Body hair. I rock my pit hair but can't get my legs out?

March 5, 2018 7:50 PM

I've let all my body hair grow for the past 18 months (I'm female). My partner thinks it's awesome, and I feel good, in principle, about it. But I cannot bring myself to get my hairy legs out, and not sure how to get over it?

I've found it SO much easier to get my hairy 'pits out. I mean, don't get me wrong - it's still weird when people (occasionally, thankfully!) comment on it, but it barely bothers me at all.

But last summer, I got my legs out like... once? And it got hot at times where I live. But I was so self-conscious about it I couldn't do it. I'd normally wear cropped trousers at work all summer but I couldn't even bring myself to get my hairy ankles out.

Can anyone give me any tips to help me get over this? Or do I just need to call this half of the experiment a failure?

posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (24 answers total)

What happens when you think about letting people see your leg hair? Identify the specific thoughts/criticisms that happening in your head. Better yet, write them down. All of them, no matter how stupid they look when you write them out. Then look at list and see if any of them are valid. If they are, do you still want to do it anyway? Maybe you will turn up a good reason not to show off your leg hair and then make that your choice and own it. More likely, since you are feeling mostly comfortable with the pit hair, you will look at the list and think it ridiculous. At that point, all you have to do is when you think about letting your leg hair show, and the critical voice starts to talk you out of it, you already know what to say back and you can say it with pride and confidence because you already figured out what is right for you!
posted by metahawk at 8:11 PM on March 5, 2018

It's much easier for me now because I don't care. It was also easy when everybody else was doing it. There was a long stretch of years, though, where I did care and nobody else was doing it, and it was hard. Had I to do it again, I would shave at the first hint of discomfit. Eventually you will lose the capacity to give a shit. In the meantime, don't suffer. It's meant to free you from thinking about bullshit, not to force you to think about bullshit even more.
posted by Don Pepino at 8:16 PM on March 5, 2018 [16 favorites]

Gentle reminder that this experiment is not a failure. You are not a failure. You get to choose and wear your body hair however you want.
posted by Juniper Toast at 8:17 PM on March 5, 2018 [31 favorites]

I feel similarly and I just decided that shaving my legs was just fine. If I didn’t like them unshaved then I can shave them. Like, maybe I took too much of the cultural koolaid? Oh well!

I like my pit hair. I think it’s cute. It’s more comfortable. I don’t get ingrown hairs in my pits anymore. You can pick and choose, rock all hair, no hair, trimmed hair, one way for one occasion, one way for another. It’s ok.
posted by amanda at 8:39 PM on March 5, 2018 [5 favorites]

I stopped shaving my legs two years ago. I’m a dark-haired 35-year-old woman who works in an office and lives in the desert, where I occasionally wear midlength skirts in the summer. No one has made a comment or shown any sign of noticing.

Hope it might help ease your worries a bit to know someone else is doing it with no negative repercussions.
posted by kwaller at 8:40 PM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

I've done it. I just go IDGAF about it because about 6 months after you last shave, you're so used to it, it doesn't register*. Then again, STL is a very 'you do you' sort of place, so no one cares. Maybe take some small steps and hang out in a skirt in the gayborhoord or the granolahood or the farmer's market and you can acclimate slowly. It will eventually become not a thing that registers to you that you have unshaven legs.

*Except for those odd days in January when it's nice out and you wear cropped pants and you can feel the wind in your leg hair the first time.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 9:01 PM on March 5, 2018 [4 favorites]

It may be helpful to normalize this within your own mind, so that you yourself don't feel like you are doing anything particularly odd (and that those who think something of it are, in fact, the odd ones).

One way to do that is to hear from people for whom not shaving is normal, as many are sharing here. I'm sure there are reddit subgroups or parts of the blogosphere where this is mentioned as no big thing. You could look at pictures of women who you think are really cool who have unshaved legs, and hang around real life women who are just living their normal unshaven lives. If you're surrounded by people whose reality is that unshaved legs aren't a big deal, it may become your reality.

If knowing that there won't be any social consequences will help you, let me add to those voices: in my fifteen years of leg hair, I had three comments total: two while in high school by high school boys who were trying to neg me so that I would have sex with them (??), and one by a partner in my mid-twenties who commenting that he liked how much softer my hair was than shaved leg hair. No one else has said a thing, or even so much as glanced askance at me such that I could see -- and I wear big clompy shoes and miniskirts that draw attention to my legs most of the time.

My personal comfort with it comes from an inner feeling of it just making sense for me, for my body schema. It's like getting a tattoo, or a haircut; people do it because it feels consistent with their idea of themselves. Personally, it honestly feels wacky to think about shaving my legs -- so I am able to move through life with the serene comfort of knowing that it is way stranger for someone to have strong opinions about what I should or shouldn't do with my leg hair than for me to actually do nothing with my leg hair.

