Eye contact or grill focus?
October 8, 2018 10:24 PM Subscribe
I'm self-conscious about my teeth. I am an anxious person on the autism spectrum. When neurotypical people interact with each other, do they focus on each other's teeth?
When I look in the mirror, my teeth look okay with most of my usual facial expressions. But, my bottom teeth are crooked and one has some stubborn caffeine-stains. I feel like other people notice my teeth when I'm talking. That distracts me and gets me caught in an anxiety spiral that makes me have a hard time continuing to interact with them.
I struggle every day with making eye contact, but I force myself to do it. When I talk to people and look them in the eye, I get self-conscious about my teeth and I assume that's where they're focussed, even though they "appear" to be looking me in the eye. I think that distraction probably makes me worse at eye contact.
TLDR: Is it in my head, or do most of the rest of you look at people's teeth when they're talking?
WTLDR: Question 2, which is quite possibly what question 1 is really about: If you do focus on other people's teeth when you're talking to them, do you judge them (the people) if they're not perfect?
If it matters: I'm a single woman, 33 years old, and I work in an office setting where most of my other coworkers are women. Most of my interactions are with coworkers and random strangers. It feels like they all look at my teeth.
Finally, because I'm a regular MeFi user: Please don't tell me to see a therapist or find a doctor who can diagnose my issues. I don't need help identifying issues. I want to know if you look at my teeth when I talk.
When I look in the mirror, my teeth look okay with most of my usual facial expressions. But, my bottom teeth are crooked and one has some stubborn caffeine-stains. I feel like other people notice my teeth when I'm talking. That distracts me and gets me caught in an anxiety spiral that makes me have a hard time continuing to interact with them.
I struggle every day with making eye contact, but I force myself to do it. When I talk to people and look them in the eye, I get self-conscious about my teeth and I assume that's where they're focussed, even though they "appear" to be looking me in the eye. I think that distraction probably makes me worse at eye contact.
TLDR: Is it in my head, or do most of the rest of you look at people's teeth when they're talking?
WTLDR: Question 2, which is quite possibly what question 1 is really about: If you do focus on other people's teeth when you're talking to them, do you judge them (the people) if they're not perfect?
If it matters: I'm a single woman, 33 years old, and I work in an office setting where most of my other coworkers are women. Most of my interactions are with coworkers and random strangers. It feels like they all look at my teeth.
Finally, because I'm a regular MeFi user: Please don't tell me to see a therapist or find a doctor who can diagnose my issues. I don't need help identifying issues. I want to know if you look at my teeth when I talk.
Not teeth, but often I have to watch people's lips move to understand what they're saying, particularly if it's noisy.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:36 PM on October 8, 2018 [15 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:36 PM on October 8, 2018 [15 favorites]
I also hate eye contact, and usually watch people's mouths when they talk--not to examine their teeth, but to aid in comprehension, because I'm Not Great at audio processing sometimes. I'm not judging your teeth. I'm too busy internally berating myself for being bad at following conversations and worrying that I've said something wrong.
posted by mishafletch at 10:47 PM on October 8, 2018 [15 favorites]
posted by mishafletch at 10:47 PM on October 8, 2018 [15 favorites]
I was taught (in what was essentially "how to interact when you are a shy person" class) to make eye contact, but occasionally look at people's lips, because it's creepy for both parties to keep staring into one another's eyes.
So sometimes it may appear that I'm looking at your teeth, but I'm really going for the lips because I can't keep looking into your eyes forever.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:50 PM on October 8, 2018
So sometimes it may appear that I'm looking at your teeth, but I'm really going for the lips because I can't keep looking into your eyes forever.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:50 PM on October 8, 2018
I'm mostly neurotypical.
For most people I know, I could not even tell you anything about their teeth, beside being certain that they have them (or I would have noticed). Apparently I tend not to look at people's teeth. I will only notice teeth if they are remarkably different from the norm (like, several are missing or they're the colour of peanut butter).
posted by Too-Ticky at 10:52 PM on October 8, 2018 [5 favorites]
For most people I know, I could not even tell you anything about their teeth, beside being certain that they have them (or I would have noticed). Apparently I tend not to look at people's teeth. I will only notice teeth if they are remarkably different from the norm (like, several are missing or they're the colour of peanut butter).
posted by Too-Ticky at 10:52 PM on October 8, 2018 [5 favorites]
I'm Autistic and I look at people's mouths and teeth because the alternative is looking people in the eye and I don't like that. But most neurotypicals don't do that I hear and most people are not autistic so you should be fine.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:05 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:05 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
I had a roommate once who told me that she instinctively clocked people's teeth when she met them... because her dad was a dentist. This was notable and, uh, worrying enough for me (my teeth are kind of yellow) that I went around asking people if they looked at people's teeth. I got a strong majority of nos. So based on my extremely unscientific survey: you're good!
posted by peppercorn at 11:06 PM on October 8, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by peppercorn at 11:06 PM on October 8, 2018 [7 favorites]
As an exercise I just sat here for a few minutes and tried to visualize my co-workers' teeth. I completely failed to remember anything about any of them, except for one co-worker who has a front tooth missing. And even there, I don't remember what any of his other teeth look like.
So I'm gonna say no, I do not look at teeth. And I definitely do not judge people on their teeth.
FWIW my teeth have noticeable issues--some obvious crookedness, and one front tooth is a crown that's a very different shade from its neighbors. I don't know whether that ought to make me more or less likely to look and/or judge, I reckon you can weigh this info however you want...
posted by equalpants at 11:08 PM on October 8, 2018 [4 favorites]
So I'm gonna say no, I do not look at teeth. And I definitely do not judge people on their teeth.
FWIW my teeth have noticeable issues--some obvious crookedness, and one front tooth is a crown that's a very different shade from its neighbors. I don't know whether that ought to make me more or less likely to look and/or judge, I reckon you can weigh this info however you want...
posted by equalpants at 11:08 PM on October 8, 2018 [4 favorites]
I look at people's eyes and very generally, face. I don't fixate on teeth at all. Like others, I may look at someone's mouth to help me "hear" what they're saying, but then I'm just watching the shape of their mouth to read lips. We all have things that we're self-conscious about appearance-wise, but I'm positive that other people don't really register those things.
posted by quince at 11:16 PM on October 8, 2018
posted by quince at 11:16 PM on October 8, 2018
(I just found out I am a monster for looking at everyone’s teeth. I do it compulsively and really can’t stop. If a person doesn’t have great choppers I think badly of myself for looking and try to actively stop so the other person doesn’t feel self-conscious. Unlike the commenter above, I can picture the teeth of most people I know and have known. one of the reasons I married my husband is he has extremely attractive teeth, oh god I did not know this was so abnormal of me. I’m very sorry. The good news is a large majority of people do not do this.)
posted by jbenben at 11:19 PM on October 8, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by jbenben at 11:19 PM on October 8, 2018 [11 favorites]
You might want to skip my previous answer. You were asking if neurotypical people look at people’s teeth regularly during conversation or otherwise notice teeth? I don’t have a diagnosis, but I doubt very much that I’m neurotypical. Actually, my answer proves what everyone else is saying: the large majority of neurotypical people you interact with are not looking at your mouth.
