What baby gear am I forgetting? Tips for second kid?
March 19, 2018 8:36 AM   Subscribe

Kid #2 is arriving in the next month. What do you wish you had known? What gear am I forgetting we need? Tips on cloth diapering? What prep are we forgetting? I have lots of questions.

The nesting instinct has arrived rather late in the game, but I'm 36 weeks and am starting to worry about what we need. Kid #1 is almost 4. We have a car seat, a crib, a swing, a changing mat, bathtub, a pack n' play, diaper bag, a carrier, a stroller, baby clothes, swaddles. I'm realizing there is probably other stuff we've forgotten about! Is there anything really obvious I'm missing? We tend towards not wanting a ton of stuff, but I also know how babies and kids are.....they need a lot of gear. Like, in typing this I just realized I'm not sure we have any baby bottles.

Some specific other gear/stuff related questions:
-Do I need a new pump? I never liked my old pump all that much (Hygeia) - is it worth trying to get another one through my insurance? Has pump technology actually improved in the last four years? I will probably not need it for 4-6 months unless I want to leave the baby or start using bottles earlier. Kid #1 never took to a bottle so we have no real experience with those.
-Is there any other game-changer baby gear that's come out in the last 3-4 years?
-Is there anything I'm forgetting about that's small and only used for really new ones? I mean, we have a thermometer, we have a nose frida, we will get some baby tylenol and diaper cream, but anything else?
-Last time, we cloth diapered using a service. So easy! This time we're doing it at home. I have a box of hand-me-down cloth diapers from a friend. What's your favorite resource on what we need to know to do this at home?
-We know we need more frozen/easy to eat food, so we're working on that, but anything you loved having on hand?
-Are those movement monitors actually worth it?
-Kid #1 never took to a pacifier, should we have any on hand for #2? Any recommendations?
-#1 is a girl, #2 will be a boy. I can't imagine there's anything too boy-specific I need or should know, other than covering his penis while diaper changing to prevent pee in the face, but am I wrong?

Also - anything you wish you had known or done before #2 arrived?
posted by john_snow to Grab Bag (27 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: thenappylady is an amazing resource - for some reason the advice isn’t navigable from the mobile site, but on the desktop site there is loads of info about washing cloth nappies, storing them, troubleshooting, which types of nappies are best for different situations, etc. She has a YouTube channel too.

I use a nappy bucket and mesh bag and pre-soak in water, then just chuck everything in the wash at 60 every two days. I use a prewash, long wash cycle and extra rinse, and air dry. No problems after twelve months, and it isn’t particularly harder than using disposables. I needed 20 nappies for a newborn, and 10-15 now my son is one.

In terms of boys and nappies - point the penis down to avoid leaks, and make sure any boosters/pads are up front where they are most needed. External genitalia are pretty easy to keep clean - if you aren’t from a culture that circumcises, don’t try to retract the foreskin to clean. It’s stuck down at birth and isn’t meant to retract, it will retract on it’s own when he is older.

Pumps have not changed much - what didn’t you like about yours? Might be a fit problem rather than a pump problem? Nobody loves pumps, but mine was far more comfortable and effective when I went down a flange size.

The only thing I see missing off your list of other equipment is a baby sleep bag - you can’t use them from birth (usually from about 10lb or so) or if you’re co-sleeping (they’ll overheat if they’re under your covers too), but they are so much easier and safer than blankets or duvets in a cot.
posted by tinkletown at 8:56 AM on March 19, 2018


Can the stroller handle both kids?

I was in a similar situation where my kids are 3.5 years apart, so first-born was walking but wouldn't/couldn't put up with long distances. Meltdowns, when you are a mile from the car, are not pleasant.

