Night fright
August 17, 2018 12:29 AM Subscribe
Homeowner/landlord of our shared residence leaves front door open at night with the notion that it cools the house down. I'm fucking terrified...details within.
I live in a house with three other people. Myself and my roommate are on the ground floor, we have our own rooms and bathroom we share. Upstairs is the bedroom, living room, etc areas of the homeowners, but all four of us share the whole house. It is not partitioned off, it's a big shared house. We live in one of the more affluent neighborhoods of a major city, but very centrally located and close to downtown, not on the outskirts.
One of the homeowners leaves the front door wide open nightly, 7 days a week. Not propped open, wide open. The reasoning is that with this being an old 20s house with no air conditioning, and keeping all the windows shut all day, it will cool the house at night. I think it is fucking bonkers, and I have had a lot of difficulty going to sleep at night.
There have been times I've shut the door, and it gets opened again. She then comes down to shut it at about 3am. There seems to exist a perception of safety due to never having been burgled, etc. However, obviously it takes just one time, and property crime in our city is not low. What I am also very furious about is that I respect anyone's right to make poor decisions, if it affects them only. However, as a tenant, I feel it is grossly irresponsible to potentially put my and my roommate's life in danger. I am the first bedroom when someone enters the house. From the front door it takes about 3 seconds to get to my bedroom. Our doors have no locks and, again, being an old house, it would be almost a construction project to get a lock installed. The doors are also lightweight and I myself can probably kick one down without a lot of trouble.
My roommate has a restraining order against a man, who, while he hasn't been violent in the past, is obsessed with her and has showed up and entered at our house in her absence. We both got spooked when we were out and he showed up where we were. We then let the landlady know that we want to keep the doors locked. She was amenable initially, and then the doors started being opened again. My impression is that in the end, the need to cool the house down overrides any concerns or regard for our safety. I also have very bad PTSD from having been attacked in the past.
Please help me figure out what I can do, even practical strategies for guarding my room should something happen one day. I can not simply move right now, I have only lived here for six months and this was a godsend in every other way, after leaving a weird situation in my own apartment prior.
I live in a house with three other people. Myself and my roommate are on the ground floor, we have our own rooms and bathroom we share. Upstairs is the bedroom, living room, etc areas of the homeowners, but all four of us share the whole house. It is not partitioned off, it's a big shared house. We live in one of the more affluent neighborhoods of a major city, but very centrally located and close to downtown, not on the outskirts.
One of the homeowners leaves the front door wide open nightly, 7 days a week. Not propped open, wide open. The reasoning is that with this being an old 20s house with no air conditioning, and keeping all the windows shut all day, it will cool the house at night. I think it is fucking bonkers, and I have had a lot of difficulty going to sleep at night.
There have been times I've shut the door, and it gets opened again. She then comes down to shut it at about 3am. There seems to exist a perception of safety due to never having been burgled, etc. However, obviously it takes just one time, and property crime in our city is not low. What I am also very furious about is that I respect anyone's right to make poor decisions, if it affects them only. However, as a tenant, I feel it is grossly irresponsible to potentially put my and my roommate's life in danger. I am the first bedroom when someone enters the house. From the front door it takes about 3 seconds to get to my bedroom. Our doors have no locks and, again, being an old house, it would be almost a construction project to get a lock installed. The doors are also lightweight and I myself can probably kick one down without a lot of trouble.
My roommate has a restraining order against a man, who, while he hasn't been violent in the past, is obsessed with her and has showed up and entered at our house in her absence. We both got spooked when we were out and he showed up where we were. We then let the landlady know that we want to keep the doors locked. She was amenable initially, and then the doors started being opened again. My impression is that in the end, the need to cool the house down overrides any concerns or regard for our safety. I also have very bad PTSD from having been attacked in the past.
Please help me figure out what I can do, even practical strategies for guarding my room should something happen one day. I can not simply move right now, I have only lived here for six months and this was a godsend in every other way, after leaving a weird situation in my own apartment prior.
Traditionally, people have opened windows to air their home and to create a breeze to cool down the house. Is there any reason why that’s not the preferred option?
It might also be worth asking your landlady if she could really live with herself if her tenant gets hurt by her stalker and if she is really able to afford to reimburse you all for any losses suffered as a result of her leaving the door wide open because no insurance will accept a claim in those circumstances.
