party. Some people might have other opinions but they are definitely not universal etiquette, and if they don't keep any judgement to themselves then they're the ones breaking etiquette by being rude.

As for general advice aside from etiquette, I want to 2nd bluedaisy's recommendation: a sleeveless black dress with stockings, black flats, and a colorful wrap/scarf (which you can get cheap at TJMaxx, thrift stores, etc) to wrap around your arms would be totally wedding-appropriate. A colorful cardigan would also be fine if you don't want to get a wrap - it's slightly less fancy I think, but certainly not too office-y. I wore exactly that (a black dress + a green cardigan) to a wedding last year with no issues.

Good luck, and I hope you're able to find something you feel comfortable in to enjoy the wedding! Also, if you want to share photos of the specific items you're considering, I'm sure Mefi would be happy to give you feedback on if something is too white/too bridesmaid-y/etc.
posted by jouir at 12:04 PM on October 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Yes you can wear black to a wedding. I wouldn’t wear a cardigan as it might look too casual. A dress is easy and dressy. Separates might look too casual but they can work such as dressy pants and a silk top with heels.

If you were to buy something new. I would lean toward a dress in a dressier fabric, with sleeves, in an appropriate fall color such as navy, burgundy, teal, or plum. I think a dress in a solid color (other than black) looks striking. Pair with dressier shoes and jewelry (a pair of earrings or one necklace or bracelet is enough).

It doesn’t have to be formal but I would lean dressier since it’s evening in downtown Chicago. Visit Nordstrom. Inform a salesperson about the event and your preferences. Try on until you find something that speaks to you. Have fun.
posted by loveandhappiness at 6:49 AM on October 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Thanks for all your great advice. I tried a bunch of stuff but I did wind up going to Nordstrom and getting a sales lady to help me. I was glad to be on the slightly overdressed side rather than underdressed. Also, hilariously, my dress was AGAIN the same style that the bridesmaids chose. I guess I just have good instincts??

Dress (I wore with a gold necklace with hearts that I already had)
https://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-lace-fit-flare-dress-regular-petite/3651256?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=navy

Shoes (worn with patterned black tights)
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/impo-tabish-bootie/436157?activeColor=004
posted by bleep at 4:00 PM on November 6, 2018 [1 favorite]


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