Nail biting with a twist
March 6, 2018 11:35 AM Subscribe
I’ve been biting my nails for as long as I’ve been alive. There are a lot of resources for stopping, but my problem is that I bite my nails so that I can push them into my gums. I’ve been able to stop biting them for a few months, but I end up flossing my gums until they bleed or picking at them. Its a disgusting habit, and I worry that other people are able to notice and judge me for it. On the other hand, the sensation is extremely calming. How do I quit?
I have both trichotillomania and dermatillomania and while they used to fall under the OCD umbrella apparently they don't anymore. I take Xanax for both. It doesn't 100% quell the desire to bite my nails, over floss, fuss with my skin, etc, but it does help me stop in the moment and redirect. I also try to notice when I am starting and instead force myself to drink water. Then the oral fixation aspect is covered with a positive alternative and usually I move past the need after that.
However, if you're like me, the pain is part of the reason I do the damage, and yes, I also fear other's judgement about it because my face is bruised and scarred from the picking and plucking. That is where the bad habit moved over to full on self harm, not just "not great nervous habit/coping mechanism". I spoke to my PCP about it and she sent me to therapy. You may just need to broach the topic with your PCP. But it is definitely something to talk to a doctor about now, especially since you've moved on to damaging your gums which is very dangerous and bad for your health.
Sending good thoughts. This stuff sucks. I have had it all my life. I wish it weren't there, but it is. Hope you find the right fix for you.
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:17 PM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
However, if you're like me, the pain is part of the reason I do the damage, and yes, I also fear other's judgement about it because my face is bruised and scarred from the picking and plucking. That is where the bad habit moved over to full on self harm, not just "not great nervous habit/coping mechanism". I spoke to my PCP about it and she sent me to therapy. You may just need to broach the topic with your PCP. But it is definitely something to talk to a doctor about now, especially since you've moved on to damaging your gums which is very dangerous and bad for your health.
Sending good thoughts. This stuff sucks. I have had it all my life. I wish it weren't there, but it is. Hope you find the right fix for you.
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:17 PM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
A couple things: I've had some success keeping my skin-picking under control (not perfectly, but like 95% improved compared to previously) with N-acetylcysteine supplements, which are inexpensive, and trying to do better at getting more sleep. You might try keeping a journal to see if there are any particular triggers for you; tiredness is a big one for me.
Second, are you actually getting regular dental care? Because like for me, my skin-picking is generally triggered most by actual blemishes, even if they're small and should be ignorable. Are your gums actually itching? Itchy gums are actually potentially a sign of gum disease or oral allergies, so you might have an easier time of this generally if you consulted with a dentist.
It's the kind of thing where for me, my goal with body-focused repetitive behaviors has not been "stop doing this forever", it's "get it down to doing it so rarely that it doesn't have a significant negative impact on my life", and I've done much better since I hit that point.
posted by Sequence at 12:31 PM on March 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
Second, are you actually getting regular dental care? Because like for me, my skin-picking is generally triggered most by actual blemishes, even if they're small and should be ignorable. Are your gums actually itching? Itchy gums are actually potentially a sign of gum disease or oral allergies, so you might have an easier time of this generally if you consulted with a dentist.
It's the kind of thing where for me, my goal with body-focused repetitive behaviors has not been "stop doing this forever", it's "get it down to doing it so rarely that it doesn't have a significant negative impact on my life", and I've done much better since I hit that point.
posted by Sequence at 12:31 PM on March 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
My gross twist is to bite off all the skin around my nails. It sucks. In the past, I've had a lot of success with hypnosis, but it comes back when my anxiety is bad.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 12:35 PM on March 6, 2018
posted by galvanized unicorn at 12:35 PM on March 6, 2018
Cheap solution: N-acetylcysteine supplements & redirecting to other calming behaviors
Expensive solution: Invisalign retainers -- fix your teeth in 3 months while preventing biting and gum pushing. It gives you enough time to break the physical habit and retrain. This was an unexpected side effect when I got them, but I'm really glad I don't bite my nails anymore.
posted by ananci at 12:43 PM on March 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
Expensive solution: Invisalign retainers -- fix your teeth in 3 months while preventing biting and gum pushing. It gives you enough time to break the physical habit and retrain. This was an unexpected side effect when I got them, but I'm really glad I don't bite my nails anymore.
posted by ananci at 12:43 PM on March 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
Seconding N-acetylcysteine as at least worth a try for a couple of months. I still have to make a mental effort to avoid hair pulling, but it's vastly easier to keep in check when regularly taking this supplement.
posted by protorp at 12:49 PM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by protorp at 12:49 PM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
There's a gadget for habits like this called the Keen which you train to buzz when you're doing the habit you want to break. It's been recommended to me by professionals for helping with trichotillomania. Their website specifically mentions it working for nail biting, too. Might be worth investigating if it'd be right for you.
posted by mrbeefy at 1:18 PM on March 6, 2018
posted by mrbeefy at 1:18 PM on March 6, 2018
Just a thought -- when you are pushing your nails into your gums, where are you experiencing the most relief? Is it in your mind, your gums themselves, and/or your face? I fixate on my gums when my allergies are giving me referred pain in my teeth because my sinuses are infected. Could you possibly have allergies or ongoing sinusitis (or even just gingivitis) that you're subconsciously trying to remedy by exerting pressure and pain into the area that seems to be the source of relief?
