keeping it off.
January 23, 2018 10:34 PM Subscribe
Have you ever been a compulsive eater who lost > 10 lbs and kept the weight off for more than a year?
I want to hear how you went from compulsive, emotional or binge eating, from yo-yo-ing up and down, to losing weight and just keeping it off.
Some people become a bit overweight even though they have a relatively healthy relationship to food. They eat the wrong food for cultural reasons, or their nutritional needs change. They decide to alter their diet and they lose weight, and that's it.
But what I want to hear about is different. I want to know how you stopped eating in ways that felt self-sabotaging, compulsive, or disordered. What do you say to yourself? How did you stay conscious? Did you find yourself gaining weight back and stop before it all came back?
What did you do to change mentally?
I want to hear how you went from compulsive, emotional or binge eating, from yo-yo-ing up and down, to losing weight and just keeping it off.
Some people become a bit overweight even though they have a relatively healthy relationship to food. They eat the wrong food for cultural reasons, or their nutritional needs change. They decide to alter their diet and they lose weight, and that's it.
But what I want to hear about is different. I want to know how you stopped eating in ways that felt self-sabotaging, compulsive, or disordered. What do you say to yourself? How did you stay conscious? Did you find yourself gaining weight back and stop before it all came back?
What did you do to change mentally?
Sorry, posted prematurely:
4. Eating indulgent foods frequently but in small amounts. I eat toast with butter and jam, whole milk yogurt, cheese, etc. every day. I also eat a shit ton of vegetables so my portion control is much easier. One pack-of-cards size serving of meat just looks right to me now. Along with maybe a spoonful of carbs and half a plate of veg. I know my problem foods—beans and rice, for instance— so I usually eat those when they are offered but don’t keep them in my house or seek them out. I’ll sometimes have a spoonful of rice or beans with my fish or pork at lunch if they’re being served. I sometimes feel hungry but rarely deprived. I also have go-to cocktails that I love but are lower calorie. For dessert every day I have sorbet after lunch and after dinner either fruit and cheese, yogurt, or a vermouth (with or without soda, as a digestif). I have wine and eat out on weekends but just continue to do so in reasonable amount. I aim to maintain on weekends but don’t worry about losing.
5. Have “healthy” snacking alternatives around as a habit. Halo Top ice cream (not super healthy but you can eat half a pint and not care), popcorn, vegetables. If I reeeeaaaally want to binge because depression or boredom or whatever I just eat those and eventually get bored since I’m eating a ton without stimulating the typical pleasure centers that I would bingeing on e.g. cake.
Once I lost the weight I wanted to lose it was just hard to gain it again, because I knew how fricking long it took. I started getting interested in strength and toning which is hidden under a layer of fat so overeating was counterproductive.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:56 PM on January 23, 2018 [6 favorites]
4. Eating indulgent foods frequently but in small amounts. I eat toast with butter and jam, whole milk yogurt, cheese, etc. every day. I also eat a shit ton of vegetables so my portion control is much easier. One pack-of-cards size serving of meat just looks right to me now. Along with maybe a spoonful of carbs and half a plate of veg. I know my problem foods—beans and rice, for instance— so I usually eat those when they are offered but don’t keep them in my house or seek them out. I’ll sometimes have a spoonful of rice or beans with my fish or pork at lunch if they’re being served. I sometimes feel hungry but rarely deprived. I also have go-to cocktails that I love but are lower calorie. For dessert every day I have sorbet after lunch and after dinner either fruit and cheese, yogurt, or a vermouth (with or without soda, as a digestif). I have wine and eat out on weekends but just continue to do so in reasonable amount. I aim to maintain on weekends but don’t worry about losing.
5. Have “healthy” snacking alternatives around as a habit. Halo Top ice cream (not super healthy but you can eat half a pint and not care), popcorn, vegetables. If I reeeeaaaally want to binge because depression or boredom or whatever I just eat those and eventually get bored since I’m eating a ton without stimulating the typical pleasure centers that I would bingeing on e.g. cake.
Once I lost the weight I wanted to lose it was just hard to gain it again, because I knew how fricking long it took. I started getting interested in strength and toning which is hidden under a layer of fat so overeating was counterproductive.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:56 PM on January 23, 2018 [6 favorites]
Sorry, last thing: taking weight loss super slow. I know my weight loss threshold through trial and error, and I know what is reasonable for me to eat in a day without starving. I walk 10,000 steps a day to pad out my calories juuuust enough. It took me a year to lose 20 lbs; I would have plateau periods but not worry about it too much as long as my overall trajectory was down. The time I went back up a bit (mid year) I caught myself (see: weighing every day) and told myself despite discouragement I would stick to my diet for a week and then see how I felt. When I saw the numbers go back down, I set a minigoal to get back to my previous weight. The Happy Scale app will also break up your overall weight loss goal into chunks so you can feel great every time you hit a new goal. It really helped me!
posted by stoneandstar at 11:04 PM on January 23, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by stoneandstar at 11:04 PM on January 23, 2018 [6 favorites]
I'm a emotional binge-eater. The heaviest I've been was approximately 250 lbs and I've kept > 10 lbs off for the last five years. I have maintained my weight around 205 to 215, which is still probably 30 to 40 pounds overweight but has been a place where I can manage to stay within range.
