What to do on my porch that isn't drinking a beer and having a smoke?

October 15, 2018 10:01 AM

I quit smoking, yay! I'm not going to drink for a few months so that I won't slip back into smoking, another yay! Buuutttt, the weather has finally turned nice in Florida and my favorite thing to do is sit on the deck of my front porch and drink beer and smoke cigarettes. What can I do on the porch to enjoy the weather instead of my formerly favorite things?

I've thought of drinking tea and knitting but I'm not sure those things will scratch the same itch.

How do you like to spend quiet time outdoors?

posted by onebyone to Grab Bag (48 answers total)

"Read a book" would be my first answer. My sister in law has a house in the mountains of western NC that we like to visit a couple times a year. My wife and I are both avid readers, so we usually bring along a book or two that will keep us occupied during our stay.
posted by Roger Pittman at 10:05 AM on October 15, 2018 [11 favorites]

I like to watch people go by if they're around. If they're not, I like to watch for birds and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my body or the smells in the air. Sometimes I just watch some bees for a while. Observe the shapes of the clouds.

Sparkling water with a splash of juice might be a nice alternative beverage.
posted by purple_bird at 10:06 AM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

I used to hang out with a bunch of smokers at school, and I took to eating apples while they smoked. As an activity, it took about the same amount of time, scratched the oral itch, and let me fiddle with something in my hands. And it tasted better than a cigarette.
posted by gyusan at 10:08 AM on October 15, 2018 [13 favorites]

Sunflower seeds and fizzy drinks of your preference.
posted by Mizu at 10:11 AM on October 15, 2018 [8 favorites]

Good book and ice tea. (he's sure to stop over if you pm him nicely;-)
posted by sammyo at 10:13 AM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Eat peanuts in the shell, and listen to the radio.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 10:14 AM on October 15, 2018 [13 favorites]

Kombucha or flavoured sparkling water with a little bowl of pretzel sticks to nibble on?
posted by halation at 10:14 AM on October 15, 2018

Sunflower seeds, practice spitting the shell!
Chewing Cinnamon sticks was another thing I liked at that stage, it helped with my desire to fiddle with my hands and mouth, and is also very stimulating.

Also anything making music. I found music to be a great replacement for smoking, and encourage you to think about looking into it, even if you haven’t had interest or training in the past.

Harmonica and ukulele are popular favorites for being easy to get into and less expensive, but go out and buy a guitar or whatever you want, it’s paid off in just a short few weeks of not smoking!
posted by SaltySalticid at 10:18 AM on October 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

We usually have rituals connected with smoking, and sometimes the best thing to do is to avoid places that had strong associations with smoking. I would suggest to not sit on the porch, at least for a few weeks.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 10:19 AM on October 15, 2018 [11 favorites]

Get some good quality bubbles and spend a few minutes challenging yourself to make really big bubbles. It keeps the hands busy, satisfies that hand-to-mouth, you are breathing deeply and slowly which really clicks your body into a relaxation mode and it's just way more fun. If you feel silly doing that, maybe bring out a deck of cards and play solitaire. Might need a lap board or something for that.
posted by amanda at 10:21 AM on October 15, 2018 [7 favorites]

Stuff I do on my porch:

Watch birds. Put a bird feeder near your porch.
Read
Use a laptop / tablet
Nap
Chat with my wife
Play with my cats
Strum an acoustic guitar
posted by bondcliff at 10:28 AM on October 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

Solitaire games, either actual card games, or things like building card houses, Jenga towers, etc. I like the idea of physical objects to play a game with, but honestly I'd be most likely to play game apps on my phone - it may sound lame to suggest electronics, but electronics outside on your porch is significantly more awesome than my electronics inside on my sofa, so I say go for it.
posted by aimedwander at 10:31 AM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Can you hang a hammock/hammock chair out there? It'd be a nice break from whatever your current seating arrangement is, in the spirit of yes I said yes I will Yes's advice, and let you enjoy the weather while swinging!
posted by teremala at 10:34 AM on October 15, 2018 [4 favorites]

Duh, learn to whittle wood.
posted by Locochona at 10:38 AM on October 15, 2018 [18 favorites]

Put a card table out there and do a jigsaw puzzle. That's how Mr. Terrier kept his hands busy after he quite smoking and drinking. Worked very well for him.
He's a jigsaw snob and won't bother with anything under 1,000 pieces.
posted by BostonTerrier at 10:43 AM on October 15, 2018 [4 favorites]

Best answer: Watch the birds, i love watching the birds in the bird bath. They dont like cig smoke so i smoke way less watching them.
And cross words. Summer on the porch is about the only time i do cross words, to reduce smoking.
posted by 15L06 at 10:47 AM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Drink lapsang souchong - a smoked tea
posted by bunderful at 10:48 AM on October 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

Try pistachios in the shell. Better tasting than peanuts and less messy. And Spindrift.
posted by repoman at 10:55 AM on October 15, 2018 [5 favorites]

I used to smoke and doing crossword puzzles really helps me because they give me something to do with my hands as well as giving my mind a distraction and fiddling with the pencil is a good substitute for holding a cigarette.

