Deciding is the most work
January 7, 2018 2:16 PM Subscribe
I have a really hard time making decisions when there are a lot of options. Please help me hack this persistent mind-spiral.
As a template, here's an example of the kind of decision on my plate today.
Old washing machine (a reliable top-load workhorse) has a broken timer.
We'll need basement stackables in 6 months- after we renovate to create a basement nanny suite.
We need to be frugal as there are major expenses in the future.
$130 to repair the timer part
$250 to replace the timer part
$350 for the same model of refurbished old washer, which we can re-sell with the old dryer later
$2000 to get basement stackables now, but they'll be in the way during the reno
$5000 to get stackables installed upstairs now (which would be SO HELPFUL) and not buy new basement machines til after the reno is done, or maybe never buy basement machines at all- tenant can use laundromat. But the reno plans aren't done, which means we aren't ready to call a plumber to change the upstairs plumbing for new washers, and in the meantime, laundry is piling up.
That's just one example.... every single decision I'm facing right now seems to have this kind of fractal involved. (Extensive renovation plans, choosing a contractor(s), choosing a used car, etc). It's exhausting and makes me feel overwhelmed. All possible decisions feel both right and wrong.
PLEASE tell me how to reframe my thinking to minimize the time and angst spent on decisions like this? Thanks!
As a template, here's an example of the kind of decision on my plate today.
Old washing machine (a reliable top-load workhorse) has a broken timer.
We'll need basement stackables in 6 months- after we renovate to create a basement nanny suite.
We need to be frugal as there are major expenses in the future.
$130 to repair the timer part
$250 to replace the timer part
$350 for the same model of refurbished old washer, which we can re-sell with the old dryer later
$2000 to get basement stackables now, but they'll be in the way during the reno
$5000 to get stackables installed upstairs now (which would be SO HELPFUL) and not buy new basement machines til after the reno is done, or maybe never buy basement machines at all- tenant can use laundromat. But the reno plans aren't done, which means we aren't ready to call a plumber to change the upstairs plumbing for new washers, and in the meantime, laundry is piling up.
That's just one example.... every single decision I'm facing right now seems to have this kind of fractal involved. (Extensive renovation plans, choosing a contractor(s), choosing a used car, etc). It's exhausting and makes me feel overwhelmed. All possible decisions feel both right and wrong.
PLEASE tell me how to reframe my thinking to minimize the time and angst spent on decisions like this? Thanks!
Look at it in terms of your biggest concern. Is it Cost, Time, Lack of changes needing to be made when you renovate, is it lack of emotional energy needed to fix the problem. What problem are you trying to solve?
I'd go for repair the timer & then combine it with part of your third option & resell the washer dryer when you're ready to get the stackables installed in the basement.
It's the option that's the cheapest, the least paralyzing emotional energy wise & get's you clean clothes pretty damn fast.
Sometimes done is better than perfect. Just getting the job off your mental list & stop wasting emotional energy on it is the thing you should focus on not all the options & maximizing all permutations to get the "perfect" result".
Having said that it sounds like what you really want is the washers moved upstairs but are having trouble justifying the cost which is why any "lesser" decision is overwhelming you.
posted by wwax at 2:54 PM on January 7, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'd go for repair the timer & then combine it with part of your third option & resell the washer dryer when you're ready to get the stackables installed in the basement.
It's the option that's the cheapest, the least paralyzing emotional energy wise & get's you clean clothes pretty damn fast.
Sometimes done is better than perfect. Just getting the job off your mental list & stop wasting emotional energy on it is the thing you should focus on not all the options & maximizing all permutations to get the "perfect" result".
Having said that it sounds like what you really want is the washers moved upstairs but are having trouble justifying the cost which is why any "lesser" decision is overwhelming you.
posted by wwax at 2:54 PM on January 7, 2018 [3 favorites]
If something costs roughly the same and buys you more time to make larger decisions (and can be done independently of those decisions), and you can resell it later, buy the thing. I.e., in this case, just get the same model of refurbished old washer. That avoids the potential to have to replace the timer part if the repair fails down the line, so you don't have to deal with this again before you get stackables.