I have more thoughts on this and other ways of narrowing down some of the triggers that might be pushing you into this space so if you are open to it feel free to MeMail me. Not a doctor, obviously, just interested in helping if I can.
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:08 PM on March 6, 2018
I have more thoughts on this and other ways of narrowing down some of the triggers that might be pushing you into this space so if you are open to it feel free to MeMail me. Not a doctor, obviously, just interested in helping if I can.
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:08 PM on March 6, 2018
I have a strong urge to mess with my nails and eyebrows when I'm focusing on something at work. I tried to stop cold turkey but couldn't, so instead I "upgraded" my habit. I got myself a nice little travel manicure kit with a nail file/cuticle trimmer/buffer for my hands, and a mini tweezerman and mirror for my eyebrows. I keep them all in my desk. Now instead of biting, I file and buff. When I have the urge to pluck, I go to the bathroom and use the little mirror. Is it less weird? I don't know, but my nails and eyebrows look better.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 9:53 PM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 9:53 PM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
There is a great podcast on this that you might find helpful
posted by Nilehorse at 11:55 PM on March 6, 2018
posted by Nilehorse at 11:55 PM on March 6, 2018
I realised my nail biting was partly to do with enjoying the mouth feel of the whole business, and I was able to wean myself off nails and into chewing straws (which I would destroy!) which was a pleasing sensation - can you swap for something similar? Then I could more easily drop the straw because the habit had changed.
posted by london explorer girl at 5:20 AM on March 7, 2018
posted by london explorer girl at 5:20 AM on March 7, 2018
The only thing so far that has stopped me from nail biting/cuticle biting/skin picking/etc has been getting big ol' fake acrylic nails on. It hasn't been a perfect solution (if I still have the opportunity to mess with a hangnail, you bet your sweet bippy I will) but it's decreased the harmfulness of it when it does still happen and BONUS it tricks people into thinking I have nice nails. (Which I do. But only because my nail lady is made of magic.)
The gums thing is trickier. Does getting a popcorn kernel shell stuck in your gums have a similar palliative effect? Could you try swapping the fingernails-in-gums with an eating-healthy-popcorn-so-maybe-a-kernel-will-bless-me habit as a sort of middle ground while you work on a more long term strategy for trying to quit or redirect the habit?
posted by helloimjennsco at 7:41 AM on March 7, 2018
The gums thing is trickier. Does getting a popcorn kernel shell stuck in your gums have a similar palliative effect? Could you try swapping the fingernails-in-gums with an eating-healthy-popcorn-so-maybe-a-kernel-will-bless-me habit as a sort of middle ground while you work on a more long term strategy for trying to quit or redirect the habit?
posted by helloimjennsco at 7:41 AM on March 7, 2018
The thing that helps me the most is something my therapist strongly suggested a couple years ago. She told me to find a create hobby that involved my hands, with a tangible output. I've done a lot of coloring in those repeating pattern adult coloring books, making a variety of paper flowers, doing other origami, and - my biggest help personally - sewing.
My mom taught me how to do English Paper Piecing. it's a type of quilting that's done much more with your hands than a machine. I take a ziploc bag with a batch of pieces I'm working on wherever I go. I've got four different quilts in progress: one for me, one for each of my kids, and one for a friend of a friend of a friend.
When I get stressed out, it helps me to have visual reminders that I could be sewing. I've got a pincushion on my computer, boxes of pieces I've based on a shelf next to my monitor, and stacks of fabric in ziploc bags on a shelf next to my desk.
If, for some reason, sewing isn't an option, I have Koosh balls in my purse, my backpack, and a desk drawer.
It also helps that I'm on psych meds. I've got a laundry list of diagnoses (including dermatillomania and trichotillomania) for which I take several meds, but when the anxiety gets to its worst, I have Klonopin to help me even back out. So talking to your doctor, or finding a therapist, is something I'd extremely strongly recommend.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 8:11 PM on March 7, 2018
My mom taught me how to do English Paper Piecing. it's a type of quilting that's done much more with your hands than a machine. I take a ziploc bag with a batch of pieces I'm working on wherever I go. I've got four different quilts in progress: one for me, one for each of my kids, and one for a friend of a friend of a friend.
When I get stressed out, it helps me to have visual reminders that I could be sewing. I've got a pincushion on my computer, boxes of pieces I've based on a shelf next to my monitor, and stacks of fabric in ziploc bags on a shelf next to my desk.
If, for some reason, sewing isn't an option, I have Koosh balls in my purse, my backpack, and a desk drawer.
It also helps that I'm on psych meds. I've got a laundry list of diagnoses (including dermatillomania and trichotillomania) for which I take several meds, but when the anxiety gets to its worst, I have Klonopin to help me even back out. So talking to your doctor, or finding a therapist, is something I'd extremely strongly recommend.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 8:11 PM on March 7, 2018
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posted by insectosaurus at 11:39 AM on March 6, 2018 [2 favorites]