ISO funny piece of writing about conversing while looking after toddler
March 7, 2018 1:00 PM   Subscribe

I'm looking for a funny thing I read online a while back - it was written as a dialogue of a parent trying to have adult conversations with a friend while looking after a toddler. I believe I read it about 6 months ago. Can't find it anywhere...searching for "conversations with toddler" and various permutations obviously throws up a lot of not-it. Does anyone remember?

It was written like, the adult was trying to have a deep conversation with a friend or give advice but would constantly interrupt herself to discipline her kid. Something like: "I think you should definitely break up with - PUT THAT DOWN. PUT IT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I WILL COUNT. ONE...TWO... I'm so sorry sir, we'll pay for your coffee."

But funnier, obviously. I think it was written entirely as dialogue and the implication was that it took place in a cafe or restaurant.

I think it was on a humor website like McSweeney's or The Toast. If it was on The Toast I guess it's gone into the ether, but perhaps someone remembers it and can put me out of my misery. Thanks!
posted by cpatterson to Writing & Language (7 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
not sure if this is it but it's a riot.
posted by H21 at 2:05 PM on March 7, 2018 [3 favorites]

Maybe this?
posted by mefireader at 3:02 PM on March 7, 2018

Response by poster: Those are both funny! But it's neither one. Mefireader's link is closest, but the piece I am thinking of is lighter in tone.
posted by cpatterson at 4:17 PM on March 7, 2018

Could it be something from or adjacent to The Cursing Mommy's Book of Days by Ian Frazier?
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:45 PM on March 7, 2018

It was a running joke in the novel „Bridget Jones‘ Diary“. One of Bridget‘s friends is a potty training mum, and every time they‘re on the phone the friend says things like „...and then we could PUT THE POOP DOWN RIGHT NOW! So sorry, where was I I MEAN IT.“
posted by Omnomnom at 11:05 PM on March 7, 2018

You sure it was text? It sounds like maybe one of MyLifeSuckers videos.
posted by gakiko at 8:51 AM on March 9, 2018

Response by poster: All of these are close (I'm sure it's a common enough joke among parents)...but none of them are correct. It was definitely text, definitely on the internet. Ah well - thanks anyway! Perhaps I dreamed it...
posted by cpatterson at 8:49 AM on March 13, 2018

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