I want to stop oversharing.
April 12, 2018 9:39 PM Subscribe
I overshare information, and tell people things that would be better kept to myself.
In the moment, I almost always think it's information that they should have or deserve to know, but in retrospect I end up wishing I had kept silent.
To give an example -- I was recently out for drinks with a group of people, and through conversation an acquaintance (Courtney) mentioned that she'd started dating a mutual friend, Adam, about a month ago. I had briefly been involved with Adam myself, ending about a month ago (apparently the same time they started dating) -- which Courtney did not know. Courtney said something to me like, "Hey, you know Adam too, right? What do you think about him?"
In retrospect, I should have just something like, "Yeah, he's a nice guy," or, "Yeah, I met him through Laura." But in the moment that felt like lying, and I felt overwhelmed and obligated to say something -- I ended up talking to her one-on-one and telling her that we had dated, which I realize now was information that she didn't need to know, and ended up just making the entire situation uncomfortable.
This type of thing is a pattern with me -- I know information that I feel like I need to disclose to someone, and in retrospect I realize that the information does nothing but hurt them or make their lives more complicated.
I grew up in a family that had a lot of Very Big Secrets that ended up causing a lot of long-term damage, and I think this is why keeping information to myself is so hard for me -- my instinct is always to get everything out on the table.
How do I learn which "secrets" are best kept to myself, and know when to keep my mouth shut?
To give an example -- I was recently out for drinks with a group of people, and through conversation an acquaintance (Courtney) mentioned that she'd started dating a mutual friend, Adam, about a month ago. I had briefly been involved with Adam myself, ending about a month ago (apparently the same time they started dating) -- which Courtney did not know. Courtney said something to me like, "Hey, you know Adam too, right? What do you think about him?"
In retrospect, I should have just something like, "Yeah, he's a nice guy," or, "Yeah, I met him through Laura." But in the moment that felt like lying, and I felt overwhelmed and obligated to say something -- I ended up talking to her one-on-one and telling her that we had dated, which I realize now was information that she didn't need to know, and ended up just making the entire situation uncomfortable.
This type of thing is a pattern with me -- I know information that I feel like I need to disclose to someone, and in retrospect I realize that the information does nothing but hurt them or make their lives more complicated.
I grew up in a family that had a lot of Very Big Secrets that ended up causing a lot of long-term damage, and I think this is why keeping information to myself is so hard for me -- my instinct is always to get everything out on the table.
How do I learn which "secrets" are best kept to myself, and know when to keep my mouth shut?
I don‘t know. I mean I understand how it was an uncomfortable situation in that moment and how you wish you‘d kept it to yourself. On the other hand, wouldn‘t it be super duper awkward to reveal your involvement with the guy at a later point? Imagine meeting Courtney a few weeks later with Adam in tow and then, uhm, somehow it comes up that you had been dating before, but for some reason you didn‘t mention that at all when Courtney expressly asked you about Adam...even more awkward, no?
In conclusion, I think this was fine to reveal and you needn‘t feel bad about it. Even if it felt uncomfortable in the moment, sometimes that can‘t be avoided and it doesn‘t mean you (or anyone) did anything wrong.
posted by The Toad at 10:00 PM on April 12, 2018 [61 favorites]
In conclusion, I think this was fine to reveal and you needn‘t feel bad about it. Even if it felt uncomfortable in the moment, sometimes that can‘t be avoided and it doesn‘t mean you (or anyone) did anything wrong.
posted by The Toad at 10:00 PM on April 12, 2018 [61 favorites]
Damage from a childhood filled with Very Big Secrets is maybe something you want to explore further in therapy or something similar. It seems like recalibrating how you think of/act on situations involving truth and honesty could be a good thing for you. The oversharing issue that you are having could be driven by some deeper stuff. It's not dishonest to not disclose absolutely everything.
posted by quince at 11:20 PM on April 12, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by quince at 11:20 PM on April 12, 2018 [5 favorites]
You’re listing the situation as one of a pattern, and I empathize because I often say things in the moment that I regret. Whether it’s over sharing, or inadvertently hurting someone’s feelings because I wanted to make a joke because I was nervous, or just talking too much and not letting the other person speak. This is exacerbated when I have a couple drinks in me. I’m trying very hard lately to 1) limit the drinks at public gatherings, 2) pause a lot more in conversations and 3) ask more questions of the other person than they asked of me.