I still have eating habits that are definitely disordered but I feel that I manage it better by doing several things:
(A) Therapy. Discussing my relationship with food has been very helpful in not feeling ashamed about the times I fall off the wagon. It has made it easier to "get back on the wagon" instead of wallowing and spiraling out of control.
(A) I don't keep binge-worthy foods in my apartment on a regular basis at all. This includes chips, cookies, ice cream, etc. If I am gifted something that I know I will be compulsive with (i.e. my dad and stepmom love to send me baked goods, or use candy instead of bubble wrap when sending gifts), I will take it into work for my coworkers to enjoy.
(B) Deleting Uber Eats and similar apps from my phone.
(C) Calorie counting for a period of time was also helpful in giving me a solid number that I knew would be healthy to exceed on a daily basis. It made it easier to weigh out my actions if I knew how many calories I was going to consume and I was more accountable for my actions with that.
(D) Incorporating exercise without specifically dieting.
posted by Thirty7Degrees at 11:16 PM on January 23, 2018
I still have eating habits that are definitely disordered but I feel that I manage it better by doing several things:
(A) Therapy. Discussing my relationship with food has been very helpful in not feeling ashamed about the times I fall off the wagon. It has made it easier to "get back on the wagon" instead of wallowing and spiraling out of control.
(A) I don't keep binge-worthy foods in my apartment on a regular basis at all. This includes chips, cookies, ice cream, etc. If I am gifted something that I know I will be compulsive with (i.e. my dad and stepmom love to send me baked goods, or use candy instead of bubble wrap when sending gifts), I will take it into work for my coworkers to enjoy.
(B) Deleting Uber Eats and similar apps from my phone.
(C) Calorie counting for a period of time was also helpful in giving me a solid number that I knew would be healthy to exceed on a daily basis. It made it easier to weigh out my actions if I knew how many calories I was going to consume and I was more accountable for my actions with that.
(D) Incorporating exercise without specifically dieting.
posted by Thirty7Degrees at 11:16 PM on January 23, 2018
Yes. This book changed my life and I do not say that lightly. It basically just tries to teach you to listen to your body. It's definitely NOT a diet book -- in fact, the lesson is basically eat as much as you want whenever you want (more complicated than that) to stop being so afraid of your hunger. You have to learn what your hunger really feels like, and ignore all the social cues/overthinking/shame that has gotten in the way of this.
I did it basically by eating as much real food as I wanted -- things like chicken and sweet potatoes, eggs on toast with avocado, sandwiches, pasta with vegetables, big salads with bread. Fat is great, as are whole grains, but you know, white pasta and bread will not kill you either. If I had lunch an hour ago, and I'm still hungry, I eat another sandwich or make some soup. If I am still hungry, I get something else, carrots and hummus or a bowl of cereal or whatever. If it's lunch time and I am not hungry, I do not eat and wait until I am actually hungry. I always have good food close by (fruit, peanut butter, thick plain yogurt and muesli) and I don't skimp on buying food I like (nice chia bowls, delicious banana bread from my favorite bakery, a great whole milk latte). I eat desserts almost every day, actually, but only when I know I'm actually full of healthy food and I just want something tasty! (Which is actually what dessert is really about.)
YMMV of course, and it's quite scary (I think I gained some weight at first -- that's totally normal apparently) but I was 30 pounds overweight and desperate. I used to be obsessed with food every second of the day (I was terrified of food really), and I honestly do not think about it anymore. When I was pregnant I was told I am actually underweight! (I'm not.) I now think any kind of diet other than eat delicious, real food whenever you're hungry (and desserts when you want them and are not just hungry) is frankly insane and unhelpful -- at least for me. I also recommend reading the book alongside Fat is a Feminist Issue and maybe a book on intuitive eating (though I did not like that one as much as I thought I would, others love it.).
posted by caoimhe at 2:15 AM on January 24, 2018 [10 favorites]
I did it basically by eating as much real food as I wanted -- things like chicken and sweet potatoes, eggs on toast with avocado, sandwiches, pasta with vegetables, big salads with bread. Fat is great, as are whole grains, but you know, white pasta and bread will not kill you either. If I had lunch an hour ago, and I'm still hungry, I eat another sandwich or make some soup. If I am still hungry, I get something else, carrots and hummus or a bowl of cereal or whatever. If it's lunch time and I am not hungry, I do not eat and wait until I am actually hungry. I always have good food close by (fruit, peanut butter, thick plain yogurt and muesli) and I don't skimp on buying food I like (nice chia bowls, delicious banana bread from my favorite bakery, a great whole milk latte). I eat desserts almost every day, actually, but only when I know I'm actually full of healthy food and I just want something tasty! (Which is actually what dessert is really about.)
