Quitting because of location?

May 27, 2018 9:04 PM

I begun working at a new job in the Midwest a few months ago. The job is ok but I don’t enjoy the city I am in. I have made friends here but am not happy in the city I moved into.

I am an Asian American and have lived in the northeast my entire life until moving to the Midwest. The culture shock has been absolutely immense and the racism I’ve encountered is disappointing. It is a very homogenous city that I do not enjoy. My parents visited last week and for Memorial Day weekend I visited my friends on the East Coast, and it fills me with dread to return to my city.

I would like to return to the Northeast where I live in a big metropolis city. Based on my degree, I would have to search for a position with a salary that is half of what I currently make, but I am financially secure and frugal to work with this.

Additionally I’m applying to medical school this year and will be leaving the city in a year anyway, and I’m unsure if it’s better to leave now and spend my next year in a place where I’m closer to my support network. On one hand, it’s only a year and the experience is pretty good. On the other hand, I’m miserable in the city I’m in and medical school is the short term goal anyway.

Would it be wise to leave in this scenario?

Would it be valid to leave a job because of the city I am in?

posted by JYuanZ to Work & Money (18 answers total)

Would it be valid to leave a job because of the city I am in?
Absolutely. I think your main consideration will have to be “inconvenience of another move before med school / loss of income” vs how miserable you will be in the meantime. Is med school in the same east coast city you used to be in? Or would you be moving TWICE otherwise? (Then I’d definitely stick it out.)
I’ll say that a year goes by pretty quickly, especially if you have an end point in sight, buuuut if you’re miserable AND think you can live with the loss of income (bearing in mind it’s not just the drop in salary, but also the time you spend looking!) then sure, move back now. Tho I bet you’ll get more advice to stick it out. (A year IS short, I promise!)
posted by ClarissaWAM at 9:15 PM on May 27, 2018

Something I've noticed as someone that has moved a lot in her life homesickness seems to hit maximum at around the 3 month mark of any move I've made, I'd stick it out another month or 2 to make sure just why I was moving back. But I am not you & life is to short to put up with more racist shit that you have to so if you can afford to move back and don't mind moving twice in one you go for it.
posted by wwax at 9:48 PM on May 27, 2018 [12 favorites]

I agree 99% with wwax, except my homesickness always lasts over a year.
posted by greermahoney at 10:39 PM on May 27, 2018

You have a lot of expenses headed your way simply applying and interviewing for med school, much less actually paying the tuition for the 4 years of school. Moving because you're unhappy with a city is a valid reason to move, but if you truly are planning on going to medical school and taking on the huge financial burden it comes with, I'd think very hard about giving up a year's worth of twice-as-big salary.
posted by alygator at 11:23 PM on May 27, 2018 [24 favorites]

It's valid, but does not sound wise. I would (figuratively and literally in this case) try thinking about your current position as a sacrifice that puts money in the bank.

Can you set some personal goals for yourself that you will enjoy? Things you want to experience, see, do in the Midwest, since you will only be there for a year? I find it can help to have things to look forward to.... Perhaps look into clubs or meetups of interest? A hobby or personal achievement?

If you're truly miserable though, leave. If you're truly miserable, that's always the right answer. I wouldn't give this as my official reason for leaving. I would probably make up something to do with personal / familial obligations.
posted by xammerboy at 1:45 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

You don't say what kind of job it is, but I moved for a job to a city I ended up hating - it was just a dump with nothing to do - so I asked for permission to work remotely. I told my boss I was unhappy living in the city, asked if I could work remotely and pitched it as a benefit due to timezones + the type of work I did. It worked. We created a telework agreement that outlined ways I would check in and be available, etc. If you think you could do your job remotely or if anyone else at your company works remotely, it's worth trying for.
posted by AppleTurnover at 3:21 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

leaving the city in a year anyway,
I was all set to tell you to leave until I read that. One year isn’t that bad, and it seems this will keep you several thousand dollars ahead, not to mention you could spend a lot of time and money and hassle and never find a good fit for a move in time.
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:09 AM on May 28, 2018 [10 favorites]

Since it's only a year before you move anyway, could you make things more bearable by making weekend trips to larger cities nearby that have more diversity and areas with more Asian restaurants/stores?