Good luck with whatever you decide!
posted by Pwoink at 9:31 PM on March 5, 2018 [5 favorites]

Funny, I’m the exact opposite. I haven’t shaved my legs in almost a quarter century. But my gf used to laugh at me because I couldn’t go a day without shaving my pits. I’m up to about a week now, but still.

You may be overthinking how often anybody will even notice a little bit of extra hair when you wear crop pants. I mean, I can’t tell you the last time I noticed a coworker’s ankles. And in 25 years of not shaving my legs, I think I’ve had one person comment on it, and that was a sexual partner. They’re much more likely to comment on how god-awful pale mine are :-)

But yeah, it’s just not the end of the world. If you don’t want to shave most of your legs, and just want to shave your ankles/lower calves so you can comfortably wear crop pants, that’s an option too.
posted by greermahoney at 9:32 PM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

Hairy legs have been a sticking point for me too. Two summers ago I had somewhat of a breakthrough, not that I was trying particularly hard. But what happened was that I shaved my legs for summer and then stayed for a bit over two weeks at my parents' house in rural Maine.

Not only was I the youngest and prettiest person within a fifty mile radius, regardless of body hair preferences, I also only ran into non-parental people if I really really wanted to. I get five oclock shadow everywhere so I was additionally unmotivated to shave my legs just to deal with awful stubble less than a day later. Subsequently I ended up shaving my legs twice in 16 days and being comfortable in shorts and a swimsuit with week-old leg stubble in rural grocery stores and at the lake.

And now I'm pretty comfortable with it back home too. I can't rock my full thick winter coat, but my need to cover up unless I've shaved in the past 8 hours seems to have gone away. This summer I plan on pushing myself further and going for shorts at two weeks of leg hair growth and see how I feel. On the other hand I am going to continue shaving when it first gets warm and lovely out because I enjoy that feeling once in a while too. Try starting off smooth shaved and then gradually letting yourself get stubblier until you want to shave again, repeat.
posted by Mizu at 10:07 PM on March 5, 2018 [2 favorites]

You said you feel good in principle about what you're doing, so I assume you are stopping shaving for some specific reason beyond your mere preference. What I would say is, I am a feminist and I support every woman's right to reject the bullshit expectations put on us, like wearing make-up all the time or being careful about not being too assertive at work, etc. -- stuff men would never have to worry about. But it's ok to define your own boundaries.

For instance, I shave all of my body hair because I don't like having it -- it makes me feel unkempt and I feel clean and hygienic without it. I'm not doing it because I feel forced to do it as a woman or because I think anyone is expecting it. To the contrary, I think most women shave less than I do, but it's the way I like it. It's my own thing. If you don't like having leg hair, then just don't have leg hair. Do the things you feel good about and stick with that.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:02 PM on March 5, 2018 [5 favorites]

Have patience, dear. Eventually - years from now when you are old - most of your body hair will stop growing.
posted by Cranberry at 12:10 AM on March 6, 2018 [3 favorites]

I think that this is one of those things that only really gets easier by doing it. I haven't shaved in [mumble] years, and pretty much DGAF about what people think of my body hair, at this point, but it took me a while to get here. Going out showing my legs and not having anyone say anything made it easier for me. It might be worth challenging yourself to do small things--wear cropped trousers to the supermarket without shaving, then go home, for example. I bet it gets easier after a few uneventful trips out.

I also sometimes find it comforting to remind myself that many large corporations profit hugely from the construction female body hair as dirty, unhygienic, and/or shameful--that, indeed, people view it as such because of those corporations. I'd much rather have ten bucks in my pocket than handing it to a corporation that makes money by making me and everyone else feel bad about our bodies. If part of the reason you're not shaving is ideological, thinking of your legs as a quiet little fuck you to the patriarchy might help.
posted by mishafletch at 12:15 AM on March 6, 2018 [2 favorites]

Let me preface this by saying you should OF COURSE have as much body hair as you want and you should display it as much as you want. It's your body: do whatever makes you happy!

But right now you "feel good, in principle" about your leg hair, which to me sounds like you don't really feel good about it.

So I just wanted to remind you that there are in-between positions, too, in case any of those would make you feel good for real. For example, I don't like the way hair looks on my ankles or toes when it grows, but I like it fine on my knees and shins. Maybe doing a small amount of shaving, based on your own preferences, would make you feel good in principle AND in practice?
posted by MangoNews at 3:40 AM on March 6, 2018

You don't have to go from 0 to letting it all hang out overnight. Ease into it. Start small, don't even show it off to people. Just leave the house in shorts and drive around for a while. Maybe go through the drive-thru at Burger King. Then do something where your legs are only visible for a few minutes somewhere where social interaction is unlikely - the gas station, e.g. Let each trip go a little longer in public, and you'll get more and more comfortable. You can do the same thing with the length of your pants. Start by just rolling the bottoms up to expose a little bit of ankle, then Capri pants, then knee-length shorts, and so on.
posted by kevinbelt at 4:57 AM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have been not shaving for almost 20 years and it seems to have become a fairly common thing only in the last few - while I don't wear shorts the entire summer I think maybe three people total have commented on my body hair in the outside world? People don't pay that much attention to other people, even young women, to the point that leg hair that may seem VERY OUT THERE to you is hardly noticeable.