YMMV of course, and it's quite scary (I think I gained some weight at first -- that's totally normal apparently) but I was 30 pounds overweight and desperate. I used to be obsessed with food every second of the day (I was terrified of food really), and I honestly do not think about it anymore. When I was pregnant I was told I am actually underweight! (I'm not.) I now think any kind of diet other than eat delicious, real food whenever you're hungry (and desserts when you want them and are not just hungry) is frankly insane and unhelpful -- at least for me. I also recommend reading the book alongside Fat is a Feminist Issue and maybe a book on intuitive eating (though I did not like that one as much as I thought I would, others love it.).
posted by caoimhe at 2:15 AM on January 24, 2018 [10 favorites]
Therapy, and “Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating” by Geneen Roth.
posted by woodvine at 3:45 AM on January 24, 2018
posted by woodvine at 3:45 AM on January 24, 2018
I could have written stoneandstar's answer myself, it's so similar to my experience. Also, finding physical activity I really enjoy helped not only for the weight loss, but because I started appreciating what my body can do and wanted to treat it well. Being active changes your relationship with food - it's boring to think of food just as fuel, but activity makes it easier to see the relationship between what you eat and how you feel.
My other advice would be to avoid imposing rules on yourself to identify "good" and "bad" days. Some days, you may be hungrier and you'll want a second piece of toast for breakfast. Some days, you'll want a slice of chocolate cake as a snack. Before you eat something extra, take a moment to ask yourself why you are eating - are you hungry? Need a treat? (That's ok!) Bored or sad? You'll build an intuitive sense of what's healthy and ok.
Last, you might identify something you can do when you feel yourself devolving into binge mode. It doesn't matter what it is, but it should take a few minutes and get you away from the food - a good example is just to go for a 10 minute walk. You could also paint your nails, take a bath, call a friend... When you pause to do this, tell yourself that if you still want the entire pint of ice cream (or whatever) when you're done, you can have it. You probably won't.
posted by beyond_pink at 3:59 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
My other advice would be to avoid imposing rules on yourself to identify "good" and "bad" days. Some days, you may be hungrier and you'll want a second piece of toast for breakfast. Some days, you'll want a slice of chocolate cake as a snack. Before you eat something extra, take a moment to ask yourself why you are eating - are you hungry? Need a treat? (That's ok!) Bored or sad? You'll build an intuitive sense of what's healthy and ok.
Last, you might identify something you can do when you feel yourself devolving into binge mode. It doesn't matter what it is, but it should take a few minutes and get you away from the food - a good example is just to go for a 10 minute walk. You could also paint your nails, take a bath, call a friend... When you pause to do this, tell yourself that if you still want the entire pint of ice cream (or whatever) when you're done, you can have it. You probably won't.
posted by beyond_pink at 3:59 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
Seconding beyond_pink's advice about reframing food as fuel for a workout you love. I used to think that finding a workout I really enjoyed and looked forward to was only a thing that people with competitive, somewhat aggressive personality types were able to find. I always enjoyed the feeling after leaving the gym, but not enough to compel me to want to go regularly, so I didn't have natural boundaries for eating healthy. Somehow, after years of trying everything from hot yoga to zumba to long distance running, I found that I really enjoyed Crossfit. Now, I find that my emotional eating (the way you describe your eating habits IS me) are curbed because I enjoy my workout more than I enjoy the temporary feeling of chocolate ice cream or cheeseburgers after a stressful day at work. Or, in other words, I want to only put healthy fuel in my body so that I can have a good workout because that good feeling lasts way longer. I'm not perfect, and I still choose ice cream over crossfit sometimes, but I've retrained my brain to respond better to those emotional eating cues.
Also, everything that stoneandstar said. Good luck!
posted by orangesky4 at 4:21 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, everything that stoneandstar said. Good luck!
posted by orangesky4 at 4:21 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
I did Weight Watchers once-- online, about 10 years ago. I kind of hated doing it but it was really eye-opening to count calories and portions for a while. And keeping a record of my eating helped me identify things that are just not worth it. Like eating significant sugar during the day makes me much hungrier later, and it's fairly easy to avoid. These days, my weight fluctuates, but I don't go over a weight that is 10 pounds below the panic-button weight that drove me to Weight Watchers. (And 10 pounds above where I was after Weight Watchers, which itself is not that low. But I have found it helps to ease up as long as the upper weight is somewhat tolerable.)