FWIW, I wouldn’t personally fixate on your lower teeth because they’re not as visible.
posted by jbenben at 11:32 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
FWIW, I wouldn’t personally fixate on your lower teeth because they’re not as visible.
posted by jbenben at 11:32 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
The dislike that people have for other people's body parts is pretty much always weak to nonexistent compared to the dislike we have for our own. For example, I spent all my teen years hating my nose. It's not a notable nose; I just didn't like it. I was convinced I'd look better if I had a longer nose that made the nostrils point less outward and more downward, and I was convinced that everybody I met was staring at my piggy little nose and thinking what an ugly face I had because of it.
It was not until I was maybe nineteen that it first occurred to me that my nose looked very similar to my mother's and yet I had never once in my life looked at my mother's beautiful face and thought "what a piggy nose she has".
In general, whenever you're wondering whether other people react negatively to some particular body part of yours that you don't like and are anxious about, the answer will be that the overwhelming majority pay it either no attention at all or only just enough attention to allow them to recognize you.
Crooked bottom teeth are super common. Nobody else cares about yours. Even if you're fully convinced that you really need to be doing something about your bottom teeth, in your position I would not even remotely consider anything more invasive than a decent electric toothbrush and some whitening toothpaste to take down the caffeine stain.
posted by flabdablet at 11:32 PM on October 8, 2018 [11 favorites]
It was not until I was maybe nineteen that it first occurred to me that my nose looked very similar to my mother's and yet I had never once in my life looked at my mother's beautiful face and thought "what a piggy nose she has".
In general, whenever you're wondering whether other people react negatively to some particular body part of yours that you don't like and are anxious about, the answer will be that the overwhelming majority pay it either no attention at all or only just enough attention to allow them to recognize you.
Crooked bottom teeth are super common. Nobody else cares about yours. Even if you're fully convinced that you really need to be doing something about your bottom teeth, in your position I would not even remotely consider anything more invasive than a decent electric toothbrush and some whitening toothpaste to take down the caffeine stain.
posted by flabdablet at 11:32 PM on October 8, 2018 [11 favorites]
I am neurotypical and I look people in the eye or in the general eye region if I'm feeling a bit shy, or I don't want you to think I'm staring you in the eye aggressively. I don't normally look at people's teeth while they're talking, though I might notice if they're really unusual (eg missing).
If I notice something unusual, I don't judge. Your description sounds like a description of my own teeth; I am very conscious of not thinking badly of people because of their teeth because I sure wouldn't want them judging mine!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:33 PM on October 8, 2018
If I notice something unusual, I don't judge. Your description sounds like a description of my own teeth; I am very conscious of not thinking badly of people because of their teeth because I sure wouldn't want them judging mine!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:33 PM on October 8, 2018
I am hard of hearing and was trained from a young age to look at people's mouths when they speak in order to lip-read and fill in the gaps in case I didn't hear something. I can hear well enough with aids but the added lip-reading really helps to clarify things. Even so, I still rarely pay much attention to people's teeth. I've seen lots and lots of crooked teeth (and have some crookedness of my own despite braces as a teenager) and sure, they're not always white.
What I'm trying to say is that, even though I spend the majority of face-to-face conversations looking at people's mouths, I really don't pay all that much attention to their teeth and less-than perfect teeth certainly don't bother me!
posted by acidnova at 11:38 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
What I'm trying to say is that, even though I spend the majority of face-to-face conversations looking at people's mouths, I really don't pay all that much attention to their teeth and less-than perfect teeth certainly don't bother me!
posted by acidnova at 11:38 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
I do look at teeth and notice abnormalities about them (I suspect I'm on the spectrum but it's unlikely I'll ever get a formal diagnosis because of my age/gender/location), but I don't judge people based on how their teeth look, if that makes any sense? I guess I'm kind of interested in teeth in general, the range of different shapes/sizes/arrangements that other people have and the many interesting ways in which they can deviate from the norm.
I have a really strong eye for asymmetry, and I think some of it comes from that - unless someone's teeth are perfectly straight and symmetrical, I'll almost certainly notice them (and I might even notice that they're perfectly straight and symmetrical, which is unusual among adults in the UK where I live). But the whole interaction is more like "huh, [person] has [teeth that look like that]". There's no judgement or grossness about it, it's just one of those things I can't help but see.
I think it also helps that I have huge tooth privilege myself (had some orthodontic work done when I was younger, plus they're very healthy overall, no cavities or fillings) but I know that that's not achievable for everyone for a variety of reasons. My partner has significantly less tooth privilege (much more dental work & some discoloration, extractions etc.) and I know intimately why this stuff isn't meaningfully his fault (just like I'm not meaningfully morally superior for having had good luck with my own teeth). So if I see someone with imperfect teeth I'm likely to be thinking "well, tooth privilege is hard to come by for lots of people" rather than "eww, weird teeth".
posted by terretu at 11:41 PM on October 8, 2018 [3 favorites]
I have a really strong eye for asymmetry, and I think some of it comes from that - unless someone's teeth are perfectly straight and symmetrical, I'll almost certainly notice them (and I might even notice that they're perfectly straight and symmetrical, which is unusual among adults in the UK where I live). But the whole interaction is more like "huh, [person] has [teeth that look like that]". There's no judgement or grossness about it, it's just one of those things I can't help but see.
I think it also helps that I have huge tooth privilege myself (had some orthodontic work done when I was younger, plus they're very healthy overall, no cavities or fillings) but I know that that's not achievable for everyone for a variety of reasons. My partner has significantly less tooth privilege (much more dental work & some discoloration, extractions etc.) and I know intimately why this stuff isn't meaningfully his fault (just like I'm not meaningfully morally superior for having had good luck with my own teeth). So if I see someone with imperfect teeth I'm likely to be thinking "well, tooth privilege is hard to come by for lots of people" rather than "eww, weird teeth".
posted by terretu at 11:41 PM on October 8, 2018 [3 favorites]
I am not autistic. I look at people's mouths A LOT, because I am Hard of Hearing, and looking at people's mouths helps me understand what they're saying.
