Objectively crappy/subjectively awesome movies to laugh at while tipsy
November 15, 2017 10:54 AM   Subscribe

Some of my girlfriends and I have set up an “Oh God you have to see this amazing train wreck of a movie and also let’s drink” calendar. Finding just the right movies for this kind of activity is not easy, as the sweet spot is narrow, I looked at this ask, but those are mostly definitely not what I’m looking for (maybe one or two). Criteria inside:

This sub-subgenre is tough to fill, because it’s hard to define. Our premiere movie was Interview with the Vampire, and it ticks all the boxes: ridiculous, pointless, loud, colorful, well-paced (for the most part), overacted, gorgeous to look at, SOOOO DUMB but just hilarious to watch while drinking, and Antonio Banderas and Kirsten Dunst still manage to give good performances in spite of the terrible lines and wigs they were given.

Next up is Tank Girl. (Well, I’m interspersing them with actually good-to-great movies my friends haven’t seen, so Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is next. Can’t do nothing but drink and watch terrible wonderful movies. I think.)

So, those two, plus Buckaroo Banzai, Big Trouble in Little China, and Bram Stoker’s Dracula from Francis Ford Coppola fill out my list so far, plus two movies that many people (including myself) would consider good-to-great movies, but just fit the category so well that I’m putting them there instead of in the “awesome movies you must see” grouping: The Fifth Element and Repo Man.

So I need suggestions! (PLEASE do not waste a comment on how I’m wrong about Movie X and it’s actually objectively great and you want to send me your review / PowerPoint / dissertation.)

(Also please don’t suggest The Room. That is sooooo off-base, and is terrible in a totally different way.)

PLUSES:

1) Loud and colorful and gorgeous to look at
2) High production values/budget
3) fast-enough-paced that we don’t fall asleep
4) One or two truly great ham performances
5) EVERYONE IS WORKING SO HARD TO MAKE A GOOD MOVIE OMG IT’S JUST NOT HAPPENING
6) Quotable (ironically or unironically)
7) Easy to make a terrible pun about on a cake
8) Basically something you could imagine Dot Warner looking at the camera during, and saying “This is a zany episode.”

BIG NO’S:

1) Egregious violence against women
2) Slooooooooow
3) Slasher horror
4) Anything that was parodied by MST3K (not one of those movies is close to good enough even though “good enough” for this is objectively bad)
5) Do not suggest Skidoo. Just don’t.

Okay - hit me!
posted by tzikeh to Media & Arts (143 answers total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
 
You have Bram Stoker's Dracula but not Mary Shelley's Frankenstein? How is that possible?
posted by dlugoczaj at 10:59 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Clue. It is awful and great and a lot of fun.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:59 AM on November 15, 2017 [24 favorites]


Did you see this recent discussion?
posted by betweenthebars at 11:01 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Keeping with the vampire theme, Lost Boys is one that I loved very non-ironically as a youth and rewatched recently. And it is terrible. I still have a fondness for it, but it has a great layer of fun terribleness to it.
posted by LKWorking at 11:02 AM on November 15, 2017 [7 favorites]


Tarsem Singh's first two movies are the epitome of this. The Fall has less J-Lo than The Cell, your call if that's a plus or a minus.

I've yet to see it, but this is exactly the way I want to watch Jupiter Ascending.
posted by theweasel at 11:04 AM on November 15, 2017 [12 favorites]


Pacific Rim is about people in giant mech suits fighting sea monsters = so much spectacle. I love it and I know it is terrible.
posted by momus_window at 11:06 AM on November 15, 2017 [8 favorites]


Well, Buckaroo Banzai is not even remotely a bad movie, so I'm not totally sure I'm picking up on what you're looking for, but I think you guys should try the extremely bad and weird Robin Williams vehicle Toys!
posted by cakelite at 11:07 AM on November 15, 2017


Zardoz came up towards the end of the old ask you linked to. I think it checks most or all of your boxes.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 11:08 AM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


Some random movie thoughts, not all of which will apply:

Sharknado series is "so bad it's good"... which I guess is not what you're looking for.

