17yo exploring gender: need fashion & skincare resources
April 1, 2018 12:48 AM Subscribe
Our almost-17yo is realizing that he is interested in a more feminine, stylish personal presentation, but struggles to articulate what that might be. Help point me to resources for him.
I'd like to give him some resources--catalogs, websites, magazines--that would show a broad range of options. This might mean things aimed at women, at gay men, specifically gender-non-conforming, all of the above?
As a bonus, he wants to learn about skincare, and my partner and I are clueless, so also: resources for learning about the kinds of things one might call a "skincare regimen" with possibly a hint of makeup tips?
Part of the problem is that he wants help but isn't quite feeling brave enough to describe exactly what he might be imagining, so we really need something like, "Welcome to the wide world of all the fashion and beauty."
We are a family that includes three other trans people, all on the transmasculine spectrum. So we're pretty much up on trans stuff in general, just at a loss when it comes to femininity and beauty.
A complication is that he is working on some social anxiety, so isn't quite ready to just go cruise the mall or thrift shops for ideas.
I'd like to give him some resources--catalogs, websites, magazines--that would show a broad range of options. This might mean things aimed at women, at gay men, specifically gender-non-conforming, all of the above?
As a bonus, he wants to learn about skincare, and my partner and I are clueless, so also: resources for learning about the kinds of things one might call a "skincare regimen" with possibly a hint of makeup tips?
Part of the problem is that he wants help but isn't quite feeling brave enough to describe exactly what he might be imagining, so we really need something like, "Welcome to the wide world of all the fashion and beauty."
We are a family that includes three other trans people, all on the transmasculine spectrum. So we're pretty much up on trans stuff in general, just at a loss when it comes to femininity and beauty.
A complication is that he is working on some social anxiety, so isn't quite ready to just go cruise the mall or thrift shops for ideas.
I really like the skincare advice from Paula's Choice because they demystify a lot of products and ingredients, based on scientific evidence. How to Put Together a Skincare Routine is a good place to start. /r/SkincareAddiction is also a potential resource, especially because all types of people post before-and-after photos there; however, it's just ordinary people posting, so the advice is occasionally based more on personal experience than on scientific research.
posted by neushoorn at 2:29 AM on April 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by neushoorn at 2:29 AM on April 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
I had this book by Bobbi Brown when I was a teen. Mostly skin care, light, teen-appropriate makeup.
posted by emkelley at 4:31 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by emkelley at 4:31 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
He might do well by finding some celebs with a fashion sense he admires, and digging deeper into their look. Those people will have lots of pics online, and may have their own fashion lines, beauty/grooming tips, etc. It could be a real person, a character in a movie, whatever. If you suggest he should try to find a fashion icon, he doesn't have to tell you who it is. It's just to give him some direction as he's finding his style.
A complication is that he is working on some social anxiety, so isn't quite ready to just go cruise the mall or thrift shops for ideas.
Mom can take him shopping, and he can stand there and play the sullen teenage boy while Mom pretends like she's shopping for an absent teenage daughter. You don't have to actually buy anything. It's more about figuring out what he likes, while having Mom as cover. If you're looking to actually buy stuff Mom can ask him stuff like, "Do you think your sister would like this?" and he can grunt and nod. NOBODY there will assume Mom is really shopping for him. If that feels too awkward for a family activity, maybe he has a girl friend who could shop with him? Early in my drag days I'd do this with my girlfriend and it worked out very well.
Have him talk to his transmasculine family members. Yes, what they went through is different in some ways, but in other ways it may be closer than you'd think. Trans is a wide spectrum, but trans is trans.
It's great that this kid is brave enough to explore this stuff, and you're awesome parents for being so supportive.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:51 AM on April 1, 2018
A complication is that he is working on some social anxiety, so isn't quite ready to just go cruise the mall or thrift shops for ideas.
