Freaking out internally because dude keeps sexting me

April 20, 2018 12:35 PM

Last Sunday I sexted with this guy from Tinder. It's the first time I've done this. Now he starts texting me in the middle of the day with screenshots of sexual things I said. It really freaks me out like he's trying to control me or something. What should I do? Is this actually dangerous or am I freaking out over nothing?
posted by anonymous to Computers & Internet (10 answers total)

What should you do? Delete his number and block him.
posted by essexjan at 12:42 PM on April 20, 2018 [25 favorites]

Engaging you in sexual activity without your consent is very fucking creepy and not okay. This is definitely a red flag and you should trust your gut. I, personally, would block him (and potentially report him to tinder. Unfortunately theres no way to take the messages back)
posted by FirstMateKate at 12:43 PM on April 20, 2018 [7 favorites]

Trust your instincts. Delete and block. Do not engage in any way.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:44 PM on April 20, 2018 [4 favorites]

Delete and block, because you're not overreacting. Dangerous would be if he does anthing beyond this -- try to contact you on other platforms, appear in real life, etc. (He may be just an idiot who thinks he's playing a sexy game right now. Obviously he's totally wrong.)
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:50 PM on April 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

Mod note: This is an answer from an anonymous commenter.

It is very, very likely not dangerous, so don't freak out. Be cautious, but don't freak out. I had a guy on Tinder once start texting me extremely raunchy, unpleasant stuff, and then he somehow managed to find my name, where I worked and the name of my boss. Yeah. But he was just a prick who wanted to show me how clever he was; I told him he was an asshole, blocked him, and that was the end of that. (I did not report him to Tinder because I didn't want to kick a hornet's nest, but I'm sorry I didn't.) But I've been on many, many, many Tinder dates and texted back and forth with probably double that number, and that was literally the only guy I've ever had who was a problem. So yes, block his number and then delete it, and try not to get too freaked out.

posted by cortex (staff) at 1:22 PM on April 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

I read it more as he’s clueless. I always thought it was weird when guys I had sexted would write me when I was out running errands or whatever. Sometimes they would reference how hot our convo had been. It wasn’t my thing but also wasn’t dangerous. I can see where a guy would just really not know it would be unwelcome to write you trying to start things up again. Especially if you never said “last night was fun but let’s not do that again. “ I don’t really see how sending you screenshots of your words is an attempt at control. Controlling you to make you do what? Of course delete and block if it makes you feel more safe. FWIW, this sounds to me like a guy who enjoyed sexting you and wants to do it again.
posted by mermaidcafe at 7:24 PM on April 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

I read it more as he’s clueless.

Yeah, no, somehow these guys are always able to figure out how to respect social boundaries, except when it comes to women they want to bang.

OP, delete and block. Women are so pressured to ignore their own sense of danger that, when it breaks through, you should definitely listen to it.
posted by praemunire at 8:55 PM on April 20, 2018 [11 favorites]

I can see how you could be freaked out by that. People are clueless and tone deaf far more commonly than they are malicious though. I would counsel against reading too much into it and that you be especially on guard against giving him any power over you. It is very unlikely that he or the situation are dangerous.

This is clearly unwelcome from your perspective so you should tell him that and ask him to stop. Something like "Hey, those texts made me very uncomfortable. Please don't do that." would be a polite script.

If he doesn't respect your wishes then that would be a good time to block him. If you don't care about giving him the benefit of the doubt then just block him now of course. It's not likely to stand out as unusual behaviour and no decent person would question you wanting to control what's in your life.
posted by mewsic at 10:47 PM on April 20, 2018

People are really good at faking being clueless and tone deaf. Dude knows what he's doing, or should. Delete and block.
posted by bile and syntax at 11:01 AM on April 21, 2018 [3 favorites]

Whether people are clueless or not, if you create a social problem people have the right to block you and delete you and move on. You don’t owe this guy the benefit of the doubt! follow your instincts and block him.
posted by warriorqueen at 11:05 AM on April 21, 2018 [1 favorite]