I can’t stress enough to pause in conversation. If someone asks a personal question, take a moment for a sip of water, get a mint, a tissue, anything. If you get done with your sip of water and think to yourself, “hmmm... here be dragons” you can excuse yourself to the restroom or wherever. Perhaps by the time you get back the conversation will have moved on. But if nothing else, you will have givien yourself time to think about how much to share. Slowing down the conversation will not end the world, I’m learning.
Don’t think of these pauses as lying. You can always answer the question in a minute or an hour or next week. You’re not under oath. You’re not required to tell anybody anything on their timeline.
Learning to ask more questions than you answer is great, too. You can even counter the question, “You know Adam right? What do you think about him?” with a sassy “What do YOU think about him?” Or “Oh, Adam! How long have you been seeing him?” Which again, buys you time to think through how much you actually want to share when you get back to what you think of him.
It’s flattering when people want to know our opinions. It can be difficult to resist over sharing because we like talking about ourselves. Try to give the other person that opportunity and ask them questions instead.
posted by greermahoney at 11:23 PM on April 12, 2018 [13 favorites]
I can’t stress enough to pause in conversation. If someone asks a personal question, take a moment for a sip of water, get a mint, a tissue, anything. If you get done with your sip of water and think to yourself, “hmmm... here be dragons” you can excuse yourself to the restroom or wherever. Perhaps by the time you get back the conversation will have moved on. But if nothing else, you will have givien yourself time to think about how much to share. Slowing down the conversation will not end the world, I’m learning.
Don’t think of these pauses as lying. You can always answer the question in a minute or an hour or next week. You’re not under oath. You’re not required to tell anybody anything on their timeline.
Learning to ask more questions than you answer is great, too. You can even counter the question, “You know Adam right? What do you think about him?” with a sassy “What do YOU think about him?” Or “Oh, Adam! How long have you been seeing him?” Which again, buys you time to think through how much you actually want to share when you get back to what you think of him.
It’s flattering when people want to know our opinions. It can be difficult to resist over sharing because we like talking about ourselves. Try to give the other person that opportunity and ask them questions instead.
posted by greermahoney at 11:23 PM on April 12, 2018 [13 favorites]
Honestly, if I met you and we dated the same guy and I asked how you knew him and you didn't mention it, I would find that far weirder, and wonder what happened between you that was so bad you couldn't even mention that you were once a couple.
I don't think it's oversharing at all. I don't know where the conversation went afterwards though. If you went into too much detail, then yes, for sure, learn just to simplify things and say something like, we dated once, it didn't work out but there's no hard feelings and leave it at that. There's a lot of space between telling the truth and spilling your guts all over the floor. I save the hairy details for close friends and just give surface answers to everyone else. Trust has to be earnt.
posted by Jubey at 3:15 AM on April 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
I don't think it's oversharing at all. I don't know where the conversation went afterwards though. If you went into too much detail, then yes, for sure, learn just to simplify things and say something like, we dated once, it didn't work out but there's no hard feelings and leave it at that. There's a lot of space between telling the truth and spilling your guts all over the floor. I save the hairy details for close friends and just give surface answers to everyone else. Trust has to be earnt.
posted by Jubey at 3:15 AM on April 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
You're framing it as sharing vs not sharing, even lying vs not lying but that's not it at all. Try thinking of it as what is the right amount of information to share with this particular person in this particular situation.
In this case, you might have said something like "Yes, great guy! Actually I used to go out with him for a while. Good for you!" assuming he wasn't some horrible guy she needed to be warned about and left it at that, which is perfectly fine. If she pressed you for details, you were allowed to be vague and change the subject, because you are the boss of what you share with the world and it's not a rule you have to answer a question just because someone asks you one.
