Any empirically supported methods for helping a new mom learn to nap?
May 9, 2018 11:06 AM Subscribe
I've had troubled sleeping for most of my adult life. It's improved in recent years (34 now), but I've never been a napper. Once I'm up, it's very hard for me to get back to sleep. With my adorable 6 week old, I'd love to follow the advice of napping when the baby naps, but so far it's garbage for me, I can't nap. Help?
I've frequently had issues with sleep in the past, and had taken many types of sleep aids over the years. In the last few years, my night sleeping has improved, but I definitely found myself taking unisom through much of my pregnancy. Now that the baby is here, I'm getting less sleep than usual and am exhausted. It's probably going to be another 6 weeks at bare minimum until she's sleeping through the night (if we're lucky, or longer if we're not), so if possible, I'd like to try to improve my napping.
Details:
1. I already meditate daily, an hour a day unless interrupted by the baby. It does relax me and help prevent depression
2. I am susceptible to hormonal depression, and worried that sleep deprivation could generate postpartum depression, so we have a night doula, which allows me to sleep 6.5-7 hours uninterrupted a night. I know this is much better than most parents of newborns, but I'm used to 8 and I'm still very, very tired.
3. My husband is amazing and if I ask him to be responsible for the baby so I can sleep longer, he does it happily, but I prefer to nurse her when she wakes up at 6 a.m. to maintain my milk supply, and then I can't really get back to sleep. So the question is about napping, not about trying to get help to extend my night sleep.
4. I can't go back to sleep or nap because I do get some anxiety about not being able to fall asleep (you'd think I could easily tap into meditation skills here, but it's hard), and because I can't shut off my minds in those moments. I also get alert very quickly and then find it hard to reduce arousal levels enough to fall asleep.
Are there methods for becoming a better sleeper?
Ideally, ones that have actually be studied and published that you're aware of?
If not, ones that worked for you?
https://ask.metafilter.com/232444/Tips-for-napping - this older thread hits on a few points, like that lying down is almost as restful as sleeping. I'm not sure that's true. I think it's not without any benefits, but is drastically less beneficial than deep sleep or REM sleep. So I didn't find this thread very helpful, and wondering if in the 5 years since anyone has come upon new info.
Thank you!
I've frequently had issues with sleep in the past, and had taken many types of sleep aids over the years. In the last few years, my night sleeping has improved, but I definitely found myself taking unisom through much of my pregnancy. Now that the baby is here, I'm getting less sleep than usual and am exhausted. It's probably going to be another 6 weeks at bare minimum until she's sleeping through the night (if we're lucky, or longer if we're not), so if possible, I'd like to try to improve my napping.
Details:
1. I already meditate daily, an hour a day unless interrupted by the baby. It does relax me and help prevent depression
2. I am susceptible to hormonal depression, and worried that sleep deprivation could generate postpartum depression, so we have a night doula, which allows me to sleep 6.5-7 hours uninterrupted a night. I know this is much better than most parents of newborns, but I'm used to 8 and I'm still very, very tired.
3. My husband is amazing and if I ask him to be responsible for the baby so I can sleep longer, he does it happily, but I prefer to nurse her when she wakes up at 6 a.m. to maintain my milk supply, and then I can't really get back to sleep. So the question is about napping, not about trying to get help to extend my night sleep.
4. I can't go back to sleep or nap because I do get some anxiety about not being able to fall asleep (you'd think I could easily tap into meditation skills here, but it's hard), and because I can't shut off my minds in those moments. I also get alert very quickly and then find it hard to reduce arousal levels enough to fall asleep.
Are there methods for becoming a better sleeper?
Ideally, ones that have actually be studied and published that you're aware of?
If not, ones that worked for you?
https://ask.metafilter.com/232444/Tips-for-napping - this older thread hits on a few points, like that lying down is almost as restful as sleeping. I'm not sure that's true. I think it's not without any benefits, but is drastically less beneficial than deep sleep or REM sleep. So I didn't find this thread very helpful, and wondering if in the 5 years since anyone has come upon new info.
Thank you!