But really, if she doesn’t come to her senses just move.
posted by koahiatamadl at 1:30 AM on August 17, 2018 [13 favorites]
It might also be worth asking your landlady if she could really live with herself if her tenant gets hurt by her stalker and if she is really able to afford to reimburse you all for any losses suffered as a result of her leaving the door wide open because no insurance will accept a claim in those circumstances.
But really, if she doesn’t come to her senses just move.
posted by koahiatamadl at 1:30 AM on August 17, 2018 [13 favorites]
Best answer: i'm a landlord-occupant. i rent out most of my house to tenants and would never do this. what the everloving fuck is wrong with your landlord that she thinks this is acceptable behavior.
if she keeps insisting it's just a temperature issue, ask her to install a security screen door with a deadbolt.
are there any windows on the first or second floor which can have a box fan placed in them to help cool the house down so that you can lock the door? is the door really the only way to get air moving?
i would love to tell you to just move...but i'm going to take your word for it that you can't do that right now, so in lieu of that here are my suggestions/thoughts:
1) absolutely install locks on your bedroom doors. ask her to do it first. in writing. if she's too cheap or too lazy or just procrastinates a while, tell her (in writing) you'll do it yourself, or hire a handyman to do it for you if you're not sure how to do it yourself. keep the receipt/work order & receipts for supplies, and deduct that cost from the next month's rent payment.
having a lock on your bedroom door is a non-negotiable thing. one of the first things i did when i moved into my current house was re-key all the entry locks & had keyed doorknobs put on all the bedroom doors. in the future please do not rent somewhere that will not install a lock on your bedroom door at your request - if there isn't one already there!
if for any reason you can't get a locking doorknob installed on your bedroom door then you could spend $30 on a door jammer and keep it in whenever you're in your room or sleeping. another option is an alarm doorstop like this one.
2) practice good home security habits in general. get a renter's insurance policy to protect your belongings from theft, fire, etc. make sure that your electronics & other valuables cannot be seen by someone walking around the perimeter of the house, or from the street - use curtains/blinds wisely. keep windows closed/locked. if the windows don't lock, you can get a cheap 1/2 inch wooden dowel cut to fit at a hardware store to use as a brace. measure it to fit inside the frame of the window so that it cannot be slid open from the outside. keep your phone charged and on you wherever you are at home.
if you and your roommate are serious about wanting to monitor the area of the front door, the hallway and your bedroom entrances, you can get one of these Ring cameras and set it up facing the front door from the interior of the house, then each of you can get the app on your phone to be able to use it. it's more expensive ($100 each if you split the cost) but it's battery powered, not attached to the house, and it can go with you to your next house or apartment.
3) look at your lease in detail for an out. when i read "My roommate has a restraining order against a man, who, while he hasn't been violent in the past, is obsessed with her and has showed up and entered at our house in her absence," i immediately thought, ah, so a criminal trespass/B&E has occurred in the house during the lease term, i wonder what the lease says if anything about what happens when criminal activity occurs on the property? some have clauses for this. i can't imagine that he had permission to come in if he showed up when you were not there.
4) you may also wish to approach the conversation from the angle of, "one of your tenants was already the victim of a criminal trespassing on your property due to the fact that you don't want the front door closed and locked, if one of us is the victim of a crime again because you keep the front door open all night, i hope you have a great liability insurance policy, you'll need it." (it may also not occur to her that she basically voids her own homeowner's insurance in practice by leaving the door open.)
she doesn't need to know the stalker hasn't been violent before; maybe he could be for all she knows. make her understand it is serious. show her a photo of him, show a police report from the time he trespassed, show a police report from the stalker, show a copy of the order of protection.
a lot of landlords don't think things like this through because they are in denial. "it won't happen to me," they think, having been lucky their whole lives, living in an expensive neighborhood or whatever. if she's just lazy/in denial, remind her that it CAN happen in her house because it ALREADY HAS, and since that time she has made absolutely no effort to mitigate the risk of it happening again.
explain to her that you and your roommate are psychologically unwell due to the door being open: your roommate is a victim of stalking/criminal trespass, and you have PTSD. in this sense alone, refusing to keep the front door closed and locked is making the house uninhabitable for you. i wonder if you have really made this point to her in a direct, clear, unavoidable way (in writing). ask her directly, "does the need to cool the house down override your regard for our safety?"