I promise you, I'm not judging your teeth, though - I'm just struggling to hear when there's background noise, or the speaker is mumbling.
For what it's worth, my partner has one front tooth which is black. (A dentist has told him that at this stage, it's cosmetic, not medical, so he can fix it at his leisure.)
Once a dentist had said that it was safe and not contagious or going to make him sick, I stopped caring about it.
posted by Murderbot at 11:42 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
I promise you, I'm not judging your teeth, though - I'm just struggling to hear when there's background noise, or the speaker is mumbling.
For what it's worth, my partner has one front tooth which is black. (A dentist has told him that at this stage, it's cosmetic, not medical, so he can fix it at his leisure.)
Once a dentist had said that it was safe and not contagious or going to make him sick, I stopped caring about it.
posted by Murderbot at 11:42 PM on October 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
I look at the teeth of "person on the street" in TV interviews. Most everyone who is present during a crime, or is on the street during work hours has poor and/or missing teeth. I blame the high cost of dentistry. I wish a happier population of Congresspersons could find a cure. Or maybe the ADA could encourage pro bono work.
Dentistry doesn't hurt anymore except financially.
posted by Cranberry at 12:44 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
Dentistry doesn't hurt anymore except financially.
posted by Cranberry at 12:44 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
I do not look at teeth, especially not other women's (I am cishet female) and you can't see bottom teeth anyway. I just really don't care particularly, unless you have some sort of horrifically obvious hygiene issue. My spouse brushes daily and that's all that matters.
I have known all manner of people with all manner of teeth: braces, missing ones, perfect, gaps, stains, gold, engraved - whatever. Dentistry is expensive and accessing it (let alone orthodontics) is a huge privilege. I have crappy teeth and am lucky to have been born in a time and place and to parents who took me to the dentist and got me braces. I am lucky to have had decent jobs that have allowed me to keep going to the dentist as an adult.
My teeth look just like yours fwiw! Check my profile pc if you want. You can't see my crooked bottom teeth but I just couldn't be bothered wearing my retainer the rest of my life.
posted by jrobin276 at 2:01 AM on October 9, 2018
I have known all manner of people with all manner of teeth: braces, missing ones, perfect, gaps, stains, gold, engraved - whatever. Dentistry is expensive and accessing it (let alone orthodontics) is a huge privilege. I have crappy teeth and am lucky to have been born in a time and place and to parents who took me to the dentist and got me braces. I am lucky to have had decent jobs that have allowed me to keep going to the dentist as an adult.
My teeth look just like yours fwiw! Check my profile pc if you want. You can't see my crooked bottom teeth but I just couldn't be bothered wearing my retainer the rest of my life.
posted by jrobin276 at 2:01 AM on October 9, 2018
I'm neurotypical and I look at people's mouths a lot because I have slight hearing loss and I 'm an ESL speaker.
I don't judge people's teeth, but I do look at them and notice them. However, I recently had orthodontics done (quite late in life too, I"m 50) , and I wonder if that has made me notice people's teeth more than I used to.
Also for what it's worth, I had crooked bottom teeth but I didn't mind, and I didn't get the orthodontic treatment until my dentist persuaded me that it would help me reduce gum disease and keep my teeth in old age. Otherwise, I would not have done it.
posted by kandinski at 2:10 AM on October 9, 2018
I don't judge people's teeth, but I do look at them and notice them. However, I recently had orthodontics done (quite late in life too, I"m 50) , and I wonder if that has made me notice people's teeth more than I used to.
Also for what it's worth, I had crooked bottom teeth but I didn't mind, and I didn't get the orthodontic treatment until my dentist persuaded me that it would help me reduce gum disease and keep my teeth in old age. Otherwise, I would not have done it.
posted by kandinski at 2:10 AM on October 9, 2018
I look at people’s mouths while they speak, but I pay attention to their words, not their teeth. The only times their teeth will get my attention if there is a big piece of green leaf stuck in there (rare) or an absurd amount of tartar (extremely rare). Things like crooked teeth, caffeine stains, etc don’t even register.
posted by Neekee at 2:10 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by Neekee at 2:10 AM on October 9, 2018
I say I don’t look at teeth but I must because it catches my eye if there are a few missing or rotted away. What you’re describing is completely unmemorable though.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:11 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:11 AM on October 9, 2018
I don't focus on teeth but I do key in on facial expressions. I take a lot from whether a person smiles, grimaces, has a generally pleasant look, smirks, what have you.
The only time I've ever thought anything but it's not remotely judgmental about someone's teeth was when a new high school teacher was missing her two front teeth and I just sort of hoped one day she had a really cool story to tell about how it happened.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 2:31 AM on October 9, 2018
The only time I've ever thought anything but it's not remotely judgmental about someone's teeth was when a new high school teacher was missing her two front teeth and I just sort of hoped one day she had a really cool story to tell about how it happened.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 2:31 AM on October 9, 2018
I look at teeth because I am selfconscious about my own teeth and I’m trying to figure out where the person I’m talking to ranks on the Teeth Hierarchy that exists in my stupid head. Usually I’m looking and thinking that the other person has superior teeth. Note that this is highly warped thinking and pretty much anyone who is not Me, Who Has the Worst Teeth, tends to be put in the Superior Teeth category. Or, if someone has got some tooth aesthetic weaknesses, I’ll be looking at them to reassure myself with thoughts like “See, X’s teeth have such and such qualities that make them less than Perfect, and they are still extremely attractive/popular, which means that maybe I can be attractive and popular despite my Bad Teeth”.
So, if someone is looking at your teeth, they may be doing so out of their own messed up insecurities rather than because they are judging you.
posted by mymbleth at 2:34 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
So, if someone is looking at your teeth, they may be doing so out of their own messed up insecurities rather than because they are judging you.
posted by mymbleth at 2:34 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
Whether I’m neurotypical is sort of a big question mark; there’s some ASD-like stuff running around in my family, but it’s all subclinical and I’ve never sought out a formal dx. For whatever that’s worth to your data gathering: I don’t notice teeth and couldn’t honestly tell you a thing about any of the teeth of anyone I know. If I had to guess I’d say they probably all have all of their teeth since I think a bunch of missing ones would catch my attention. Beyond that? No idea.
posted by Stacey at 3:06 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by Stacey at 3:06 AM on October 9, 2018
I'm anxious and possibly on the autism spectrum. Like others have said I generally look at people's mouths when they're speaking to (1) avoid eye contact and (2) help me figure out what they're saying. If I happen to notice your teeth it'd probably be in a "huh those teeth are different than other teeth I've seen" way, not an "ew gross" way.
posted by junques at 4:34 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by junques at 4:34 AM on October 9, 2018
I notice teeth when I meet someone, and then move on. I've had orthodontic work done, so teeth are on my radar. I don't stare and I'm not fake-looking-at-peoples-eyes-but-actually-their-teeth; that sounds hard.
posted by ramenopres at 5:01 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by ramenopres at 5:01 AM on October 9, 2018
I don't look at teeth at all unless there's something really unusual going on there, and even then it's just an involuntary glance and then I'm extra careful to make eye contact instead of "teeth contact" because I assume that they're likely self-conscious about it and I don't want them to be uncomfortable or think that I'm judging them. Same goes for any other kind of facial deformity. I don't judge people about it either way; dental problems are not a character flaw, all it (usually) means is that they can't afford to get their teeth fixed.