I am not a parent but I have never been a good napper either! I have gotten a bit better at it over the years, so that I can now nap if I really need to (though I still don't really like napping because I hate how groggy I feel on waking).
Anyway, one thing that helps me is being rigorous about sleep hygiene stuff even with naps. There's the obvious stuff like making sure the room is dark and you can't hear outside noises. But one thing I recently learned, that seems less well-known, is that most people sleep better in quite cool rooms. IIRC, the ideal sleeping temperature is actually 58F! That's a lot cooler than room temperature. So making sure that your bedroom is dark and cool may help.
Other things that are specific to me but maybe helpful to you: I can't fall asleep with any music or the sound of talking at all. My brain just finds it too interesting or something. White noise is good though. And this seems ridiculously simple/obvious, but I have shared it with others and they've found it helpful: when I was a kid and couldn't sleep, my dad would tell me to picture waves coming in, over and over. I've found that, if I'm tired and I really get a specific image of a beach in my head, with waves crashing, that will often put me to sleep within moments.
posted by lunasol at 11:23 AM on May 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
Anyway, one thing that helps me is being rigorous about sleep hygiene stuff even with naps. There's the obvious stuff like making sure the room is dark and you can't hear outside noises. But one thing I recently learned, that seems less well-known, is that most people sleep better in quite cool rooms. IIRC, the ideal sleeping temperature is actually 58F! That's a lot cooler than room temperature. So making sure that your bedroom is dark and cool may help.
Other things that are specific to me but maybe helpful to you: I can't fall asleep with any music or the sound of talking at all. My brain just finds it too interesting or something. White noise is good though. And this seems ridiculously simple/obvious, but I have shared it with others and they've found it helpful: when I was a kid and couldn't sleep, my dad would tell me to picture waves coming in, over and over. I've found that, if I'm tired and I really get a specific image of a beach in my head, with waves crashing, that will often put me to sleep within moments.
posted by lunasol at 11:23 AM on May 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
If you're a light sleeper, cosleep! Nursing baby to sleep and then closing my eyes next to baby got the job done. You could get one of those cosleeper chambers to make it more safe.
Also - don't nurse your baby to sleep is the recommendation but ya know. It works for napping because hormones.
posted by Kalmya at 11:38 AM on May 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
Also - don't nurse your baby to sleep is the recommendation but ya know. It works for napping because hormones.
posted by Kalmya at 11:38 AM on May 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
I am a parent and not a good napper/sleeper. Cosleeping was definitely the key for me, as is (now) an early bedtime. Also, we did do one middle of night bottle feed (with pumped milk) by Dad. I still pumped during that time but the awake time was shorter.
posted by vunder at 11:42 AM on May 9, 2018
posted by vunder at 11:42 AM on May 9, 2018
Best answer: I haven't tried it for napping, but I've been using the cognitive shuffle method to fall back asleep when I wake up in the middle of the night, and it's really been working, very quickly. There's also an app, linked in the article.
posted by lazuli at 11:45 AM on May 9, 2018 [19 favorites]
posted by lazuli at 11:45 AM on May 9, 2018 [19 favorites]
I am someone who lives to nap, but I was totally not able to nap with kid one. It was a combination of mild PPD/PPA that would tie me up in knots with thoughts about "If I don't fall asleep right this second, the baby is going to wake up and I'll never sleep again and it will be awful and we all might die....etc. etc. etc." My kiddo also just wasn't great at sleeping for naps until he got a little bit older, and I was absolutely stringent about following all the safe sleep guidelines, with baby in a separate crib and no suffocation hazards. It just didn't go well for us.