if the stalker comes back and tries something (or you just get robbed by some jerk) her negligence in leaving the front door wide open for them to get in the house is absolutely actionable. document conversations you have with her about this, and write down/take videos or photo, if she just keeps leaving the door open over and over after saying she will lock it.
i wonder what victim advocates at your local police department, or your own lawyer, would say about whether or not you actually have to perform the last 6 months of a lease when you've been the victim of a crime on the premises already and the owner-occupant refuses to close and lock the front door...
posted by zdravo at 1:51 AM on August 17, 2018 [63 favorites]
if she keeps insisting it's just a temperature issue, ask her to install a security screen door with a deadbolt.
are there any windows on the first or second floor which can have a box fan placed in them to help cool the house down so that you can lock the door? is the door really the only way to get air moving?
i would love to tell you to just move...but i'm going to take your word for it that you can't do that right now, so in lieu of that here are my suggestions/thoughts:
1) absolutely install locks on your bedroom doors. ask her to do it first. in writing. if she's too cheap or too lazy or just procrastinates a while, tell her (in writing) you'll do it yourself, or hire a handyman to do it for you if you're not sure how to do it yourself. keep the receipt/work order & receipts for supplies, and deduct that cost from the next month's rent payment.
having a lock on your bedroom door is a non-negotiable thing. one of the first things i did when i moved into my current house was re-key all the entry locks & had keyed doorknobs put on all the bedroom doors. in the future please do not rent somewhere that will not install a lock on your bedroom door at your request - if there isn't one already there!
if for any reason you can't get a locking doorknob installed on your bedroom door then you could spend $30 on a door jammer and keep it in whenever you're in your room or sleeping. another option is an alarm doorstop like this one.
2) practice good home security habits in general. get a renter's insurance policy to protect your belongings from theft, fire, etc. make sure that your electronics & other valuables cannot be seen by someone walking around the perimeter of the house, or from the street - use curtains/blinds wisely. keep windows closed/locked. if the windows don't lock, you can get a cheap 1/2 inch wooden dowel cut to fit at a hardware store to use as a brace. measure it to fit inside the frame of the window so that it cannot be slid open from the outside. keep your phone charged and on you wherever you are at home.
if you and your roommate are serious about wanting to monitor the area of the front door, the hallway and your bedroom entrances, you can get one of these Ring cameras and set it up facing the front door from the interior of the house, then each of you can get the app on your phone to be able to use it. it's more expensive ($100 each if you split the cost) but it's battery powered, not attached to the house, and it can go with you to your next house or apartment.
3) look at your lease in detail for an out. when i read "My roommate has a restraining order against a man, who, while he hasn't been violent in the past, is obsessed with her and has showed up and entered at our house in her absence," i immediately thought, ah, so a criminal trespass/B&E has occurred in the house during the lease term, i wonder what the lease says if anything about what happens when criminal activity occurs on the property? some have clauses for this. i can't imagine that he had permission to come in if he showed up when you were not there.
4) you may also wish to approach the conversation from the angle of, "one of your tenants was already the victim of a criminal trespassing on your property due to the fact that you don't want the front door closed and locked, if one of us is the victim of a crime again because you keep the front door open all night, i hope you have a great liability insurance policy, you'll need it." (it may also not occur to her that she basically voids her own homeowner's insurance in practice by leaving the door open.)
she doesn't need to know the stalker hasn't been violent before; maybe he could be for all she knows. make her understand it is serious. show her a photo of him, show a police report from the time he trespassed, show a police report from the stalker, show a copy of the order of protection.
a lot of landlords don't think things like this through because they are in denial. "it won't happen to me," they think, having been lucky their whole lives, living in an expensive neighborhood or whatever. if she's just lazy/in denial, remind her that it CAN happen in her house because it ALREADY HAS, and since that time she has made absolutely no effort to mitigate the risk of it happening again.
explain to her that you and your roommate are psychologically unwell due to the door being open: your roommate is a victim of stalking/criminal trespass, and you have PTSD. in this sense alone, refusing to keep the front door closed and locked is making the house uninhabitable for you. i wonder if you have really made this point to her in a direct, clear, unavoidable way (in writing). ask her directly, "does the need to cool the house down override your regard for our safety?"
if the stalker comes back and tries something (or you just get robbed by some jerk) her negligence in leaving the front door wide open for them to get in the house is absolutely actionable. document conversations you have with her about this, and write down/take videos or photo, if she just keeps leaving the door open over and over after saying she will lock it.
i wonder what victim advocates at your local police department, or your own lawyer, would say about whether or not you actually have to perform the last 6 months of a lease when you've been the victim of a crime on the premises already and the owner-occupant refuses to close and lock the front door...
posted by zdravo at 1:51 AM on August 17, 2018 [63 favorites]
Surely you wouldn’t even be covered by insurance for burglary if there’s been no attempt made to secure the property? Perhaps that might strengthen your argument too. Are there any crime stats for your area you could show her?
posted by KateViolet at 2:13 AM on August 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by KateViolet at 2:13 AM on August 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
Renter's insurance may well not pay out should you be burgled when leaving the the front door wide open.
