How can I help my 4-year old stop wetting the bed?

May 27, 2018 12:59 AM

My four-year old is physically able to stay dry all night, but started wetting the bed when I mentioned no longer using pull-ups. We’re now going on six months of wet pull-ups after six months of dry and I don’t know how to proceed or to reassure her that change is okay.

We potty-trained our daughter around the time she turned three, but kept using pull-ups at night. By about three and a half, she was staying dry all night. She usually woke up once during the night to go potty, but not always. If she didn’t go during the night, she would go first thing when she woke up in the morning. After close to six months of very few nighttime accidents, I told her proudly that I think it’s almost time to get rid of the pull-ups.

That’s when she started wetting her pull-up every night (she still stays dry during two-hour naps, but she hasn’t worn pull-ups for those for a while). She recently turned four, and I’m not sure what to do. It seems clear that she’s either consciously or subconsciously resistant to the change of no more pull-ups (this is her pediatrician’s opinion as well), but I don’t know why or how to address it, if at all. I’m worried that if I continue do nothing, it will be harder to change the behavior. I am not sure if she’s wetting the pull-up while asleep or awake (and can’t get a straight answer from her about it). I was thinking of offering rewards for dry nights, but that doesn’t seem fair if she’s doing this in her sleep. I was also thinking of switching from pull-ups to underwear so that she feels it more when she starts to wet herself. I have already been encouraging her to go potty when she needs to and telling her what a big girl she is and how proud I am of her when she stays dry.

She has no health or behavioral issues and is a very happy (though generally stubborn and headstrong) little kid. She has never enjoyed change and was in her crib until she was almost three because she wasn’t interested in a “big girl bed.”

Have you been through this and do you have a solution that worked for your child? (I can google for ideas easily, but I’m looking for proven methods from Mefites who have been through this.)

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (15 answers total)

There's no hurry to stop using pull-ups. Some kids have them for years. They make them in larger sizes for a reason. There isn't a timetable.

For me - I would just take the subject entirely off the table for now. Something's making her uncomfortable about losing them, and tbh it really doesn't matter what the reason is. I would reassure her lovingly that she can keep them as long as she likes, and of course it's no problem at all. Then back off the whole thing. Obviously you'll know whether she's wet or dry during the night - and maybe after several long months of dry during which you never say a word about it, positive or negative, you can come very gently back to this. But don't force it, that's where the issues come.

If she was 10 I would maybe be saying something different. But just-turned-four is no big deal at all.
posted by rd45 at 1:31 AM on May 27, 2018 [11 favorites]

I told her proudly that I think it’s almost time to get rid of the pull-ups.

It probably was indeed almost time to get rid of the pull-ups. But then you kind of rushed her, and now she's defending her status quo ante. They're warm, they're comfy, and sleeping without them is probably not as comfortable for her as sleeping with. Good sleep is essential to good health; sleeping without pull-ups is not.

I recommend letting her wear the pull-ups until she decides it's time not to.

I also recommend fitting her bed with a brolly sheet even while she's still wearing the pull-ups. That way, she'll be used to the brolly sheet before she abandons the pull-ups, and you're covered against the occasional post-pullups accident without making further changes to her sleeping environment.

She has never enjoyed change and was in her crib until she was almost three because she wasn’t interested in a “big girl bed.”

And there is absolutely no reason she needs to be interested in change. The whole Who Moved My Cheese disruption-is-wonderful movement is as toxic a philosophy for little kids as it is in the workplace.
posted by flabdablet at 1:47 AM on May 27, 2018 [5 favorites]

Pull ups are the worst of both worlds, honestly.

Normally I am fully on board with letting kids set their own pace for potty training, even nighttime potty training. My daughter didn’t lose the daytime diapers until she wanted to, just after 3, and her nighttime diapers lasted until she was almost 4.

But. She’s ready. I would gently suggest that they don’t make diapers in her size anymore because she’s growing and why don’t we try without? Invest in a mattress protector or two (I bought mine cheap off amazon, they’re great) and have an extra set of sheets handy. She’ll probably wet the bed the first couple of nights, maybe a week, as she readjusts to having to go potty if she needs to pee.

But then she’ll be done! This is less potty training and more training to let go of the concept of a diaper. She knows, she’ll be happy when it’s done too.
posted by lydhre at 3:30 AM on May 27, 2018 [3 favorites]

When my daughter was nighttime potty training (a little earlier than yours at about 3), at bedtime I used to tell her to stop listening so I could talk to her body. I would direct my words to her belly area and say, “Body, if you feel pee pee coming, you be sure to wake up [daughter] so she can take you the bathroom.” It always made my daughter laugh and I hoped it would take the pressure off “her” by putting the responsibility on “her body.” Maybe you could drop it for a while and re-introduce the topic with an approach like this? Good luck!
posted by kittydelsol at 4:36 AM on May 27, 2018 [9 favorites]

There might not be anything to do but ignore it because my understanding (parent, not a doctor) is that as kids grow sometimes this happens briefly. Something to do with bladders and growth spurts? It goes away in time, but be prepared for a flare up now and then for a few more years. It's NBD and will resolve on it's own as long as you limit fluids before just before bedtime and make her go to the bathroom as part of her nedrime routine.
posted by jbenben at 4:49 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

If there's any chance she's at all constipated, add a few dried apricots, maybe some bran muffins. Even very mild constipation affects bladder control.
posted by theora55 at 6:27 AM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]

Vindaloo’s wife here. Just piping up as someone whose daughter wasn’t able to stay dry regularly at night until very late, almost 9 years old. Sometimes bedwetting is due to underlying physical conditions or genetic factors, and not an unwillingness to get up to pee. For example, some kids don’t produce enough of the hormone vasopressin, which suppresses nighttime urine production. Or they have sleep patterns that make it very hard to awaken to a full bladder signal. There can also be other medical factors.