We had a rollerboard-like thing that would attach to the back of the stroller to let him stand on it and ride along. Some stroller makers offer compatible attachments, some are 'universal' fit.
posted by JoeZydeco at 9:12 AM on March 19, 2018 [2 favorites]


Our children were 4 yrs apart back between '77 and '81. I was surprised at how much tech and fashion had moved in that time. E.g., the car seat we had for #1 was in disrepute for #2. So, check the old stuff you have too.
posted by SemiSalt at 9:13 AM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: Nothing much to add except that I seemed to need a lot less stuff the second time around. The only thing I will say is I wish I was more prepared for "second child guilt" -- the guilt at how much less time I spent with my second baby than my first and still (gulp) do. I would've been easier on myself had I known that this is A Thing.
posted by caoimhe at 9:21 AM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: Make sure the car seat is still okay and not "expired". (I live in the very litigious US, where car seats have a life expectancy of 5 years.)
posted by heathrowga at 9:27 AM on March 19, 2018


Response by poster: Not to thread-sit, but: we bought a new infant car seat (old one had expired) and yes, we have a couple of sleep sacks.
My pump just never seemed very effective (I did not have to use it daily with #1) despite trying lots of different flange sizes and even different sizes on each breast. I'm not sure if "not that effective" is a thing with all pumps, or that one, or me. I had no trouble producing plenty of milk so not a supply issue.
posted by john_snow at 9:37 AM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: I suggest getting a new pump. Outside of concerns about mold growth and general ick, the motors really are not designed to last for ages and ages. A new pump will get you started on the best foot possible. My youngest is almost 3, and I was just looking at pumps to help out a friend. There are some new and awesome looking options! Its cost may be covered by your insurance.

We loved swaddleme wraps with my oldest. The velcro was rather busted and they were pretty streched out, so to achieve maximum swaddling we bought new ones.

Between my first and second, it seemed like a lot of new gear came out, but we figured that if the items we had worked for the first, they would be fine for the second. Plus if the second had issues (reflux, colic, etc.) we could just purchase something as we realized it was needed.

Oh and we bought new bottle nipples and a new diaper bag that had a better setup for two kids.
posted by avocado_of_merriment at 9:45 AM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: I wish I had known that sometimes with a second baby, the huge and sudden rush of love that you may have felt with your first could be totally absent. Instead of sleeping after birthing number two, I spent a long time googling "why don't I love my baby???" Just know that it's a thing that happens. If it happens, go through the motions, get some sleep and support, and at some point you'll realize that you love the kid beyond words.
posted by Baethan at 9:53 AM on March 19, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: The one boy-specific thing I learned was that if it's warm and your baby is just sitting around in a diaper, you can often leave the cover off with a boy. (If it's a fitted diaper or you're using pins.) When I had a girl I would read about people going coverless and I could never figure out how they made that work because it led to a huge mess whenever I tried it. With a boy, you just end up with a wet spot in front.
posted by Redstart at 10:27 AM on March 19, 2018


About to have number one and found lots of cloth diapers for sale that were gently used and in great condition. We are able to try lots of different types of cloth diapers, covers, pads and prefolds for a fraction of the cost of buying cloth diapers new.
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:34 AM on March 19, 2018


MeMail me if you want my pump - it's quite good, a Medela Pump in Style, compact and with a good motor. Barely used, bought in mid 2016. The advice I got about flanges (from a really good lactation consultant) was that you always need a bigger size than you think. It might be worth seeing someone for a fitting - the place I went to kept a whole range of flange sizes and it was so helpful to have her watch me use them and describe how they ought to work and fit.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 11:10 AM on March 19, 2018 [1 favorite]


Definitely find out what pumps are available through your insurance. I've heard that the Spectra brand is pretty great, and was not one that really had a footprint four years ago.

If you decide to just keep going with the Hygeia, order new tubing and valves at the least. The Medela flanges are compatible, so that's another thing you could try. I did use a Hygeia Enjoye and didn't have any issues with it, so it's not like they're universally crap, but if it didn't work for you it didn't work for you.