Coffee stains and a bit of crookedness are not something that would really register with me, though. If your teeth look normal under normal conditions, chances are I'm never going to notice; it's not like I'm trying to find things that are "wrong" with other people's faces. It has to be something significant enough that I can't not notice it.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:16 AM on October 9, 2018
Coffee stains and a bit of crookedness are not something that would really register with me, though. If your teeth look normal under normal conditions, chances are I'm never going to notice; it's not like I'm trying to find things that are "wrong" with other people's faces. It has to be something significant enough that I can't not notice it.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:16 AM on October 9, 2018
I have uneven, not particularly white teeth both because we could not afford braces and fancy stuff when I was growing up and because I have developed some disdain for the US obsession with having perfect, even, bleached teeth. As long as they chew comfortably, aren't full of holes and aren't visibly rotting in your mouth, their appearance is what it is, that's my feeling.
So anyway, I assume that people occasionally notice my teeth. I almost never notice people's teeth myself - if I know someone really well, so I have spent a lot of time staring at them across the dinner table as we talk, I might possibly notice their teeth.
There's a lot going on in conversation - a lot of stimuli to process, what with the words, the tone, body movement, eye movement, etc. I think that most people simply aren't going to have the processing power to pay much attention to your teeth unless you've gotten vampire implants or set them with rhinestones or something. I only start to notice teeth long after I've gotten used to someone's speaking style, because at that point I have enough processing power to understand them, read their face and still notice their teeth.
posted by Frowner at 5:19 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
So anyway, I assume that people occasionally notice my teeth. I almost never notice people's teeth myself - if I know someone really well, so I have spent a lot of time staring at them across the dinner table as we talk, I might possibly notice their teeth.
There's a lot going on in conversation - a lot of stimuli to process, what with the words, the tone, body movement, eye movement, etc. I think that most people simply aren't going to have the processing power to pay much attention to your teeth unless you've gotten vampire implants or set them with rhinestones or something. I only start to notice teeth long after I've gotten used to someone's speaking style, because at that point I have enough processing power to understand them, read their face and still notice their teeth.
posted by Frowner at 5:19 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
Watching the mouth is actually an important part of speech recognition; this is called the McGurk effect. Some sounds that humans make are so close to each other, we look at the speaker's mouth to see what sound they're making, or say things like "M as in Mancy" when talking on the phone.
posted by Hatashran at 5:36 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Hatashran at 5:36 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm neurotypical. I do often catch myself noticing people's teeth, because I'm making up for my substandard hearing by lipreading.
(I believe it's fairly obvious to the people I'm talking to that that's where I'm looking; if someone appears to be making eye contact with you then they probably are looking at your eyes, not your mouth.)
I started out typing that I don't place any value judgement on the state of people's teeth, but in the process of writing it down realized that I actually do: I read perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth as a sign of either excessive vanity or wealth. Some crookedness and coffee staining is just normal (especially as we age), I don't read anything into that. I have some friends and acquaintances who have very badly crooked, broken, or missing teeth, because they're too poor to be able to afford dental care. The negative value judgement I place on that is not aimed at those people, but at, y'know, ::gestures vaguely at America::
posted by ook at 5:57 AM on October 9, 2018
(I believe it's fairly obvious to the people I'm talking to that that's where I'm looking; if someone appears to be making eye contact with you then they probably are looking at your eyes, not your mouth.)
I started out typing that I don't place any value judgement on the state of people's teeth, but in the process of writing it down realized that I actually do: I read perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth as a sign of either excessive vanity or wealth. Some crookedness and coffee staining is just normal (especially as we age), I don't read anything into that. I have some friends and acquaintances who have very badly crooked, broken, or missing teeth, because they're too poor to be able to afford dental care. The negative value judgement I place on that is not aimed at those people, but at, y'know, ::gestures vaguely at America::
posted by ook at 5:57 AM on October 9, 2018
I am sorta neurotypical.
I do not notice teeth. Yes, I might look at people's mouths when they're talking, because I want to understand what they're saying, but even then I don't really notice the teeth. Like, you would have to have actual shark teeth before it would really register, I could not tell you whether anyone I know has good or bad teeth. My husband has some crooked, stained teeth and I didn't notice until we had already kissed and been dating for a while. This is especially true for the bottom teeth, which you barely see when talking.
Even if you did have actual shark teeth, or obviously missing teeth, I would be like "huh" and move on. I wouldn't judge you for it because hey, teeth are weird and do weird things. We have very limited control over them.
posted by stillnocturnal at 6:02 AM on October 9, 2018
I do not notice teeth. Yes, I might look at people's mouths when they're talking, because I want to understand what they're saying, but even then I don't really notice the teeth. Like, you would have to have actual shark teeth before it would really register, I could not tell you whether anyone I know has good or bad teeth. My husband has some crooked, stained teeth and I didn't notice until we had already kissed and been dating for a while. This is especially true for the bottom teeth, which you barely see when talking.
Even if you did have actual shark teeth, or obviously missing teeth, I would be like "huh" and move on. I wouldn't judge you for it because hey, teeth are weird and do weird things. We have very limited control over them.
posted by stillnocturnal at 6:02 AM on October 9, 2018
I'm neurotypical and I definitely look at people's teeth in passing, but it's mostly because I use lipreading to help me through conversations (English is my second language, technically, but the problem is mostly anxiety for me). I don't judge, though, my teeth are far far far from perfect and it's about as relevant as the shape of one's nose or the style of one's hair: none of my business.
posted by lydhre at 6:12 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by lydhre at 6:12 AM on October 9, 2018
I barely know what my own teeth look like. I look at people's mouths a lot when they talk because otherwise I can't always process the words, especially in a loud room. Like someone above, the only thing that I could tell you about any of my co-workers teeth is that one of them is missing a front top tooth. I know nothing else about the rest of his teeth, or about the teeth of anyone else I interact with.
