Strategies for pre-work anxiety
July 27, 2018 11:06 PM Subscribe
Help me stop wasting a whole whack of my time worrying before every shift?
I have a job as a short order and prep cook in a bar/restaurant. I am also studying part time for a programme similar to an MFA. I work ~16 hours a week at my job over three nights, 4pm-9pm (sometimes later, but not a lot later and not every shift). I go to the studio to work on my creative work every day. On days I have a shift, from about 12pm I become paralysed with a combination of dread and boredom about going to work. I'm nearing the end of my programme and really need to not lose 3 or 4 hours of working time on half the days of the week.
The job itself is fine- I like my coworkers and my boss is OK. I don't like it but I don't hate it. I am the longest serving member of staff after 2 years and some responsibility and management type roles get put on me, but nothing too onerous. Having worked there this long I know everything like the back of my hand. I can feel stressed and worried at work, usually because of trying to manage and organise other members of staff rather than the actual tasks I need to do (a lot of the staff are very young and not very competent, and many of the systems of work don't go very smoothly. If something goes wrong and my boss isn't there, the buck stops with me). I earn only a tiny bit more than minimum wage. It's somewhat of a cushy job I would go as far as to say, as the kitchen is only occasionally genuinely busy. However the business is a tourist destination and as it is now summer vacation, things are getting more busy and pressured. I'm low key sick and tired of the whole place and don't have a great deal of respect for the way things are run, but have no say in making any changes. I used to work 4 nights a week and shifting down to 3 has definitely helped me feel more in control and less overwhelmed.
Basically it's a fine job, especially as minimum wage shift work goes. The level of dread, physical anxiety and mental malaise I get before a shift are really not proportional, and evaporate as soon as I get in the door (minus particularly pressured situations like a customer complaint or a big table who haven't booked, I don't feel as anxious or stressed once I'm there). I think I just feel... sad? And tired. I don't want to be wasting my time there working for a business I don't greatly respect- which is why it's extra annoying to be losing so much time to dread beforehand. I feel the job is taking time away from my creative programme, but then I spend hours in the studio when I could be getting on with my project sitting staring into space, time-wasting online, napping, sometimes even crying before my shifts.
I get plenty of sleep and am good about giving myself rest days from my programme, doing leisure activities, and socialising. Sometimes when I'm crying before work I call my mom and she helps me calm down. Napping is also a great help, but obviously still wastes time. Does anyone know any mental strategies for just accepting work is a necessary evil and isn't going to kill me, so I can just ignore it and not give it so much mental energy when I'm not there?
I have a job as a short order and prep cook in a bar/restaurant. I am also studying part time for a programme similar to an MFA. I work ~16 hours a week at my job over three nights, 4pm-9pm (sometimes later, but not a lot later and not every shift). I go to the studio to work on my creative work every day. On days I have a shift, from about 12pm I become paralysed with a combination of dread and boredom about going to work. I'm nearing the end of my programme and really need to not lose 3 or 4 hours of working time on half the days of the week.
The job itself is fine- I like my coworkers and my boss is OK. I don't like it but I don't hate it. I am the longest serving member of staff after 2 years and some responsibility and management type roles get put on me, but nothing too onerous. Having worked there this long I know everything like the back of my hand. I can feel stressed and worried at work, usually because of trying to manage and organise other members of staff rather than the actual tasks I need to do (a lot of the staff are very young and not very competent, and many of the systems of work don't go very smoothly. If something goes wrong and my boss isn't there, the buck stops with me). I earn only a tiny bit more than minimum wage. It's somewhat of a cushy job I would go as far as to say, as the kitchen is only occasionally genuinely busy. However the business is a tourist destination and as it is now summer vacation, things are getting more busy and pressured. I'm low key sick and tired of the whole place and don't have a great deal of respect for the way things are run, but have no say in making any changes. I used to work 4 nights a week and shifting down to 3 has definitely helped me feel more in control and less overwhelmed.
Basically it's a fine job, especially as minimum wage shift work goes. The level of dread, physical anxiety and mental malaise I get before a shift are really not proportional, and evaporate as soon as I get in the door (minus particularly pressured situations like a customer complaint or a big table who haven't booked, I don't feel as anxious or stressed once I'm there). I think I just feel... sad? And tired. I don't want to be wasting my time there working for a business I don't greatly respect- which is why it's extra annoying to be losing so much time to dread beforehand. I feel the job is taking time away from my creative programme, but then I spend hours in the studio when I could be getting on with my project sitting staring into space, time-wasting online, napping, sometimes even crying before my shifts.