I mention sugar, and I think with my particular body chemistry, if I could give it up entirely I'd probably weigh less all the time. Alcohol is also sugar, and on Weight Watchers I found I could pretty much forget about drinking if I wanted my weight to go down. It sets me up for horrible food cravings. Someone said that for a woman, wine with dinner = weighing 7 pounds more and for me, that is uncannily correct.
posted by BibiRose at 4:28 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
I mention sugar, and I think with my particular body chemistry, if I could give it up entirely I'd probably weigh less all the time. Alcohol is also sugar, and on Weight Watchers I found I could pretty much forget about drinking if I wanted my weight to go down. It sets me up for horrible food cravings. Someone said that for a woman, wine with dinner = weighing 7 pounds more and for me, that is uncannily correct.
posted by BibiRose at 4:28 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
I did it (more or less) with My Fitness Pal (food scale, app, and all), learning to enjoy walking and eventually running, and learning how to lift weights. Eating whatever I wanted as long as it fit in my calorie goals. 150+ pounds lost, down from 308. I got as low as 139 after hitting my goal and staying close to it for a couple months in 2016 but since then have struggled with re-gaining/re-losing 20-40 pounds and currently am at 157 on my way back down.
I did find Brain Over Binge to be really helpful in reframing how I think about my binge habits, and overall felt like it helped empower me to deal with them in a new and useful way.
I can't stay I don't still struggle with the binge - usually I hit a certain point (the holidays are challenging, combined with some seasonal mood issues, I suspect, and I also struggle when I can't get outside to run because of the weather or injury) and "give up" on tracking calories and that's when I gain. Which leads to having to lose *some* of it again, but I've never completely gone back to the old ways. And as soon as I do start running & logging my food again I'm actually much happier, much more satisfied with what I'm eating, which is positive reinforcement to get back on track. Every bounce up has been at a lower point than the previous, so I think eventually I might even get to some sort of equilibrium some day.
Ultimately you have to do what works for you. Hope this helps - good luck!
posted by miratime at 4:54 AM on January 24, 2018
I did find Brain Over Binge to be really helpful in reframing how I think about my binge habits, and overall felt like it helped empower me to deal with them in a new and useful way.
I can't stay I don't still struggle with the binge - usually I hit a certain point (the holidays are challenging, combined with some seasonal mood issues, I suspect, and I also struggle when I can't get outside to run because of the weather or injury) and "give up" on tracking calories and that's when I gain. Which leads to having to lose *some* of it again, but I've never completely gone back to the old ways. And as soon as I do start running & logging my food again I'm actually much happier, much more satisfied with what I'm eating, which is positive reinforcement to get back on track. Every bounce up has been at a lower point than the previous, so I think eventually I might even get to some sort of equilibrium some day.
Ultimately you have to do what works for you. Hope this helps - good luck!
posted by miratime at 4:54 AM on January 24, 2018
Back in 1997, I lost a bunch of weight on a low-carb diet. Around 50 pounds, as I recall. I have been a compulsive eater all my life. I eat when I'm bored, tired, stressed, happy or just because the food is there and it looks good. Grandma has cookies? Sure, I'll have six. Sweets and carbs were a particular downfall. I craved sugar (candy bars, cookies, donuts, ice cream) like nobody's business. I'd drive to the donut shop, get two of those frosted donuts filled with the ungodly sweet cream filling, and scarf them down in the car with a container of milk. I would stuff myself at meals, to the point of being quite uncomfortable. The only reason I never became bulimic is because I have such an aversion to throwing up. There were times I was so miserably full that I did try to barf but my body wasn't having it.
So I lost the weight doing low carb, and for the first time in my life I understood what it is like to be free of food cravings and compulsions. I ate only when I was hungry, and was satisfied with a normal amount of food. I was even able to tolerate being hungry longer than before... for the first time in my life, I would actually occasionally forget to eat. I used to hear people say that and I would think "how in the world can you forget to eat? I live for the next meal!" But during my diet and the period I maintained, I could go to Grandma's and say "no thank you" to a cookie because I wasn't hungry, it wasn't on my diet and frankly the idea of eating it wasn't all that compelling.
I kept the weight off for about 18 months. Then my marriage fell apart, I struggled with untreated depression for several months and during that time I started eating sweets to deal with stress. The weight didn't come back right away, but it kicked off the compulsive eating again and over the course of the next couple of years, all the weight came back and then some.
I've tried over the years going back on the low carb diet in hopes of getting to that magical compulsion-free place, but it has never worked as well as it did that one time. I'm currently eating "whole food plant based" and I'm losing at a reasonably steady pace. The compulsions are much milder than they used to be, but if I step off my diet to eat something delicious but unhealthy, it triggers cravings and I can quickly find myself back in binge territory.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:25 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
So I lost the weight doing low carb, and for the first time in my life I understood what it is like to be free of food cravings and compulsions. I ate only when I was hungry, and was satisfied with a normal amount of food. I was even able to tolerate being hungry longer than before... for the first time in my life, I would actually occasionally forget to eat. I used to hear people say that and I would think "how in the world can you forget to eat? I live for the next meal!" But during my diet and the period I maintained, I could go to Grandma's and say "no thank you" to a cookie because I wasn't hungry, it wasn't on my diet and frankly the idea of eating it wasn't all that compelling.