Don't spend a ton of money on something you aren't sure will fit into your life the same way down the road in 6 months (i.e., basement stackables now). Don't buy something that's a nice-to-have but is so costly, it'll reduce your options for the other decisions that need to be made (i.e., spending $5,000 on stackables upstairs). For buying things or repairs, just do the easiest thing with the least amount of money that buys you the most time. Consider what will bring the most value to the project long-term; holding out for stackables downstairs later on, for instance, might bring more value to the space you're building, since you and the tenant will both be able to use them.
For the rest, you might consider a scrum approach. You don't need to have answers to all the questions yet; you just need to decide what is in the backlog of tasks to be done, then prioritize those tasks periodically (e.g., every 2 weeks) and choose a set of tasks to take on, now and then every 2 weeks from here. What tasks are dependent upon other tasks? Group those together in the backlog of items. Everything is a task for the backlog, and big things should be broken down into smaller doable things, e.g., you may need to research contractors who do the things you need (e.g., framing and drywalling new walls). Then you may need to schedule meetings to get estimates from 2 or 3 of them. You may need to deal with other things before you do this, such as waterproofing the basement, adding epoxy or tile flooring, plumbing, ensuring proper egress, pulling permits for the work if your contractors don't, etc. The same set of steps likely needs to happen for each: research, appointments, estimates, responding to or negotiating over each estimate, scheduling. These can all go into the backlog. And then you can check them off and achieve a sense of accomplishment after each one. Don't schedule this all out from the get-go, because any schedule you'll set up at this point is very likely a work of fiction; just set it up so you can start doing things right away, and go from there. You'll probably find that it goes faster than you'd think.
If you have a partner in this plan, you can basically form a 2-person scrum team with them—perhaps your partner is the product owner, and they decide what items need to be in the backlog. And perhaps you can be the scrum master in this scenario and help ensure that items in the backlog are all doable and are acted upon by someone on your scrum team (i.e., you, your partner, or your general contractor, if you choose to hire one), as well as that any blockers (i.e., basement needs to be cleaned prior to other actions) are represented in the backlog and dealt with as soon as possible. It can help to give every item a numerical value for relative level of effort (not an estimate of hours, just a relative sense) on the Fibonacci scale: 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13. Anything that's in the 8- to 13-point range must be broken down into smaller pieces until it's actionable by you or a member of your hired team. If it's just you working on this, you can do all of this yourself, but then make sure you're doing the things that each of those roles would do.
You can definitely get a general contractor to do this, to convene essentially a scrum team of other contractors (waterproofer, plumber, flooring specialist, framing and drywall people, etc.), then have that team work together in a flexible way, consulting with you as product owner, to assess correct order of operations at any given point. This might be useful reading on that.
Definitely avoid the temptation to make all the decisions upfront. Consider the concept of the last responsible moment, that point at which the cost of the delay of a decision surpasses the benefit of delay, or the moment when failing to decide eliminates an alternative. You don't have to decide everything at once or even know the full scope of the project upfront. You just have to have a general idea of the shape of things—your goals and any constraints, such as budget or rough timeline—then add discrete tasks to the backlog, and start doing things. Every 2 weeks, you decide what tasks you'll pull from the backlog. By the end of those 2 weeks, you should have those tasks complete and be able to review your progress with your partner, and you should work with them to reshuffle the backlog accordingly as needed. Literally putting all the things on index cards, or a shared Trello board, can be a great way to get this going. If you complete all your tasks before your 2 weeks are up, you can always claim and take on new tasks.
Anyway, this is one way of thinking about projects like this that can really help you get organized and get a lot done in a short amount of time, especially when it's a complex set of tasks. And it helps avoid wishful thinking and setting yourself up for failure with a waterfall schedule ("This thing has to be done so I can do this thing so I can do this thing...so it can all be done on this date in 6 months") put in place ahead of time. It also works for just about any project you can think of, from home renovation to work projects to buying a car.
posted by limeonaire at 3:17 PM on January 7, 2018 [5 favorites]
Don't spend a ton of money on something you aren't sure will fit into your life the same way down the road in 6 months (i.e., basement stackables now). Don't buy something that's a nice-to-have but is so costly, it'll reduce your options for the other decisions that need to be made (i.e., spending $5,000 on stackables upstairs). For buying things or repairs, just do the easiest thing with the least amount of money that buys you the most time. Consider what will bring the most value to the project long-term; holding out for stackables downstairs later on, for instance, might bring more value to the space you're building, since you and the tenant will both be able to use them.