Birdemic is somehow even worse than sharknado, in it's own category. It's even worse... still not right.

Bright and moving? Well, War dogs was fast moving but too serious really, but it was surprisingly good. Ditto for 21 jump street - which bordered on Must-See - doesn't fit your list.

The Interview was very light hearted and good and a lot of people didn't see it, so it might be a good fit, it's kind of on the edge of being in your camp... but again, not perfect.
posted by bbqturtle at 11:09 AM on November 15, 2017


Jupiter Ascending, just don't expect to have any idea what the plot was when you're done.

(Also, this doesn't meet your criteria but if you haven't seen Trapped in the Closet, drinking and laughing about it with friends is the ideal environment)
posted by brainmouse at 11:09 AM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


10,000 BC. It's got terror birds. And mammoths being used to build the pyramids.
posted by FencingGal at 11:15 AM on November 15, 2017


I started out your post thinking I was going to come in here and recommend Zardoz (which I quite enjoy), but this is not that post. I think Soldier may fit the bill - it's a classic post-apocalyptic space opera with a hurt/comfort plotline that does EXACTLY what it says on the tin, no more, no less, and for that it will always have a place in my heart. I would have a tough time un-ironically watching Temple of Doom anymore. Drink every time the script is intersectionally problematic. On second thought, don't, and live to fight another day.
posted by All hands bury the dead at 11:16 AM on November 15, 2017


The Devil's Advocate is great ridiculous trash.
posted by doctornecessiter at 11:16 AM on November 15, 2017 [11 favorites]


Other thoughts: The Craft, Return to Oz.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:16 AM on November 15, 2017 [4 favorites]


Don't know if you want another vampire movie, but Underworld might work. Kate Beckinsale!
posted by praemunire at 11:17 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Saturn 3

Starring Havey Keitel (with a different actor's voice overdubbed) and Kirk Douglas. Screenplay by Martin Amis. In one scene Keitel gets his ass kicked by a naked Kirk Douglas. Also, there is possibly the stupidest looking robot in filmdom.

It's probably not "gorgeous", but it's a good one.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 11:20 AM on November 15, 2017


Road House. Also literally any movie covered by How Did This Get Made?
posted by so fucking future at 11:25 AM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


Time Bandits
Amadeus
posted by Hanuman1960 at 11:27 AM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


10,000 BC. It's got terror birds. And mammoths being used to build the pyramids.

Speaking of Roland Emmerich: 2012 and The Day After Tomorrow.

(I haven't seen others by him, so I won't vouch for them, but these two are quote-unquote "wonderful".)
posted by doctornecessiter at 11:29 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Romy and Michele's High School Reunion - hilarious but not exactly first-tier film making.

Also, pretty much anything with Christian Slater in the late 80s and early 90s. Some are amazing, some are too violent to fit your criteria, some (ahem, Untamed Heart) are truly terrible in a very entertaining way.

Coming to America and Trading Places are both legitimately great, but both would be totally fun to watch while drinking and mostly fit your criteria if your group hasn't seen them.

On preview, seconding Amadeus.
posted by snaw at 11:32 AM on November 15, 2017 [4 favorites]


Batman & Robin also passes your rubric, I think.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 11:32 AM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


The Devil's Advocate is great ridiculous trash.

Another "Keanu Reeves Vs. The Supernatural" that may fit is Constantine. Ostensibly it's based on the "Hellblazer" comic books, but Keanu's character has vanishingly little in common with their lead; so you end up just sorta ignoring Reeves except where necessary. Fortnuately, the rest of the film gives you Djimon Honsou as a voudoun priest and Shia LeBeouf getting his ass kicked by invisible demons and Tilda Swinton as a bonkers angel and Peter Stormare chewing not just the scenery but his own appendages as Lucifer. It's no more like the Hellblazer books than I to Hercules, but there is enough gloriously bonkers in there to satisfy, I think. (Whenever I see it's on TV, I actually try to tune in right when Peter Stromare comes in, because that's the start of a sequence that's especially bazonkers.)