I kept the weight off for about 18 months. Then my marriage fell apart, I struggled with untreated depression for several months and during that time I started eating sweets to deal with stress. The weight didn't come back right away, but it kicked off the compulsive eating again and over the course of the next couple of years, all the weight came back and then some.
I've tried over the years going back on the low carb diet in hopes of getting to that magical compulsion-free place, but it has never worked as well as it did that one time. I'm currently eating "whole food plant based" and I'm losing at a reasonably steady pace. The compulsions are much milder than they used to be, but if I step off my diet to eat something delicious but unhealthy, it triggers cravings and I can quickly find myself back in binge territory.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:25 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
I lost about 50 pounds and kept it off using the cognitive behavioural techniques laid out in the Beck Diet Solution book.
The author, Judith Beck, is the daughter of Aaron Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy. "Doing" the book actually involves a lot of work and activities, and it's not a simple fix. But I've changed the way I think about food and eating, and the change feels permanent. Good luck!
posted by kinsey at 5:36 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
The author, Judith Beck, is the daughter of Aaron Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy. "Doing" the book actually involves a lot of work and activities, and it's not a simple fix. But I've changed the way I think about food and eating, and the change feels permanent. Good luck!
posted by kinsey at 5:36 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
Adding a vote for Happy Scale and weighing every day. I even wrote a post about it https://medium.com/@rgoodwin/averaging-your-way-to-success-1975dd3f8a00. (Hopefully ok to post links like that.) I think it creates a..."happy medium"... between the sometimes disconcerting feelings you can get weighing every day, and the downsides of not weighing that often and losing accountability.
posted by rtgoodwin at 5:37 AM on January 24, 2018
posted by rtgoodwin at 5:37 AM on January 24, 2018
Completely agree with beyond_pink on finding a workout you love and seeing food as its necessary fuel. I also taught myself how to cook with real food, and signed up for a CSA box from a local farm. That lead me to learn how to incorporate (and eat) lots of veggies with my meals, and pay attention to how much more satisfied I feel after eating like that rather than frozen dinners and white pastas. I don't keep junk food or sweets in the house, but will treat myself if I'm out/offered.
I also started always drinking a glass of water when I wanted a snack. About half the time, I realize I was just thirsty and not actually hungry.
I've kept 30+ lbs off for almost 10 years now and really haven't backslid.
posted by writermcwriterson at 6:35 AM on January 24, 2018
I also started always drinking a glass of water when I wanted a snack. About half the time, I realize I was just thirsty and not actually hungry.
I've kept 30+ lbs off for almost 10 years now and really haven't backslid.
posted by writermcwriterson at 6:35 AM on January 24, 2018
I'm about 10-15lbs down from my highest weight, which wasn't very far off a healthy BMI, though.
This might sound cold, but I think the biggest contributor to getting my compulsive eating under control was to cut people who were openly judgemental or controlling about my food preferences out of my life. Some people have trouble with the idea that someone who wants to lose weight can do so without having a completely ascetic diet. Having a snack or a cheat meal in front of people like this led to discussions about my hypocrisy and lack of committal to weight loss, so it became easier for me to eat things they didn't approve of in secret.
The people I'm close to now don't have the same kinds of issues and seem to be a lot more accepting of an "everything in moderation" approach, so I can incorporate a variety of healthy and not-so-healthy foods into my diet out in the open. In the old days, I would plan to scarf down a pizza with a topping my then-SO doesn't like before they got home because (a) suggesting that we get a pizza would raise questions about my commitment to weight loss and (b) they'd be irked by me having different food preferences from them in the first place. Now I can suggest that current SO and I get pizza for dinner, agree to split toppings, and I'll stop at eating one slice. Similarly, I don't think it's a serious contradiction for my current SO that I do meal prep and count calories most of the time but also go out to dinner or share bulk candy with him every now and then.
In the same vein, I try to downgrade relationships with women who are habitually nasty about other women's bodies. I mean, how do you feel comfortable eating pub grub in front of a friend who gossips about how some person we know who's god forbid, a size 10 of all awful things, somehow managed to lock down a man?
I don't expect everyone to be perfect or agree with me, but it's worth paying more attention to whether potential friends and partners are capable of being supportive, or at least tactful and capable of maintaining good boundaries between their body stuff and other people's behaviour. Having the security of being able to approach my diet from an 80/20 perspective without added emotional labour has made it a lot easier for me to lose weight.
posted by blerghamot at 7:15 AM on January 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
This might sound cold, but I think the biggest contributor to getting my compulsive eating under control was to cut people who were openly judgemental or controlling about my food preferences out of my life. Some people have trouble with the idea that someone who wants to lose weight can do so without having a completely ascetic diet. Having a snack or a cheat meal in front of people like this led to discussions about my hypocrisy and lack of committal to weight loss, so it became easier for me to eat things they didn't approve of in secret.
