help sibling with mental health issues and conspiracy theory beliefs
September 10, 2018 10:07 AM Subscribe
My older (and only) sibling is getting sucked into conspiracy theories and they have a particular fixation on theories surrounding rumours of rings of child abuse. At first, this was just frustrating and mildly concerning, but Sibling has now posted on social media about taking action and getting their hands dirty. After speaking with Sibling, I am more concerned about their mental health than Sibling actually doing anything--but that is still a concern. I live in another country. What are my options here?
Over the last few years, my sibling has gotten deep into conspiracies. A few months ago, Sibling shared a bleak short story with me about politicians named in a certain Foodgate. Recently Sibling posted on social media about the hypocrisy of people who are against evil but unwilling to get blood on their hands. In the comments on the post, Sibling talked specifically about killing suspected pedophiles. Concerned, I reached out and asked Sibling if they were joking or serious. Sibling started talking about taking people out and being able to "get a few before [Sibling] get[s] caught".
I asked Sibling if they were joking. Sibling said they don't have the resources at the moment to "go after these monsters", but they did not deny that the intent is not there. I have tried to talk to my sibling via text messages. I reiterated that I love them but I am very concerned about the things they're talking about. I signposted them to victim support charities where they could volunteer to address child abuse in a productive, non-violent way. Sibling writes back but only to say they know what they are doing.
My sibling has struggled to find direction since leaving high school a decade ago. We were both raised in a dysfunctional home by often well-meaning but deeply-flawed immigrant parents who don't take mental health seriously. I have long suspected that my sibling has an undiagnosed mental illness or at the very least, severe unaddressed trauma from a childhood where our father was occassionally physical abusive and our mother was highly critical and not shy about telling Sibling their perceived shortcomings. Sibling attempted suicide several times in their early 20s, and I don't think my parents knew how to deal with that then. I doubt they'll know how to deal with this now.
I believe that my sibling has suppressed a lot of rage about their difficult life and yet they refuse to address this through therapy or medical help. They use hallucinogenics in moderate/high amounts recreationally which I suspect is a way of dealing with undiagnosed depression.
Dysfunctional childhood + liberal use of hallucinogenics + conspiracy theories + expression of interest in committing acts of violence = I'm pretty fucking concerned here.
Sibling lives in Washington State. I live abroad. I have very little confidence that our parents will know how to deal with this. What can I do?
Over the last few years, my sibling has gotten deep into conspiracies. A few months ago, Sibling shared a bleak short story with me about politicians named in a certain Foodgate. Recently Sibling posted on social media about the hypocrisy of people who are against evil but unwilling to get blood on their hands. In the comments on the post, Sibling talked specifically about killing suspected pedophiles. Concerned, I reached out and asked Sibling if they were joking or serious. Sibling started talking about taking people out and being able to "get a few before [Sibling] get[s] caught".
I asked Sibling if they were joking. Sibling said they don't have the resources at the moment to "go after these monsters", but they did not deny that the intent is not there. I have tried to talk to my sibling via text messages. I reiterated that I love them but I am very concerned about the things they're talking about. I signposted them to victim support charities where they could volunteer to address child abuse in a productive, non-violent way. Sibling writes back but only to say they know what they are doing.
My sibling has struggled to find direction since leaving high school a decade ago. We were both raised in a dysfunctional home by often well-meaning but deeply-flawed immigrant parents who don't take mental health seriously. I have long suspected that my sibling has an undiagnosed mental illness or at the very least, severe unaddressed trauma from a childhood where our father was occassionally physical abusive and our mother was highly critical and not shy about telling Sibling their perceived shortcomings. Sibling attempted suicide several times in their early 20s, and I don't think my parents knew how to deal with that then. I doubt they'll know how to deal with this now.
I believe that my sibling has suppressed a lot of rage about their difficult life and yet they refuse to address this through therapy or medical help. They use hallucinogenics in moderate/high amounts recreationally which I suspect is a way of dealing with undiagnosed depression.
