Book request for a couple with both partners having ADHD

December 20, 2017 12:20 AM

I'm looking for a book about ADHD for couples that works with either a.) (in a heteranormative cis-gendered relationship) the female half of the couple being the one with ADHD or even better, b.) both partners having ADHD

All of the ADHD books for couples that I've seen focus on a male/female partnership where the man has ADHD. I'm looking for one about a relationship where both partners have it. Barring that, I'd like one about when a woman in a relationship has ADHD.

If there aren't any books, any good resources on the subject are also welcome.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (4 answers total)

Sari Solden's Women with Attention Deficit Disorder has a lot about relationships in it. It's aimed (obviously) at women with ADHD, and the relationship stuff mostly handles the case of a woman together with a non-ADHD man. It was the first ADHD book I read after my diagnosis and I recommend it widely.

(Sidenote: I am nonbinary but AFAB, and I found the book worked for me because Solden's attitude is that the different challenges women with ADHD face are mostly due to social expectations and conditioning. One of the forewords in the newest edition was suuuper essentialist and out of step with the rest of the text; I just skipped that one.)
posted by daisyk at 1:15 AM on December 20, 2017 [4 favorites]

Thank you for asking this! I assume that you have read Married to Distraction, but if not, do not bother. I have already thrown it across the room in a rage for you.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:21 AM on December 20, 2017 [7 favorites]

I believe this blogger has adhd and so does her partner. She is well-read on the subject and not terribly bogged down in negative coping strategies that can interfere with effective intervention.
posted by crunchy potato at 9:43 AM on December 20, 2017 [1 favorite]

Great question. Even as a woman whose (male) partner has ADHD, I thought most of the books on ADHD were infuriatingly gendered, stereotypical, and, as a result, not useful.

I found value in this series of blog posts about executive function by someone with autism. ADHD does not equal autism, at all (I have autism), but they share executive dysfunction issues. Because this is pretty narrowly focused on the components of executive function, it helped me understand how EF works (or doesn't) across all neurotypes. Sorry I can't be of more specific help—I haven't found an excellent ADHD book either, and am watching this thread with interest.
posted by fire, water, earth, air at 10:50 AM on December 20, 2017 [2 favorites]