The people I'm close to now don't have the same kinds of issues and seem to be a lot more accepting of an "everything in moderation" approach, so I can incorporate a variety of healthy and not-so-healthy foods into my diet out in the open. In the old days, I would plan to scarf down a pizza with a topping my then-SO doesn't like before they got home because (a) suggesting that we get a pizza would raise questions about my commitment to weight loss and (b) they'd be irked by me having different food preferences from them in the first place. Now I can suggest that current SO and I get pizza for dinner, agree to split toppings, and I'll stop at eating one slice. Similarly, I don't think it's a serious contradiction for my current SO that I do meal prep and count calories most of the time but also go out to dinner or share bulk candy with him every now and then.
In the same vein, I try to downgrade relationships with women who are habitually nasty about other women's bodies. I mean, how do you feel comfortable eating pub grub in front of a friend who gossips about how some person we know who's god forbid, a size 10 of all awful things, somehow managed to lock down a man?
I don't expect everyone to be perfect or agree with me, but it's worth paying more attention to whether potential friends and partners are capable of being supportive, or at least tactful and capable of maintaining good boundaries between their body stuff and other people's behaviour. Having the security of being able to approach my diet from an 80/20 perspective without added emotional labour has made it a lot easier for me to lose weight.
posted by blerghamot at 7:15 AM on January 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: This is all incredibly helpful. It's great to hear the various stories and approaches.
It's wonderful to hear from you folks who lost weight once and kept it off permanently. Now, if you are reading this, and *have* lost then regained weight at one point, then lost it again and THEN kept it off, I'm particularly interested in hearing from you. Just knowing it's possible to go from yo-yo to stable would be helpful.
posted by velveeta underground at 7:32 AM on January 24, 2018
It's wonderful to hear from you folks who lost weight once and kept it off permanently. Now, if you are reading this, and *have* lost then regained weight at one point, then lost it again and THEN kept it off, I'm particularly interested in hearing from you. Just knowing it's possible to go from yo-yo to stable would be helpful.
posted by velveeta underground at 7:32 AM on January 24, 2018
I lost about 20 pounds ten years ago and have kept it off. I'm still overweight, but I'm comfortable with my weight now. I found this book super helpful, particularly the part about how to talk to yourself about food and eating. For example, I try not to think of eating properly not as being "in control," but rather to think of it as being "in charge" of what I put in my body. Reframing it that way has been very helpful, partly because if I do have a run of unhealthy eating, it's far easier for me to think about getting back "in charge" than it is to think about getting back "in control"; the latter has a moral connotation that just sort of starts a shame spiral.
I also cut waaaay down on eating takeout food, which, like a lot of NYC denizens, I did frequently. Now I cook pretty much every night. Reasonably often, that means having oatmeal for dinner, but I'm ok with that. (Of course, it helps that I have no children and a husband who's cool with it.) I do order in occasionally, but not often at all -- maybe once every couple of months, if that.
Along the same lines, I've found meditation to be very helpful with compulsive eating, because it increases my overall mindfulness about what I'm doing and how I'm feeling.
posted by holborne at 7:35 AM on January 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
I also cut waaaay down on eating takeout food, which, like a lot of NYC denizens, I did frequently. Now I cook pretty much every night. Reasonably often, that means having oatmeal for dinner, but I'm ok with that. (Of course, it helps that I have no children and a husband who's cool with it.) I do order in occasionally, but not often at all -- maybe once every couple of months, if that.
Along the same lines, I've found meditation to be very helpful with compulsive eating, because it increases my overall mindfulness about what I'm doing and how I'm feeling.
posted by holborne at 7:35 AM on January 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
I lost about 80 pounds 15 years ago and have kept most of that off since then. There were massive lifestyle changes, and I learned to course correct when I saw the scale creeping up because it is easier to lose 10 pounds than 20. Getting cravings under control was the biggest issue for me. I stopped keeping problem foods in the house and made sure that the groceries I bought were in line with my goals. If I was craving something that I knew I probably shouldn't be eating (all the ice cream, fried foods, etc), I would tell myself that if I still wanted it tomorrow, I could have it. That was usually enough to back the compulsive thinking off, and most of the time, by the time the next day rolled around, the craving would either be gone or different. It not only kept me from eating my feelings, but it also slowly taught me lessen the power those cravings had over me.
posted by August Fury at 8:44 AM on January 24, 2018
posted by August Fury at 8:44 AM on January 24, 2018
Oh yeah, I use a similar thing to August Fury: if I'm dying for some ice cream or whatever, I say that if I still want it in 20 minutes I can have it. I'd say eight times out of ten I don't want it anymore in 20 minutes and I just skip it.
posted by holborne at 10:00 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by holborne at 10:00 AM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
In my early 20's, I began to vacillate between binging and restriction. If I wasn't eating until I felt ill, I was trying every diet under the sun, practicing restrictive behaviors, "intuitive eating" (which led to more binging), over-exercising, Overeaters Anonymous, using appetite-killing medications, etc. Nothing worked for me; every time I lost weight from a diet or a new eating plan, I would gain it back and more.