I don't think you need past trauma or restraining orders to insist that the doors be closed and locked at night. That puts the responsibility on you to justify the need, rather than keeping it on the landlord to adhere to the absolute minimum in home security.
Your post is phrased in such a way that I can't tell what kind of direct conversations you have had with this person. Have you said to them directly, "I insist on having the home secured at night." That is the norm and presumably you would not have signed a lease if you knew the home would not be closed up and locked down at night.
From the Denver police website: "Keep you house locked when you are away as well as when you are home and use deadbolt locks to secure your home."
posted by headnsouth at 2:24 AM on August 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
I don't think you need past trauma or restraining orders to insist that the doors be closed and locked at night. That puts the responsibility on you to justify the need, rather than keeping it on the landlord to adhere to the absolute minimum in home security.
Your post is phrased in such a way that I can't tell what kind of direct conversations you have had with this person. Have you said to them directly, "I insist on having the home secured at night." That is the norm and presumably you would not have signed a lease if you knew the home would not be closed up and locked down at night.
From the Denver police website: "Keep you house locked when you are away as well as when you are home and use deadbolt locks to secure your home."
posted by headnsouth at 2:24 AM on August 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
My previous comment was facetious, so apologies there. Honestly, I don’t think there is any arguing with a person that wilfully stupid or blindly ignorant of the fact that just because they’ve never been burgled, doesn’t mean it will never happen. Not to mention she clearly gives zero fucks about her tenant’s mental health and actual physical health. If I were you and her issue is with cooling, buy her a fan for her bedroom. Deadbolt the front door. Done.
posted by Jubey at 2:34 AM on August 17, 2018
posted by Jubey at 2:34 AM on August 17, 2018
You said it's an older house. Does it have a transom window? Can you get it open? They put those transom windows in for a reason, so air can circulate through the house. Mine are open right now, I use them all the time.
posted by james33 at 3:51 AM on August 17, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by james33 at 3:51 AM on August 17, 2018 [1 favorite]
I am not sure how serious a suggestion is that I am about to make - there are probably ALL kinds of problems with it - but it would certainly get your landlord's attention.
...Ask the friend of a friend, someone your landlord doesn't know, to wander in one night and start making themselves a sandwich in the kitchen or something, then sit down and eat it; generally just hang out in the house, doing nothing destructive, just hanging out, until discovered. (Then skedaddle when discovered, of course.) Your landlord would most likely be alarmed, possibly into a behavioral change.
Again, I'm not certain how serious I am about that....but it'd definitely get your landlord's attention.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:38 AM on August 17, 2018 [8 favorites]
...Ask the friend of a friend, someone your landlord doesn't know, to wander in one night and start making themselves a sandwich in the kitchen or something, then sit down and eat it; generally just hang out in the house, doing nothing destructive, just hanging out, until discovered. (Then skedaddle when discovered, of course.) Your landlord would most likely be alarmed, possibly into a behavioral change.
Again, I'm not certain how serious I am about that....but it'd definitely get your landlord's attention.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:38 AM on August 17, 2018 [8 favorites]
OH, wait, even better - see if your police department could do a surprise visit and THEY come in to do a "wellness check" ("hey, we were driving by and saw that the door was wide open and got concerned, is everything okay?").
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:40 AM on August 17, 2018 [38 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:40 AM on August 17, 2018 [38 favorites]
If your landlord is seriously concerned about cooling-off the place at night, they should install an attic fan, lock the front door and open the windows. I grew up in a house cooled that way and, believe me, it works far better than simply leaving the front door wide open (which is nuts.)
posted by Thorzdad at 5:13 AM on August 17, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 5:13 AM on August 17, 2018 [8 favorites]
I hesitate to say this, since you’ve said you can’t move, but maybe think of it this way. If the house burned down, you would move. It would suck, but you’d do it. To me, if you can’t get your landlord to shut and lock the door, this situation is the house burning down.
