Is reading She Comes First still worth it?

January 30, 2018 7:13 AM

Does She Comes First have useful insights if your partner doesn't want oral?

My partner has stated unequivocally that she does not enjoy receiving oral sex. I'm more than willing, but she's completely uninterested. I want to do whatever she wants so that's absolutely her choice to make. I was going to read She Comes First for general advice because I see it recommended a lot, but after reading a few reviews it seems it might be 100% focused on oral sex so it may not be useful to us in particular. Are there still useful insights besides oral in She Comes First or should I skip it and read something else? I recently read Come As You Are and learned a lot.

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (4 answers total)

It's a very short book, but from what I remember, it is very much in the same vein as "Come As You Are," except the focus is more on physiology and technique than the psychology of desire. Read it. You'll learn something about how to make love to a woman that you didn't know, and you can always apply the lessons on how to go down on a woman to a future partner.
posted by Mr. Fig at 9:14 AM on January 30, 2018

I read that years ago. I remember it being a good book, but it was solely focused on oral (if I remember correctly).

There are probably better books out there focused on what you are looking for.

It wouldn't be a total waste. There were parts that were focused on women's arousal response in general
posted by kbbbo at 9:16 AM on January 30, 2018

My primary recommendation is never read a book about vaginas/vulvas/clitorises written by anyone who doesn't have them, and probably also don't read a book solely focused on a single sex act that, without a diverse range of accoutrements, is uninteresting to a lot of owners of those parts.

Amazon is exhausting to navigate between the pickup guides and crayon-written "how to do sexing to women" books so it is hard as hell to find the books that actually talk about manual/digital/aftermarket stimulation and real anatomy and headspace (the brain is a sexual organ for women, men don't always know that), but books that show up on lesbian must-read lists over and over again are Sexual Intimacy for Women: A Guide for Same-Sex Couples/Corwin, The Whole Lesbian Sex Book/Newman, Girl Sex 101/Moon et al (this is maybe more memoiry/about lesbian life than you may be looking for, but it's still a gorgeous book), Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation/Waxman. And, of course, Come As You Are.

You may be thinking but wait, these are mostly lesbian books, to which I say: yes, you should consult experts if you want expert information.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:20 AM on January 30, 2018 [19 favorites]

OMGYes is divine. Nina Hartley has many instructional videos, google her. You might learn a thing or two from CrashPadSeries / Pink&White Productions...
posted by fritillary at 11:30 AM on January 30, 2018