Strong feelings for someone after 2 dates
June 15, 2018 9:39 AM Subscribe
What to do in this situation?
What is the best way to move forward when you have developed strong feelings for someone after 2 dates? When you have know way of knowing if they feel the same and have in no way defined where the relationship is going, but you feel that an infatuation is developing? Is it better to postpone any physical stuff until you figure out where the relationship is going?
What is the best way to move forward when you have developed strong feelings for someone after 2 dates? When you have know way of knowing if they feel the same and have in no way defined where the relationship is going, but you feel that an infatuation is developing? Is it better to postpone any physical stuff until you figure out where the relationship is going?
Anecdata - I felt that way after meeting up with someone I met in an online game, at the request of a religious friend who was trying to convert him (I had no interest in that project, but we’d all gamed together.)
Nothing physical happened for months. I kept my feelings to myself for 3-4 months. I just kept inviting him to and being invited to hang out and do fun things. That kept it low pressure and I just journaled a lot.
We’ve been married 24 years.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:50 AM on June 15, 2018 [21 favorites]
Nothing physical happened for months. I kept my feelings to myself for 3-4 months. I just kept inviting him to and being invited to hang out and do fun things. That kept it low pressure and I just journaled a lot.
We’ve been married 24 years.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:50 AM on June 15, 2018 [21 favorites]
It's okay to have an honest discussion about what you're looking for right now. I recommend in person, or at the least over the phone.. NOT via text. You can lead off by saying you think this is going really well and ask how they feel. Be honest, push them gently to actually answer and not deflect though if necessary... people often do that for various reasons.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:51 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:51 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
There are so many paths this can take that I don't think we can know the right answer in advance.
After two dates, you probably don't know the other person very well. He/she/whoever may turn out to be awful in some way you haven't sussed out yet. If that turns out to be the case, you'd probably feel smart about taking it slow for a while. Maybe the other person will really be into you eventually, but will be scared off with ardent declarations this soon. Maybe the other person feels exactly the way you do and the sooner you get on with your relationship, the better. We don't know!
If you're playing the odds, you're probably better off taking things slow, but holy shit, that's a dismal way to approach romantic relationships.
posted by adamrice at 10:43 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
After two dates, you probably don't know the other person very well. He/she/whoever may turn out to be awful in some way you haven't sussed out yet. If that turns out to be the case, you'd probably feel smart about taking it slow for a while. Maybe the other person will really be into you eventually, but will be scared off with ardent declarations this soon. Maybe the other person feels exactly the way you do and the sooner you get on with your relationship, the better. We don't know!
If you're playing the odds, you're probably better off taking things slow, but holy shit, that's a dismal way to approach romantic relationships.
posted by adamrice at 10:43 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: It seems from your posting history that you have a habit of falling really hard for someone really fast, except for one post of someone falling really hard for you really fast which freaked you out. So maybe just play it cool for a little while until you have a better grasp on his feelings for you. If you want to have sex and he wants to have sex, then have sex, unless you think that you will fall too in love that you won't able to keep yourself from singing it from the rooftops. If sexy times will make your feelings go wild, then maybe hold off for a little while.
Yes, journal, gush to your friends, but give it a little more than two dates to have a 'how are you feeling/where is this relationship going' conversation.
posted by greta simone at 10:51 AM on June 15, 2018 [12 favorites]
Yes, journal, gush to your friends, but give it a little more than two dates to have a 'how are you feeling/where is this relationship going' conversation.
posted by greta simone at 10:51 AM on June 15, 2018 [12 favorites]
Is it better to postpone any physical stuff until you figure out where the relationship is going?
It is always best not to engage in any physical stuff without knowing whether and how much a person likes you, if it matters to you that they do. that is as true two years in as it is two dates in.
you can just say -- once -- "I really like you," letting the rest of your emotions shine out your eyeballs but not come out of your mouth yet. they will either respond in kind with sincerity you can believe in, or they won't. but if you restrict it to that, you'll know that neither too-early over-enthusiasm nor over-reticence sabotaged anything.
posted by queenofbithynia at 10:54 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
It is always best not to engage in any physical stuff without knowing whether and how much a person likes you, if it matters to you that they do. that is as true two years in as it is two dates in.
you can just say -- once -- "I really like you," letting the rest of your emotions shine out your eyeballs but not come out of your mouth yet. they will either respond in kind with sincerity you can believe in, or they won't. but if you restrict it to that, you'll know that neither too-early over-enthusiasm nor over-reticence sabotaged anything.
posted by queenofbithynia at 10:54 AM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Play it cool for as long as you can (at least two more dates), and then when you really can't bear it anymore, say that you really like them (*WINK*), and let the chips fall where they may.
Showing too much interest too early is date poison (ask me how I know!), and usually only scares people off.
Having to hide your enthusiasm a bit really sucks, but you need to give yourself time to actually learn more about this person. You need to get to a point where you can clearly see you have feelings for the actuality of person rather than the possibilities this person may present.
Good luck. I know you're in an unbearable spot right now, but you need to tough it out just a bit longer.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:30 AM on June 15, 2018
Showing too much interest too early is date poison (ask me how I know!), and usually only scares people off.
Having to hide your enthusiasm a bit really sucks, but you need to give yourself time to actually learn more about this person. You need to get to a point where you can clearly see you have feelings for the actuality of person rather than the possibilities this person may present.
Good luck. I know you're in an unbearable spot right now, but you need to tough it out just a bit longer.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:30 AM on June 15, 2018
Really understanding limerence might be helpful. It allows you to understand some of the how and why of your feelings, and then move accordingly.
posted by MountainDaisy at 11:58 AM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by MountainDaisy at 11:58 AM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
I slept with my husband on our first date, and the next day texted both my parents saying I found the man I was going to marry. The next day he told me he was going to stay in the country for me (he was due to go overseas to study). The 3rd date we both said 'I love you' and we married 3 months after we met.
Our feelings have deepened over time but I now believe in love at first sight. It has only been 2 years but every day I thank my luck.
Yeah, maybe wait it out to see how the other person feels, but I don't think you need to dampen your feelings or feel like how you feel is wrong. Sometimes this happens and when it works it is the best thing.
posted by thereader at 1:58 PM on June 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Our feelings have deepened over time but I now believe in love at first sight. It has only been 2 years but every day I thank my luck.
Yeah, maybe wait it out to see how the other person feels, but I don't think you need to dampen your feelings or feel like how you feel is wrong. Sometimes this happens and when it works it is the best thing.
posted by thereader at 1:58 PM on June 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Play it Cool. Don't overthink it.
Go on more dates. Get to know him/her.
Keep your wits about you and your eyes open.
Listen.
Go on more dates.
Be realistic.
don't panic, don't overthink. Don't come on too strong.
Be yourself. Enjoy the experience.
Be open to the fact it might not work out.
posted by JenThePro at 2:41 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Go on more dates. Get to know him/her.
Keep your wits about you and your eyes open.
Listen.
Go on more dates.
Be realistic.
don't panic, don't overthink. Don't come on too strong.
Be yourself. Enjoy the experience.
Be open to the fact it might not work out.
posted by JenThePro at 2:41 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
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I mean probably don’t tell them you’re in love and you’re soul mates and you bought adjacent burial plots.
But people like being liked, and it’s better to be fairly honest with folks.
posted by SaltySalticid at 9:42 AM on June 15, 2018 [8 favorites]