Frivolous gift for someone a bit broke?
April 19, 2018 7:06 PM Subscribe
I have a family member whose 30th birthday is coming up. She mentioned once in passing that she absolutely loves Edible Arrangements. I mentally noted it and planned to get her one for her birthday. I heard through the family grapevine that she’s a bit hard up because her partner hasn’t started a new job yet, but will in about a month.
My husband thinks that sending her ~$60 fruit basket is a silly idea and I should send cash. I think cash would be a bit crass, and that it might be nice to get something frivolous for ones birthday, but I’m notoriously clueless about social situations. Thoughts? Edible Arrangement or equivalent cash?
My husband thinks that sending her ~$60 fruit basket is a silly idea and I should send cash. I think cash would be a bit crass, and that it might be nice to get something frivolous for ones birthday, but I’m notoriously clueless about social situations. Thoughts? Edible Arrangement or equivalent cash?
It sounds like there's a more or less definite endpoint to their brokeness (partner starting new job) - though that would depend on the nature of both the job and the brokeness, I suppose. If that's the case I would go for the gift as a sort of "hang in there!" gesture. If it's not the case, I would maybe consider a cheaper similar gift (does Edible Arrangements do cheaper gift baskets? I have no idea) and supplementing with cash or a Visa gift card or something.
posted by btfreek at 7:15 PM on April 19, 2018
posted by btfreek at 7:15 PM on April 19, 2018
I don't think that giving cash as a gift is a bad thing but I also think that poor folks deserve frivolous fun luxuries just as much as monetarily flush folks, especially as gifts. If you're in a position to get her something you know will give her joy then do it. That's the kind of thing that can get a person through a hard time, honestly. And a big pile of yummy fruit and chocolate is really not very frivolous, as these things go. It's nutritious and pretty!
posted by Mizu at 7:16 PM on April 19, 2018 [47 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 7:16 PM on April 19, 2018 [47 favorites]
I say get her the gift basket AND perhaps you & the family grapevine can put together a little bonus for her. (I mean, if y'all are gonna gossip like that, you should really not be not helping her out as well). Birthdays are very hard when they take place in the middle of stress & hard times. It's nice to get a present that you won't feel the need to stoically put into your gas tank instead of getting to enjoy something nice.
posted by bleep at 7:16 PM on April 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by bleep at 7:16 PM on April 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
I think the thoughtful basket is the way to go. If one is hard up, having a bunch of fresh fruit that is one of their favorite treats sounds really special. It is also very useful to have food, so it’s not as frivolous as it could be. I would be so thrilled to receive something that someone remembered I liked!
posted by sockermom at 7:18 PM on April 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by sockermom at 7:18 PM on April 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
I say get her the gift basket AND perhaps you & the family grapevine can put together a little bonus for her.
Agreed, if you can. I've been real-broke-for-now and it's always kinda ambivalent when someone gives you a great gift that you do truly enjoy but also you're living on beans and so maybe a nice treat just at the moment is some meat or fresh veg or laundry detergent.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:23 PM on April 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Agreed, if you can. I've been real-broke-for-now and it's always kinda ambivalent when someone gives you a great gift that you do truly enjoy but also you're living on beans and so maybe a nice treat just at the moment is some meat or fresh veg or laundry detergent.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:23 PM on April 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Yeah sending both is obviously the right answer, will do!
posted by permiechickie at 7:29 PM on April 19, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by permiechickie at 7:29 PM on April 19, 2018 [12 favorites]
I think it totally depends on her personality and what "hard up" really means
Exactly. There's one level that's like "I can't afford fun stuff; I have to save my money for ramen and beans." For that level, a fun gift basket would be great! Then there's the level of being hard up when you think "oh my god, why did you spend $60 on a fun gift basket when I could've used that to buy an entire month's worth of ramen and beans!?" But yes, doing both sounds great!