Second baby, I was in a much better spot mentally. I also relaxed a bit about how we could try to get naps together. The solution I came up with was a semi-cosleeping approach. I would get myself in a semi-reclined position, wedge myself in with pillows and a travel pillow around my neck, put baby on my chest and doze. It wasn't a totally deep nap, but it worked. The only drawback? Kid two became very attached to the skin on my chest, and still uses it as a comfort item 4 1/2 years later. Hopefully that will end someday.
posted by goggie at 11:46 AM on May 9, 2018
Second baby, I was in a much better spot mentally. I also relaxed a bit about how we could try to get naps together. The solution I came up with was a semi-cosleeping approach. I would get myself in a semi-reclined position, wedge myself in with pillows and a travel pillow around my neck, put baby on my chest and doze. It wasn't a totally deep nap, but it worked. The only drawback? Kid two became very attached to the skin on my chest, and still uses it as a comfort item 4 1/2 years later. Hopefully that will end someday.
posted by goggie at 11:46 AM on May 9, 2018
Best answer: I couldn't nap unless the baby was out of the house (my husband would take him on walks and he would sleep in the stroller), and even then it was hit-or-miss. It sucked. Honestly, the best strategy for us was sleep-training the baby early (we did it at nine weeks for both our babies, with our pediatrician's full approval). Once they were sleeping for 10-12 hours, I could get my eight hours during the night and not have to worry about how terrible I was at taking naps.
posted by ethorson at 11:50 AM on May 9, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by ethorson at 11:50 AM on May 9, 2018 [4 favorites]
Any chance you could use the night doula or your husband's help to go to bed earlier at night? Waking up at six is reasonable if you've gone to bed at nine. (I don't know if you need middle of the night feeds to keep your supply up or not.)
posted by Margalo Epps at 12:18 PM on May 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Margalo Epps at 12:18 PM on May 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
No empirical evidence, just what works for me.
I also get super anxious when I lie down to nap, and sometimes feel worse after! What helps me is several things:
1. Scrolling through Instagram for a few minutes. I basically only follow dogs, a few random (not aspirational-type) famous people, and several ASMR-type feeds (kinetic sand cutting, slime, etc.), so it's very relaxing
2. When I decide to actually sleep, I put on an eye mask (or even just throw a hanky over my eyes if I can't find the eye pillow
3. I just tell myself "go to sleep" over and over. I don't know why that works, but it basically shuts out all my other anxious thoughts.
posted by radioamy at 12:49 PM on May 9, 2018
I also get super anxious when I lie down to nap, and sometimes feel worse after! What helps me is several things:
1. Scrolling through Instagram for a few minutes. I basically only follow dogs, a few random (not aspirational-type) famous people, and several ASMR-type feeds (kinetic sand cutting, slime, etc.), so it's very relaxing
2. When I decide to actually sleep, I put on an eye mask (or even just throw a hanky over my eyes if I can't find the eye pillow
3. I just tell myself "go to sleep" over and over. I don't know why that works, but it basically shuts out all my other anxious thoughts.
posted by radioamy at 12:49 PM on May 9, 2018
Best answer: I use the Pzizz app to fall asleep, and it has a nap function too. It works really well for me at bedtime, and the app has been studied in a small and probably inconclusive study for effectiveness.
posted by gladly at 1:39 PM on May 9, 2018
posted by gladly at 1:39 PM on May 9, 2018
In contrast to lunasol, I often find that putting on relaxing music or a soothing audiobook engages my brain enough to let it disengage from whatever is keeping me up. I've used the same "sleepy time" playlist for years, so it probably helps that those songs are familiar enough to me that I don't even really hear them anymore.
Also, YMMV (especially as a new mother), but I've found that orgasms are an excellent way to interrupt whatever anxiety loop is playing in my brain. Probably not a great solution for short naps, but figured I'd throw it out there anyway.
posted by natabat at 2:07 PM on May 9, 2018
Also, YMMV (especially as a new mother), but I've found that orgasms are an excellent way to interrupt whatever anxiety loop is playing in my brain. Probably not a great solution for short naps, but figured I'd throw it out there anyway.
posted by natabat at 2:07 PM on May 9, 2018
Best answer: I have a baby and am not a good napper either... haven’t found a magic bullet solution yet but a dark cool room helps. And I agree that laying quietly and potentially slightly dozing is not nearly as beneficial as a real nap, but it’s still better than NOTHING, so I try to just enjoy it and not stress.
Have you ever tried feeding the baby just once in the night? Then you could let your husband do 6 am duty without worrying about your milk supply, and sleep longer into the morning. Since you have the night nurse, you could have them bring the baby in and help position them, you wouldn’t have to get out of bed and potentially wouldn’t have to even sit up if your baby can side lie nurse.