I read Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking and I wasn't sure it if it would work but it was EXTREMELY helpful for me. Good luck, not smoking anymore is great! It's been three years for me and I don't miss it.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:58 AM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

Nap.

Peanuts in a shell while listening to a baseball game.
posted by AugustWest at 11:13 AM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

I was going to suggest whittling and knitting, but as those are both mentioned and maybe the "itch" is to burn shit, so how about decorative wood burning? Chainmail?

If it is more the mouth sensation, I agree with peanuts in the shell or sunflower seeds in the shell.
posted by jillithd at 11:21 AM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

Buy a bunch of nice herbal teas. Buy all Asterix comics up to (and not beyond) Asterix in Belgium. That's the 24th album. Read them in chronological order, sipping teas.
The English translations of Asterix are famous for their high fun factor.
posted by Namlit at 11:22 AM on October 15, 2018 [4 favorites]

Make every day Play Music On The Porch Day!
posted by queensissy at 11:26 AM on October 15, 2018

If you like the idea of puzzles, try tangrams. I have a set that has two sets of tiles, which is great for complicated patterns, and also for playing in pairs. You can "race" if you have company that also enjoys puzzles.

You might also enjoy setting up a small telescope and seeing what you can see. Or just looking at the stars that you can see unaided.

If whittling and knitting aren't up your alley, maybe knot tying? Like the nautical knots. Or macrame plant holders.
posted by bilabial at 11:26 AM on October 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

2nding recs for a non-alcoholic drink that still packs some kind of "kick" and isn't something you'd want to just guzzle down like water. Kombuchas or ACV-based juices maybe?
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:36 AM on October 15, 2018

Best answer: The only one of my favorite porch activities that I haven't seen mentioned already is: read tarot cards!
posted by quatsch at 11:36 AM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Do you have a dog? It’s lovely to sit on the steps of a porch with a dog and watch her sniff at the air and perk her ears at noises.
posted by mochapickle at 12:04 PM on October 15, 2018

Play the ukulele. (Very easy to learn.)

Sudoku/crossword puzzles.

Call someone on the phone.
posted by ohsnapdragon at 12:08 PM on October 15, 2018

If none of the above appeals to you, you could take up whittling
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2018

(Sorry, just noticed whittling was already mentioned.)
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:44 PM on October 15, 2018

Maybe listen to music or an audio-book while doing some kind of artwork like painting with watercolors, or coloring in a book or just doodling. For drinks, I'd go with something like a fresh ginger mint soda.
posted by JenMarie at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

As an (easier) alternative to whittling, vegetable carving is also a thing, go ahead and google it. When I was learning to whittle as a kid I practiced with potatoes. I know some Dutch people who make really pretty rutabaga lanterns. And obviously, the season's right for carving pumpkins, too.
posted by sively at 1:12 PM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

My favorite porch is down on a bay. One of the key features that has been there forever (60 + years) is the Swinging Bed. Some sort of twin size bed frame, suspended from the rafters by chains. Throw a mattress on that, flop down, read a book, fall asleep. An improvement to the basic swinging bed is a prop for your pillows.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 1:33 PM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

Fold paper into shapes that are fun.

Watercolors.

Bend a coat hanger into as straight a line as your sanity allows. Pliers optional.
posted by RolandOfEld at 1:35 PM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

Root beer (or birch beer) and scrimshaw. [You can use sea shell, or maybe resin, if you'd like to avoid the traditional bone and teeth.]
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:36 PM on October 15, 2018

I'd make lots of differently flavored iced teas and also chew on toothpicks infused with either tea tree oil or cinnamon oil. It's something to do with your mouth that isn't eating. Knitting sounds great, as does writing letters or cards to friends and family. People love getting mail, especially these days when nothing fun arrives by standard mail. Coloring could also work well.
posted by quince at 1:41 PM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

I agree that something with your hands would be a good distraction.

Crossword puzzles? Sudoku? Card tricks? Practice tying knots?