So I think you don't need to worry. Looking at teeth is not the reason that people are looking at mouths, they look at mouths in order to process the audio better.
posted by sockermom at 6:25 AM on October 9, 2018
So I think you don't need to worry. Looking at teeth is not the reason that people are looking at mouths, they look at mouths in order to process the audio better.
posted by sockermom at 6:25 AM on October 9, 2018
I don’t think I ever notice people’s teeth unless there’s some situation-specific reason to, like they’re talking about their dentist appointment or something.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 6:26 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by Salvor Hardin at 6:26 AM on October 9, 2018
I have crooked bottom teeth, too. I used to be really self-conscious about it, but then I noticed that there are a lot of celebrities that have crooked bottom teeth. Will Ferrell is one that comes to mind. I concluded if people with crooked bottom teeth could have whole careers where strangers just look at their talking faces and mouth holes, then it probably wasn't a huge defect. I thought about it a lot less after that.
posted by Alison at 6:40 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Alison at 6:40 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
I don't notice teeth, especially not bottom teeth, which you can't really see. If you let out an epic 30-second yawn without covering your mouth, that's the only time I might notice your bottom teeth! I can also tell you that LOTS of adults have crooked bottom teeth ... since generally only the top ones are visible, there's more energy focused on correcting them orthodontically, and people are more likely to keep up with top retainers or have them re-corrected if they shift back. But if the bottom teeth start shifting back out of line, most people don't care as long as they can still chew. (My book club once had a bottom-teeth comparison after one of the women had a conversation with her dentist about it, almost everyone's were crooked just due to post-braces shift-back. Also we all looked hilarious contorting our faces to give a good view of the bottom teeth and staring into each others' mouths.)
My neighbor had $40,000 of dental work done (after a heart attack, when his cardiologist had a come-to-Jesus with him about the fact that he hadn't been to a dentist in thirty years). He had prominent missing teeth (top front), discolored teeth, badly crooked teeth -- and I didn't really notice. He was a happy guy who grinned a lot and didn't worry about his teeth and it just didn't register. (He was a professional with a Ph.D. in a management position, as well, so they didn't hold back his career!) The only time I looked at them was when he was telling me about the dental work plan and I was like, "Oh, huh, I never really noticed that!" Like I mean I guess I noticed, but it didn't really register as something worth remembering. $40,000 of correction and implants and health improvement later, his top front teeth were straighter and whiter and more even (and less likely to cause him ongoing health problems), but it honestly wasn't that noticeable a change. His teeth were so bad the dentist told him he had "pre-20th-century poverty teeth" and it just wasn't anything I ever thought about when talking to him, even when they were on full display with his wide grin.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:01 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
My neighbor had $40,000 of dental work done (after a heart attack, when his cardiologist had a come-to-Jesus with him about the fact that he hadn't been to a dentist in thirty years). He had prominent missing teeth (top front), discolored teeth, badly crooked teeth -- and I didn't really notice. He was a happy guy who grinned a lot and didn't worry about his teeth and it just didn't register. (He was a professional with a Ph.D. in a management position, as well, so they didn't hold back his career!) The only time I looked at them was when he was telling me about the dental work plan and I was like, "Oh, huh, I never really noticed that!" Like I mean I guess I noticed, but it didn't really register as something worth remembering. $40,000 of correction and implants and health improvement later, his top front teeth were straighter and whiter and more even (and less likely to cause him ongoing health problems), but it honestly wasn't that noticeable a change. His teeth were so bad the dentist told him he had "pre-20th-century poverty teeth" and it just wasn't anything I ever thought about when talking to him, even when they were on full display with his wide grin.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:01 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
"I look at teeth because I am selfconscious about my own teeth and I’m trying to figure out where the person I’m talking to ranks on the Teeth Hierarchy that exists in my stupid head. Usually I’m looking and thinking that the other person has superior teeth. Note that this is highly warped thinking and pretty much anyone who is not Me, Who Has the Worst Teeth, tends to be put in the Superior Teeth category. Or, if someone has got some tooth aesthetic weaknesses, I’ll be looking at them to reassure myself with thoughts like 'See, X’s teeth have such and such qualities that make them less than Perfect, and they are still extremely attractive/popular, which means that maybe I can be attractive and popular despite my Bad Teeth'.
So, if someone is looking at your teeth, they may be doing so out of their own messed up insecurities rather than because they are judging you."
This is pretty much exactly what I came here to say. I look at teeth because of my own self-consciousness. I am not in a position to judge. There are really only two categories: either you've got "normal" teeth (for which I have a pretty liberal definition, and in which case I move on immediately), or you don't, and that's a bit reassuring for me. I've realized recently that I have more problems than I thought with upper-middle-class suburban norms, and so seeing someone who also doesn't come from that background gives me a sense of class solidarity. (Interesting article about that aspect here.)
Of all the teeth I've ever looked at, though, there's only two sets that I actually remember. One belongs to my wife, and the other to someone I dated for five years. In other words, not casual acquaintances or people I met on the street. I do look at teeth, but they don't register in long-term memory.
posted by kevinbelt at 7:04 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
So, if someone is looking at your teeth, they may be doing so out of their own messed up insecurities rather than because they are judging you."
This is pretty much exactly what I came here to say. I look at teeth because of my own self-consciousness. I am not in a position to judge. There are really only two categories: either you've got "normal" teeth (for which I have a pretty liberal definition, and in which case I move on immediately), or you don't, and that's a bit reassuring for me. I've realized recently that I have more problems than I thought with upper-middle-class suburban norms, and so seeing someone who also doesn't come from that background gives me a sense of class solidarity. (Interesting article about that aspect here.)
Of all the teeth I've ever looked at, though, there's only two sets that I actually remember. One belongs to my wife, and the other to someone I dated for five years. In other words, not casual acquaintances or people I met on the street. I do look at teeth, but they don't register in long-term memory.
posted by kevinbelt at 7:04 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm spectrumy and with anxiety disorders and I have an auditory processing disorder, so I look at mouths a LOT but I don't really notice teeth unless they're spectacularly bad (think missing and/or rotted), at which point I wonder about their life situation, but I tend not to judge.
My own teeth are crooked top and bottom and pretty coffee-stained and I'm super self-conscious about them (especially since I spent about $25,000 on them this year and they don't even look nice!); but from what I've heard from other people, they're not anywhere near as bad as I think they are and most of the times people don't even notice until I ask. But I also smile with a closed mouth and it's hard to see my teeth when talk. My uppers show when I laugh, but when you're laughing people are probably also laughing and not thinking about your teeth.