Once you stop thinking of it as honesty vs dishonesty, it will take some practice to get good at it but this is a social skill that you can learn, like talking about the weather in an elevator.
posted by Gnella at 3:33 AM on April 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
In this case, you might have said something like "Yes, great guy! Actually I used to go out with him for a while. Good for you!" assuming he wasn't some horrible guy she needed to be warned about and left it at that, which is perfectly fine. If she pressed you for details, you were allowed to be vague and change the subject, because you are the boss of what you share with the world and it's not a rule you have to answer a question just because someone asks you one.
Once you stop thinking of it as honesty vs dishonesty, it will take some practice to get good at it but this is a social skill that you can learn, like talking about the weather in an elevator.
posted by Gnella at 3:33 AM on April 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
Gnella's take was the same as mine- I get the sense that part of your motivation to overshare comes from an innate belief that if you possess any information at all, you are obligated to disclose it, because to withhold it is a form of dishonesty or deception (which makes you uncomfortable). It can cause an almost irresistible urge to get rid of that discomfort by speaking out. This may come from a childhood situation or remembrance of constant urging to tell the truth. Some cultures or families can build this type of dynamic and it's hard to counter it. As an adult, you are capable of making your own choices, so you can learn to respond to that inner prompting with an awareness that it's not a lie by omission if you choose to keep your own counsel.
Of course there are always moments where KNOW SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING will 100% apply- any "missing stair" knowledge, or other things that put someone at risk, etc, should be told, IMO. But I don't think you're asking about the clear-cut instances... you're asking about everyday conversation, social interaction, etc. in general. You are under no obligation to say anything to anyone. It's not wrong or dishonest. If asked, you can share. But maybe a good rule of thumb would be, if you feel that compulsion to speak, STOP- and ask yourself why you're feeling it. Think about how your words might play out. In most cases, it's probably far better to say nothing. If someone makes a direct inquiry, though, that is different, and you can decide then what factors influence how much/how little you may want to say.
in retrospect I realize that the information does nothing but hurt them or make their lives more complicated.
That sounds almost like it could indicate a perverse pleasure in knowing your words have the power to change someone else's life or mindset, even if it's negative. That sense of power can be hard to set aside. It's difficult to recognize our own motivations sometimes. Please know I mean no offense- but is it at all possible that any of your info-sharing impulse comes from a place of wanting to show off how much you know, and see what results you might get? Is it possible that self-interest, and wanting to be seen as smarter, more informed, etc., is overshadowing the consideration of how your audience may be affected by your revelations? I know I have done this myself. I'm not proud of it, but I the attention made me feel good. But later, I saw that when I grabbed the spotlight, I overshared myself right into hurting someone. Also, I know that being around certain people (usually snarky drama-queen types) can push me to say way more than I might, were I not in the gossip crucible. I learned to listen way more than I spoke. Because once said, the words can't be recalled. The hurt could not be undone.
I guess the TL;DR is, try to understand why you're feeling the push to speak. Where is your motivation coming from? Altruism? Ego? Knee-jerk "honesty" prompt from childhood? Once you know the why, it's much easier to decide whether in that moment, you should speak or keep silent. Think about the fallout. Who will be affected? And remember you can almost always choose to speak later, if need be. But you can never recall words spoken in haste.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 5:02 AM on April 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
Of course there are always moments where KNOW SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING will 100% apply- any "missing stair" knowledge, or other things that put someone at risk, etc, should be told, IMO. But I don't think you're asking about the clear-cut instances... you're asking about everyday conversation, social interaction, etc. in general. You are under no obligation to say anything to anyone. It's not wrong or dishonest. If asked, you can share. But maybe a good rule of thumb would be, if you feel that compulsion to speak, STOP- and ask yourself why you're feeling it. Think about how your words might play out. In most cases, it's probably far better to say nothing. If someone makes a direct inquiry, though, that is different, and you can decide then what factors influence how much/how little you may want to say.
in retrospect I realize that the information does nothing but hurt them or make their lives more complicated.