If you did end up in a bad situation because of this, wouldn’t you look back and say you should have moved heaven and earth to get out?
posted by FencingGal at 5:21 AM on August 17, 2018 [9 favorites]
If you did end up in a bad situation because of this, wouldn’t you look back and say you should have moved heaven and earth to get out?
posted by FencingGal at 5:21 AM on August 17, 2018 [9 favorites]
Ask a friend to call the police to report concerns about a property with the door wide open in the middle of the night. Rinse and repeat until the landlord gets the message.
Also look into speaking to your local tenants' rights people about the compromise to your right to 'quiet enjoyment' of the property. This is a legal concept which says, basically, that if you're renting somewhere, you have the right to be safe and secure in your home, without having to suffer nuisance, risk or harm from either the landlord or other people.
This situation is totally unacceptable. Totally.
posted by essexjan at 5:34 AM on August 17, 2018 [14 favorites]
Also look into speaking to your local tenants' rights people about the compromise to your right to 'quiet enjoyment' of the property. This is a legal concept which says, basically, that if you're renting somewhere, you have the right to be safe and secure in your home, without having to suffer nuisance, risk or harm from either the landlord or other people.
This situation is totally unacceptable. Totally.
posted by essexjan at 5:34 AM on August 17, 2018 [14 favorites]
A lot of times in AskMetaFilter I see folks describe landlord problems where their issue is presented as a great and heinous evil, when I see it as maybe something where there should be some compromise on both sides, as tenants and landlords have different expectations and different motivations.
Also, I personally am pretty lax about home security. Our house had an alarm system when we moved in that we deactivated. I'm not particularly fastidious about making sure the doors and windows are locked down tight, and we aren't particularly worried about making the house seemed lived-in when we are out of town.
This case is very different, on both counts. Your landlord is being foolish and reckless, and they are demonstrating an absolute dereliction of their duty to provide a safe living arrangement. You and your roommate are absolutely in real danger, and your landlord is actively causing that danger. If they don't change their ways completely, you should break the lease if you can, and move as soon as possible, even if you can't break the lease. As FencingGal says, think about how you would feel if something terrible were to happen, but you stayed because of the lease, or the cost.
The police department in my suburban town is very active in reminding people to lock their cars and homes to discourage crime, and I suspect they would be very willing to put a bit of a scare into someone who was sleeping with the door wide open. EmpressCallipygos has a great idea about getting them involved to the extent you are comfortable interacting with the police.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:58 AM on August 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also, I personally am pretty lax about home security. Our house had an alarm system when we moved in that we deactivated. I'm not particularly fastidious about making sure the doors and windows are locked down tight, and we aren't particularly worried about making the house seemed lived-in when we are out of town.
This case is very different, on both counts. Your landlord is being foolish and reckless, and they are demonstrating an absolute dereliction of their duty to provide a safe living arrangement. You and your roommate are absolutely in real danger, and your landlord is actively causing that danger. If they don't change their ways completely, you should break the lease if you can, and move as soon as possible, even if you can't break the lease. As FencingGal says, think about how you would feel if something terrible were to happen, but you stayed because of the lease, or the cost.
The police department in my suburban town is very active in reminding people to lock their cars and homes to discourage crime, and I suspect they would be very willing to put a bit of a scare into someone who was sleeping with the door wide open. EmpressCallipygos has a great idea about getting them involved to the extent you are comfortable interacting with the police.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:58 AM on August 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
Has your landlord never heard of a portable air conditioner? Perhaps you can suggest it.
Document everything that's happening and said. Communicate via email instead of verbally. Go to whatever legal protection organization exists for tenant's rights in your city with the documentation. This is unacceptable and should be actionable.
posted by windykites at 6:25 AM on August 17, 2018 [4 favorites]
Document everything that's happening and said. Communicate via email instead of verbally. Go to whatever legal protection organization exists for tenant's rights in your city with the documentation. This is unacceptable and should be actionable.
posted by windykites at 6:25 AM on August 17, 2018 [4 favorites]
Just FYI, those metal security screen doors don't have holes big enough to let air really flow through, so that idea won't help.
Did you talk to her about it? I don't see that on the list but you probably did.
