Burnout: should I stay or should I go?
February 26, 2018 11:51 PM Subscribe
Very bad burnout at work, and annual review is coming up. Boss always asks what I need, but I don't think my responses will change anything and I should secretly just find a new job. Is that the burnout talking? Or should I actually tell my boss what I need?
My problems:
-I belong to a department that can be maligned in my industry. Sure enough, I'm often treated like a 'monkey hitting buttons' at work. Recently, multiple days in a row where non-department people talked about what my job should be, in front of me, without letting me speak. When asked why, they admitted they hadn't considered that I might have an opinion.
-I'm the only one who has done my job long-term or had training in my job, but I regularly am told that my job is "untrained." (It is not. I've spent thousands of dollars on training that my job wouldn't spring for.)
-I am monthly told to stop doing X, oh wait that was a mistake please do X again.
-CEO had to be convinced that some of my job tasks were necessary, which took weeks of discussion between CEO and COO, because the COO often does my job when I'm on vacation and knows what it is like.
-There are automated tools that help in my job. Every 6 months, I have to talk to my boss about how studies have shown that these tools only do about 30% of this task, and require manual review, so no, the pile of work he gave me isn't just "run it through the tool."
-I have not said a sentence in a meeting in the past 2 years without being interrupted. Once I reached 20+ attempts to speak, never to get past the first two words. Between that and 3 coworkers notorious for jumping into conversations they are not a part of, I've stopped wanting to speak and try to only use Slack and email to communicate. I'm considering paying for voice coaching to make me sound assertive.
-Lots of gross sex talk (discussing details of sex with "broads"). This has gone down recently.
-Lots of needless, 4channy transphobic humour. (I'm not trans, but c'mon.)
-Requests for what I need never seem to transition into longterm results. More communication about coworkers' tasks? A six-month communication binge, followed by a too-much-communication reactionary campaign that leaves me with less employee-to-employee communication than before.
Can any of this crap be fixed? Am I just needlessly cynical because of burnout?
Despite all of the above, I've gotten hefty raises and much praise in my annual reviews every year. Good work-life balance. No other benefits than the legal minimum vacation for my region.
My options as I see them:
a) say everything's fine, continue to secretly job-hunt
b) remember the compassionate boss (he once gave his universally beloved, longest-lasting, most essential employee extra vacation, knowing that she was using it to interview because she told him) and golden age of the past, tell my boss what's wrong and see if anything gets fixed
My problems:
-I belong to a department that can be maligned in my industry. Sure enough, I'm often treated like a 'monkey hitting buttons' at work. Recently, multiple days in a row where non-department people talked about what my job should be, in front of me, without letting me speak. When asked why, they admitted they hadn't considered that I might have an opinion.
-I'm the only one who has done my job long-term or had training in my job, but I regularly am told that my job is "untrained." (It is not. I've spent thousands of dollars on training that my job wouldn't spring for.)
-I am monthly told to stop doing X, oh wait that was a mistake please do X again.
-CEO had to be convinced that some of my job tasks were necessary, which took weeks of discussion between CEO and COO, because the COO often does my job when I'm on vacation and knows what it is like.
-There are automated tools that help in my job. Every 6 months, I have to talk to my boss about how studies have shown that these tools only do about 30% of this task, and require manual review, so no, the pile of work he gave me isn't just "run it through the tool."
-I have not said a sentence in a meeting in the past 2 years without being interrupted. Once I reached 20+ attempts to speak, never to get past the first two words. Between that and 3 coworkers notorious for jumping into conversations they are not a part of, I've stopped wanting to speak and try to only use Slack and email to communicate. I'm considering paying for voice coaching to make me sound assertive.
-Lots of gross sex talk (discussing details of sex with "broads"). This has gone down recently.
-Lots of needless, 4channy transphobic humour. (I'm not trans, but c'mon.)
-Requests for what I need never seem to transition into longterm results. More communication about coworkers' tasks? A six-month communication binge, followed by a too-much-communication reactionary campaign that leaves me with less employee-to-employee communication than before.
Can any of this crap be fixed? Am I just needlessly cynical because of burnout?
Despite all of the above, I've gotten hefty raises and much praise in my annual reviews every year. Good work-life balance. No other benefits than the legal minimum vacation for my region.
My options as I see them:
a) say everything's fine, continue to secretly job-hunt
b) remember the compassionate boss (he once gave his universally beloved, longest-lasting, most essential employee extra vacation, knowing that she was using it to interview because she told him) and golden age of the past, tell my boss what's wrong and see if anything gets fixed
Recently, multiple days in a row where non-department people talked about what my job should be, in front of me, without letting me speak. When asked why, they admitted they hadn't considered that I might have an opinion.
These are not people with good management sense or training. It's pretty well-documented and well-known that that sort of approach leads directly to this and your other examples:
I am monthly told to stop doing X, oh wait that was a mistake please do X again.
Keep up the quiet job hunt. It sounds like you know your value and will be able to find a good job elsewhere.
posted by fraula at 12:30 AM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
These are not people with good management sense or training. It's pretty well-documented and well-known that that sort of approach leads directly to this and your other examples:
I am monthly told to stop doing X, oh wait that was a mistake please do X again.
Keep up the quiet job hunt. It sounds like you know your value and will be able to find a good job elsewhere.
posted by fraula at 12:30 AM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
Say everything's fine, continue to secretly job-hunt.
But like, times a million.