That sounds almost like it could indicate a perverse pleasure in knowing your words have the power to change someone else's life or mindset, even if it's negative. That sense of power can be hard to set aside. It's difficult to recognize our own motivations sometimes. Please know I mean no offense- but is it at all possible that any of your info-sharing impulse comes from a place of wanting to show off how much you know, and see what results you might get? Is it possible that self-interest, and wanting to be seen as smarter, more informed, etc., is overshadowing the consideration of how your audience may be affected by your revelations? I know I have done this myself. I'm not proud of it, but I the attention made me feel good. But later, I saw that when I grabbed the spotlight, I overshared myself right into hurting someone. Also, I know that being around certain people (usually snarky drama-queen types) can push me to say way more than I might, were I not in the gossip crucible. I learned to listen way more than I spoke. Because once said, the words can't be recalled. The hurt could not be undone.
I guess the TL;DR is, try to understand why you're feeling the push to speak. Where is your motivation coming from? Altruism? Ego? Knee-jerk "honesty" prompt from childhood? Once you know the why, it's much easier to decide whether in that moment, you should speak or keep silent. Think about the fallout. Who will be affected? And remember you can almost always choose to speak later, if need be. But you can never recall words spoken in haste.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 5:02 AM on April 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
We were out for drinks
For what it's worth, occurrences like what you describe go up exponentially for me when there's any booze involved.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:37 AM on April 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
For what it's worth, occurrences like what you describe go up exponentially for me when there's any booze involved.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:37 AM on April 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
Another vote for "not a big deal" - at least not the incident above as you described it. Just because a conversation is awkward doesn't mean that it was wrong to have the conversation.
Several years ago someone once told me about their intense need to "confess" to others, especially authority figures - she was in therapy and I think also being treated for OCD. What you've described does not seem like the same issue. But if you find it's affecting your quality of life, you could seek therapy.
(DarlingBri makes a really good point about booze. "In vino veritas" is a saying for a reason.)
posted by bunderful at 5:45 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Several years ago someone once told me about their intense need to "confess" to others, especially authority figures - she was in therapy and I think also being treated for OCD. What you've described does not seem like the same issue. But if you find it's affecting your quality of life, you could seek therapy.
(DarlingBri makes a really good point about booze. "In vino veritas" is a saying for a reason.)
posted by bunderful at 5:45 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Like everyone else, I don't think you made a mistake with disclosing you used to date the guy. Maybe you got too detailed afterwards, I don't know. But "out for drinks" is a very specific kind of socializing, and honestly some boozy fake-bonding like this is pretty much par for the course.
Anyway though, if it is a pattern with you, one thing you can try - and this is not easy or comfortable - is to try to put yourself in the potential disclosee's shoes before you say the thing. Get out of your own head for a minute, and try to see the conversation from their point of view. Will the thing you're about to say be part of a pleasant chat for them? Or will it make things weird?
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:32 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Anyway though, if it is a pattern with you, one thing you can try - and this is not easy or comfortable - is to try to put yourself in the potential disclosee's shoes before you say the thing. Get out of your own head for a minute, and try to see the conversation from their point of view. Will the thing you're about to say be part of a pleasant chat for them? Or will it make things weird?
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:32 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I don't think the example you provided is really oversharing. Oversharing would be saying something like "his left testicle is like waaaayyyyy bigger than his right!"
From your example I don't know if you really have an oversharing problem or if you just have a bit of feelings because of your upbringing, but either way I find a good approach to life is "First, do nothing" meaning let yourself actually absorb information and compose your thoughts for a sec before speaking or acting.
posted by WeekendJen at 6:47 AM on April 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
From your example I don't know if you really have an oversharing problem or if you just have a bit of feelings because of your upbringing, but either way I find a good approach to life is "First, do nothing" meaning let yourself actually absorb information and compose your thoughts for a sec before speaking or acting.