Looking at our own family history, my father and husband both had bedwetting problems, my husband still wakes up frequently at night to pee, and I can sleep through fire alarms. So maybe ask around in your family, just in case?

If your daughter has had spells of being dry at night, it could just be related to her body getting adjusted to a new growth cycle. Talk to your pediatrician. There are bedwetting alarms with moisture sensors that can sometimes help. A waterproof mattress protector plus a waterproof mat are great for training nights without pull-ups too.

I know it sucks! Getting up in the middle of the night to strip beds and change sheets is no fun. But she’s still quite young and it probably really is accidents, instead of wanting to use pull-ups.
posted by Vindaloo at 7:05 AM on May 27, 2018 [4 favorites]

Just what worked for me. I told my daughter that it was perfectly ok that she was wetting the bed and I wasnt upset at all, but it was kind of expensive to do a lot of laundry, so I would give her a penny every time the bed was dry. She never wet the bed again.

I have heard that bed wetting is linked to dairy consumption, but I don’t know if that’s true.
posted by FencingGal at 7:11 AM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]

When we helped our son go from pull ups to no pull ups, we put him to bed at 8, then took him to the potty right before we went to bed at 10:30. I have heard of some people setting their alarms for like 3 or something to do the same thing. We basically carried him, and put him on the potty. He’s pretty much asleep the whole time. This got us through the night, and we could eventually phase out the wake ups.
posted by andreapandrea at 8:01 AM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

1. Get rid of the pullups, it masks the problem. 2. Set them up for success: limit water intake to a small glass when they are going to bed, and then before you go to bed you wake them up and make them go for a pee. The consequences of not going for the pee are a wet bed and they quickly adapt.
posted by furtive at 8:19 AM on May 27, 2018

I’m worried that if I continue do nothing, it will be harder to change the behavior.

If it’s a physical issue (especially constipation), this may be true. But if it’s a mental / emotional issue, I think that it’ll actually get easier as she gets older. She’s not going to want to go to a sleepover at age 10 in a pull-up; I don’t know exactly when, but at some point between now and then she’ll definitely want to stay dry at night.
posted by insectosaurus at 10:09 AM on May 27, 2018

My son was consistently going in the pull up at night. Then we got rid of the pull up with no other changes. He wet the bed twice and then only on rare occasion when sick after that. Have you tried cold Turkey? I've heard it had worked for other parents as well. Good luck.
posted by Kalmya at 12:44 PM on May 27, 2018

My daughter didn't stop using pull-ups successfully until she started 2nd grade (7 and a half). Her pediatrician was in no way concerned, but we were because no one talks about this issue. Turns out--kids wet their beds all the time!

It is completely normal for kids to take a long time to wake up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night. This realization did not come easy for us, and is easy now since she's over the hump. After she was potty trained (at like 3), once every 6 months we would freak out, have her go to sleep without her pull-up and she would wake up wet and feeling like a failure. That is no way to start the day and it broke my heart. Then, when we had her wear a pull up and praised her for dry pull-ups, we would discover she was waking up, hiding her wet pull-ups in her closet (yep! gross!) and switch to fresh ones.

Also, she has had numerous sleep overs. We just packed her pull-ups and gave the parents a heads up. It was quietly handled. At least, I never heard of any sort of negative ramifications, which I was highly sensitive to and worried about.

Long story short, unless there's a medical or mental regression to worry about, I'd say let it play out. Pull-ups are expensive and that stinks, but worth it in my mind. Also, do invest in waterproof mattress pad cover.
posted by fyrebelley at 11:22 PM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our son turned out to be terrified of getting up in the dark to pee, and preferred wetting the bed to walking like 10 steps in the dark to the bathroom, so he was in pull ups for a long time. Once we started leaving the bright hall light on all night he immediately started getting up to pee. Just mentioning because I so wish I had thought of it earlier, pull ups are expensive! Sometimes it's an ancillary problem that isn't pee-related but is causing pee-consequences.
posted by banjo_and_the_pork at 5:52 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

One of my kids had some issues around using the toilet and pull ups, and I had to make a deal with them- I said that when the package of pull ups was over, we would not be buying any more. I bought some disposable bed pads, and after the pull ups ran out, we used those instead. It worked for us, and there were few accidents after that. However, I agree with everyone else that 4 is still pretty young for 100% potty trained day and night.
posted by momochan at 8:17 PM on May 28, 2018