posted by salvia at 8:32 PM on April 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
Exactly. There's one level that's like "I can't afford fun stuff; I have to save my money for ramen and beans." For that level, a fun gift basket would be great! Then there's the level of being hard up when you think "oh my god, why did you spend $60 on a fun gift basket when I could've used that to buy an entire month's worth of ramen and beans!?" But yes, doing both sounds great!
posted by salvia at 8:32 PM on April 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
so maybe a nice treat just at the moment is some meat or fresh veg or laundry detergent
...or gas, bridge toll, bus fare, electricity, or a minimum monthly payment to keep her credit okay. Just wanted to add those to the list.
posted by salvia at 8:35 PM on April 19, 2018
...or gas, bridge toll, bus fare, electricity, or a minimum monthly payment to keep her credit okay. Just wanted to add those to the list.
posted by salvia at 8:35 PM on April 19, 2018
Please _warn_ someone a little before sending them a bunch of perishable food. It's a little heartbreaking to receive, say, a lovely bunch of fruit as a gift, if you've _purchased_ a lot of fruit the day before. You know some of it's likely to go bad before you eat it, and you've been looking forward to both of them.
posted by amtho at 8:47 PM on April 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by amtho at 8:47 PM on April 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
When you're broke, delicious prepared food is scarce. As is anything but basic boring cheap produce. I've personally never not appreciated an edible gift when finacials are hard up. I'd say go for it.
posted by OnefortheLast at 8:53 PM on April 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by OnefortheLast at 8:53 PM on April 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Does Edible Arrangements have gift certificates? I think that a gift certificate would be more useful; they could customize what they want and when they want it, and it'd still be a treasured treat.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:55 PM on April 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by spinifex23 at 9:55 PM on April 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
If I were a bit hard up I would love to receive a frivolous gift because I probably haven't treated myself in a long time. I would appreciate the pampering because I could do it guilt-free because it was a gift!
posted by like_neon at 1:49 AM on April 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by like_neon at 1:49 AM on April 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
When you're broke, delicious prepared food is scarce. As is anything but basic boring cheap produce. I've personally never not appreciated an edible gift when finacials are hard up. I'd say go for it.
Seconding this - we grew up completely broke and the rare moments where a luxury came through the door were a godsend and an escape from the non-stop "only the essentials" lifestyle we kept. Chocolate covered strawberries couldn't pay the electrical bill but they did pay the "my soul feels happy" bill.
posted by notorious medium at 5:07 AM on April 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
Seconding this - we grew up completely broke and the rare moments where a luxury came through the door were a godsend and an escape from the non-stop "only the essentials" lifestyle we kept. Chocolate covered strawberries couldn't pay the electrical bill but they did pay the "my soul feels happy" bill.
posted by notorious medium at 5:07 AM on April 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
Absolutely yes!
This is a great gift: It's something you know she'll love. Sending it shows you "get" her and you listened.
Plus, it's practical.
posted by JawnBigboote at 5:21 AM on April 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
This is a great gift: It's something you know she'll love. Sending it shows you "get" her and you listened.
Plus, it's practical.
posted by JawnBigboote at 5:21 AM on April 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
It sounds like you've got an answer but nthing to go for it! I have gotten them a few times and always been DELIGHTED, and they do have smaller ones, plus you already have her expressed wish for one. It's the sort of thing someone will never, ever buy themselves, so I am sure it will make her day. :-)
posted by bowtiesarecool at 6:37 AM on April 20, 2018
posted by bowtiesarecool at 6:37 AM on April 20, 2018
I'm going to buck the trend, as I'm currently broke. This wouldn't crank my chain; if I get a frivolous gift, I would like it to be a small ongoing luxury - personal care items most appreciated, but if someone were to buy me something beautiful, hard-wearing and utilitarian - say an extremely expensive pair of boots that will last for years, as opposed to the $50 ones I'd have to replace yearly - I'd be delighted and incredibly grateful.