posted by WeekendJen at 6:47 AM on April 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
You are not a politician, an employer discussing an employee, or a therapist whose client is talking about another one of your clients. You are a person in an informal social situation, doing the best you can to have a reasonably honest, connected, fun conversation. The burden of appropriate speech is more flexible than you seem to allow yourself. Now, if it feels like oversharing because in retrospect you just don't want people to know your business, that's one thing. But to worry that you're supposed to shield others from any potential feeling of slight awkwardness is well above the pay grade of the situation. Sometimes life is a little awkward -- it's OK. You don't have to be responsible for every uncomfortable feeling of everyone you talk to... :)
posted by flourpot at 6:50 AM on April 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by flourpot at 6:50 AM on April 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
So - I have anxiety that often manifests itself in a tendency to fill voids and overshare on things. One trick I learned from a former mentor is - take a moment before you say anything in a conversation. Practice this in low-key situations - someone says something, stops, and you take a breath. Call it contemplation, active listening, whatever, but even a brief moment moves you from reacting to what is being said to responding to what is being said. It often is enough time to convince yourself that your snap instinct might not be the thing you should say.
Also - I find one other thing that has helped is to be simpler with message and language. Add details if people probe but don't offer them right up front.
posted by notorious medium at 6:58 AM on April 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also - I find one other thing that has helped is to be simpler with message and language. Add details if people probe but don't offer them right up front.
posted by notorious medium at 6:58 AM on April 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
To take a pause in the conversation is good. Something I learned here on Metafilter is to ask the three questions: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said now? Does this need to be said by me?
posted by matildaben at 8:47 AM on April 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by matildaben at 8:47 AM on April 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Call it contemplation, active listening, whatever
I came in to suggest learning some active listening techniques, because it's not really just about listening but about engaging very mindfully, which is something almost all of us could be better at. It'll help you strengthen your skills for knowing what to say and when.
For the record, I think if someone specifically says "what do you think about the person I'm dating" you should disclose the specific fact that you went out with him, just no details. Either, "I should disclose we went out briefly a while back, but he's a great guy, we just weren't a good fit" or "and I don't know that I could endorse him to someone else" or "and I think he's dangerous and you shouldn't be alone with him" or whatever your one true feeling about that is. It's a thing I wouldn't want to have to answer for later, so I would say it, but try not to say too much.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:03 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I came in to suggest learning some active listening techniques, because it's not really just about listening but about engaging very mindfully, which is something almost all of us could be better at. It'll help you strengthen your skills for knowing what to say and when.
For the record, I think if someone specifically says "what do you think about the person I'm dating" you should disclose the specific fact that you went out with him, just no details. Either, "I should disclose we went out briefly a while back, but he's a great guy, we just weren't a good fit" or "and I don't know that I could endorse him to someone else" or "and I think he's dangerous and you shouldn't be alone with him" or whatever your one true feeling about that is. It's a thing I wouldn't want to have to answer for later, so I would say it, but try not to say too much.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:03 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I do this, too. I was reading Jennifer' Egan's Manhattan Beach yesterday and there was a line that will stick with me: "Never part with a fact unless you've no choice."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:58 AM on April 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:58 AM on April 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
"I know information that I feel like I need to disclose to someone, and in retrospect I realize that the information does nothing but hurt them or make their lives more complicated."
R-reading this part of your question, it reads like you have information that impacts someone and it might hurt them if they knew it.
I don't consider this oversharing. In your example, Courtney asked you what you thoughts were on Adam. You and Adam briefly dated. You have thoughts about Adam based on your experiences. That's appropriate to share. Not necessarily in great, vivid detail, but to answer in a truthful way that yes, may negatively impact Courtney if what you experienced wasn't too great. She may choose not to date Adam based on what you say, and that's totally ok.
In your example, if telling Courtney that ""Yeah, he's a nice guy," or, "Yeah, I met him through Laura,"" means that you didn't answer her core question which is, "Is he a good guy to date", then yeah, you'd be lying and that would be shitty.
"How do I learn which "secrets" are best kept to myself, and know when to keep my mouth shut?"
The key word here is "secrets." Is it a secret if someone isn't a nice guy? Is it a secret if someone is a shitty person? What is the impact of this secret to the person you're interacting with and why is it a secret anyway? I don't think you're wrong to want to tell people things that are true but that may potentially hurt them or complicate their lives.
posted by vivzan at 10:13 AM on April 13, 2018
R-reading this part of your question, it reads like you have information that impacts someone and it might hurt them if they knew it.