And seconding Time Bandits.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:33 AM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


Thirding Jupiter Ascending - it's a dumb, bad movie that often looks gorgeous a la how The Fifth Element might have looked if made with 2010s CGI and less taste, it has lots of people acting VERY HARD (very appealing people, too, on the whole, Eddie Redmayne's performance is especially bizarre and enjoyable), and it is clearly trying to say Something Important about Something but damned if I know what it is.
posted by mskyle at 11:35 AM on November 15, 2017


Undercover Brother! Simultaneously a witty satire of the blaxsploitation genre and an indulgent, terribly silly action movie. It's such an underrated movie; I think no one is sure if they're allowed to enjoy it.

And "CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD!" definitely fits on a cake.
posted by xylothek at 11:35 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


UNDERCOVER BROTHER IS NOT A BAD MOVIE IN ANY WAY I WILL FIGHT YOU
posted by praemunire at 11:37 AM on November 15, 2017 [5 favorites]


Valley of the Dolls is so bad that people get together to do Rocky Horror style participation.
posted by JanetLand at 11:39 AM on November 15, 2017 [9 favorites]


I once scripted something to find quotable unpopular films in IMDb data. I put the results in this comment in a thread on the blue where you might find many other good suggestions.
posted by Wobbuffet at 11:39 AM on November 15, 2017


praemunire: Truth. It's amazing, not "objectively crappy," but I am not sure what "objectively crappy" means and it sure was panned by a lot of critics. Who were all wrong.
posted by xylothek at 11:40 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Armageddon. I mean, Ben Affleck becomes an astronaut to try to save the world. Come on!
posted by Jubey at 11:44 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


The Huntsman: Winter's War is bad on a lot of levels and incredibly well executed on others. It feels like a feature length perfume commercial.
posted by rollick at 11:45 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


The line here is so thin, isn't it? What about Donnie Darko?
posted by lunasol at 11:48 AM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Speed Racer is a fun visual barrage and utterly pointless.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, likewise.
posted by adamrice at 11:50 AM on November 15, 2017 [4 favorites]


Yessss to Jupiter Ascending! Also Valerian. Perhaps Chronicles of Riddick? Wild Wild West? Oh, definitely Iron Sky!
posted by gakiko at 11:52 AM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


"herbie fully loaded" with lindsay lohan, michael keaton and matt dillon (as the villain) is a favorite bad-movie. the story/script was by two members of the state (tom lennon and ben garrant).
posted by noloveforned at 11:52 AM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


The Day After Tomorrow

The Core
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:53 AM on November 15, 2017


The Love Witch. It may have some slasher-y elements (death, bodily fluids--nothing all that graphic), but is definitely not a slasher film.
posted by dearwassily at 12:05 PM on November 15, 2017


As I thought about what to suggest, I realized my thoughts are VERY HEAVILY influenced by my straight-but-human-with-eyes girl crushes on the stars, so grain of salt here!

Possibly Catgirl with Halle Berry? It's an awful movie but that scene where she cuts off her hair and dons the bondage-cat garb and stalks the streets? rrrrrowr, lord.

But much more emphatically I suggest all the Resident Evil movies (I haven't seen the most recent one, however). I have seen all the other ones on TV in random order as the cable gods provided them, and always watch when I catch one. There's some horror (zombie-style), ridiculous garb, hunky dudes, Milla and, if you're lucky, Michelle Rodriguez (I particularly like the one where Michelle beats the crap out of a couple of dudes and it seemed like she mortally injured at least one of them but he's basically fine in the next scene). At some point when you've seen them all you realize you have no idea if anyone is their original character or a clone who replaced them at some point. It doesn't matter.
posted by Occula at 12:19 PM on November 15, 2017


In the spirit of so fucking future's reply above, this is a list of every film from the How Did This Get Made? podcast. There are some slasher/violent/slow/The Room-style films on that list, though.
posted by infinitewindow at 12:20 PM on November 15, 2017


Seconding Speed Racer and Pacific Rim and fourthing Jupiter Ascending. Also ... Cloverfield. Don't remember if it's egregiously violent specifically toward women, but Shoot 'Em Up is ridiculously wonderful.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 12:22 PM on November 15, 2017