So anyway. They're probably looking at your mouth, not your teeth. And in the unlikely event that they are, they're probably not judging them. It's all good.
posted by elsietheeel at 7:13 AM on October 9, 2018
My own teeth are crooked top and bottom and pretty coffee-stained and I'm super self-conscious about them (especially since I spent about $25,000 on them this year and they don't even look nice!); but from what I've heard from other people, they're not anywhere near as bad as I think they are and most of the times people don't even notice until I ask. But I also smile with a closed mouth and it's hard to see my teeth when talk. My uppers show when I laugh, but when you're laughing people are probably also laughing and not thinking about your teeth.
So anyway. They're probably looking at your mouth, not your teeth. And in the unlikely event that they are, they're probably not judging them. It's all good.
posted by elsietheeel at 7:13 AM on October 9, 2018
I am neurotypical and do look at people's teeth. I am likely to actually notice if your teeth are too white or perfect. One of the few times i got totally sidetracked in a conversation was talking to an older man whose teeth were IMO overwhitened. Teeth are part of what make you you.
I read that movies casting for a historical or period movie can't find the appropriate actors because their teeth are all so perfect and sometimes resort to prosthetics for the proper look.
posted by scorpia22 at 7:20 AM on October 9, 2018
I read that movies casting for a historical or period movie can't find the appropriate actors because their teeth are all so perfect and sometimes resort to prosthetics for the proper look.
posted by scorpia22 at 7:20 AM on October 9, 2018
If it looks like people are looking at your eyes, they are- if they were fixating on your teeth, you would be able to see when their eyes shifted, and what they had shifted to.
To test this, turn on your phone's selfie cam and take a little video: hold the phone up at your eye level and talk (say the alphabet or something). Look back and forth between your eyes and teeth.
When you watch it back, you'll be able to clearly see the moments when you looked at your teeth. Also hopefully you'll also see that your teeth look fine.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 7:29 AM on October 9, 2018
To test this, turn on your phone's selfie cam and take a little video: hold the phone up at your eye level and talk (say the alphabet or something). Look back and forth between your eyes and teeth.
When you watch it back, you'll be able to clearly see the moments when you looked at your teeth. Also hopefully you'll also see that your teeth look fine.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 7:29 AM on October 9, 2018
99% of people are not conciously noticing or caring about your teeth. If you or a third party mentioned your stained/crooked teeth, the person they mentioned it to might know what you're talking about, but it's unlikely that your teeth are a major feature for them.
Some people might be judging your teeth but not people you want to be around. Don't worry; unless your teeth are severely damaged or extremely misaligned, this is a non-issue.
The only time I can remember noticing people's teeth is when they had missing and/or visibly rotting teeth. I remember because my natural human instinct to look at unusual things fought with my desperate desire not to stare and make the person self-conscious. If I was judging anyone in those times, I was judging myself.
posted by windykites at 7:35 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
Some people might be judging your teeth but not people you want to be around. Don't worry; unless your teeth are severely damaged or extremely misaligned, this is a non-issue.
The only time I can remember noticing people's teeth is when they had missing and/or visibly rotting teeth. I remember because my natural human instinct to look at unusual things fought with my desperate desire not to stare and make the person self-conscious. If I was judging anyone in those times, I was judging myself.
posted by windykites at 7:35 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
I confess that I do notice "bad" teeth, I think at least in part because I am anxious about my own. I don't think I do anything to draw attention to the fact that I've noticed.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 8:20 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by sevenyearlurk at 8:20 AM on October 9, 2018
I just notice teeth like I'd notice a freckle or anything else -- just part of a whole face. I certainly wouldn't think negatively about anyone based on their teeth.
The only time I notice is occasionally I'll meet someone who took the whole Crest white strips thing a bit too far and their teeth look unnaturally white, like bright white on a computer screen.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:34 AM on October 9, 2018
The only time I notice is occasionally I'll meet someone who took the whole Crest white strips thing a bit too far and their teeth look unnaturally white, like bright white on a computer screen.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:34 AM on October 9, 2018
The teeth are the first thing I notice about a person, but my mom has been in the dental field all my life, and I was practically raised in a dentist’s office. I don’t judge, as my teeth are stained and crooked, too. I do admire well done dental work, but as an industry curiosity because I’ve also worked in the field. I’m not neurotypical. I can speak at length about David Bowie’s veneers and the cosmetic dentist that created them, so it’s a weird thing I have.
posted by Ruki at 8:41 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by Ruki at 8:41 AM on October 9, 2018
For me personally, it's very hard to consciously determine what part of a speaker's face I generally look at, because it's such an automatic process. What I remember is an overall sense of the speaker's expression, mood, and intention -- not piecemeal images of each part of their face. I think I mostly look at eyes, but I also maintain an awareness of entire face & general expression, so I'm probably looking at the speaker's mouth sometimes too. I may notice teeth when I first meet someone if they're unusual in some way (caffeine stains and crookedness are not unusual; I'm thinking more about a missing tooth), but even then, teeth rapidly fade into the overall impression for me; I'm not really aware of them during conversation. I cannot recall ever having seen someone's bottom teeth during a conversation.
For people in general, you may find it interesting to look at studies of eye contact (aka "gaze behavior"); some track whether listener is looking at the speaker's eyes vs. mouth. You can find lots of these studies if you look online; based on a brief look, it seems that some people do tend to look more at a speaker's mouth, but the reasons why do not have anything to do with judging the person's teeth. Some reasons for mouth gaze that I found listed in the studies include:
- Mouth gaze is a normal part of audio-visual processing; it helps with understanding the speaker.
- People who are hard of hearing may need to do more lip-reading to understand the speaker.
- People who are autistic tend to look more at the speaker's mouth for a variety of reasons.
All of these seem like very legitimate reasons to look at someone's mouth; they all have more to do with the listener's needs than anything about the speaker. Is it possible that you're interpreting normal mouth gaze as looking at your teeth?
Here are some of the specific studies I found that address your question:
Here's a study tracking eye vs. mouth gaze that finds that individuals have different and consistent tendencies when listening -- some individuals tend to consistently look at eyes more, while some individuals tend to consistently look at mouth more, regardless of the speaker's individual traits. Note the link to hearing: "Results suggest that mouth gazing might be more common in older adults perhaps due to hearing troubles that lead them to engage in more lip-reading."
Here's another study that discusses the importance of mouth gaze vs. eye gaze to auditory processing of speech. According to the study, "the mouth is viewed more during speech than during silence, is increasingly viewed as auditory noise increases, and appears important for word identification."