I don't consider this oversharing. In your example, Courtney asked you what you thoughts were on Adam. You and Adam briefly dated. You have thoughts about Adam based on your experiences. That's appropriate to share. Not necessarily in great, vivid detail, but to answer in a truthful way that yes, may negatively impact Courtney if what you experienced wasn't too great. She may choose not to date Adam based on what you say, and that's totally ok.
In your example, if telling Courtney that ""Yeah, he's a nice guy," or, "Yeah, I met him through Laura,"" means that you didn't answer her core question which is, "Is he a good guy to date", then yeah, you'd be lying and that would be shitty.
"How do I learn which "secrets" are best kept to myself, and know when to keep my mouth shut?"
The key word here is "secrets." Is it a secret if someone isn't a nice guy? Is it a secret if someone is a shitty person? What is the impact of this secret to the person you're interacting with and why is it a secret anyway? I don't think you're wrong to want to tell people things that are true but that may potentially hurt them or complicate their lives.
posted by vivzan at 10:13 AM on April 13, 2018
Patience is key. You can not-say something an infinite number of times, and still have a fine opportunity to share that information at a later date - but once you tell your story, it's told, and you can't undo it. So hang back, take your time, and be patient. If you didn't have that awkward conversation yesterday, you could re-evaluate the situation next time you saw her (are they still dating, do you still like her well enough to gossip with, have you heard anything more about A&C from other friends, etc) and make a new decision about whether you'd like to tell her (including evaluating how sharing info will make you look - helpful vs gossipy, kind vs judgemental, part of the community vs awkward ex). So be patient, and hold off on sharing things that aren't necessary until the time is right. And maybe the time will never be right.
Also, it's not about "secrets", you're not making choices of honesty vs concealment - it's about timing and relevance. Unless you say "Adam? Is he the blond guy? Barely know him!" you're not being dishonest at all, even when you don't volunteer all the information you have. If someone asks me a question, I answer it honestly - but I stick to the question. In this case she asked, "do you know him" not "didn't you and he used to date", so you can choose to talk about it or not. Part of not over-sharing is paying attention to what the person is asking, what they already know, and tailoring my response to fit the conversation they are trying to lead.
posted by aimedwander at 10:39 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, it's not about "secrets", you're not making choices of honesty vs concealment - it's about timing and relevance. Unless you say "Adam? Is he the blond guy? Barely know him!" you're not being dishonest at all, even when you don't volunteer all the information you have. If someone asks me a question, I answer it honestly - but I stick to the question. In this case she asked, "do you know him" not "didn't you and he used to date", so you can choose to talk about it or not. Part of not over-sharing is paying attention to what the person is asking, what they already know, and tailoring my response to fit the conversation they are trying to lead.
posted by aimedwander at 10:39 AM on April 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Your example and the question don't really match up. Oversharing is telling someone who is not close, or who is busy with their own stuff, intense details about your personal life.
Do you tend to tell people things that have a lot of emotional weight for you, in situations that are not intimate?
As folks have said, if a friend brings up their nascent relationship with someone you once dated, and then you do not provide the info that you once dated the person that's weird. Withholding.
If someone you just met at a birthday party says, oh, I really need to buy my mom a gift for St. Olaf's day, and then your reply is, "St. Olaf's day - yeah, I don't celebrate because my grandma died in a fire on St. Olaf's day and I was accused of setting the fire but that was back when I was a blackout drunk so who knows." That's oversharing.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:41 PM on April 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
Do you tend to tell people things that have a lot of emotional weight for you, in situations that are not intimate?
As folks have said, if a friend brings up their nascent relationship with someone you once dated, and then you do not provide the info that you once dated the person that's weird. Withholding.
If someone you just met at a birthday party says, oh, I really need to buy my mom a gift for St. Olaf's day, and then your reply is, "St. Olaf's day - yeah, I don't celebrate because my grandma died in a fire on St. Olaf's day and I was accused of setting the fire but that was back when I was a blackout drunk so who knows." That's oversharing.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:41 PM on April 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Next time you get a hinky feeling, say, "oh sorry, I have to get up for work tomorrow."
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 10:00 PM on April 12, 2018 [1 favorite]