Oh, and do give Josie and the Pussycats a look.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 12:23 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


Dredd- action movie (sequel to Judge Dredd) featuring Lena Headey as a villian.
Battleship- starring Rhianna and Liam Neeson, it has aliens and is oh so cheesy.
posted by emd3737 at 12:27 PM on November 15, 2017


Geostorm. It's fantastic in its silliness and refusal to accept how silly it is. I laughed out loud through the whole thing. It's like the Fast and the Furious movies only the cars are hail and lightning.
posted by joelhunt at 12:31 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


HDU Dredd is a-may-zing!! Basically a remake of The Raid: Redemption except with grumpy Karl Urban.
posted by orrnyereg at 12:31 PM on November 15, 2017


The first Dungeons And Dragons movie, with Jeremy Irons.
posted by The otter lady at 12:34 PM on November 15, 2017


You have Bram Stoker's Dracula but not Mary Shelley's Frankenstein? How is that possible?

Because nothing in that Frankenstein comes close to the one-two punch of Gary Oldman eating all available scenery and Keanu Reeves failing to deliver a single line of dialog well.

The Devil's Advocate is right along the lines I'm looking for! God, I'd forgotten about that terrible terrible hilarious movie.

Trading Places: too actually good

Donnie Darko: too actually interesting; even if you think you're gonna go into it shallow, you still end up in the deep end.

Armageddon: Not really a fun time for a group of women, you know? Even though Devil's Advocate is equally male-centric, it's male-centric in a way that isn't actively ALL ABOUT MEN AND HOW MANLY THEY ARE. (I know, I'm making this hard, but I can't imagine including any Michael Bay film.)

I'm... torn on Jupiter Ascending, because that got ripped apart critically, but had the exact same story as any sci-fi hero's journey, except it was aimed at women. All of the "dude discovers he's The One True Savior of the Universe" trappings were changed to distaff versions of the same tropes, so I am leery of putting it into the "bad" column. I think I'd have to re-screen on my own and see how I feel about men that day.

Road House: too grimy.

Xardoz: pacing issues, but otherwise possibly a good choice, though the visuals aren't exactly sumptuous.

Pacific Rim: I enjoyed that movie un-ironically, and saw it more than once. Not going on the list.

The Day After Tomorrow and Cloverfield: Waaaaaay too serious. Everything we watch for this has to end on a Moment of Awesome or in a musical number. (Not really, but you know what I mean. Climate Change!=happy fun times)

All of the movies on "How Did This Get Made?" are just flat-out BAD. Nothing fun there.

And finally, I will risk the destruction of my soul and my cherished memories of the TV show by watching the movie version of Wild, Wild West again for one billion dollars, and not a penny less.
posted by tzikeh at 12:36 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


Battlefield Earth. All I can say about that picture is "hoo boy."
posted by holborne at 12:37 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh! Iron Sky! I know it looks exploiting of women but actually I found all the women in it to be pretty badass, and there is no nudity or even sex.
posted by The otter lady at 12:38 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


One last thing:

Battlefield Earth: we have to actually want to watch it.
posted by tzikeh at 12:39 PM on November 15, 2017 [4 favorites]


Not necessarily bad movies per se, but some of these might work:
The Stunt Man
Noises Off
Tremors
Overboard
Dororo
posted by gudrun at 12:40 PM on November 15, 2017


Xanadu - Gene Kelly, roller skates, Greek gods
Flash Gordon - what was Timothy Dalton doing in that movie???
posted by needled at 12:45 PM on November 15, 2017 [5 favorites]


Equilibrium for gratuitous Roman cassock porn and something called the "gun kata."
Ultraviolet, ostensibly a vampire film but really about Milla Jovovich's midriff, and seconding Constantine.
posted by All hands bury the dead at 12:45 PM on November 15, 2017


I found Panic Room to be horrid and unwatchable, but if I were drunk and expecting horrible-ness, I might be interested in watching it again.
posted by hydra77 at 12:49 PM on November 15, 2017


Xanadu: Yesssssssssssssssssssss....
posted by tzikeh at 12:50 PM on November 15, 2017