Don't go crazy buying baby bottles or pacifiers - it seems pretty personal which ones different babies will accept, so no point in stocking up ahead of time. Maybe pick up a variety to try, if anything.
posted by Kriesa at 12:02 PM on March 19, 2018


Those kickboards for strollers always seemed like a good idea to me. We never got them for our kids but our lives probably would have been marginally better if we had.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:03 PM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: Cloth diapers: If you had any issues at all with rashes/fungal rashes then I'd recommend the following routine, which has worked for us with the same set of diapers for our two kids (4 and 1.5 years at this point):

0. Use prefolds until age 8 months or so, then go to the flats for ease of washing and thorough cleanability.
1. Tissue thin diaper liners are godsends for making life easier once the kiddo goes to solid food but is still in diapers.
2. Into a pail with a washable liner (have an extra for this).
3. Once or twice a week begin laundry cycle with a 'toss everything in the washer and rinse on cold', make sure flats are fully shaken out before dropping into washer.
4. After rinse cycle, add gentle laundry detergent of choice along with a few drops of tea tree oil, grapefruit seed oil, and a downy ball filled with vinegar and wash with hot water. Extra rinse optional.
5. Line dry if at all possible, the sun does wonders for diapers, both aesthetically and biologically.
6. Fold flats using origami fold.
7. Close with snappi rubber bandy grippy thingy, god we love these.
8. Put cover on.

* overnight soaker covers made of wool are good for early stages and later stages of diaper association.

Make sure your sleep training game is on point unless you want to lose your mind with two kids to deal with instead of one. Things do not get easier from here on out in the sleep department. We loved the book Healthy Sleep Happy Child along with the Happiest Baby on the Block video for swaddling, side, shake (gently!), shush, sleep tips.
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:34 PM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: We know we need more frozen/easy to eat food, so we're working on that, but anything you loved having on hand?
-Are those movement monitors actually worth it?


Bananas man, bananas!

Monitors, no, I heard all they really did for parents who got them without medical need/reasons was freak them the eff out when the heartbeat warning sensor went off 2x a week and sent them running across the house to do god knows what to their, supposedly no longer heart beating child who was of course perfectly fine but had rolled off the sensor mat thing.

Is there any other game-changer baby gear that's come out in the last 3-4 years?

We love this style sippy cup. They can use it easily, supposedly better for their mouth/teeth, and just as spillproof as any other sippy we used before it. Also a silicon bib with catch trough at bottom. So good.
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:39 PM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: I'd say get a new pump. It should be free with your insurance. I ordered through Aeroflow which worked even though it wasn't listed as an option by my insurance and it was nice because you could do the whole process online instead of over the phone. I like my Spectra S2.

The advice seems to be to introduce a bottle and pacifier between weeks 4 and 6, which worked for us but not all of my friends. Glow in the dark pacifiers are nice for nighttime. Having some sterilized bottles is a good idea right of the bat; I couldn't get my baby to latch on one side so needed to pump and bottle feed a bit until we figured that out.

We like the miracle blanket swaddle. At first I thought it was too many steps and now it's the only one we use.
posted by carolr at 12:45 PM on March 19, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Baby banana is 18 weeks old (oh my!), though he’s our first so I can’t comment on the second kid stuff.

Agree with the advice to get a new pump. Aeroflow makes it really easy, but they didn’t work with my insurance and it was still pretty easy. I have and like the Spectra S2 but if your insurance will let you upgrade to the S1 with rechargeable battery I’d go with that. We rented a hospital grade pump for about a month and saw no output difference between that and the Spectra, which makes me think it’s a really good pump.

For meal prep, we loved having breakfast sandwiches and breakfast burritos premade in the freezer. I also ate a ton of these lactation cookies . Not sure if they actually helped my supply but I figured they couldn’t hurt and they were also delicious. If you can get a helpful friend/family member who likes to bake, like my awesome MIL, to make you a double or triple batch, I highly recommend it! I think they’re awesome straight from the freezer but it would be easy to pull a few at a time out on the counter.