I get plenty of sleep and am good about giving myself rest days from my programme, doing leisure activities, and socialising. Sometimes when I'm crying before work I call my mom and she helps me calm down. Napping is also a great help, but obviously still wastes time. Does anyone know any mental strategies for just accepting work is a necessary evil and isn't going to kill me, so I can just ignore it and not give it so much mental energy when I'm not there?
Is work the only thing you feel stressed about, or do you also feel stress thinking about your progress on your MFA and your creative work, or other parts of your life?
I ask because I feel similar stress about various shouldn't-actually-be-stressful things and I think in my case what it really is is a fear that I'm not progressing enough on the things that are most important to me, and if only I could devote all my time to them then I would make progress but lo, I am constantly thwarted by non-essential tasks and responsibilities. So all my anxiety about the work I think I ought to be doing gets taken out on the things that (in my imagination) are keeping me from succeeding. (Not that any of this stops me from wasting enormous amounts of time on other, more pleasant things.)
I think the answer to your question is different depending on whether the cause is the nature of the job itself, or something external to it.
posted by trig at 2:27 AM on July 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
I ask because I feel similar stress about various shouldn't-actually-be-stressful things and I think in my case what it really is is a fear that I'm not progressing enough on the things that are most important to me, and if only I could devote all my time to them then I would make progress but lo, I am constantly thwarted by non-essential tasks and responsibilities. So all my anxiety about the work I think I ought to be doing gets taken out on the things that (in my imagination) are keeping me from succeeding. (Not that any of this stops me from wasting enormous amounts of time on other, more pleasant things.)
I think the answer to your question is different depending on whether the cause is the nature of the job itself, or something external to it.
posted by trig at 2:27 AM on July 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
Crying with worry before going into work is, and I mean this very kindly, not normal. It could mean there's something really wrong in your workplace (sexual or other harassment for example - and in my experience it take take time to acknowledge this because I really want the job to work out) or that you have a problem with anxiety (me too), or a combination of both. My anxiety has been at the absolute worst in bad job situations and while medication helps nothing helps like leaving the job.
Things you can do:
1. Find another job
2. Get treated for anxiety
3. Schedule something else - something engaging enough to distract you - during your worry window. Go for a run or to an exercise class, see a movie, get lunch with a friend.
If you tend to ruminate, my therapist gave me a strategy for rumination - I even wrote it down - and here it is.
Write down on paper:
1. What is the problem I’m trying to solve?
2. Is this a solvable problem?
3. If it’s not solvable am I trying to understand something?
4. If not understandable can I reach acceptance?
5. Is this really something I need to grieve?
posted by bunderful at 6:02 AM on July 28, 2018 [13 favorites]
Things you can do:
1. Find another job
2. Get treated for anxiety
3. Schedule something else - something engaging enough to distract you - during your worry window. Go for a run or to an exercise class, see a movie, get lunch with a friend.
If you tend to ruminate, my therapist gave me a strategy for rumination - I even wrote it down - and here it is.
Write down on paper:
1. What is the problem I’m trying to solve?
2. Is this a solvable problem?
3. If it’s not solvable am I trying to understand something?
4. If not understandable can I reach acceptance?
5. Is this really something I need to grieve?
posted by bunderful at 6:02 AM on July 28, 2018 [13 favorites]
I could have written this a year ago. I used to have that same dread and anxiety before going to work. And I (generally) like my job! But I’d wake up on days that I had to work with a pit of anxiety in my stomach. Sometimes I’d cry in the car driving in to work. But once I’d get there, I’d be fine.
Around a year ago, I mentioned it to my doctor and she prescribed a low dose of sertraline (generic Zoloft). It’s really helped. I still get anxious occasionally, but, like, a normal amount of anxiety. That disproportionate out-of-nowhere anxiety is gone. It’s amazing. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about your anxiety.
posted by Weeping_angel at 7:41 AM on July 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
Around a year ago, I mentioned it to my doctor and she prescribed a low dose of sertraline (generic Zoloft). It’s really helped. I still get anxious occasionally, but, like, a normal amount of anxiety. That disproportionate out-of-nowhere anxiety is gone. It’s amazing. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about your anxiety.
posted by Weeping_angel at 7:41 AM on July 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
I have been working back of the house in restaurants for 20 years. I get it. Trust me, i get it. You are burnt out on it. That is very normal because working in kitchens is mostly mind-numbing repetitive tasks that are made more frustrating when there are things you really would rather be doing with your time. Things that have helped me when i have been at the point you are at:
1. Remembering the big picture. This job is not what your life will look like in 1 or 2 or 5 years. It is just the step you are on right now. It is something thay has to be done for right now, but it is not a forever thing. There was a period where i was so completely over it and i would constantly tell myself that i refused to get that worked up over meatballs (i went with meatballs because it was the most mundane menu item and saying that sentence out loud helped me recognize the absurdity of it all).
