Fending off working mother discrimination
June 15, 2018 9:54 AM Subscribe
I am starting a new gig, as a manager level engineer. I am well educated, have great related work experience, and feel very well qualified. I am also a single mom to a child with multiple disabilities. How to fend off discrimination?
I am planning to work normal hours plus some extra hours. I didn't mention child at interview. I typically neglect his special needs but at some point it becomes obvious because time off for things, and me not totally freaking out. Discrimination is obvious despite me being more productive, competent, and communicative than most people. Tips on avoiding being sidelined before I start?
I am planning to work normal hours plus some extra hours. I didn't mention child at interview. I typically neglect his special needs but at some point it becomes obvious because time off for things, and me not totally freaking out. Discrimination is obvious despite me being more productive, competent, and communicative than most people. Tips on avoiding being sidelined before I start?
Can you also clarify how the discrimination usually manifests? I think that will help us give advice on how to protect yourself at this job. (Congrats on the new gig, by the way!)
posted by schroedingersgirl at 10:13 AM on June 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by schroedingersgirl at 10:13 AM on June 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Can you rephrase the question to explain how you neglect his special needs? I feel like maybe you wanted to say you 'neglect to mention his special needs'?
posted by bq at 10:18 AM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by bq at 10:18 AM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
Are you saying you're being discriminated against because you're taking a lot of time off and are female? Or because you're not emotional about taking time off?
posted by amtho at 10:26 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by amtho at 10:26 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
What does your new company's employee handbook have to say about flextime and family support policies? I would make sure you are thoroughly versed in official policy, so you can reference it when the time is needed.
I would make sure that as part of your onboarding you make time to do some relationship building with your immediate supervisor. Get to know them and their working style. Make sure you understand their management style and what kind of communication they want from employees. Make sure you communicate what you like in a manager and what you need to succeed. Don't talk yet about family needs, focus on how you will work together to achieve goals and knock things out of the park.
Request and set up regular one-on-one check-in times (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly) and use those check-in times to really dig into progress to goals, strategic brainstorming, and critical updates.
Then after a little time (90 days/typical probationary period), take time to share what you might need in terms of reasonable accommodation and show how you will still continue to deliver on deadlines. At that point, you've hopefully won the respect and confidence of your manager to get support for reasonable requests for flextime.
posted by brookeb at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018
I would make sure that as part of your onboarding you make time to do some relationship building with your immediate supervisor. Get to know them and their working style. Make sure you understand their management style and what kind of communication they want from employees. Make sure you communicate what you like in a manager and what you need to succeed. Don't talk yet about family needs, focus on how you will work together to achieve goals and knock things out of the park.
Request and set up regular one-on-one check-in times (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly) and use those check-in times to really dig into progress to goals, strategic brainstorming, and critical updates.
Then after a little time (90 days/typical probationary period), take time to share what you might need in terms of reasonable accommodation and show how you will still continue to deliver on deadlines. At that point, you've hopefully won the respect and confidence of your manager to get support for reasonable requests for flextime.
posted by brookeb at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018
Response by poster: To clarify, we're talking about maybe five business hours a month. I have been taken off of major projects and given limited funding compared to men who don't perform as well.
posted by Kalmya at 12:55 PM on June 15, 2018
posted by Kalmya at 12:55 PM on June 15, 2018
No suggestions except to mention there is a new branch of law that could offer some protection.
posted by crunchy potato at 1:19 PM on June 15, 2018
posted by crunchy potato at 1:19 PM on June 15, 2018
Response by poster: Further clarification, by neglect, I mean, I don't say anything about my child's health/developmental issues.
posted by Kalmya at 1:54 PM on June 15, 2018
posted by Kalmya at 1:54 PM on June 15, 2018
Hi, I'm a engineering manager. I can't speak for other organizations, but my organization takes employee quality of life and work/life balance very seriously. I have people using telework or variety of appropriate leave to take care of children, among other responsibilities at home. I would say check your employee handbook about this, or ask HR about this during your onboarding process.
If you told me you needed 5 hours a month to take care of your child, I would say "You sure that's enough? Take two half days."
posted by Rob Rockets at 2:02 PM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
If you told me you needed 5 hours a month to take care of your child, I would say "You sure that's enough? Take two half days."
posted by Rob Rockets at 2:02 PM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
This is one of those things that varies so wildly from company to company and industry to industry that you might be better of seeking a role at the kind of place that does this well rather than fighting to change the culture at a place that does not.
For example, at my company no one would blink an eye at your request because people are very flexible with time and people will work with your personal life whether you have a child or not (such as working from home three times a week for a month due to a new puppy). There are places like that out there. Look for places that don't expect your work to consume your life.
posted by peacheater at 4:57 PM on June 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
For example, at my company no one would blink an eye at your request because people are very flexible with time and people will work with your personal life whether you have a child or not (such as working from home three times a week for a month due to a new puppy). There are places like that out there. Look for places that don't expect your work to consume your life.
posted by peacheater at 4:57 PM on June 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Is there a discreet way you can ask about work/life balance and family responsibilities that may arise, whether through an employee or someone who used to work there, without tipping your hand? This varies so much from various companies, as just mentioned, that you need to find out how your specific employer handles it.
posted by Jubey at 7:21 PM on June 15, 2018
posted by Jubey at 7:21 PM on June 15, 2018
Do you not disclose the reason for the periodic time off until/unless confronted? It is entirely up to you and a gut call on the environment at your employer, but I think a lot of places would be *more* chill about a predictable, brief absence knowing it’s to address a disabled child’s needs than a predictable, brief absence that only gets explained after people have noticed — and if not, as commenters above note, it’s a signal about the long-term at that company that you’ll want to consider.
Also, after you’ve been there a year, this is what intermittent FMLA leave is made for, though I know it’s *far* from perfect protection.
posted by LadyInWaiting at 4:17 AM on June 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, after you’ve been there a year, this is what intermittent FMLA leave is made for, though I know it’s *far* from perfect protection.
posted by LadyInWaiting at 4:17 AM on June 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by mdonley at 10:12 AM on June 15, 2018