That said, agree with many posters above, that if you want to shave your legs just go for it. Shave your ankles or up to your knees - shave only the top half and let wild the parts people could see. Go somewhere with lots of older folks who gave it up in the 60s if you want to ease your way in or feel that you need to get over the hump.
posted by love2potato at 5:14 AM on March 6, 2018

I haven't shaved anything for... 20+ years now I guess? Honestly no one says anything. They might think some things, but that's not really my problem.

I think of my body hair as my best wingman. If anyone has a problem with it, then I know right away that they are not the sort of person I need or want in my life. But the number of times that has actually come up in my life is tiny and almost entirely concentrated in my 20s.
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:32 AM on March 6, 2018 [4 favorites]

Start with capri pants. See how it feels to go to the grocery. Try a skirt. I go for very long periods without shaving my legs, and never shave above the knee because it's just babyfine hair. I hate the look of leg hair under plain nylons, but nobody wears those these days. I like shaved pits, so I do shave them. If it will help to think of it as a statement of freedom, carry on. Shaving to me is associated with making women look juvenile, and the thought creeps me out.
posted by theora55 at 7:50 AM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]

The gateway for me was full-length skirts, you hide the leg hair but get to feel the breeze through them, plus you can easily flash someone a bit of fuzz if you fancy it. But then again I like to wear my hair like a protest, and show people they too can live their life without worrying so much about these things, so raising a few eyebrows is part of the game for me.
posted by london explorer girl at 7:52 AM on March 6, 2018

I haven't shaved my kitten pits in ...13 years now? And I have no shame at all with those in public. But I still feel weird showing leg hair. I grow it all winter and usually shave when it starts getting warm. I realized that though I REALLY like the kitten pits (so much!) I just prefer the look of shaved legs, when I can bother to do it.

I will say that I'm uncomfortable with showing either leg or underarm hair at work, but I don't mind it any other time. So maybe just start with non-work situations to flash the leg fur, and see how you feel about that? The grocery store, running errands, doing chores around the house.

As a bonus, it's meant that a little bit of leg stubble is NOTHING to me now. Which is good, because it grows so damn fast.
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:12 AM on March 6, 2018

Honestly, do what makes you comfortable! If that means shaving your legs in summer but rocking hairy pits, that's fine. You don't have to let a principle make you uncomfortable--the freedom to make choices about our bodies in this way is wonderful!
posted by purple_bird at 8:57 AM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]

Adding my personal anecdata here, I don't go all or nothing. I have periods where I won't shave for months and then one day I'll decide to shave again for a while (repeat ad infinitum). It's a low stakes experiment and you're not bound to one or the other for eternity. I have never had anyone in public comment on it nor have I had any intimate partners comment, except for a dude who was like super into it.

I will say I won't show it at work, because the environment is both conservative and bro-ey and HR is Mean Girls.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 4:12 PM on March 6, 2018

BEHOLD the field where I grow my fucks.

Alas.

It is barren.

(like my face because I grow one mother of a beard, but completely unlike my pits or legs, about which nobody has ever commented, despite that I haven't shaved them in at least a decade.)

(You get to decide how many fucks you give. And you get to decide the subjects about which you give those fucks. But you have this internet stranger's permission to give zero.)
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 8:29 PM on March 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

Nobody's commenting aloud, outside of a few poorly socialized adolescents, but they're all commenting inside their heads because it's unusual to them. The thing is, the set of what is unusual to them expands endlessly. You're also supposed to paint your nails because unpainted nails read as "dirty." Same with "skincare," whatever in the fuck it is, and makeup and head hair and what your body looks like in silhouette and probably smells, do you have the right ones and what you put on the conveyor belt at the grocery store, have you read enough Goop? Fuck it. Fuck every bit of it. These poor people are still going to be tending their triglycerides and shelling out at salons and shaving every square inch of leg deep into their 70s when they don't even grow leg hair anymore. They are to be pitied, but you don't need to let speculation about their obsessive internal monologues dictate what you do with your precious time.
posted by Don Pepino at 6:28 AM on March 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

I had to come back here because I've just watched this inspiring video by artist Helen Plumb about body hair #TheArtOfChange
posted by london explorer girl at 7:30 AM on March 9, 2018 [2 favorites]