Mom can take him shopping, and he can stand there and play the sullen teenage boy while Mom pretends like she's shopping for an absent teenage daughter. You don't have to actually buy anything. It's more about figuring out what he likes, while having Mom as cover. If you're looking to actually buy stuff Mom can ask him stuff like, "Do you think your sister would like this?" and he can grunt and nod. NOBODY there will assume Mom is really shopping for him. If that feels too awkward for a family activity, maybe he has a girl friend who could shop with him? Early in my drag days I'd do this with my girlfriend and it worked out very well.
Have him talk to his transmasculine family members. Yes, what they went through is different in some ways, but in other ways it may be closer than you'd think. Trans is a wide spectrum, but trans is trans.
It's great that this kid is brave enough to explore this stuff, and you're awesome parents for being so supportive.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:51 AM on April 1, 2018
Tynan Sinks archive on XOJane and his current work on Allure
posted by fluttering hellfire at 6:13 AM on April 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by fluttering hellfire at 6:13 AM on April 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
/r/MakeupAddiction is a nice companion to /r/skincareaddiction. A positive, accepting community.
posted by jilloftrades at 7:10 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by jilloftrades at 7:10 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
I learned most of what I know through Instagram and YouTube. Insta is FULL of makeup wearing people and gender presenting people of all varieties. They often post videos or tips and or products in the description box and often have coordinating YouTube channels. On insta you can also privately save stuff to collections for reference or inspiration.
posted by Crystalinne at 7:57 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Crystalinne at 7:57 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
Came in to rec Tynan Sinks and to follow him on Instagram. Also James Charles and Patrick Starrr on YouTube and Instagram.
posted by tatiana wishbone at 8:20 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by tatiana wishbone at 8:20 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
Subscribe to a beauty sample box or bag! I get ipsy, $10 per month, and the web experience (instructions, user reviews, shopping) is part of it.
The branding is very inclusive— ALL kinds of models, definitely not just cis women, so he’ll be exposed to all kinds of people of all sorts of presentations using the products.
posted by kapers at 8:41 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
The branding is very inclusive— ALL kinds of models, definitely not just cis women, so he’ll be exposed to all kinds of people of all sorts of presentations using the products.
posted by kapers at 8:41 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
MAC is all gender friendly.
posted by brujita at 8:45 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by brujita at 8:45 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
Youtube!!! Jeffree Star is an awful person in a lot of ways but is great for this specifically.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:01 AM on April 1, 2018
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:01 AM on April 1, 2018
This was linked on the Blue recently: a lovely, well-written piece by a cis man trying makeup for the first time, which also links to some useful tutorial videos.
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:22 AM on April 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:22 AM on April 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
YouTube is a great idea, but Jeffree Star is fucking awful so maybe let's not give those clicks?
How about vloggers like-
Stef Sanjati
Manny MUA
Patrick Starrr
James Charles
Wesley Benjamin Carter
Travis Bryant
Shameless Maya does makeup collabs with her cousin Jeigh
Bretman Rock
Trell West
Chris Oflyng (shy straight guy who wears makeup to hide acne)
posted by pseudostrabismus at 9:23 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
How about vloggers like-
Stef Sanjati
Manny MUA
Patrick Starrr
James Charles
Wesley Benjamin Carter
Travis Bryant
Shameless Maya does makeup collabs with her cousin Jeigh
Bretman Rock
Trell West
Chris Oflyng (shy straight guy who wears makeup to hide acne)
posted by pseudostrabismus at 9:23 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
Might like to try painting nails? Cheap and low risk to experiment with, can read as hip/feminine style for any gender/sex
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:26 PM on April 1, 2018
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:26 PM on April 1, 2018
He could watch the reboot of Queer Eye on Netflix. Lot's of neat grooming and fashion tips, presented in a positive and supportive way.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 11:26 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 11:26 PM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
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posted by Roger Schredderer at 2:25 AM on April 1, 2018 [1 favorite]