For visuals, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow is stunning to look at. Not necessarily to watch, but to look at, sure.
posted by orrnyereg at 12:50 PM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


I will stop thread-sitting after this comment:

They can't just be horrible; they have to be JOYOUSLY horrible. That was the explanation I should have put in the original question.
posted by tzikeh at 12:51 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


If you like the idea of Xanadu, then how about Roller Boogie and Can't Stop the Music? That way you can have a huge binge night of joyous 70s awfulness.
posted by JanetLand at 12:55 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Love, Actually? Laura Linney is up there being all "no, the thing is I can act" while everyone else is pretty much like "if I mug harder will you pay me more?" Never exactly boring and not shoddily done, tons of stars, and yet...relentlessly awful.

Also seconding Valley of the Dolls which is glorious crap from start to finish, brimming with ironic quotability. In fact I think the aesthetic you're describing is not far from camp, and Valley of the Dolls is the paragon of camp. (Patty Duke was ashamed of it for years until she realized that people genuinely love it for all it is awful.)
posted by Smearcase at 12:58 PM on November 15, 2017


What about the Super Mario Brothers movie? It’s completely ridiculous and terrible but I still love watching it. The actors do a pretty good job with the worst script hah.
posted by FireFountain at 1:00 PM on November 15, 2017


Came in to say Xanadu, so I'm glad that was already recco'd

I'll add Earth Girls Are Easy, which has almost everything you asked for, plus musical numbers and Jeff Goldblum
posted by Mchelly at 1:05 PM on November 15, 2017 [7 favorites]


Christmas Evil is in no way a slasher movie but a psychological thriller and still yet a Christmas horror movie, its also one of the least scary movies I've seen.
posted by Lanark at 1:06 PM on November 15, 2017


I came to say Earth Girls Are Easy, which checks almost all the boxes.
posted by acm at 1:10 PM on November 15, 2017 [6 favorites]


Not sure if this fits but Big Fat Liar is bad in that it is silly and geared to a teen audience. My formerly preteen daughter watched it a million times and I ended up enjoying it because the acting is good (Paul Giacometti, Amanda Bynes before she had her breakdowns) and it really is funny in a slapstick way, and it's a classic David vs. Goliath story.
posted by j810c at 1:16 PM on November 15, 2017


You guys think Clue is a bad movie? It's a masterpiece, I don't even know you people.

On topic, I think Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie is an awesome badfilm. Statues come to life and try to kill people, for no reason that makes any sense whatsoever!! There are many movies that would be improved by this. Also, there is gorgeous scenery, and a shot of Daniel Craig in the shower, if that's your thing.
posted by backwards compatible at 1:16 PM on November 15, 2017 [4 favorites]


And in line with your Repo Man / Fifth Element / actually a great movie but still perfect for this list, I'd add Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.
posted by Mchelly at 1:19 PM on November 15, 2017


One of my friends just reminded me that Swing Kids is actually next up, with Tank Girl after that.

I have no idea if this helps any of you with this weird genre's borders and definitions, but GOD ALMIGHTY that movie is hilarrible, gorgeous, overwrought, and packed with quotables: "Nazi by day, Swing Kid by night -- it's the best of both worlds!" "We'll get you, SWING BOY!" and, of course, the epically bad/awesome "SWING HEIL, PETER! SWING HEIL!"

Plus Christian Bale and Robert Sean Leonard in a totes-not-homosexual relationship where they swing dance together TO DEFEAT HITLER.
posted by tzikeh at 1:23 PM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


They can't just be horrible; they have to be JOYOUSLY horrible.

Heh; there was this early-90s film with David Duchovny called Playing God which may fit the bill - the review I read even called it "cheerfully bad". Duchovny plays a doctor who lost his license because he's a drug addict, and has been making money under the table as the unofficial go-to doctor for criminals because he won't turn them in. Timothy Hutton and Angelina Jolie are in there somehow, but I no longer remember what they did; Hutton overacts with abandon, I know that much.

And there is a delightfully Agent-Mulder-esque moment they included in the trailer, after one hit man has brought his partner to David to fix after they got shot.