In terms of other items you might not have but might want in the first few months, we love this white noise machine (awesome for when our pup barks while the baby’s sleeping - I assume it’d be similar for having an older kiddo making noise) and the travel version (for a sleep aid in the car), this cool dimming light (awesome for middle of the night diaper changes), and this easy-to-use forehead thermometer (I’d say it’s accurate within a degree so if the reading is iffy I still double check with a rectal thermometer, but this is awesome for those middle of the night “my kid feels warm - should I take a full rectal temp?” moments).

Congrats and best of luck to you guys!
posted by bananacabana at 2:31 PM on March 19, 2018


First important thing to know about having Kid2. Kid1 was x amount of work. So you'd think Kid2 would mean 2x work, right? Oh, honey. No. Not by a long shot. Kid2 brought on at least 4x work. When she was born her big brother had just turned 3. Chasing after him while tending to her wore me the hell out.

On diaper pails: I'd worked at a fast food joint before having kids, and still had friends there. I got a 5-gallon bucket that used to hold pickles. filled it about 1/4 full of water, threw in about 1/4 box of baking soda. I used plain old original cloth diapers, with pins, and didn't rinse them at all before throwing them into the bucket. When the bucket got about half full, it got dumped directly into the washer.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 5:53 PM on March 19, 2018


Best answer: green mountain diapers is my favorite site for reading about cloth diapers (and for buying new). cloth diaper trader is where I've sold old ones with some success. Random note - if you use prefolds, once your kid outgrows them, they become the world's very best rags/general household cloths. amazing.
posted by annabear at 7:23 PM on March 19, 2018


Even if you've already go a high chair, would you considering swapping it out? A 2-n-1 booster seat (such as this one). Instead of the high chair, it straps to any dining chair and it tips back for feeding your baby when he can't hold up his head. It's a lot easier to move to grandma's house for a family dinner, it can go to a restaurant, and it doesn't take up a lot of space in your car's trunk (unlike a bona fide high chair). Since it's convertible, it lasts more than several months: it changes as your boy grows from infant to toddler to pre-schooler.

Do you have a 3-n-1 training potty (like this one)? It appeal is that you can remove the seat and take it with you to restaurants and other houses and it does more than one job.
posted by dlwr300 at 7:10 AM on March 20, 2018


Best answer: I have a 9-month-old and a 4-year-old (who are 3.5 years apart exactly) and here are the things that I had to think about with #2:

*Replacing bottle nipples, pacifiers, and plastic feeding spoons, since the silicone/plastic degrades and you really don't want to deal with those things breaking into pieces in your baby's mouth

*Double-checking that the clothes we saved were weather-appropriate and not too stained (oddly, some things that did not appear stained when we put them into storage came out with huge yellow marks--useable but kind of gross, so we ended up replacing more than I expected)

*New pump for sure--I had a Hygeia for #1 and the tubing melted (?!?) while stored, plus when I tried to use it again the motor appeared to be way less strong than before and I couldn't get any milk. I ended up getting a Spectra through insurance, A+ would recommend - the one downside is that it's compatible with different bottle sizes, but if you're replacing bottles anyway that's no biggie.

*A present "from the baby" to our older kid - our doula recommended a Magnatiles set and oh man that was the best idea ever, he played with it quietly for 45 minutes at a time while I fed the baby

*Food is definitely different the second time around - for the first, I focused on a lot of snack-y handheld food I could graze on while nursing, but for the second baby, we still needed to eat balanced meals at the table because our preschooler needed the structure and nutrition. We ended up getting HelloFresh and having my husband prepare meals (supplemented by a lot of take-out) but it was totally worth the cost to not deal with meal planning and grocery shopping in the early days.