It sounds like this isn't going to change and that you should start preparing to move. She shouldn't be renting rooms if she's not prepared to be respectful of your needs, but given that she did and that now there's an issue on which the two of you can't compromise, it's not like she's going to move. Then she should give future lodgers advance warning of her preferences here.
As a lodger within her house, you may have slightly fewer rights than as a tenant in a separate unit. For example, the rules about when the landlord can enter the rented space are different (in California). I do think that, if nothing else, you could ask her to install a lock on your bedroom. But I'm not sure how the law would play out here, especially as it relates to common areas. I think that there's at least a small chance that you will not be able to use the law to force her to change her behavior in her own home. She may be able to meet a duty to provide you with security by putting a lock on your bedroom door.
posted by slidell at 7:01 AM on August 17, 2018
Did you talk to her about it? I don't see that on the list but you probably did.
It sounds like this isn't going to change and that you should start preparing to move. She shouldn't be renting rooms if she's not prepared to be respectful of your needs, but given that she did and that now there's an issue on which the two of you can't compromise, it's not like she's going to move. Then she should give future lodgers advance warning of her preferences here.
As a lodger within her house, you may have slightly fewer rights than as a tenant in a separate unit. For example, the rules about when the landlord can enter the rented space are different (in California). I do think that, if nothing else, you could ask her to install a lock on your bedroom. But I'm not sure how the law would play out here, especially as it relates to common areas. I think that there's at least a small chance that you will not be able to use the law to force her to change her behavior in her own home. She may be able to meet a duty to provide you with security by putting a lock on your bedroom door.
posted by slidell at 7:01 AM on August 17, 2018
My mother does and it drives me batty when i stay with her.
She says it is for airing but after several exchanges it turns out she is scared of a situation where emergency services cannot get in. This did happen previously, llong story.
Anyway, if your landlady is elderly, there's may be something else going on.
Not saying you need to put up with it but rather suggesting looking for a new place.
Fears are potent, yours is and if she has issues of her own fears it maybe unresolvable.
posted by 15L06 at 7:42 AM on August 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
She says it is for airing but after several exchanges it turns out she is scared of a situation where emergency services cannot get in. This did happen previously, llong story.
Anyway, if your landlady is elderly, there's may be something else going on.
Not saying you need to put up with it but rather suggesting looking for a new place.
Fears are potent, yours is and if she has issues of her own fears it maybe unresolvable.
posted by 15L06 at 7:42 AM on August 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
My roommate has a restraining order against a man, who, while he hasn't been violent in the past, is obsessed with her and has showed up and entered at our house in her absence. We both got spooked when we were out and he showed up where we were. We then let the landlady know that we want to keep the doors locked. She was amenable initially, and then the doors started being opened again.
Have your roommate bring it up again. Do not discuss this as a "nice to have" thing but as a "We need you to close the door before we go to sleep at night and if we close it, we need it to stay closed" Tell her that you are open to other alternatives including looking into AC units/fans, getting (heavy duty) locks on your bedroom doors or other things but basically tell her this is unacceptable and you'll BOTH have to move if you can't reach an arrangement. I understand you can't move and I sympathize. However making noises about you both moving might encourage action.
posted by jessamyn at 8:54 AM on August 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
Have your roommate bring it up again. Do not discuss this as a "nice to have" thing but as a "We need you to close the door before we go to sleep at night and if we close it, we need it to stay closed" Tell her that you are open to other alternatives including looking into AC units/fans, getting (heavy duty) locks on your bedroom doors or other things but basically tell her this is unacceptable and you'll BOTH have to move if you can't reach an arrangement. I understand you can't move and I sympathize. However making noises about you both moving might encourage action.
posted by jessamyn at 8:54 AM on August 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
Wow. I tend to be pretty Pollyanna about stuff like this - I have no great need to lock my front door, for example - but even I would NEVER leave the front door wide open at night. Even if your neighborhood feels pretty safe, are there no animals that could wander in? Racoons, bugs, rats, mice, snakes? There are plenty of critters in urban areas I wouldn't necessarily want to leave an open door for...
posted by widdershins at 8:55 AM on August 17, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by widdershins at 8:55 AM on August 17, 2018 [11 favorites]
In the name of all that's holy, don't have a friend come in to make a sandwich in the middle of the night. How would you feel if she shot him? Ask your police for a check in instead.
posted by kate4914 at 9:17 AM on August 17, 2018 [27 favorites]
posted by kate4914 at 9:17 AM on August 17, 2018 [27 favorites]
For $3 you can buy a flip lock to install in your bedroom door frame which will at least make it so that someone has to kick your door in and make some noise to break in. Not perfect, but at least it's something if you can't make progress some other way.