Personally I find waking up to breastfeed in the middle of the night to be very different than really waking up, if the baby is handed to me and I’m not changing a diaper or something also. I could never wake up in the night and immediately drop back off, but it’s so different now. I’ve heard you sleep differently when lactating and go into REM sleep quicker and stuff. To me, having the baby brought in at midnight once but then sleeping until 7 or 8 instead of 6 would leave me way more rested feeling. Sorry if you’ve already tried this, and it might leave you super tired one day if you try it and it doesn’t work for you.
Also, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) has a strong evidence base. An actual therapist would probably be helpful, but CBT works better than most therapy as self-study, and there are tons of resources online.
posted by sometamegazelle at 2:46 PM on May 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
Have you ever tried feeding the baby just once in the night? Then you could let your husband do 6 am duty without worrying about your milk supply, and sleep longer into the morning. Since you have the night nurse, you could have them bring the baby in and help position them, you wouldn’t have to get out of bed and potentially wouldn’t have to even sit up if your baby can side lie nurse.
Personally I find waking up to breastfeed in the middle of the night to be very different than really waking up, if the baby is handed to me and I’m not changing a diaper or something also. I could never wake up in the night and immediately drop back off, but it’s so different now. I’ve heard you sleep differently when lactating and go into REM sleep quicker and stuff. To me, having the baby brought in at midnight once but then sleeping until 7 or 8 instead of 6 would leave me way more rested feeling. Sorry if you’ve already tried this, and it might leave you super tired one day if you try it and it doesn’t work for you.
Also, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) has a strong evidence base. An actual therapist would probably be helpful, but CBT works better than most therapy as self-study, and there are tons of resources online.
posted by sometamegazelle at 2:46 PM on May 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
One thing that can be helpful is learning not to stress about falling asleep. Remind yourself that you'll either fall asleep or you won't, and either way life will go on. Releasing the anxiety can make it more likely that it'll actually happen.
posted by metasarah at 4:01 PM on May 9, 2018
posted by metasarah at 4:01 PM on May 9, 2018
I second the night feed idea. I never nap, but when my twins were babies I went to sleep by 9, and nursed once in the night. I’m a horrid sleeper, but I could get back to sleep at night, then sleep past 6..,
posted by Valancy Rachel at 7:30 PM on May 9, 2018
posted by Valancy Rachel at 7:30 PM on May 9, 2018
Try learning to change the baby in the dark, by feel, and keeping her in a bassinette just beside your bed. When she wakes and is hungry, haul her into bed without sitting up and nurse her like that, lying on your side. When she falls asleep gently lift her into the bassinette (unless you are comfortable co-sleeping) and change her in that, if she needs it (Of course she's gonna need it - at six weeks she goes twenty minutes between needing changes...)
If you can nurse and change her without even sitting up you may be able to get back to sleep again. And if you can not actually wake up and still nurse and change her she may sleep. Rocking cradles and white noise work too, for both of you.
When you need to nap, but aren't going to be able to sleep, lie down anyway and tell yourself a story. You can go over the plot of game of thrones, episode by episode, or make up your own story, or whatever you like. Stories with lists in them, and rhythms such as the rule of three work well. By lists I mean describing all the objects or all the people. You might say that there is a dinner and list all the food that was served, or a siege and list all the types of siege engines and weapons or all the parts of a boat. The rule of three is the classic trope where some thing happens three times, the first two times without success and the last time successfully, as in fairy tales where the oldest two princes fail in the quest before the third one succeeds.
Don't try to fall asleep. Just try to tell as much of the story as you can. It is very likely that you will at least half doze while doing this, and the half doze will be good for your brain and help clear it some. You might fall fully asleep. When you lie down to nap have something for your brain to do that is not going to wake it up, like worrying, but will also not be so simple and rote that you get distracted from doing it, like counting sheep.