The end of my emotional eating happened by accident in my mid-30's -- Last year, I switched to a different medication for anxiety and depression, Wellbutrin (which I combine with Buspirone, since Wellbutrin alone doesn't help with anxiety). I've been on Wellbutrin for 6+ months now and it has completely taken away my urge to binge. I still have a normal appetite (with slightly tweaked tastebuds -- eating super-sweet things is no longer thrilling, and I've developed a love of salty/savory foods) and I don't get a "high" from binging. When I do think of binging it's out of habit, and following through doesn't feel good. It's been so incredible. My psychiatrist said it has been used as well as to help with other addictive behaviors, like smoking.
I have lost some weight, but because I am *not* dieting, and will never diet again, the weight loss is very slow. I am slowly teaching myself how to cook for myself and eat out without binging OR dieting, which is something I had never learned before. I am not restricting calories, cutting out food groups, and don't have "problem foods". Many days, I eat more calories than my body needs, but it's because I'm still learning what "healthy" means to me, and I live in the U.S. where "convenience foods" will make you fat. I am basically beginning my life over without the urge to binge and creating healthy habits for myself. If the medication's effects change I will still have the lifestyle I am building.
Leaving binging, and not replacing it with dieting, means giving up on my fantasy of *immediately being thin*. My body has gotten used to being overweight and although I am seeing fat loss, the number on the scale doesn't drop steadily like it did when I was restricting calories and cutting out food groups. Frankly I don't know if I will ever fit into my "thin" clothes again -- but I am focusing instead on how I feel, what my body can do, and feeding myself lovingly and appropriately. It has meant an incredible peace in my life and a lack of preoccupation with food that I have never experienced before. If you have tried to change your behavior with non-chemical means and haven't found success, it is worth seeing a psychiatrist who will take you seriously.
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 11:20 AM on January 24, 2018 [4 favorites]
The end of my emotional eating happened by accident in my mid-30's -- Last year, I switched to a different medication for anxiety and depression, Wellbutrin (which I combine with Buspirone, since Wellbutrin alone doesn't help with anxiety). I've been on Wellbutrin for 6+ months now and it has completely taken away my urge to binge. I still have a normal appetite (with slightly tweaked tastebuds -- eating super-sweet things is no longer thrilling, and I've developed a love of salty/savory foods) and I don't get a "high" from binging. When I do think of binging it's out of habit, and following through doesn't feel good. It's been so incredible. My psychiatrist said it has been used as well as to help with other addictive behaviors, like smoking.
I have lost some weight, but because I am *not* dieting, and will never diet again, the weight loss is very slow. I am slowly teaching myself how to cook for myself and eat out without binging OR dieting, which is something I had never learned before. I am not restricting calories, cutting out food groups, and don't have "problem foods". Many days, I eat more calories than my body needs, but it's because I'm still learning what "healthy" means to me, and I live in the U.S. where "convenience foods" will make you fat. I am basically beginning my life over without the urge to binge and creating healthy habits for myself. If the medication's effects change I will still have the lifestyle I am building.
Leaving binging, and not replacing it with dieting, means giving up on my fantasy of *immediately being thin*. My body has gotten used to being overweight and although I am seeing fat loss, the number on the scale doesn't drop steadily like it did when I was restricting calories and cutting out food groups. Frankly I don't know if I will ever fit into my "thin" clothes again -- but I am focusing instead on how I feel, what my body can do, and feeding myself lovingly and appropriately. It has meant an incredible peace in my life and a lack of preoccupation with food that I have never experienced before. If you have tried to change your behavior with non-chemical means and haven't found success, it is worth seeing a psychiatrist who will take you seriously.
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 11:20 AM on January 24, 2018 [4 favorites]
I just left a similar response to another question, but, anecdotally, I had a really productive series of sessions with a registered dietitian (via Skype, covered by my insurance) that helped me get on track. As a part of that success, I committed to the notion of making sure that I don't stock the pantry with foods that I know or anticipate will become fodder in compulsive moments. E.g. there's no such thing as eating four Pringles, I'll eat the entire tube, so I don't buy Pringles to keep in the house. Same goes for Saltines, Hershey kisses, sodas, and so on. I always have a batch of super low calorie soup in the fridge, and a variety of pre-portioned soups ziplocked in the freezer, and I know that I can let my guard down and chow down on those when I'm feeling a moment of weakness--way better than the bag of kisses!