Dysfunctional childhood + liberal use of hallucinogenics + conspiracy theories + expression of interest in committing acts of violence = I'm pretty fucking concerned here.
Sibling lives in Washington State. I live abroad. I have very little confidence that our parents will know how to deal with this. What can I do?
Since they are in Washington State, you can try to prevent their access to firearms through an Extreme Risk Protection Order. I don't know how easy it is to get one or how effective they are, or how your being abroad will affect things. I wish you luck, this sounds very hard.
posted by foxfirefey at 10:26 AM on September 10, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by foxfirefey at 10:26 AM on September 10, 2018 [8 favorites]
Does your sibling have a job, any friends, an in-person support network besides your parents? If so, can you get in contact with them? And agreed that sending screenshots to law enforcement is a good idea, though if your sibling is male-presenting and not white (or just not white), law enforcement would be more risky to deal with.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:29 AM on September 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:29 AM on September 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
In Los Angeles we have a mobile mental health team that accompanies law enforcement on wellness checks where mental health issues are involved. If your sibling’s city has a resource like this maybe you can talk to them for advice?
The police and fbi tend to take people like your sibling and either try to make them into informants or somehow entrap them. And yet. You sibling sounds like they are plotting something criminal. It’s tough...
What do you think? Is there some way to get your sibling crisis intervention? Would they accept the help?
I think you should take screenshots of ALL text conversations and social media posts to someone you trust (educated, wise, grounded) in your country and ask for their assessment. If you don’t have someone trusted to be a second pair of eyes, then see if someone at a mental health agency in your sibling’s city is available to assess the evidence.
If I thought someone was going to commit a serious crime, I would report it immediately. If a crime was not imminent, local mental health crisis intervention would be my next move.
posted by jbenben at 10:47 AM on September 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
The police and fbi tend to take people like your sibling and either try to make them into informants or somehow entrap them. And yet. You sibling sounds like they are plotting something criminal. It’s tough...
What do you think? Is there some way to get your sibling crisis intervention? Would they accept the help?
I think you should take screenshots of ALL text conversations and social media posts to someone you trust (educated, wise, grounded) in your country and ask for their assessment. If you don’t have someone trusted to be a second pair of eyes, then see if someone at a mental health agency in your sibling’s city is available to assess the evidence.
If I thought someone was going to commit a serious crime, I would report it immediately. If a crime was not imminent, local mental health crisis intervention would be my next move.
posted by jbenben at 10:47 AM on September 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
Please please do as juniperesque said. The person who came through Cosmos Pizza with a gun because of the pedophile ring rumors didn't hurt anyone *by the grace of God* but the next time we won't be so lucky.
I know that families of the dozens of mentally ill mass shooters in the US wish they had done something about their suspicions before the worst happened.
posted by mccxxiii at 10:53 AM on September 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
I know that families of the dozens of mentally ill mass shooters in the US wish they had done something about their suspicions before the worst happened.
posted by mccxxiii at 10:53 AM on September 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
NAMI - Washington State might be able to give you some resources.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:42 AM on September 10, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by spinifex23 at 11:42 AM on September 10, 2018 [9 favorites]
Regarding extreme risk protection orders - I work in gun violence prevention in Washington state and have a vast amount of information about how to get one! Start here. If you want more info or to be connected with someone on this where your sibling lives, feel free to memail me - I'm vigilant about confidentiality. I probably know mental health crisis resources too, depending on the area.
