Need some help on how to handle an awkward situation

September 26, 2018 5:23 PM

I disappeared on someone online and feel awful, but also not really sure how to apologize for what happened.

About a year ago, I won an auction on a popular board game website. I was in contact with the seller for about a month after the auction ended. He lived about 45 minutes away so I offered to pick up the board game and pay for it then rather than have him ship it to me. Around that time, my one year old became very ill, was admitted to the hospital and had some emergency surgery for a life-threatening condition. Things were in chaos for 4 - 5 months afterwards. I contacted the guy, apologetically, explaining what had happened and offering to set up a time to meet. And then...my son became sick again and was admitted to the hospital. Things finally calmed down "for good" a few months ago. But, I don't know what I should even say to this guy. I don't know how to apologize or explain about not being in contact for so long. The last I heard from him was that it was completely fine and that he'd just hold onto the game for me until I got back in contact with him...but I don't think either of us expected it to be a year before that happened. I think I owe him an apology at the very least. But I don't even know where to start with that. I would still want to buy the game if he still had it and was willing to sell, but I completely understand if he didn't. I just...don't even know how to write an email expressing all of this?

posted by Proginoskes to Human Relations (6 answers total)

I think you'd probably be surprised! Send him a breezy remember-me email along the lines of, "So, my head is back above water..." and that you'd like to make the exchange unless he doesn't have the game anymore, which is also OK by you. Short and sweet, you can apologize in person if it happens. Otherwise you're just tying up a loose end.
posted by rhizome at 5:39 PM on September 26, 2018 [13 favorites]

Best answer: Here's (approx.) what I would email. This also assumes you have a gmail-like chain going or that he'll at least remember who you are, if not make sure to introduce yourself briefly or just mention the name of the game or something:

"Hey [seller], I just wanted to apologize for being out of touch; we had some significant family crises recently and I'm only now getting out from under them.

Would you be able to tell me if the game is still available? If it is, I really appreciate you holding onto it and would love to purchase it from you. [Preliminary logistics go here].

If not, that's okay, and I just wanted to apologize again for disappearing in the middle of our transaction. I hope you can understand, and I hope everything is well with you."
posted by griphus at 5:40 PM on September 26, 2018 [29 favorites]

+1 for griphus’ answer, and I’d also chip in an extra $X for his kindness in saving it for you, if he indeed did!
posted by functionequalsform at 5:46 PM on September 26, 2018 [5 favorites]

" I’d also chip in an extra $X for his kindness in saving it for you"

Or, if that seems weird, bring him cookies.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:43 PM on September 26, 2018 [2 favorites]

The email scripts above are good. If he still has the game could you just arrange to have it shipped rather than set up another meeting? That will make good on the original purchase agreement, ensures that pick-up won't get derailed again, and makes amends for having left him hanging previously.
posted by freya_lamb at 1:31 AM on September 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

As a person who sells stuff online, he's either already sold it long ago or he shoved it in a corner to wait to hear from you, either way it's likely he's thought relatively little about it other than to maybe hope you were okay. Just reply to your last email thread if you can find it with a script similar to one you've been given above, making sure to hit the points: 1) Thanks for your patience while I dealt with this family crisis; 2) if you still have it, I'd still like to buy it; 3) if you don't, I totally understand; 4) thanks!

Also I'd suggest just biting the bullet and paying for shipping. You don't have to find time to drive 45 minutes to pick it up - you can just paypal the seller the price plus shipping and then it will come to you! Less chance of stuff coming up again.
posted by oblique red at 6:51 AM on September 27, 2018 [4 favorites]