For the rest, you might consider a scrum approach. You don't need to have answers to all the questions yet; you just need to decide what is in the backlog of tasks to be done, then prioritize those tasks periodically (e.g., every 2 weeks) and choose a set of tasks to take on, now and then every 2 weeks from here. What tasks are dependent upon other tasks? Group those together in the backlog of items. Everything is a task for the backlog, and big things should be broken down into smaller doable things, e.g., you may need to research contractors who do the things you need (e.g., framing and drywalling new walls). Then you may need to schedule meetings to get estimates from 2 or 3 of them. You may need to deal with other things before you do this, such as waterproofing the basement, adding epoxy or tile flooring, plumbing, ensuring proper egress, pulling permits for the work if your contractors don't, etc. The same set of steps likely needs to happen for each: research, appointments, estimates, responding to or negotiating over each estimate, scheduling. These can all go into the backlog. And then you can check them off and achieve a sense of accomplishment after each one. Don't schedule this all out from the get-go, because any schedule you'll set up at this point is very likely a work of fiction; just set it up so you can start doing things right away, and go from there. You'll probably find that it goes faster than you'd think.
If you have a partner in this plan, you can basically form a 2-person scrum team with them—perhaps your partner is the product owner, and they decide what items need to be in the backlog. And perhaps you can be the scrum master in this scenario and help ensure that items in the backlog are all doable and are acted upon by someone on your scrum team (i.e., you, your partner, or your general contractor, if you choose to hire one), as well as that any blockers (i.e., basement needs to be cleaned prior to other actions) are represented in the backlog and dealt with as soon as possible. It can help to give every item a numerical value for relative level of effort (not an estimate of hours, just a relative sense) on the Fibonacci scale: 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13. Anything that's in the 8- to 13-point range must be broken down into smaller pieces until it's actionable by you or a member of your hired team. If it's just you working on this, you can do all of this yourself, but then make sure you're doing the things that each of those roles would do.
You can definitely get a general contractor to do this, to convene essentially a scrum team of other contractors (waterproofer, plumber, flooring specialist, framing and drywall people, etc.), then have that team work together in a flexible way, consulting with you as product owner, to assess correct order of operations at any given point. This might be useful reading on that.
Definitely avoid the temptation to make all the decisions upfront. Consider the concept of the last responsible moment, that point at which the cost of the delay of a decision surpasses the benefit of delay, or the moment when failing to decide eliminates an alternative. You don't have to decide everything at once or even know the full scope of the project upfront. You just have to have a general idea of the shape of things—your goals and any constraints, such as budget or rough timeline—then add discrete tasks to the backlog, and start doing things. Every 2 weeks, you decide what tasks you'll pull from the backlog. By the end of those 2 weeks, you should have those tasks complete and be able to review your progress with your partner, and you should work with them to reshuffle the backlog accordingly as needed. Literally putting all the things on index cards, or a shared Trello board, can be a great way to get this going. If you complete all your tasks before your 2 weeks are up, you can always claim and take on new tasks.
Anyway, this is one way of thinking about projects like this that can really help you get organized and get a lot done in a short amount of time, especially when it's a complex set of tasks. And it helps avoid wishful thinking and setting yourself up for failure with a waterfall schedule ("This thing has to be done so I can do this thing so I can do this thing...so it can all be done on this date in 6 months") put in place ahead of time. It also works for just about any project you can think of, from home renovation to work projects to buying a car.
posted by limeonaire at 3:17 PM on January 7, 2018 [5 favorites]
One thing that you might find helpful is to treat yourself kindly if later on you realize a different decision would have been preferable.
posted by A hidden well at 4:26 PM on January 7, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by A hidden well at 4:26 PM on January 7, 2018 [7 favorites]
The biggest trick is to recognize that most decisions just aren't that important. No matter which you choose, it won't dramatically affect your life now or in the future, even if you make the "wrong" one (for example, if you repaired the timer and it failed before you bought new machines). It would be a bummer, but really not that big a deal in the grander scheme of things.