DD (examines the victim): Sorry, he's...he's dead.
SCARY HITMAN (draws gun and points it at David): Fix him.
DD (beat, shrug): .....I'll see what I can do....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:23 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Wait, hold the phone. You also may need A Stranger Among Us.
posted by Mchelly at 1:31 PM on November 15, 2017


I feel like something featuring Shah Rukh Khan should really tick your hammy acting, loud, colorful, and gorgeous-to-look-at boxes, but I'm at a loss for specific recommendations, especially ones without longer run times.
posted by floppyroofing at 1:35 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Films that Time Forgot is still available.

Bad Movies We Love
posted by brujita at 1:41 PM on November 15, 2017


floppyroofing means to recommend Om Shanti Om, which includes true love, reincarnation, is one of the most popular Hindi films of all time, is BATSHIT and will introduce you all to the PAIN OF DISCO.
posted by theweasel at 1:43 PM on November 15, 2017 [5 favorites]


OOoooh. Malice? Alec Baldwin's scenery chewing is beautiful.
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:46 PM on November 15, 2017


SPICEWORLD IS WHAT YOU WANT
Also Bring It On, but that's actually a good movie, but I do think it would be fun to watch with a bunch of ladies while gettin drunk
posted by tatiana wishbone at 1:49 PM on November 15, 2017 [8 favorites]


Robin Hood:Prince of Thieves. This movie did not age well (it's so bad! How did we not realize) but Alan Rickman still delights.
posted by emd3737 at 1:53 PM on November 15, 2017


I'll see you a Swing Kids and raise you a Newsies! Not as colorful since the palate is pretty sepia but man it is gloriously bad. Speed Racer and Josie and the Pussycats are also great picks!
posted by prewar lemonade at 2:02 PM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


The Happiness of the Katakuris may be a bit too nuts for you, but give the synopsis a read? I found it mindboggling, dumb and fun.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:03 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


-f Hudson Hawk

No results found.

*sadface*

posted by hanov3r at 2:06 PM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


Funny you mention Repo Man, because my first though was Revengers Tragedy, which is also directed by Alex Cox. I straight up love this movie, but it is total bonkers camp. A 17th century revenge play updated to futuristic/post-apocalyptic Liverpool, it's got Derek Jacobi, Eddie Izzard and Christopher Eccleston variously swanning and skulking around. Totally worth a watch.
posted by Tentacle of Trust at 2:07 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


how has no one mentioned Twilight??? it's freaking hilarious. teenage angst at its best!! (plus the scenery is actually gorgeous, and - Muse.)
posted by blueberrypuffin at 2:12 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


OH I HAVE ONE! Enthiran, AKA Robot. My friends and I started watching it kind of as a joke and ended up completely engrossed. it's your standard guy-creates-robot, robot-falls-for-his-girlfriend, robot-turns-into-a-mechasnake story. And there are musical numbers! One set, for no discernible reason, at Machu Picchu. It is the best and most epic kinda bad movie I've seen lately.
posted by zoetrope at 2:15 PM on November 15, 2017


hanov3r: Hudson Hawk

YES YES YES how did I forget!!!
posted by tzikeh at 2:16 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Transylvania 6-5000!
posted by cnc at 2:24 PM on November 15, 2017


What are your thoughts on Labyrinth? David Bowie tossing a baby around? What.
posted by oxisos at 2:50 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


What about Independence Day? So much fun. So long. So popcorn movie. So many Hollywood tropes. I actually used to have a real drinking game with this movie, where you drank any time someone said something super cliche like "wait, what did you say? ...oh my god, you're a genius!" It's got Harvey Fierstein.

Oh man, Lair of the White Worm! Ken Russell movies are so, so insane. Always SUPER colorful, always like 10 miles over the top.

The Patriot. Oh my god. My friend's favorite movie. Long. Well-paced (actually, I think it's the same guy who directed Independence Day). Terrible history. So, so dramatic. There are moments of absolute dramatic insanity.

Volcano. Not slow. Not good. So many Hollywood tropes, so many inspiring messages about humanity delivered with the effortless subtlety that Hollwood blockbusters are known for.

