11 year old cat comes to cuddle, but quickly leaves. Why?

April 20, 2018 3:41 PM

One of my cats, S, has become more and more affectionate with age. But one thing that hasn't really changed is that when he's got enough he doesn't just get up and leave, he almost makes a break for it. He'll get all close and purry but - regardless of whether I pet him or not - after only a few minutes he'll make a break for it as if something's after him--especially if he's lying on me or right next to me in bed. Any suggestions as to why?

Both he and his brother T are 11 years old and I've had them for 7 years. Both indoor cats. They tolerate eachother with sporadic expressions of affection, usually begun by T and grudgingly accepted by S. S has always come for cuddles but has also been very independent. Lately, however, he's begun to follow me around and talk much more and louder, I think as a result of age. Seeing this change in him makes me want to make our cuddle time more relaxing for him but I don't know exactly what the problem is. They are my first pets.

posted by trollnystan to Pets & Animals (15 answers total)

Cats get overstimulated pretty easily in my experience, and it tends to happen suddenly. My friend had a cat that would sit there loving the pets and then suddenly just claw your hand... I have a scar between two fingers as a result.

See here.
posted by selfnoise at 3:51 PM on April 20, 2018 [6 favorites]

I agree with selfnoise. See if you can watch his body language very carefully for a sign that maybe he has had enough cuddling before he scampers. Often cats will be more comfortable simply being near you rather than being touched.
posted by exogenous at 4:36 PM on April 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

He’s a cat, he’s just catting.

That said, you could try to figure out a type of petting that he just can’t live without, it might prolong the session. My dearly departed kitty liked laying next to me, but if I tried to pet him he bailed pretty quickly, but my wife figured out that he would hang out longer if she massaged his closed eyes, which I had never done because what cat would put up with that??

Otherwise, just enjoy your cuddle time on his terms, that’s how it goes with kitties.
posted by Huck500 at 4:36 PM on April 20, 2018 [8 favorites]

We have one who does exactly this...usually, because he’s just farted.
posted by armeowda at 4:41 PM on April 20, 2018 [15 favorites]

My cat Juniper likes being pet for like 45 seconds, and then is done ... EXCEPT when she's in her Designated Snuggling Zone, which is a salad bowl bolted to a cat tree. Then she'll stay and purr for as long as I'll willing to pet her. So maybe there's somewhere your cat feels more comfortable in where you can have some longer cuddletimes.
posted by aubilenon at 4:57 PM on April 20, 2018 [11 favorites]

Classic cat move. They get overstimulated (some cats more easily than others) and they freak out. If you're careful, you may be able to figure out when he's getting close to overload and back off the attention juuuust enough that you can maintain him at Maximum Happy pretty much indefinitely. Or maybe not, cats are weird.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:07 PM on April 20, 2018 [5 favorites]

He's leaving because you have an extremely polite cat and he knows he doesn't want to attack your hand, the way a lot of cats do when they feel that way.
posted by amtho at 5:18 PM on April 20, 2018 [17 favorites]

As others have said, this kind of overstimulation is common with cats. I read somewhere a further explanation for this - cats would be pretty solitary if we left them alone, and the socialization process we put them through by keeping them as domesticated creatures runs at cross-purposes with that. So that overstimulation is coming from a lifetime of this one cat's conditioning of "ah, snuggling with my family, life is good" running smack into several gabillion years of nature saying "oh shit someone else is looking at me oh god even worse they're TOUCHING me halp".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:24 PM on April 20, 2018 [9 favorites]

"Thanks, that was great, but I've had my fill and if I stay any longer I might have to claw you to death. I don't really want to do that to you, although I definitely would, so I'm just going to leave. Quickly."
posted by gatorae at 6:01 PM on April 20, 2018 [13 favorites]

This could be my cat. Shazbot comes in and demands to be let under the covers, and will snuggle for about five minutes and then pull a four-wheel-drive-on-ice flail and tear out of the place. My theory is that it has something to do with getting overheated or overstimulated, but he's done this since he was a kitten and it's as normal as this cat gets.
posted by scrump at 6:11 PM on April 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

Ctrl-F, “cats are weird”. Ok, phew, that’s covered, mefi is still on their cat game. That’s really the correct answer. But to be honest, we really can’t answer this question without pics! :) But yeah... cats do get over stimulated. There’s a Jackson Galaxy youtube out that that explains it pretty well, much better than i could.
posted by cgg at 7:14 PM on April 20, 2018 [9 favorites]

I think this will either get better with age, as he starts to realize that actually cuddles are good, or it won't.
One thing I have noticed is that my kitty will tell me if she's in the mood for affection or not if I hold out my fist and she gives it a bump, or doesn't.
posted by bleep at 9:51 PM on April 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

Our cat does this but only if the petting remains high intensity. By contrast, he will sit on my lap and purr if I very slowly scritch between his ears and along the bridge of his nose for perhaps an hour. After that long though I think he gets too hot and goes to sit on the other end of the sofa.

Full back or body stroking though he can only deal with for two or three minutes before he whacks me.
posted by Happy Dave at 1:53 AM on April 21, 2018

Yep, cats are weird. Our calico, Molly, frequently drives us bonkers by climbing on us, demanding attention/petting for .03 seconds, then launching herself off and way, only to come back and repeat the process ten seconds later.
posted by sarcasticah at 8:45 AM on April 21, 2018 [1 favorite]

Scritches behind one ear... scritches behind the other... scritches under the chin... slow, slow scritches....
Sometimes scritches slowly working their way down the spine... know that the haunches are going to go up if that's too uncomfortable a sight for you....
Sometimes this evolves into a belly rub, or scritches under the front arm pits (leg pits?)... but that's for a totally chill cat, lying on his back and ready to fall asleep....
posted by TrishaU at 8:49 AM on April 21, 2018 [1 favorite]