This kind of thing is scary to witness from afar, also, so please make sure you have some support around the stress of this!
posted by centrifugal at 12:23 PM on September 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
This kind of thing is scary to witness from afar, also, so please make sure you have some support around the stress of this!
posted by centrifugal at 12:23 PM on September 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
You're correct: Sibling needs mental health treatment. Seconding “contact NAMI,” as they will be able to direct you to local resources & contacts near your sibling — both for short-term crisis management, and long-term care. They'll also be able to help you find resources for understanding mental illness and managing your own relationship with a mentally ill relative.
posted by D.Billy at 12:23 PM on September 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by D.Billy at 12:23 PM on September 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
I would be extremely reluctant to turn to law enforcement any earlier than absolutely necessary, given the unevenness of mental health crisis intervention training across US police departments. I second looking into the extreme risk protection order and contacting NAMI. Tell NAMI a summary of what you've told us here, and as others have said, document all such communication just in case. I wish the best for you and your sibling. They do need help, badly.
posted by obliterati at 12:50 PM on September 10, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by obliterati at 12:50 PM on September 10, 2018 [6 favorites]
Be aware that the Foodgate crowd is currently developing a new conspiracy theory based around Voodoo Donuts in Portland OR, which is really not very far from Washington state and would be pretty easy for a Washingtonian to pay a visit to.
posted by waffleriot at 1:30 PM on September 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by waffleriot at 1:30 PM on September 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
I have no doubt there are rings of abusers going around, particularly among the rich and powerful. That much is undeniable, but it's not like there's anybody to "go after" unless you single-handedly want to start gunning down huge chunks of your government and their rich buddies. Not sure how these pedo ring things get associated with random restaurants or food. Guess that's an easier reality to face than just, oh the people who run your lives and have no fear of consequences for themselves freely participate in untold evils on a regular basis.
Seconding to do what you can to keep them from access to guns while you attempt to get them mental health treatment. Authorities involvement might only make things worse, but still worth considering as an option depending on how they respond to attempts for treatment.
posted by GoblinHoney at 2:32 PM on September 10, 2018
Seconding to do what you can to keep them from access to guns while you attempt to get them mental health treatment. Authorities involvement might only make things worse, but still worth considering as an option depending on how they respond to attempts for treatment.
posted by GoblinHoney at 2:32 PM on September 10, 2018
Mod note: From the OP:
I have been continuing the conversation with my sibling and they have said they don't have the budget or the evidence to act on anything right now. Not sure how much time this buys me, but for now, I'm going to focus on getting mental health resources together. I have contacted NAMI as well as centrifugal. For what it's worth, my sibling and I are both POC with obviously foreign names, so I am reluctant to involve law enforcement right away. I'm also just super bummed by the situation as I know I can't just do nothing, but doing something will probably ruin my relationship with my brother and devastate my parents who are there but do not have the spoons to deal with another stressor in their lives. (Mom has lost several people close to her in quick succession and is just so, so tired. Dad is in poor health but has been trying to hide it from me. I'm only aware because Sibling tells me.) If there's anyone who could speak of their experiences of the emotional side of similar situations, that would also be helpful.posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 2:33 PM on September 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
I found this book - I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help -when it was recommended on the green a few years ago. It might help you think about how you talk to your sibling in a way that balances out the desire to help, the recognition that you can't force help and the hope to maintain a connection with someone you love and care about. I see you get a Kindle copy so hopefully it will be accessible to you where you live.
posted by metahawk at 2:43 PM on September 10, 2018
posted by metahawk at 2:43 PM on September 10, 2018
You can get a lawyer in Washington to explain what your legal options are and may be in the future. Social media has reporting mechanisms that could be triggered by your sibling's posts regardless of what you do, and a lawyer may be able to help you prepare for that possibility. Information about finding an attorney is available at the MeFi Wiki. The Washington State Bar Association offers information about finding legal help here and the American Bar Association offers a list of Washington lawyer referral services here.
posted by Little Dawn at 7:55 PM on September 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Little Dawn at 7:55 PM on September 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
If there's anyone who could speak of their experiences of the emotional side of similar situations, that would also be helpful.
OP, I have some experience in this area. Feel free to MeMail me, or use the email address in my profile.
posted by D.Billy at 12:20 PM on September 11, 2018
OP, I have some experience in this area. Feel free to MeMail me, or use the email address in my profile.
posted by D.Billy at 12:20 PM on September 11, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by juniperesque at 10:11 AM on September 10, 2018 [9 favorites]