I still haven't seen it personally, but The Apple comes highly recommended.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 2:55 PM on November 15, 2017


If you've never seen Tango and Cash before, you're in for a treat. It's probably the best high budget good bad movie ever made.

It features Sylvester Stallone as the *intellectual* hero. (Yes)

Speaking of Stallone, "COBRA" is another gem. Worth it for the scene where he slices his pizza with a pair of scissors.
posted by billjings at 2:55 PM on November 15, 2017


The Skeleton Key

Hackers

Once Upon a Time in Mexico

Seconding Constantine, and yes, anything with Keanu Reeves.
posted by greta simone at 2:56 PM on November 15, 2017


From Dusk Til Dawn!
posted by Hypatia at 3:10 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


I hate myself for this, but: High School Musical. And High School Musical 2, etc., etc., ad nauseam.
posted by dizziest at 3:27 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


That one new-ish Wizard of Oz movie with James Franco

Eragon

Beowulf

Starship Troopers

Ladyhawke
posted by seiryuu at 3:27 PM on November 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


Phantom of the Paradise
posted by doctornecessiter at 3:40 PM on November 15, 2017


Oh, how about Prospero's Books?
posted by praemunire at 3:43 PM on November 15, 2017


Someone above already mentioned Clue, but I will second that. I think it is genuinely fantastic and not at all terrible, but I can see how it might grate on some people. Also: VERY quotable.

I also must recommend Over the Top, with an arm-wrestling, truck-driving Sylvester Stallone bonding with his son. Most people find this one to be very terrible, but it has a spot in my heart.
posted by hetobeto at 3:50 PM on November 15, 2017


Repo! The Genetic Opera

Death to Smoochy

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (I haven't seen it myself, but it sounds fun.)
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 3:51 PM on November 15, 2017


Bubba Hotep I cant even begin to describe it. It’s so bad. I love it.
posted by bilabial at 3:57 PM on November 15, 2017


Didn't see the Norwegian stop motion horror/comedy/mockumentary/generally insane TrollHunter listed above.

From one of the review blurbs on RT:
Those fog-draped fjords provide a distractingly pretty backdrop to this tale of mysterious, massive creatures who roam the forest by night, searching for Christians on whom to munch.
posted by mannequito at 4:04 PM on November 15, 2017


From Dusk till Dawn
posted by Thorzdad at 4:29 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


How old are you willing to go?

All of these Jupiter Ascending mentions made me think of Flash Gordon.

You have Brian Blessed, Timothy Dalton, and an extremely self-award stupid plot. Maybe too campy though?
posted by tinkletown at 4:32 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


Om Shanti Om is exactly what you're looking for, Bollywood at peak schlock with a half-dozen extremely effective earworms. It's a fairly self-aware comedy/parody, and a fantastic drinking movie. You will know the pain of disco.
posted by bonehead at 4:42 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


They Live!

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass - and I'm all out of bubblegum..."
posted by houseofleaves at 4:45 PM on November 15, 2017


krull - 80's fantasy cheesefest.
gloriously good/bad
posted by Faintdreams at 4:57 PM on November 15, 2017


Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger
Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes
Legends of the Fall (probs doesn't hit the joyous note -- merely gorg & ridic)
Ladyhawke
Joe Vs. the Volcano
Clash of the Titans
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:55 PM on November 15, 2017


I think I get the vibe you are going for.. I love these kinds of movies. The mid to late 90s seemed to be their heyday.

The Fifth Day
Independence Day
Dante's Peak
Shanghai Noon
Judge Dredd
Demolition Man
Hackers
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
League of Their Own (so quoteable)
The first and fifth Fast and Furious movies
Dracula 2000
I'll try to think up some others!

Sky Captain & etc that I just saw above (on preview) is the PERFECT recommendation.

