Help me name my actuarial consulting business?
October 9, 2018 12:52 PM   Subscribe

I'm beginning the steps to start an actuarial consulting business. The business will work with lawyers in Canada to provide pension valuations (in the case of marriage breakdown), and lost wage and cost of care valuations (for wrongful dismissal, wrongful death or personal injury cases). I'm trying to come up with a name for the business, but coming up short. Most businesses in this line of work are named as "John Smith Consulting" or just "Smith Consulting" and I'm trying to think of something more clever to help stand out. I've heard that folks here are good at coming up with clever names for businesses and was wondering if anyone had any ideas? Thanks!
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (17 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I don't know if a clever name is the way to go in that business, where relationships will matter more than marketing,. With that caveat, here's 10 of what you asked for:

Actuarial Science
By the Numbers
Benefits Defined
Contributions Defined
Dead Reckoning*
Defined Predictions
Number Crunchers
Pensions Pensions Pensions
Valuations LLC
What's it Cost?

* Likely too offensive, but we're brainstorming
posted by cardboard at 1:10 PM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

How about "Pennywise and Pound" or "Infinite Series"? You need to come up with a theme first, whether it is math, or some actuarial term, or the way you differentiate yourself, like "Precision Financial Consulting".

But decide on a theme first, and go with that. One more thought. I found this joke:

Two people are flying in a hot air balloon and realize they are
lost. They see a man on the ground, so they navigate the balloon to
where they can speak to him. They yell to him, “Can you help us – we’re
lost.” The man on the ground replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon,
about two hundred feet off the ground.” One of the people in the balloon
replies to the man on the ground, “You must be an actuary. You gave us
information that is accurate, but completely useless.”

So you could call yourself "Balloon Actuarial Consulting"

posted by peteshaw at 1:12 PM on October 9, 2018

Love Actuary? (Like, you'll love the services of this actuary.)
posted by El_Marto at 1:14 PM on October 9, 2018 [3 favorites]

There's a small health consulting firm here in the U.S. called Granite Dolphin, which I understand was chosen pretty arbitrarily. It's weird but memorable, and instantly google-able. So you might be able to just pick an animal you like and slap and adjective in front of it.

(Years ago they did an audit on a project I worked on, and they were completely professional.)
posted by paper chromatographologist at 1:17 PM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

Don't name a business after yourself. Go to an old phonebook and close your eyes. Open it to six random pages. Eyes closed, pick six last names. Those are your names. I have a phonebook from 1996, San Francisco:

Arras Clarke

Ferne Eddy

Mithune Winkler

posted by parmanparman at 1:18 PM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

Actuarial Cannibal Shia LaBeouf
posted by w0mbat at 2:25 PM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

The person on the ground said, "You must be a manager."

The person in the balloon said, "That's right! How did you know?"

"You are in the same situation you were in 5 seconds ago, but now it's my fault."

Sorry for the derail, love that joke.

How about Actually Accurate Actuarial (AAA) Services? You'll be first in the phone book, if phone books are still a thing somewhere.
posted by BeeDo at 2:46 PM on October 9, 2018 [7 favorites]

Using "Pennywise" in this particular moment does sound a little like your calculations are done by a murderous clown, which is actually kind of cool but maybe a little bit specific.

I realize it's the name of a book, but the book's not about actuarial stuff so it could be a darkly humorous name: All Your Worth Actuarial. Note: I have no idea whether actuaries hate the idea that they put a value on human lives the way librarians hate "you must read all day" in which case I deeply apologize.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 3:13 PM on October 9, 2018

posted by sciencegeek at 4:57 PM on October 9, 2018

Value Judgement
Value Analytics
[Nearby Town or Geographic Feature] Litigation Support Services
Family Matters
Present Values
Assets Analysis
Checks and Balances
posted by carmicha at 5:13 PM on October 9, 2018

Material Assets Analysis, Inc.
posted by carmicha at 5:20 PM on October 9, 2018

I’d go with a more classic/simple name, and a more explanatory tagline.

John Smith Consulting:

-we help you add it all up
-expert valuation services
-family law actuarial
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:51 PM on October 9, 2018

Well Actuary
posted by scruss at 7:53 PM on October 9, 2018 [3 favorites]

Actuary! Actuary! (Only works in your best Charles Laughton accent.)
posted by cgs06 at 7:56 PM on October 9, 2018

Full Value Actuary Services
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:42 AM on October 10, 2018 [1 favorite]

Pension Partners
posted by SemiSalt at 12:04 PM on October 10, 2018

posted by Thorzdad at 7:03 PM on October 10, 2018

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