2. Using slow time at the restaurant productively. I've planned projects and worked out ideas while standing in front of a grill for hours putting grill marks on steaks. I have made sketches and notes on napkins, ticket papers, pieces of boxes, etc. It is really nice if you can find a co-worker to talk about your projects with. Your brain and thoughts and ideas are still yours, even when you are in a kitchen.
3. When i started working a lot of evening/dinner shifts where i had mornings and afternoons free, i had to learn the concept of My Time. Most of my shifts start at 4pm now. 3pm is when i allow myself to start gearing up for work. I will check the time and if it's not 3, it is still my time. It takes practice, but it saved a lot of anxiety and gave me more useful hours when i could really understand that even just worrying about work when i wasn't there pretty much just amounts to unpaid labor.
You are on the home stretch. That is often the time when it is the hardest. A restaurant job doesn't have to be a distraction that keeps you from pursuing bigger and better things.
posted by August Fury at 8:48 AM on July 28, 2018 [6 favorites]
1. Remembering the big picture. This job is not what your life will look like in 1 or 2 or 5 years. It is just the step you are on right now. It is something thay has to be done for right now, but it is not a forever thing. There was a period where i was so completely over it and i would constantly tell myself that i refused to get that worked up over meatballs (i went with meatballs because it was the most mundane menu item and saying that sentence out loud helped me recognize the absurdity of it all).
2. Using slow time at the restaurant productively. I've planned projects and worked out ideas while standing in front of a grill for hours putting grill marks on steaks. I have made sketches and notes on napkins, ticket papers, pieces of boxes, etc. It is really nice if you can find a co-worker to talk about your projects with. Your brain and thoughts and ideas are still yours, even when you are in a kitchen.
3. When i started working a lot of evening/dinner shifts where i had mornings and afternoons free, i had to learn the concept of My Time. Most of my shifts start at 4pm now. 3pm is when i allow myself to start gearing up for work. I will check the time and if it's not 3, it is still my time. It takes practice, but it saved a lot of anxiety and gave me more useful hours when i could really understand that even just worrying about work when i wasn't there pretty much just amounts to unpaid labor.
You are on the home stretch. That is often the time when it is the hardest. A restaurant job doesn't have to be a distraction that keeps you from pursuing bigger and better things.
posted by August Fury at 8:48 AM on July 28, 2018 [6 favorites]
Lots of good advice above. I have a different type of anxiety, health anxiety, which has improved a lot since I started taking medication. But sometimes it visits me again and for me, at least, it is really helpful to acknowledge my feelings. I talk to them. Hi, fear, I might say. I see you are back, convinced I am about to die. Well, if I’m dying, what kind a funeral should I have? Etc. sometimes it helps just to acknowledge my feelings and that they are uncomfortable And that they will disappear when they disappear but I’m not in any actual danger Despite the discomfort. And sometimes I kind of play and riff on the feelings out loud like the funeral talk. My therapist once told me that people sometimes worry because it makes them feel like they’re doing something but in fact it’s not a solution to any problem whatsoever. So I worry less than I used to. Also, I do try to be especially loving and kind toward myself when I feel frail or like a failure or whatever. It sounds as though you are an accomplished person doing challenging things over a long period of time in order to meet your goals. Best of luck in tackling this particular challenge. I am rooting for you!
posted by Bella Donna at 9:14 AM on July 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 9:14 AM on July 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
Hey, artist with a day job here. See if you can make it so you work ONLY at your day job some days and ONLY in your studio other days. For me, I have Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday devoted to art, and Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday to my day job. And hopefully as my art career develops I can add on more studio days. I had to do it this way after much trial and error because I physically and mentally CANNOT work my day job for 6-8 hours and then come home and make art. It’s just not happening.
posted by shalom at 10:43 AM on July 28, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by shalom at 10:43 AM on July 28, 2018 [4 favorites]
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My read is that your conscious mind is talking about how good the job is; but your subconscious isn't falling for it and is turning you into a lead weight as a way of asking you to quit.
Strategies for hating it less involve asking for a big raise or at least a better job title... and/or making an exit plan to find better-compensated, less frustrating work. Good luck!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 12:03 AM on July 28, 2018 [10 favorites]