Pretend to sleep. Breathing slowly and deeply and letting yourself go limp and sustaining it without letting yourself get distracted into thrashing or twitching or sighing can also help get you to at least doze a bit. Pretend something safe, like that your Mum is in the room stuffing your Christmas stocking that is hanging from your bedpost, so it is important that you fake being asleep but it's not dangerous or threatening.
posted by Jane the Brown at 7:30 PM on May 9, 2018
If you can nurse and change her without even sitting up you may be able to get back to sleep again. And if you can not actually wake up and still nurse and change her she may sleep. Rocking cradles and white noise work too, for both of you.
When you need to nap, but aren't going to be able to sleep, lie down anyway and tell yourself a story. You can go over the plot of game of thrones, episode by episode, or make up your own story, or whatever you like. Stories with lists in them, and rhythms such as the rule of three work well. By lists I mean describing all the objects or all the people. You might say that there is a dinner and list all the food that was served, or a siege and list all the types of siege engines and weapons or all the parts of a boat. The rule of three is the classic trope where some thing happens three times, the first two times without success and the last time successfully, as in fairy tales where the oldest two princes fail in the quest before the third one succeeds.
Don't try to fall asleep. Just try to tell as much of the story as you can. It is very likely that you will at least half doze while doing this, and the half doze will be good for your brain and help clear it some. You might fall fully asleep. When you lie down to nap have something for your brain to do that is not going to wake it up, like worrying, but will also not be so simple and rote that you get distracted from doing it, like counting sheep.
Pretend to sleep. Breathing slowly and deeply and letting yourself go limp and sustaining it without letting yourself get distracted into thrashing or twitching or sighing can also help get you to at least doze a bit. Pretend something safe, like that your Mum is in the room stuffing your Christmas stocking that is hanging from your bedpost, so it is important that you fake being asleep but it's not dangerous or threatening.
posted by Jane the Brown at 7:30 PM on May 9, 2018
Not sure if it will help but I came across this article recently. Supposedly the techniques were developed by the military during WW2 and so are research based:
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/fall-asleep-fast/
posted by unix at 8:54 PM on May 9, 2018
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/fall-asleep-fast/
posted by unix at 8:54 PM on May 9, 2018
New mom and bad napper here. Studies show that wearing socks to bed will get you to sleep faster. I started wearing socks to bed post-baby - wool, breathable socks like Smartwool - and I think it helped! I'm almost 5 months into motherhood and I've only taken a few naps on really desperate sleep-deprived days. What helped me fall asleep during those naps was thinking, "I'll lay down and relax, not sleep" - I too am stressed out by the pressure of trying to fall asleep. I also put something over my eyes to block out the light. It's too hard to take a nap with a baby in the room, so I only napped when someone else was taking care of the baby.
posted by beyond_pink at 5:45 AM on May 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by beyond_pink at 5:45 AM on May 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
I find slightly dull talky podcasts work for me - I like In Our Time (BBC) which is actually very interesting but is aurally quite monotonous. It provides just enough to concentrate on so my mind isn’t racing, but no enough stimulation to keep me awake when I’m tired (as I expect you are).
And yes co-sleeping also helps. We waited until DS was about six months and a bit harder to lie on without noticing, but YMMV.
posted by tinkletown at 2:32 PM on May 10, 2018
And yes co-sleeping also helps. We waited until DS was about six months and a bit harder to lie on without noticing, but YMMV.
posted by tinkletown at 2:32 PM on May 10, 2018
A technique I use to get back to sleep at night might work for naps. I try to remember, in as great detail as I can, what happened/where I was in my last dream. I start by telling it to myself, as though I were a captive audience at the breakfast table. I find that as I remember more bits, I get closer to being in the dream, until I'm asleep wandering around in it. (Like other suggestions, it's because I can't think myself into knots over it; it's entirely nonsense.) Potential downsides are frequently dreaming the same weird dreams.
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:11 AM on May 11, 2018
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:11 AM on May 11, 2018
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When I want to force myself to nap I put the most boring sport programming on that I can. No offence to fans of these sports; I like them too, but not on TV. Sports where the announcers don't shout is more what i am saying. Golf, tennis, baseball. Motorsports also work for me.
Put the volume on very low, but not off, and I am out in a few minutes.
Good luck!
posted by terrapin at 11:15 AM on May 9, 2018 [1 favorite]