In some studies, gaze behavior has been shown to be different for autistic and neurotypical people. Here's a study that summarizes several previous studies on the topic, and indicates that the "autism subjects are impaired when judging complex social information from the eyes, but not from the mouth, and that they rely more on information from the mouth for emotional judgments." Other studies explored similar questions; for instance, here's a study that indicates that children with autism are more likely to look at the speaker's mouth during an emotionally charged conversation.
posted by ourobouros at 9:17 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
For people in general, you may find it interesting to look at studies of eye contact (aka "gaze behavior"); some track whether listener is looking at the speaker's eyes vs. mouth. You can find lots of these studies if you look online; based on a brief look, it seems that some people do tend to look more at a speaker's mouth, but the reasons why do not have anything to do with judging the person's teeth. Some reasons for mouth gaze that I found listed in the studies include:
- Mouth gaze is a normal part of audio-visual processing; it helps with understanding the speaker.
- People who are hard of hearing may need to do more lip-reading to understand the speaker.
- People who are autistic tend to look more at the speaker's mouth for a variety of reasons.
All of these seem like very legitimate reasons to look at someone's mouth; they all have more to do with the listener's needs than anything about the speaker. Is it possible that you're interpreting normal mouth gaze as looking at your teeth?
Here are some of the specific studies I found that address your question:
Here's a study tracking eye vs. mouth gaze that finds that individuals have different and consistent tendencies when listening -- some individuals tend to consistently look at eyes more, while some individuals tend to consistently look at mouth more, regardless of the speaker's individual traits. Note the link to hearing: "Results suggest that mouth gazing might be more common in older adults perhaps due to hearing troubles that lead them to engage in more lip-reading."
Here's another study that discusses the importance of mouth gaze vs. eye gaze to auditory processing of speech. According to the study, "the mouth is viewed more during speech than during silence, is increasingly viewed as auditory noise increases, and appears important for word identification."
In some studies, gaze behavior has been shown to be different for autistic and neurotypical people. Here's a study that summarizes several previous studies on the topic, and indicates that the "autism subjects are impaired when judging complex social information from the eyes, but not from the mouth, and that they rely more on information from the mouth for emotional judgments." Other studies explored similar questions; for instance, here's a study that indicates that children with autism are more likely to look at the speaker's mouth during an emotionally charged conversation.
posted by ourobouros at 9:17 AM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
Like some others have mentioned, I sometimes have to look at peoples' mouths for visual cues because I don't hear very well. I don't think I look at or much notice peoples' teeth.
posted by Pax at 9:42 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by Pax at 9:42 AM on October 9, 2018
Most of my interactions are with coworkers and random strangers. It feels like they all look at my teeth.
Speaking as a sometimes low talker: it is possible that you don't speak up or enunciate enough so people are looking at your mouth to understand you better. Could you ask people you know well and trust to give you an objective opinion? Or experiment with strangers by talking louder and enunciating more to see if they stop looking at your mouth as a result? Or you could book a one-time session with a speech therapist (many offer free 15-minute consultations) to evaluate your speech levels more formally.
posted by rada at 10:53 AM on October 9, 2018
Speaking as a sometimes low talker: it is possible that you don't speak up or enunciate enough so people are looking at your mouth to understand you better. Could you ask people you know well and trust to give you an objective opinion? Or experiment with strangers by talking louder and enunciating more to see if they stop looking at your mouth as a result? Or you could book a one-time session with a speech therapist (many offer free 15-minute consultations) to evaluate your speech levels more formally.
posted by rada at 10:53 AM on October 9, 2018
Another hard-of-hearing lip reader here. I do notice quirky teeth in the media, just because the dental standards for being in TV/movies are so high, and because the faces are closer-up and bigger and more animated than they are in everyday life. (I've noticed a few TV presenters who've had some cosmetic dentistry after I started watching them, and it makes me a little sad at the idea that they did it to cave into executive pressure and not because it was something they were looking forward to doing with their fabulous wealth.)
Out in the world, I don't notice teeth often; I couldn't identify any of my colleagues' teeth, nor most of my friends, but I could describe everyone's eye color and glasses and clothing styles. I have one friend with a very unusual and obvious tooth growth pattern--more obvious than your self-description-- that I didn't notice until she made reference to them after years of friendship. I think of perfectly colored and aligned teeth as a marker of consistently high social class over a whole lifetime, and that certainly isn't MY background or life, so I don't judge quirky teeth at all. Folks with seriously broken-down and/or blackened teeth, if I notice, I might briefly worry that they're in pain, but I wouldn't judge them for not having the means to do something about it.
posted by tchemgrrl at 11:08 AM on October 9, 2018
Out in the world, I don't notice teeth often; I couldn't identify any of my colleagues' teeth, nor most of my friends, but I could describe everyone's eye color and glasses and clothing styles. I have one friend with a very unusual and obvious tooth growth pattern--more obvious than your self-description-- that I didn't notice until she made reference to them after years of friendship. I think of perfectly colored and aligned teeth as a marker of consistently high social class over a whole lifetime, and that certainly isn't MY background or life, so I don't judge quirky teeth at all. Folks with seriously broken-down and/or blackened teeth, if I notice, I might briefly worry that they're in pain, but I wouldn't judge them for not having the means to do something about it.
posted by tchemgrrl at 11:08 AM on October 9, 2018
Neurotypical, do not ever look at teeth, on the rare occasions I do I would notice at most the top front two, mayyybe four if they’re extraordinarily unusual. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life noticed anyone’s bottom teeth. I don’t think I can even see people’s bottom teeth when they’re talking. How do you guys do that?!
posted by penguin pie at 11:27 AM on October 9, 2018
posted by penguin pie at 11:27 AM on October 9, 2018
OK, if I'm being honest, I might be looking at your teeth. I have terrible teeth, and am incredibly self-conscious about them, and as a result yes, it is a thing I notice very much about people, and I typically feel quite surrounded by people with amazing perfect teeth that I envy.
HOWEVER. The worst thing I'm going to think, if I notice your teeth, is "oh thank GOD, another person who doesn't have expensive cosmetic dentistry in their budget. FINALLY, I can smile with my mouth open maybe once."
And before this freaks you out: People may be lying to me, but in general when I have mentioned problems with my teeth, folks have seemed surprised, and claim not to have noticed.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:35 AM on October 9, 2018
HOWEVER. The worst thing I'm going to think, if I notice your teeth, is "oh thank GOD, another person who doesn't have expensive cosmetic dentistry in their budget. FINALLY, I can smile with my mouth open maybe once."
And before this freaks you out: People may be lying to me, but in general when I have mentioned problems with my teeth, folks have seemed surprised, and claim not to have noticed.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:35 AM on October 9, 2018
My husband finds beautiful teeth attractive and does indeed check out people‘s teeth (both male and female). But he‘s the only person I know who does this (and he admits it‘s weird of him).