As for a beverage, I recently discovered Ginger Beer (which is non-alcoholic) but seems like a fancy treat when I want something different. Much more ginger flavor than ginger ale and quite refreshing.
posted by Twicketface at 2:44 PM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

Sparkling water or hot tea.

Write thank-you notes. This is a lost art, but people still appreciate them! I'll write thank you notes (or just "thinking of you notes" to my kids' teachers, the speakers at my real estate club, friends, etc.)

Bring out a wireless speaker and listen to podcasts/audiobooks/music

Care for houseplants or bonsai - perhaps develop your own little porch jungle

Needle felting. You just need some wool roving and some inexpensive needles. I enjoy needle felting because you get to be all stabbity and it's cathartic. You can even use an old thrift store wool sweater (can you get those in Florida? Wool felt would work too) as a "canvas" to make a needle-felted picture.

Mosaics .... buy a base on etsy and some little tiles and make yourself some mosaic house numbers, perhaps.

posted by Ostara at 2:49 PM on October 15, 2018

Best answer: The addiction I'm fighting is internet, not smoking, but I've taken up keeping a pen-and-paper journal, and that would be a nice reflective thing to step outside and do in fine weather.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:55 PM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Combining recommendations of pumpkin carving and various shelled nuts/seeds above, I will note that pumpkin seeds are delicious (spiced squash seeds at Asian markets also are great), and that it's currently decorative gourd season.
posted by pykrete jungle at 3:25 PM on October 15, 2018

One of the things I miss about my few years living in New Mexico was the nice weather and spending November doing NaNoWriMo on a coffee shop patio. (Which, said coffee shop was like a block away from my apartment, so that was as close to a porch as I've ever had.) I do think knitting does quite well for this, from my experiences, but if you're trying to relax you might favor simpler patterns--cotton dishcloths are nice for this.

Flavored iced teas went particularly well with both of these. Republic of Tea makes some flavored ones that taste great over ice--I would go through so much ginger peach iced tea in the fall those years that it still tastes like fall to me.
posted by Sequence at 3:54 PM on October 15, 2018

get a sketchbook and draw interesting things that you see - you could put up a bird feeder to draw in the wildlife. or just doodle randomly
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 5:10 PM on October 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

smoke a pipe. chew on an unlit cigar. slowly chew and eat a bunch of twizzlers.
posted by vrakatar at 5:42 PM on October 15, 2018

Drink a lemonade.
Eat an apple.
Do crossword puzzles.
Blow bubbles. (Soap, but bubble gum, too.)
Read.
Talk on the phone or Skype.
Write.
Sketch.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 6:26 PM on October 15, 2018

I sympathize with the idea of quitting routines that you associate with smoking. But for me, I smoked while I enjoyed being outside, walking around the hood or my yard or my campus, etc. And I’ll be damned if I allow my former addiction to control how I like to spend my time, sitting on my porch or walking around my local area. So while breaking bad associations is a good goal, I also advise against throwing he baby out with the bath water! So maybe you need a break, but also feel free to be empowered to reclaim your non-smoking porch time as your own: porches are a great place, and don’t let your former habit spoil your future enjoyment of that space :)
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:34 PM on October 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'm guessing weed isn't an option for you? Could be a one-two punch to replace the cigs/beer. I think a different mild stimulant would maybe do the thing, do you like coffee or espresso? The joys of porch cigs, for me, are the ideas, thoughts, daydreams, moments of clarity, eureka moments, etc. I assume some part of that is the stimulant aspect, which coffee can provide as well. Plus it has a bitter and hardy taste. Sunflower seeds might also replace some of the hand elements involved in smoking ritual.

Cigarettes and alcohol are pretty unique joys in the world and it'll be hard to actually replace them with anything since nothing quite compares. You might have to shake up the habits and rituals entirely, hang out in a different spot or area for a while while you start forming new habits. After a time perhaps it'll be easier to sit and drink a beer without the tobacco accoutrement, might take some practice though, which is far from the worst thing to have to keep trying at.
posted by GoblinHoney at 1:22 PM on October 16, 2018 [1 favorite]

drink tea and light and incense stick and watch the smoke dance
posted by WeekendJen at 12:22 PM on October 19, 2018

I also replaced my beer drinking with instead drinking sparkling mineral water out of a fancy beer goblet. I got Gerolsteiner and that was my treat. Putting it in a fancy glass and maybe a squirt of lemon or lime juice and designating it just for when I'd otherwise be drinking alcohol worked well for me.
posted by jillithd at 11:43 AM on October 25, 2018