An Edible Arrangement is a day's worth of fruit and chocolate and then you're kinda left thinking, okay, I'm emotionally over this now. I'd rather, if you were going for edibles, get a gift that allows me to cook over the long-term when I feel like it, like luxury ingredients or mixes from Williams & Sonoma or something like that. Really good pans. Gear I couldn't otherwise afford and would never buy for myself.
posted by Nyx at 9:02 AM on April 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
An Edible Arrangement is a day's worth of fruit and chocolate and then you're kinda left thinking, okay, I'm emotionally over this now. I'd rather, if you were going for edibles, get a gift that allows me to cook over the long-term when I feel like it, like luxury ingredients or mixes from Williams & Sonoma or something like that. Really good pans. Gear I couldn't otherwise afford and would never buy for myself.
posted by Nyx at 9:02 AM on April 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
Also currently broke and I agree with Nyx. I'd much rather have something long-lasting but "frivolous" in that I couldn't justify buying right now. For example, for Christmas I asked for frying pans to replace the really crappy ones I'd been using. It may be hard to predict what she'll need and her style, but some ideas are luxurious bath towels, socks, kitchenware, bedding. Definitely include a gift receipt. I returned something I didn't really need and bought groceries instead.
A different route: entertainment/going out was the first thing to go when I lost my job, so movie passes, museum memberships, and restaurant gift certificates are also appreciated.
posted by AFABulous at 9:46 AM on April 20, 2018
A different route: entertainment/going out was the first thing to go when I lost my job, so movie passes, museum memberships, and restaurant gift certificates are also appreciated.
posted by AFABulous at 9:46 AM on April 20, 2018
Perhaps you could split the difference, get her a cheaper fruit basket + a gift card to a practical clothes, food & supplies place (Target, etc.)
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 12:58 PM on April 20, 2018
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 12:58 PM on April 20, 2018
I love the idea of giving both if you're able. In the past, when I've been varying levels of broke, what I wanted most was some relief from financial stress - like being able to pay off (or partially pay) a bill, buy something I needed, or get something fixed. I couldn't pay my rent with an edible arrangement and I honestly wouldn't have enjoyed it much as a result. At those points, I was literally looking around at my belongings, pondering what I could sell, and even a small bit of relief would have been SO welcomed.
At the same time, the constant effort to be 'responsible' and to be paying such close attention to my finances didn't do much for my mood - I loved when a friend took me out for dinner (or dropped off some baked goods, or took me to a movie, or anything else that was frivolous and outside of my 'responsible' budget).
posted by VioletU at 3:31 PM on April 20, 2018
At the same time, the constant effort to be 'responsible' and to be paying such close attention to my finances didn't do much for my mood - I loved when a friend took me out for dinner (or dropped off some baked goods, or took me to a movie, or anything else that was frivolous and outside of my 'responsible' budget).
posted by VioletU at 3:31 PM on April 20, 2018
The points about something long-lasting are well-made, but she SPECIFICALLY mentioned she loved Edible Arrangements. I’ve found it annoying where I’ve made specific requests for things (like for online Secret Santa stuff) and instead I get something different that the giver thinks would suit me better, as though they know me better than I know myself. Since she mentioned it, might as well get it.
posted by divabat at 10:18 PM on April 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by divabat at 10:18 PM on April 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
Please _warn_ someone a little before sending them a bunch of perishable food.
This is a fair point, but maybe you could give her partner a heads up without telling your family member, so that her partner can try to subtly steer her away from buying a bunch of fruit right before her birthday, but it can still be a birthday surprise.
posted by litera scripta manet at 10:43 AM on April 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
This is a fair point, but maybe you could give her partner a heads up without telling your family member, so that her partner can try to subtly steer her away from buying a bunch of fruit right before her birthday, but it can still be a birthday surprise.
posted by litera scripta manet at 10:43 AM on April 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by lazuli at 7:11 PM on April 19, 2018 [1 favorite]