*If your older kid is forward-facing, think about installing the rear-facing infant seat behind the passenger side (which is only occupied sometimes) and the forward-facing kid behind the driver; we did it the opposite way initially and then it was annoying to find some time to switch it

*If you can find a structured weekend activity for your older kid (gymnastics/swim lessons/whatever at the local Y or rec center), it's great to set that up so that they get some guaranteed 1-1 time with a parent and also they get tired out so they're not bouncing off the walls as you're recovering
posted by iminurmefi at 8:44 AM on March 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Oh and take a good look at your kiddo medicine cabinet since you probably need to replace/replenish stuff there: (1) infant tylenol and ibuprofen; (2) replacement nosefrida filters; (3) infant rehydration solution/pedialyte; (4) possibly a new thermometer if you don't have one of the highly-accurate forehead ones, the technology here has advanced in the past few years; (5) children's benadryl and zyrtec [everyone with kids should have this but especially good to have on-hand as you introduce new solid foods starting at 4-6 months, since it's likely one of the first things your pediatrician or nurse hotline will tell you to use if your kid has an allergic reaction/hives after eating something the first time]
posted by iminurmefi at 8:49 AM on March 20, 2018


Response by poster: Alright, new pump it is. Hooray for ACA and pump coverage! I will see about a Spectra pump given the number of recommendations here.

It actually doesn't sound like we're missing anything major - I didn't list out everything, but of course we already have a potty, a booster seat, benadryl/zyrtec, white noise machine, night lights, forehead & rectal thermometers....I will look and see if our thermometer is still considered good. #1 loves it and so it has probably taken upwards of 1000 temperatures at this point. We'll get a selection of new pacis and bottles. Not worried about spoons right now, that's six months down the road. And thank goodness #1 is completely potty trained so no worries about diapers for two.

RolandOfEld - yeah, that was my take on those motion monitors - and I'm an anxious person. We'll skip that!

Bananacabana - those cookies look great - did you freeze them baked or raw?

Iminurmefi - what is up with those yellow stains??? When I pulled out all the newborn onsies to wash they all had them - and I swear they didn't when we stored them. Good idea for a present for #1 (and she's already in a Sat gymnastics class, we love it). #1 is forward facing, currently on the passenger side - why do you suggest having her behind the driver instead of the passenger? For space reasons, or is there a safety reason? I like that I can easily see her - I won't be able to see #2 no matter which side we put that seat on.

Caoimhe & Baethan - thank you - that is super helpful input of the kind I was hoping for.
posted by john_snow at 9:26 AM on March 20, 2018


Forward-facing kid behind the driver solely for space reasons. Even with a relatively "compact" convertible for the infant (first a Britax bucket then a Chicco NextFit), having it rear-facing directly behind a seat leaves the adult in that seat with less leg room than we'd like. (When we had only one, we installed the rear-facing seat in the center and that gave us a few more inches compared to directly behind a seat.)

I also initially wanted my 4-year-old behind the passenger seat because it is nice to be able to talk to them more easily but man, those rear-facing seats are brutal for leg room. Your car may vary.
posted by iminurmefi at 11:37 AM on March 20, 2018


Response by poster: oh, ha, that is not an issue for me - I am 5' tall and have my seat allllll the way forward. There's plenty of room behind me for anything. Good idea to check this on my husband's car, though!
posted by john_snow at 12:23 PM on March 20, 2018


We froze the cookies baked to make it easier, though I’m sure you could freeze the dough balls and bake them off in small batches as you need more if that’s more appealing!
posted by bananacabana at 12:47 PM on March 20, 2018


Best answer: Congrats and best of luck to you. Don't be surprised if kid #1 is cool / independent at first but then suddenly becomes super-clingy and attention-hungry when baby is about 3 or 4 months old. Colleagues advised me that whenever #1 was around/ listening, talk about them more and make them feel like you have put their needs first (eg "Sorry newbaby, but I have to help #1 finish his shower before I can grab you some socks".
posted by leslievictoria at 6:27 PM on March 20, 2018


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