I am not a snitch
November 27, 2017 2:39 AM Subscribe
Someone has reported the office 'skiver' to the boss. The office 'skiver' thinks it's me.
Wonder if you can help.
There's a woman at work who always comes in late/leaves early, on her cellphone a lot etc etc.
Someone has reported her to the main boss - and - she thinks it was me.
This is where it gets tricky. I only know she thinks it was me because another member of staff overheard her complaining to her 'best work colleague'.
I definitely did NOT say anything. So - how can I let her know that it wasn't me without also letting her know that her conversation was overheard. The person who told me has sworn me to secrecy - so it's a tricky situation.
Or would it be best to leave it?
All help gratefully accepted.
Wonder if you can help.
There's a woman at work who always comes in late/leaves early, on her cellphone a lot etc etc.
Someone has reported her to the main boss - and - she thinks it was me.
This is where it gets tricky. I only know she thinks it was me because another member of staff overheard her complaining to her 'best work colleague'.
I definitely did NOT say anything. So - how can I let her know that it wasn't me without also letting her know that her conversation was overheard. The person who told me has sworn me to secrecy - so it's a tricky situation.
Or would it be best to leave it?
All help gratefully accepted.
She should be focusing on changing her boss' perception of her as a skiver, not on who snitched on her. Unless she is acting differently or unprofessionally towards you, I would just leave it.
If she has changed her behaviour towards you that negatively impacts your ability work, just ask her "Hey, I've noticed you've been slow to respond/speaking harshly to me/insert her change in behaviour towards you here. Is there something I've done that I should be aware about?" You've done absolutely nothing wrong, so you can just be upfront with her.
posted by like_neon at 3:04 AM on November 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
If she has changed her behaviour towards you that negatively impacts your ability work, just ask her "Hey, I've noticed you've been slow to respond/speaking harshly to me/insert her change in behaviour towards you here. Is there something I've done that I should be aware about?" You've done absolutely nothing wrong, so you can just be upfront with her.
posted by like_neon at 3:04 AM on November 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
OMG. Say nothing. Because it won't matter. If she thinks it was you, and you try to dissuade her in any way, she will think it's just a smoke screen. This is a lose/lose situation so don't even attempt to play.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:10 AM on November 27, 2017 [55 favorites]
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:10 AM on November 27, 2017 [55 favorites]
What I_Love_Bananas said. My gosh, just keep your own counsel.
posted by james33 at 4:28 AM on November 27, 2017
posted by james33 at 4:28 AM on November 27, 2017
One of the skills of these kind of people is "it's not my problem, when clearly it's {so and so's} problem" and she's trying to make it your problem, she's saying you did something wrong, she thinks you're the one making a mistake, she "knows" you are causing problems. Don't play her game. But DO be prepared for her (or her 'friends') to "snitch" on you as a diversion for her issues. This is a common toxic-work-environment game.
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:39 AM on November 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:39 AM on November 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
Alison at Ask A Manager makes a good case for tattling/snitching not really being a thing in the workplace. I totally agree with the other posters that there no good will come from following up on this with her in any way.
posted by terretu at 4:48 AM on November 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by terretu at 4:48 AM on November 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Ugh, I've been there. Yeah, nothing you can do will fix this. Just keep on doing your job and DO NOT DISCUSS with your coworkers. I know it's impossible, but do your very best. The more talk about this in the office, the worse it will get. Just do your job and keep out of it.
posted by silverstatue at 7:30 AM on November 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by silverstatue at 7:30 AM on November 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
The person at the office that sucks, doesn't like you?
This is a tenable situation.
posted by ftm at 7:47 AM on November 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
This is a tenable situation.
posted by ftm at 7:47 AM on November 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
What everyone else said. You are on the high road now, which is a great place to be. Don't go low.
The thing you might not realize about this is any attempt to clear this up only makes you Involved, and you do not want to be Involved at ALL. If you say or do anything, that's only going to confirm her suspicions. OR it will link the two of you in the boss' mind.
Continue distancing yourself from this bad banana!
posted by kapers at 8:26 AM on November 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
The thing you might not realize about this is any attempt to clear this up only makes you Involved, and you do not want to be Involved at ALL. If you say or do anything, that's only going to confirm her suspicions. OR it will link the two of you in the boss' mind.
Continue distancing yourself from this bad banana!
posted by kapers at 8:26 AM on November 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
I've had a very similar thing happen to me, too. The person who thought I reported her got extremely chilly toward me, and remained so until she left the job (unsurprisingly, she was eventually asked to leave); there were no other repercussions. Thing was, everyone knew the person was a slacker, so what she thought of me didn't matter to anyone; I assume it's probably the same in your office. Just go about your business and don't get involved in any way.
posted by holborne at 8:43 AM on November 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by holborne at 8:43 AM on November 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
I only know she thinks it was me because another member of staff overheard her complaining to her 'best work colleague'.
Yeah, continue to be professional, and distance yourself from the skiver and that other member of staff (the likely squealer, if it's not the 'best work colleague').
posted by Iris Gambol at 10:55 AM on November 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yeah, continue to be professional, and distance yourself from the skiver and that other member of staff (the likely squealer, if it's not the 'best work colleague').
posted by Iris Gambol at 10:55 AM on November 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Leave it. Who gives a shit what this childish idiot thinks? This isn't high school. 'Squealing' isn't a thing.
And she wouldn't believe you anyway. Just do your job and ignore her.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:29 PM on November 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
And she wouldn't believe you anyway. Just do your job and ignore her.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:29 PM on November 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Joke's on her; there are at least two people in the office who think she's slacking off. She doesn't know who the real one is. Let her think it's you and not hide it from the other until she gets fired.
posted by ctmf at 5:48 PM on November 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ctmf at 5:48 PM on November 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
If not, ignore it. Who cares if she thinks it's you? I'm assuming she's not also a friend, otherwise you would have mentioned it.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:57 AM on November 27, 2017 [23 favorites]