Optimizing is smart for more important decisions or if you can do it without making you crazy. I consider the cost benefit analysis of each option, and when necessary, think about how I value various attributes of each option (reliability, price, hassle, etc.). This will just about always narrow down the choices, and if the ones that are left are hard to choose from, that means they are ALL good, well-considered decisions. Bad luck and imperfect knowledge of the future might mean that the one you chose ended up not being ideal, but that's not through any fault of your own. Them's the breaks, and sometimes life sucks, and beating yourself up over it doesn't help.
posted by metasarah at 6:26 PM on January 7, 2018 [5 favorites]
Optimizing is smart for more important decisions or if you can do it without making you crazy. I consider the cost benefit analysis of each option, and when necessary, think about how I value various attributes of each option (reliability, price, hassle, etc.). This will just about always narrow down the choices, and if the ones that are left are hard to choose from, that means they are ALL good, well-considered decisions. Bad luck and imperfect knowledge of the future might mean that the one you chose ended up not being ideal, but that's not through any fault of your own. Them's the breaks, and sometimes life sucks, and beating yourself up over it doesn't help.
posted by metasarah at 6:26 PM on January 7, 2018 [5 favorites]
I also have a hard time making decisions. I read The Paradox of Choice, which helped me realize that there *is* no "best" option. I feel much freer now to arbitrarily decide which criteria to focus on, pick something, be comfortable with it, and move on.
posted by radioamy at 7:43 PM on January 7, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by radioamy at 7:43 PM on January 7, 2018 [4 favorites]
Did writing out your question and your thought process to post this Ask clarify anything in your mind? I assume it did. I recommend going even further with your thoughts and explaining to yourself the pros and cons of your situation. Keep writing.
When I'm facing a confusing decision, I find that getting my ideas out onto paper (or computer screen) can help me see where my answer lives and how to get there. Do searches on "freewriting" and "mind mapping" for more ideas.
posted by Leontine at 8:26 PM on January 7, 2018 [1 favorite]
When I'm facing a confusing decision, I find that getting my ideas out onto paper (or computer screen) can help me see where my answer lives and how to get there. Do searches on "freewriting" and "mind mapping" for more ideas.
posted by Leontine at 8:26 PM on January 7, 2018 [1 favorite]
I recommend flipping coins or rolling dice.
No, seriously. I really do.
If I've been stewing on a decision for more than a week, and I've talked it over with other people and still don't have enough clarity on it to make it, and what is really giving me the shits right now is the endless dragging on, then I will
1. Use coins or dice, depending on how many options the decision involves, to choose one of those options.
2. If my immediate reaction to the choice that randomness has just made for me is strong dismay, rather than relief at the decision having finally been made, I will eliminate that as an option and make another random choice from the remaining options. I only get to eliminate each option once in this fashion, to avoid the process going round and round endlessly.
3. If I'm still dismayed by the final choice, I tell myself to suck it up and move on, on the basis that this dismay could clearly not have been avoided regardless of decision procedure, and that I am in fact now better off for having made some decision.
4. I flat refuse to revise the decision before acting on it unless absolutely compelling new information makes it clear that a different choice would have been substantially better.
posted by flabdablet at 5:57 AM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
No, seriously. I really do.
If I've been stewing on a decision for more than a week, and I've talked it over with other people and still don't have enough clarity on it to make it, and what is really giving me the shits right now is the endless dragging on, then I will
1. Use coins or dice, depending on how many options the decision involves, to choose one of those options.
2. If my immediate reaction to the choice that randomness has just made for me is strong dismay, rather than relief at the decision having finally been made, I will eliminate that as an option and make another random choice from the remaining options. I only get to eliminate each option once in this fashion, to avoid the process going round and round endlessly.
3. If I'm still dismayed by the final choice, I tell myself to suck it up and move on, on the basis that this dismay could clearly not have been avoided regardless of decision procedure, and that I am in fact now better off for having made some decision.
4. I flat refuse to revise the decision before acting on it unless absolutely compelling new information makes it clear that a different choice would have been substantially better.
posted by flabdablet at 5:57 AM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
And for what it's worth, I'd repair the timer, because that's just the way I roll. If a thing has replaceable or repairable parts, and it's not falling apart from underdesign or rust, and it hasn't been giving me the shits for the whole time I've owned it, and fixing it costs substantially less than replacing it, I'll just repair it as a matter of general policy.