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 11:52 AM on January 24, 2018
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 11:52 AM on January 24, 2018
Another thing I thought of... dieting requires commitment and focus. Balance, mindfulness. It can be a lot. Maintaining, on the other hand... much easier. If you lose 5-10 lbs and maintain it, that’s great. So when your diet feels like too much, don’t be afraid to just maintain for awhile until you’re ready again.
posted by stoneandstar at 4:53 PM on January 24, 2018
posted by stoneandstar at 4:53 PM on January 24, 2018
for me, a few things -
1) prioritizing food with high fiber/protein content and combining it with regular exercise took me from 210 lbs to 180 lbs and I kept that off for most of a decade (the only change now is that I life much heavier weights, more frequently, and am much more toned). to that tend, cooking more vegetables and beans and eliminating a lot of meats meant my meals were less calorie dense which also meant that if I did snack I wasn't going over my daily calorie needs. I also keep up the exercise habit but it's less important now than the dieting portion
2) having a habit of guzzling water at different periods (during work, right after I get home from work, after dinner) - it's very satiating, you just have to figure out when your impulses hit you and dump a bunch of water on it!
3) putting snacks away in difficult to access places and replacing them with fruits and veggies that were already washed/peeled/skinned and were instantly munchable. snap peas are great here
4) when I did yo-yo, I started tracking my eating obsessively in a calorie counting app (fitbit, for me) and sticking to a mild 250 calorie daily deficit in order to not alter my metabolism too quickly. calorie tracking gives you a sense of just how much you do overeat and just how bad some foods are in terms of keeping to your daily count. dropped it after a few weeks and intermittently pick it up when I feel myself getting unruly
5) allowing yourself cheat days if you're mentally and emotionally exhausted. marathon, not a sprint, etc :)
posted by runt at 9:09 AM on January 25, 2018
1) prioritizing food with high fiber/protein content and combining it with regular exercise took me from 210 lbs to 180 lbs and I kept that off for most of a decade (the only change now is that I life much heavier weights, more frequently, and am much more toned). to that tend, cooking more vegetables and beans and eliminating a lot of meats meant my meals were less calorie dense which also meant that if I did snack I wasn't going over my daily calorie needs. I also keep up the exercise habit but it's less important now than the dieting portion
2) having a habit of guzzling water at different periods (during work, right after I get home from work, after dinner) - it's very satiating, you just have to figure out when your impulses hit you and dump a bunch of water on it!
3) putting snacks away in difficult to access places and replacing them with fruits and veggies that were already washed/peeled/skinned and were instantly munchable. snap peas are great here
4) when I did yo-yo, I started tracking my eating obsessively in a calorie counting app (fitbit, for me) and sticking to a mild 250 calorie daily deficit in order to not alter my metabolism too quickly. calorie tracking gives you a sense of just how much you do overeat and just how bad some foods are in terms of keeping to your daily count. dropped it after a few weeks and intermittently pick it up when I feel myself getting unruly
5) allowing yourself cheat days if you're mentally and emotionally exhausted. marathon, not a sprint, etc :)
posted by runt at 9:09 AM on January 25, 2018
My story is not that different from a few others above, but it may add something. For me it was counting calories. The discovery that I could lose all the weight I had gained without lifting a finger, no exercise, just a little willpower (not as much as I thought), changed my life. I decided to give it a week just to see if it worked, and when it I saw results that quickly it was much easier to keep it up. It was a real eye-opener to see how many calories were in things I had been eating, and knowing I only had so many calories a day I started being really meticulous about what I ate, eating stuff that would be «worth it». I did not want to be hungry so I stayed away from empty calories, with the added benefit that I could eat lots of vegetables without much of a calorie cost . Over three months I lost about 35 pounds, and I kept it off for about a year maybe. By then I had gained about half of it back, but this time, instead of getting depressed giving up, and just keep on eating I knew I could just be little more restrictive, and the pounds would drop off again. And they did. And then up a little, but not so much, and then down again. Now I am at about the same place I got to the first time I lost weight, and it has stayed there for a few months. I am certain that I will never go up to where I was at my heaviest, because I know I can muster up the will power to get it off again. I know this because I know losing weight does not a)mean I have to exercise every day (although counting calories gave me an added incentive to exercize since it meant I could eat more), and b) mean I have to be hungry while doing it (I make sure the food I eat is filling). I also have to note that I do not count calories all the time because I have a general idea what contains a lot of calories. Also, I can easily eat lots of junk one day without getting depressed, because I know I just have to stay away from it other days, and maybe not stuff myself during dinner etc. This probably won’t work for everybody, but I wish I had known this years ago. It was a real eye-opener.
posted by Agent X9 at 3:36 PM on January 25, 2018
posted by Agent X9 at 3:36 PM on January 25, 2018
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2. Drinking lots of tea, coffee, or diet soda. Not so great maybe but caffeine can kill the appetite.
3. Weighing myself everyday. Sounds counterintuitive but research shows that people who weigh themselves every day have an easier time regulating their weight.
3.b. Started using the Happy Scale app to record daily weight, which tracks your goals, weekly weight loss rate, and moving average weight to keep you motivated even when you’re not seeing consistent results.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:48 PM on January 23, 2018 [5 favorites]