Agreed your landlord is nuts, but if they have been living this way for years/decades it's not like they're going to believe the behavior is dangerous.
I wish there were a security/screen door with built in fans. It'd be perfect for this kind of scenario.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:40 AM on August 17, 2018 [3 favorites]
Agreed your landlord is nuts, but if they have been living this way for years/decades it's not like they're going to believe the behavior is dangerous.
I wish there were a security/screen door with built in fans. It'd be perfect for this kind of scenario.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:40 AM on August 17, 2018 [3 favorites]
While you're still trying to sort all this out with your landlord, you (and your roommate) can also get an adjustable security bar to prop under your doorknob while you sleep.
posted by acidnova at 1:06 PM on August 17, 2018
posted by acidnova at 1:06 PM on August 17, 2018
This is in the top 1 percent of disturbing Ask questions, IMO. Your house is on fire, and your landlord is evidently going to watch it burn. You must move. Immediately. I'm very sorry for the upheaval this will cause, but it is better than the alternative.
posted by Dashy at 1:11 PM on August 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by Dashy at 1:11 PM on August 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
I have been a landlord. Your landlord must provide you with livable space, and this is not a livable situation. However, I always kept the 2nd floor porch door open in summer, to keep it cooler. If tenants had been concerned, I'd have added a lock. They make barred screen doors that would allow your landlord to cool the house and you to be more secure. If there's no progress, you have legal grounds to break the lease where I live, but this stuff is very local and IANAL.
There have been many Ask.Me's about cooling a house. Check to see what you can do about security on open windows, maybe a vent on the top floor, painting the roof a light color. Small stuff can be very effective. The recommendations to involve the police in their safety advocacy role is good. Talk to landlord, ask if you could get together with Officer Friendly for a security review because you have valid concerns bout safety as well as having respect for their preferences. I'm not young, if landlord is not young, maybe Officer Friendly can help them understand that they are putting themselves at risk.
posted by theora55 at 2:00 PM on August 17, 2018
There have been many Ask.Me's about cooling a house. Check to see what you can do about security on open windows, maybe a vent on the top floor, painting the roof a light color. Small stuff can be very effective. The recommendations to involve the police in their safety advocacy role is good. Talk to landlord, ask if you could get together with Officer Friendly for a security review because you have valid concerns bout safety as well as having respect for their preferences. I'm not young, if landlord is not young, maybe Officer Friendly can help them understand that they are putting themselves at risk.
posted by theora55 at 2:00 PM on August 17, 2018
My roommate has a restraining order against a man, who, while he hasn't been violent in the past, is obsessed with her and has showed up and entered at our house in her absence.
Wow. The multiple paragraphs about why your landlady is doing this, the room arrangement of the house, etc., none of that actually matters once you’ve dropped this detail. This isn’t a question of your landlord being foolish and assuming that some hypothetical burglar will never come to her house, there is actually a stalker who has violated a restraining order and come in her open door? And she’s taking chances with that? This is not a person who can be reasoned with. You, and your roommate, need to move out asap for your personal safety. I can’t stress how dangerous this living situation is.
posted by moonlight on vermont at 5:47 PM on August 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
Wow. The multiple paragraphs about why your landlady is doing this, the room arrangement of the house, etc., none of that actually matters once you’ve dropped this detail. This isn’t a question of your landlord being foolish and assuming that some hypothetical burglar will never come to her house, there is actually a stalker who has violated a restraining order and come in her open door? And she’s taking chances with that? This is not a person who can be reasoned with. You, and your roommate, need to move out asap for your personal safety. I can’t stress how dangerous this living situation is.
posted by moonlight on vermont at 5:47 PM on August 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: He had entered before the RO was obtained, but yes, that really did happen.
posted by a knot unknown at 6:27 PM on August 17, 2018
posted by a knot unknown at 6:27 PM on August 17, 2018
No Ask has made my blood boil or my head spin more than this one. You have my heartfelt sympathy for a situation that is, in my opinion, criminally reckless.
I worry that if you bring up the stalker and the PTSD, then this will be the new bar that future tenants will need to clear before your landlord will be like “wow, I’m endangering people!”