Not sure where you are in the Midwest, but Chicago has a decent Chinatown.
posted by duoshao at 5:46 AM on May 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

If it was mainly homesickness then I'd stick it out. But the racism really adds to the stress, doesn't it? My friend and her AsAm husband moved from the Midwest to the West Coast for exactly this reason, and they stuck it out in their Midwest city for years. It was the first time some of his clients had seen "a Chinese" before (his parents are from Cambodia). Staying and saving money would be more financially prudent (you'll appreciate the savings in med school!), but jeez, racism is soul-sucking and if the year is going to leave you dead inside then life is too short.

I echo snickerdoodle though that it is pretty common in the MW to have to travel long distances to find the support systems that work for you. This is the case for everyone. Which is not to say it's not harder if you aren't white/straight/cis/not-conservative/etc, but driving is something everyone gets used to.
posted by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on May 28, 2018

I agree with wwax and greermahoney - the first few months in a new place are rough and I always struggle with depression. Since you're moving in a year anyway I think the practical thing to do would be to stick it out and save the money - but look for ways to make your current circumstances more bearable (hire a housekeeper, volunteer, go hiking, look for "your people", lots of skyping with folks back home, whatever helps you).

If you are in my midwestern city (see profile), hit me up for coffee.
posted by bunderful at 7:17 AM on May 28, 2018

Depending on where you are and how old you are, there may be universities with student groups you can tap into. My midwestern university area experiences are in St. Louis and Columbus, and both had universities with several large and active cultural organizations for Asian, South Asian, and Pacific Islander students that often had events open to the larger community.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:26 AM on May 28, 2018

I myself left a job in part because I wasn't really settling into my new city, so normally I would be encouraging, but I say you can stick out a year. Applying to and then going to med school costs so much money, and so does moving! With the stress of applications, you'll really appreciate having the extra resources. You'll be spending so much time focusing on the process of preparing to leave that you'll feel much less trapped.
posted by praemunire at 10:59 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

Even before the racism I was going to say don't stick it out. If you're going to be leaving anyway, then why not just leave now. I think living frugally is a good tradeoff if it means not living in a miserable place. That feeling of being othered and dehumanized is exhausting and takes a toll.
posted by mokeydraws at 11:47 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

Split the difference? Once you find out for certain where you will be going to medical school, then move to that city and get whatever job you can for the time remaining until school starts. If you already know, then go ahead and move.
posted by CathyG at 11:54 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

Do you mean that your home is in a metropolis area, or if you'd move to a new area in the northeast altogether?
posted by invictus10 at 12:28 PM on May 28, 2018

Response by poster: Hey all,

I appreciate the responses so far - I've definitely received a large range of responses and I'm still 50/50 on my next steps. I would like to clarify some additional things below.

To clarify on my second paragraph - my family currently lives in the Northeast and have already said they would eagerly allow me to return without having to pay for any housing costs (food and public transportation is still on me).

I'm applying for medical school this year so I do not know where I will end up. Hopefully I will be close to home. Because I am eligible for fee assistance programs, I'm probably going to spend about $5k by the end of the application cycle, mostly due to airfare. If I move at home this will likely be closer to 2k since most of my schools I'm applying to are close to my home.

I think I'd be ~$6-8k richer when it's all said and done if I stay. Based on my circumstances, I'd have to move back to my home before heading out to where my medical school is anyway, so it's moreso a matter of when do I leave.
posted by JYuanZ at 12:56 PM on May 28, 2018

I grew up in California and spent some years in the Midwest, so I understand where you're coming from. As a grad student it was easier for me to find a peer group though. If you're really miserable and not taking it well, it's fine to bail. If you think you're capable of toughing it out, though, it might be a source of strength for the future (and stories that you can recount to your friends...).

I think everyone has a different comfort level with being dependent on their family, but I would think about what living at home means for your relationship with your family / your independence at this point in your life and whether you're okay with that.
posted by Standard Orange at 9:32 PM on May 28, 2018

Absolutely move. Negotiate telecommuting if you can -- if your work is the type that could potentially be done remotely.

There's no reason to stay in a place that makes you unhappy. Eventually you won't even have good energy for work, because it will continue to bring you down. And if you're down, you won't attract new friends really.
posted by ElisaOS at 9:03 AM on July 13, 2018