If the boss is compassionate they'll understand even if your leaving comes as a "surprise".
I doubt it will be a surprise, everyone who works in a sick system knows anyone can escape at any time and the good ones are happy for the escapees.
posted by fullerine at 12:40 AM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
But like, times a million.
If the boss is compassionate they'll understand even if your leaving comes as a "surprise".
I doubt it will be a surprise, everyone who works in a sick system knows anyone can escape at any time and the good ones are happy for the escapees.
posted by fullerine at 12:40 AM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
Just the fact that you're burned when you do have a good work/life balance means you should be looking for a new job. Burn-out from jobs that consume your life are one thing; you can rest up and then love the work again. Or burn out from situations that call on you to give yourself emotionally to the work itself, like some intense jobs in helping professions. But you're burned out from dealing with the constant impact of this awful office culture. It's not something you would want to rest up and return to refreshed is it? Look secretly for a new place that won't wear you down just by going to meetings and talking in the hall.
posted by velveeta underground at 1:36 AM on February 27, 2018
posted by velveeta underground at 1:36 AM on February 27, 2018
Look for new work and also ask for whatever specific improvements might make at least the next few months better. I don't think it has to be either/or.
posted by trig at 1:51 AM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by trig at 1:51 AM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
Why choose? I vote for both: Tell the boss what you really need and continue to quietly look for a new job.
Telling your boss what you really need is something you should do for yourself. It is a way of standing up for yourself and of not being complicit in a system filled with people who are treating you badly. So telling your boss isn't about being angry or having your say, it is about being an adult by showing up for yourself regardless of what happens as a result.
Continuing to look for a new job is also a way of showing up for yourself. Your workplace sounds horrible. I am glad it doesn't add the insult of underpaying you to the injury of treating you (and, I imagine, others) badly by never letting you speaking without interruptions or at all, by an oppressive environment (trans jokes?), etc.
So my advice is to do both. Your boss cannot wave a magic wand to improve everything. But being calmly and kindly honest with your boss will feel good. Eventually finding a decent job will feel even better. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:28 AM on February 27, 2018 [9 favorites]
Telling your boss what you really need is something you should do for yourself. It is a way of standing up for yourself and of not being complicit in a system filled with people who are treating you badly. So telling your boss isn't about being angry or having your say, it is about being an adult by showing up for yourself regardless of what happens as a result.
Continuing to look for a new job is also a way of showing up for yourself. Your workplace sounds horrible. I am glad it doesn't add the insult of underpaying you to the injury of treating you (and, I imagine, others) badly by never letting you speaking without interruptions or at all, by an oppressive environment (trans jokes?), etc.
So my advice is to do both. Your boss cannot wave a magic wand to improve everything. But being calmly and kindly honest with your boss will feel good. Eventually finding a decent job will feel even better. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:28 AM on February 27, 2018 [9 favorites]
Ask for the 2-3 things that would most improve your work life and that your most likely to get. And keep looking for another job.
posted by bunderful at 5:31 AM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by bunderful at 5:31 AM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
In your position, I would have the energy to do precisely one of these two things:
- Continue in a job I enjoyed despite the poor work culture (offensive jokes and inappropriate conversation) and try and change it from within over time
- Continue in a job because of great team culture, despite the poor job satisfaction, and try to improve my role over time
There's absolutely no way I'd be able to do both at the same time, and I wouldn't advise you to either. Look for something else, and ASAP - you'll wonder why you didn't leave sooner once you're out of there.
And yes, I think it would be kind to give your boss a thorough and reasoned explanation of why you left, but only do this when you have handed in your notice - not before.
posted by greenish at 6:06 AM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
- Continue in a job I enjoyed despite the poor work culture (offensive jokes and inappropriate conversation) and try and change it from within over time
- Continue in a job because of great team culture, despite the poor job satisfaction, and try to improve my role over time
There's absolutely no way I'd be able to do both at the same time, and I wouldn't advise you to either. Look for something else, and ASAP - you'll wonder why you didn't leave sooner once you're out of there.
And yes, I think it would be kind to give your boss a thorough and reasoned explanation of why you left, but only do this when you have handed in your notice - not before.
posted by greenish at 6:06 AM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
a) say everything's fine, continue to secretly job-hunt
Yes, this.
posted by Miko at 8:59 PM on February 27, 2018
Yes, this.
posted by Miko at 8:59 PM on February 27, 2018
I'm assuming that you need this job for basic sustenance and as much you hate it you don't want to get laid off or fired right at this moment because money.
If you feel very secure with your boss, then you might mention one or two of your grievances that he/she can actually do something about in the short-term.
I agree that this job is a lost cause in the long run. Job hunt like crazy.
posted by ticktickatick at 9:51 PM on February 27, 2018
If you feel very secure with your boss, then you might mention one or two of your grievances that he/she can actually do something about in the short-term.
I agree that this job is a lost cause in the long run. Job hunt like crazy.
posted by ticktickatick at 9:51 PM on February 27, 2018
Mod note: From the OP:
I got a job with good work-life balance and will be doing exciting work! I'm very excited, and gave in my notice before the dreaded performance review could happen.posted by taz (staff) at 4:50 AM on March 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
It's really reinvigorated me; there's a spring in my step again.
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If they're giving you nice raises it indicates you can probably get a nice job elsewhere where they'll actually let you talk and not drown you in offensive chatter.
posted by Candleman at 12:22 AM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]