Here’s what I’d do:
Email landlord, saying —
“Hi. For safety reasons, [roommate] and I need the door to be closed and locked between [time] and [time]. I’m afraid this is a non-negotiable request, since the current situation has been severely anxiety-inducing for both of us.”
If she pushes back, say, “I’m sorry to hear that, but you have a responsibility to provide a safe living environment to your tenants. This is a requirement for our continued occupancy and if you are unable to meet this requirement, we believe we have justification to break the lease and move out without repercussions.”
Also, if I were in your shoes, I would not rule out the option of calling the police and begging them to come and talk some sense into your landlord. They don’t want to deal with the aftermath of her negligence either.
posted by delight at 7:06 PM on August 17, 2018 [7 favorites]
I worry that if you bring up the stalker and the PTSD, then this will be the new bar that future tenants will need to clear before your landlord will be like “wow, I’m endangering people!”
Here’s what I’d do:
Email landlord, saying —
“Hi. For safety reasons, [roommate] and I need the door to be closed and locked between [time] and [time]. I’m afraid this is a non-negotiable request, since the current situation has been severely anxiety-inducing for both of us.”
If she pushes back, say, “I’m sorry to hear that, but you have a responsibility to provide a safe living environment to your tenants. This is a requirement for our continued occupancy and if you are unable to meet this requirement, we believe we have justification to break the lease and move out without repercussions.”
Also, if I were in your shoes, I would not rule out the option of calling the police and begging them to come and talk some sense into your landlord. They don’t want to deal with the aftermath of her negligence either.
posted by delight at 7:06 PM on August 17, 2018 [7 favorites]
Depends on your jurisdiction, but it's very likely that your landlord is in flagrant breach of her warrant of habitability.
However, realistically, you probably have no way to control when your landlord unlocks her own front door.
Move out.
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 7:54 PM on August 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
However, realistically, you probably have no way to control when your landlord unlocks her own front door.
Move out.
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 7:54 PM on August 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
Contact the police and have it on record -- for the next tenant -- that this has been going on.
Whether this is a ploy to get you and your roommate to break the lease, or simple negligence, this is an unacceptable action on the landlord's part.
Seconding that having a friend "drop by" unannounced is a bad idea.
Report it to the police. Call that you hear noises outside when the door is wide open.
Do the neighbors have an opinion about this? I certainly would, since someone burglarizing that house might not stop at one.
If someone really wants in, they will find a way, but this is ridiculous.
posted by TrishaU at 3:50 AM on August 18, 2018
Whether this is a ploy to get you and your roommate to break the lease, or simple negligence, this is an unacceptable action on the landlord's part.
Seconding that having a friend "drop by" unannounced is a bad idea.
Report it to the police. Call that you hear noises outside when the door is wide open.
Do the neighbors have an opinion about this? I certainly would, since someone burglarizing that house might not stop at one.
If someone really wants in, they will find a way, but this is ridiculous.
posted by TrishaU at 3:50 AM on August 18, 2018
Time to move.
posted by oceanjesse at 10:01 AM on August 18, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by oceanjesse at 10:01 AM on August 18, 2018 [2 favorites]
All this talk about "warrant of habitability" overlooks the nuance that this person is a lodger (renting a single room) rather than a tenant. That's why I said above that you could likely compel them to put a lock on your door but may or may not be able to force an owner to change longstanding living habits in their own home. I'm not a lawyer and don't know but know enough to know that the lodger thing changes some renter rights, so I'd look into it before assuming the law is 100 percent on your side. Maybe someone here knows your jurisdiction and understands this aspect of the law and can weigh in.
posted by slidell at 10:29 PM on August 18, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by slidell at 10:29 PM on August 18, 2018 [1 favorite]
^^^ slidell is right -- there are differences in tenants rights laws when the tenant and landlord also are housemates. zdravo gives you good advice -- glad to see that you favorited it.
Google "tenants rights shared accommodation your state/your city" or "tenants rights shared housing your state/your city."
I've found some links here, too .
Good luck. You shouldn't have to put up with this.
posted by virago at 1:34 PM on August 19, 2018
Google "tenants rights shared accommodation your state/your city" or "tenants rights shared housing your state/your city."
I've found some links here, too .
Good luck. You shouldn't have to put up with this.
posted by virago at 1:34 PM on August 19, 2018
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posted by Weeping_angel at 12:42 AM on August 17, 2018 [17 favorites]