I loathe waste.
posted by flabdablet at 6:03 AM on January 8, 2018
I loathe waste.
posted by flabdablet at 6:03 AM on January 8, 2018
Oh, and
5. If it turns out later that the choice I made with my coins or dice was indeed substantially worse than some other option I could have chosen, I refuse to waste time on beating myself up for being stupid or careless or irresponsible. Instead, I remind myself that the next time I'm faced with a similar decision, the experience with this one will clearly make the choosing much easier.
posted by flabdablet at 6:09 AM on January 8, 2018
5. If it turns out later that the choice I made with my coins or dice was indeed substantially worse than some other option I could have chosen, I refuse to waste time on beating myself up for being stupid or careless or irresponsible. Instead, I remind myself that the next time I'm faced with a similar decision, the experience with this one will clearly make the choosing much easier.
posted by flabdablet at 6:09 AM on January 8, 2018
if the ones that are left are hard to choose from, that means they are ALL good, well-considered decisions
I'd call them good, well-considered options, and they are the set that I'd be using the coins or dice to choose between.
posted by flabdablet at 6:12 AM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'd call them good, well-considered options, and they are the set that I'd be using the coins or dice to choose between.
posted by flabdablet at 6:12 AM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm currently binge-watching Person of Interest on Netflix. In a recent episode, Finch was teaching the Machine about playing chess. He told it this:
So relax. And play.
(More analysis paralysis from TV Tropes)
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 10:54 AM on January 8, 2018
There are more possible games of chess than there are atoms in the universe. No-one can possibly predict them all, not even you. Which means that the first move can be terrifying. It's the furthest point from the end of the game, there's a virtually infinite sea of possibilities between you and the other side... but it also means that if you make a mistake, there's a nearly infinite amount of ways to fix it. So you should simply relax, and play.That's where you are. The first move can be terrifying. It's the furthest point from the functioning home you want. And there are infinite seas of possibilities between you and that perfect home. But that also means that if you make a less than wonderful choice, there are infinite seas of ways to fix it.
So relax. And play.
(More analysis paralysis from TV Tropes)
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 10:54 AM on January 8, 2018
I know what I'd do with the washer at least: i'd go with the cheapest timer option that would have it warrantied until the time you're planning to buy new ones.
Think of it like this: from the date you buy new ones until those new ones need replacement someday, that's your big post-renovation purchase. From today until the renovation is done, that's a separate time period in which you just need a working washer ASAP. Two separate decisions, two separate needs. And in fact one is a need (today's problem) and one is a want (so you can ignore it until it becomes a need if you want to.)
posted by davejay at 11:34 AM on January 8, 2018
Think of it like this: from the date you buy new ones until those new ones need replacement someday, that's your big post-renovation purchase. From today until the renovation is done, that's a separate time period in which you just need a working washer ASAP. Two separate decisions, two separate needs. And in fact one is a need (today's problem) and one is a want (so you can ignore it until it becomes a need if you want to.)
posted by davejay at 11:34 AM on January 8, 2018
Following on the comments above re the Paradox of Choice, it sounds like you are a classic maximizer. As your mirror image, the satisficer (yes, that is really a word), I suggest you might find it useful to take on some of our decision-maker characteristics. For example, if I were in your shoes on the washing machine decision, I would look at the situation and decide what my two main values were, e.g. I want a laundry solution that could be in place within the week and would cost no more than $250. As soon as I found one, I’d jump on it, whether or not there were other solutions still unexplored. (This works best for relatively simple decisions with less-than life-threatening ramifications, but you can also apply it in more serious situations by developing more criteria.)
Gretchen Rubin has a handy test that will help you see where you fit on this spectrum, and also give you some tips on how you can benefit from a style that doesn’t come naturally to you. Test here.
posted by rpfields at 12:18 PM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
Gretchen Rubin has a handy test that will help you see where you fit on this spectrum, and also give you some tips on how you can benefit from a style that doesn’t come naturally to you. Test here.
posted by rpfields at 12:18 PM on January 8, 2018 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
In your case you have an immediate problem: “My washing machine isn’t working.” That’s something that needs to be dealt with pronto. But in your decision-making process, you allow the problem to balloon into having to decide on renovations six months in the future! You’re turning a $130 fix into a $5000 outlay when you need to be frugal. No wonder you’re paralyzed.
Try to think of the immediate problem in the most immediate way possible. What needs to happen? Your washing machine needs to be fixed. That can happen immediately and for a relatively small amount of money. Then you’ll have clean clothes for the next six months while you tackle the renovations. You’ll be able to think more clearly about your future washing machine needs then.
There are of course advantages to thinking long term, but in this case it sounds like you’re letting the long term interfere with fixing easy things in the here and now.
Good luck with the renovations!
posted by ejs at 2:44 PM on January 7, 2018 [2 favorites]