Gender neutral, trans inclusive resources on sexual assault

April 2, 2018 10:02 PM

I'm looking for online resources to help dealing with sexual assault. The difficulty is that it needs to be written in a way that does not presume the perpetrator is male and does not presume the survivor is female.

The reason I'm looking for this is that I've been working on addressing my own rape trauma (associated with an assault that happened a long time ago but have never really dealt with)

The problem I'm running into is that 99% of what I read is written assuming that cis women are the survivors, and so they use phrases like "believe women" instead of the more precise "believe survivors" language.

I *CANNOT* read these things without bursting into tears. It sets off my trauma responses because my rapist was a cis woman, and at the time the assault happened I lived as a man. Resources targeted at male rape survivors tend to be less gender specific, but even they tend to presume the rapist was male (and of course it interacts very poorly with my gender dysphoria to be forced to think of myself as a man now). I keep trying to google this to find something that fits the bill but of course this is a futile effort because all the top hits are #metoo style pieces that are massively triggering, so I can't even read the search results.

Any help at all would be deeply appreciated

posted by saltbush and olive to Health & Fitness (6 answers total)

I'm so sorry this happened to you and that resources are so hard to find that aren't horribly gendered. I hadn't realised just how truly terrible it was until you posted about it. None of my usual resources are sensitive or appropriate. Although this may be of some help. I'm also happy to get on the phone for you and ring around to try to get your more appropriate, local, resources if Ask doesn't supply them.( I can imagine that just making those phone calls could be frustrating or distressing or both.)

Much love and big hugs. Let me know if I can be more helpful or you just want someone to drink wine or shop with.
posted by taff at 11:11 PM on April 2, 2018

Not precisely gender neutral, but this (called MaleSurvivor) looks like it has a treasure trove of resources oriented toward male survivors of sexual assault, and it acknowledges throughout that many perpetrators are women. I took a quick look at the forums and there is at least one thread for gay/bi/trans survivors. I don't have any firsthand experience of this site, but it looks non-dodgy by all the metrics I can think of: researchers who study this issue appear to have been heavily involved in it, it has links to that research, it doesn't presume that the perpetrator was male or that the abuse occurred during childhood, etc.

Also, this isn't a resource per se, but if it's helpful to see some representation in media, here is a Cracked article titled "5 awful realities of being a man who was raped by a woman" which I found pretty sympathetic.
posted by forza at 11:17 PM on April 2, 2018

Have you seen theSupernova project? While it may not be specific to your situation it acknowledges assault happens to everyone, regardless of gender.

I'm really sorry to hear this happened to you and wishing you lots of love and support.
posted by teststrip at 11:59 PM on April 2, 2018

My top recommendation is the resources available from FORGE, a national transgender anti-violence organisation which is also good for gender non-conforming and non-binary people. Their resources for survivors are probably a good place to start, but there's a lot of good information on that site if you have a look at the other links. Their self-help guide to healing specifically includes the experiences of people who identified as male at the time that they were assaulted by a woman.

For a more youth-oriented take, Love is Respect is LGBTQ inclusive and uses neutral terminology throughout. They also offer support via chat, text or phone. I realise that your abusive relationship was not necessarily a queer relationship given your gender identity at the time, but the fact that they are aware of intersections between gender identity and abuse may be helpful now.

I'm really sorry that you experienced this. You are incredibly brave to be dealing with it. Sending you hugs if desired.
posted by Athanassiel at 12:26 AM on April 3, 2018 [3 favorites]

If you call a rape hotline, or text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741, and brief them on your situation, you will have a kind, caring human who will likely use the right genders, or no genders, if you request, while talking with you. This is not a long-term solution, of course, since these are, by nature, crisis hotlines. But for a quick fix of immediate listening, they'll help. And if you just need to rage about the lack of resources, they'll listen to that, too.

Thank your for bringing this up, and I'll be sure to keep my eye out for more gender neutral resources.
posted by greermahoney at 12:52 AM on April 3, 2018 [1 favorite]

RAINN is another good resource. The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is a national organization that is associated with most of the nation's sexual assault survivor organization, and is a resource for individuals and sexual assault organizations alike. If you contact them they can refer you to an appropriate organization in your community. Many local organizations offer free, confidential, and individual counseling as well as immediately-available crisis counseling. They have a hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) and can also be contacted via their website rainn.org or their chatline at online.rainn.org.

I also was assaulted and raped many years ago, and while not complicated with the gender issues you have, it was such a relief to finally deal with it years later. It really is true that suppressing a painful experience doesn't work. It always has an effect, whether you admit it or not. And it really does make a difference to "just talk about it". It helps process the experience. It is so brave of you to reach out for assistance!
posted by citygirl at 10:46 AM on April 3, 2018