I hardly notice teeth and if I do see crooked ones...well, that doesn‘t mean anything? If I‘m going to be judgy, I‘m very much more likely to judge people‘s wrinkly clothes or dirty shoes in a business context. Teeth are just teeth!
posted by Omnomnom at 12:35 PM on October 9, 2018
I hardly notice teeth and if I do see crooked ones...well, that doesn‘t mean anything? If I‘m going to be judgy, I‘m very much more likely to judge people‘s wrinkly clothes or dirty shoes in a business context. Teeth are just teeth!
posted by Omnomnom at 12:35 PM on October 9, 2018
I'm autistic and look at people's mouths to help me understand what they're saying because I sometimes have auditory processing problems. I'm not noticing their teeth (I couldn't tell you the first thing about any of my co-workers' teeth, and I've been working with and meeting with them regularly for years), I'm trying to follow what they're saying.
Do you have a friend you trust to be both honest and kind in giving feedback? You might tell them "I feel self-conscious about my teeth; please tell me, when we're speaking face to face, do my teeth catch your attention?"
Also, I've been working on reducing the degree of masking I do in order to make neurotypicals comfortable. I have a snaggly lower front tooth and drink a lot of coffee, so my teeth aren't don't meet the Hollywood standard of rail-straight and gleaming white. At this point, I don't care. I don't go around giving giant toothy grins to random strangers, but I'm also at ease enough to feel comfortable smiling if something strikes me as funny or happy.
posted by Lexica at 12:53 PM on October 9, 2018
Do you have a friend you trust to be both honest and kind in giving feedback? You might tell them "I feel self-conscious about my teeth; please tell me, when we're speaking face to face, do my teeth catch your attention?"
Also, I've been working on reducing the degree of masking I do in order to make neurotypicals comfortable. I have a snaggly lower front tooth and drink a lot of coffee, so my teeth aren't don't meet the Hollywood standard of rail-straight and gleaming white. At this point, I don't care. I don't go around giving giant toothy grins to random strangers, but I'm also at ease enough to feel comfortable smiling if something strikes me as funny or happy.
posted by Lexica at 12:53 PM on October 9, 2018
I had my teeth straightened in middle age with Invisalign. It was really easy and it made me feel better, whether people were actually looking at my teeth or not. I should have done it years earlier.
posted by w0mbat at 2:43 PM on October 9, 2018
posted by w0mbat at 2:43 PM on October 9, 2018
i have teeth anxiety of my own, so yes i look at your teeth, and i notice what's wrong with them. i don't CARE and i don't JUDGE you. if your teeth are nice i just internally feel worse about mine, that's all.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 3:23 PM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by misanthropicsarah at 3:23 PM on October 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
I needed a crown and my dentist gave me the option of getting a metallic one, or a white plastic one that would look like tooth. I asked which one would be more durable and last and it was the metallic one, so I went with that.
But I can see that silver tooth every time I smile broadly. It's so noticeable! Every time I look in the mirror I notice it. It changes my whole appearance. I feel like it makes me look like Jaws from the James Bond movie.
So I asked various people how noticeable and distracting it was, and what kind of an impression I was making. The answer was universally, "You have a metal tooth?"
Not one darn person, including several who are near and dear to me and would tell me honestly, had ever noticed my tooth until I pointed it out. Then they kind of craned their necks and said, "Oh yeah."
I don't look at teeth when I look at people. I don't actually quite focus on their faces. I can't. I basically go out of focus. Yep, I am another Aspie. I can actually only see elements of a face. I can see the eyes, or the nose, or the cheekbone, or the brow, or the upper lip, or the chin line, or the hair line... But when I am seeing those things, they are shapes and light values. I don't make a judgement. Say someone has thick eyebrows. I don't verbalize that, I only see a bit of a picture, and then I can't remember it, unless I deliberately look at their eyebrows and say to myself, "This person has thick eyebrows." And even when I do that I don't retain information like if they are black or brown, or if they have a unibrow, unless I deliberately verbally repeat that additional information too. If I were to look at your teeth I would never register that they were crooked, or dark.
If someone is hostile to you they will spot things about your appearance and despise you for them. But they will do that regardless of what you look like. And if someone is not hostile they won't do that. It's all in how they feel about you before they even look. You could look like Jason Momoa or Ciara and somebody would still find a zillion ugly elements to your appearance. everyone else will say, "Teeth? You have something wrong with your teeth?"
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:17 PM on October 9, 2018
But I can see that silver tooth every time I smile broadly. It's so noticeable! Every time I look in the mirror I notice it. It changes my whole appearance. I feel like it makes me look like Jaws from the James Bond movie.
So I asked various people how noticeable and distracting it was, and what kind of an impression I was making. The answer was universally, "You have a metal tooth?"
Not one darn person, including several who are near and dear to me and would tell me honestly, had ever noticed my tooth until I pointed it out. Then they kind of craned their necks and said, "Oh yeah."
I don't look at teeth when I look at people. I don't actually quite focus on their faces. I can't. I basically go out of focus. Yep, I am another Aspie. I can actually only see elements of a face. I can see the eyes, or the nose, or the cheekbone, or the brow, or the upper lip, or the chin line, or the hair line... But when I am seeing those things, they are shapes and light values. I don't make a judgement. Say someone has thick eyebrows. I don't verbalize that, I only see a bit of a picture, and then I can't remember it, unless I deliberately look at their eyebrows and say to myself, "This person has thick eyebrows." And even when I do that I don't retain information like if they are black or brown, or if they have a unibrow, unless I deliberately verbally repeat that additional information too. If I were to look at your teeth I would never register that they were crooked, or dark.
If someone is hostile to you they will spot things about your appearance and despise you for them. But they will do that regardless of what you look like. And if someone is not hostile they won't do that. It's all in how they feel about you before they even look. You could look like Jason Momoa or Ciara and somebody would still find a zillion ugly elements to your appearance. everyone else will say, "Teeth? You have something wrong with your teeth?"
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:17 PM on October 9, 2018
I’m neurotypical, 33/f, and I really can’t picture the teeth of most anyone I know. I can picture my mom’s teeth, my dad’s, my sister’s, and my husband’s. Also, I can think of two people’s teeth: of a childhood friend whose father was a dentist, and a college friend who became a dentist. Other than that... I have no perceptible memory of anyone else’s teeth, and I’m a highly social person.
posted by samthemander at 8:30 PM on October 9, 2018
posted by samthemander at 8:30 PM on October 9, 2018
I only notice teeth if they look a little different or are astonishingly yellow or astonishingly white, but otherwise I don't pay much attention to it. Not neurotypical but am not autistic.
posted by yueliang at 3:23 AM on October 10, 2018
posted by yueliang at 3:23 AM on October 10, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ocherdraco at 10:28 PM on October 8, 2018 [2 favorites]