Things I saw above that won't count because they are actually satire or camp and actively trying to be "bad"-

Phantom of the Paradise
The Love Witch
Buckaroo Banzai
posted by ElectricGoat at 5:57 PM on November 15, 2017


you, my friend, are looking for drop dead gorgeous. denise richards, kirsten dunst, kirstie alley, amy adams' first film, brittany murphy, allison janney, ellen barkin, the woman that played frau farbissina in austin powers, and one very odd beauty pageant.
posted by koroshiya at 6:16 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Equilibrium

There will be ZERO movies on this list that include puppy murders, thank you

What are your thoughts on Labyrinth yt ? David Bowie tossing a baby around?

Formative film - NOBODY MOCKS LABYRINTH

Ladyhawke

I... can't, with the wandering accent and the Vangelis...

What about Independence Day? So much fun. So long.

I never thought anything could make me more ashamed of being American than that movie. I was right, until last November. But beyond the clusterfuck of our current government, it is a close second.

Bubba Hotep I cant even begin to describe it. It’s so bad. I love it.

Bubba Ho-Tep is Bruce Campbell's finest work, a brilliant meditation on how we treat the elderly in America, and I won't hear a word against it.

The Patriot. Oh my god. My friend's favorite movie.

Mel Gibson will never get another red cent of my money.
posted by tzikeh at 6:17 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


Dick. Worth it for the dream sequence on the beach alone.
posted by lousywiththespirit at 6:43 PM on November 15, 2017


Another "good-to-great movie, but just fits the category so well" is Soapdish.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 6:58 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


You know you want to watch at least one of the Twilight movies on mute once you guys are really drunk and dub everything yourselves as dramatically as possible
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:13 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Vamp -- if just for Grace Jones. May hit the "violence against all women" button. But this is definitely on the roster with Fright Night and Lost Boys.

Jaws: The Revenge -- "I have never seen it (Jaws 4) but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built and it is terrific." -- Michael Caine

Sleepy Hollow -- basically any Tim Burton / Johnny Depp collaboration. Christopher Walken chews up scenery, nuff said.

Tucker and Dale vs Evil -- Tucker: [Unsure of what to say to the sheriff] "Oh hidy ho officer, we've had a doozy of a day. There we were minding our own business, just doing chores around the house, when kids started killing themselves all over my property."

Young Frankenstein -- this may be too good for your criteria, but definitely worth watching for "Putting on the Ritz." Glorious cast, quotable, perhaps the first billing before the vino flows too freely.

I'm looking for something Nicolas Cage, suitably off-the-hook, not too serious: Vampire's Kiss, The Wicker Man, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. His iconic quotable moments tend to be in more dramatic roles. Valley Girl?
posted by TrishaU at 7:52 PM on November 15, 2017 [2 favorites]


OH! Another one that I forgot is already on our list that might further help everyone zero in on best-fit movies:

Plunkett & Macleane!
posted by tzikeh at 8:24 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


The Cutting Edge
posted by CrazyLemonade at 9:04 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


Legend (man I used to loooove that movie until I watched it as an adult. Ridiculous. And Tom Cruise and his teeth in that movie - would be epic to watch tipsy).
posted by Sassyfras at 9:27 PM on November 15, 2017


Stardust

I cannot suggest strongly enough the Milla Jovovich version of The Three Musketeers.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 9:30 PM on November 15, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm not sure this fits enough of your criteria, but maybe check out Freeway. Reese Witherspoon is amazing.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 9:35 PM on November 15, 2017


Oh my god wait, no one has suggested Face/Off?
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 9:37 PM on November 15, 2017 [6 favorites]


I'm... torn on Jupiter Ascending, because that got ripped apart critically, but had the exact same story as any sci-fi hero's journey, except it was aimed at women. poorly and confusingly written and directed. FTFY

Hail, Ceasar is supposed to be good, I think, but was actually pretty dumb. But so, so fun to watch. Channing Tatum is a wonderful dancer.

For a Tatum hat trick, also consider Magic Mike XXL, which has the barest wisp of plot holding together a road movie that is fun and surprisingly woke.
posted by jeoc at 4:17 AM on November 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


I hesitantly suggest Crimson Peak. I think it's great if you go into it with the right attitude, and wine + girlfriends is conducive to that attitude. We swooned over Hiddleston and the flouncy dresses, shouted "noooo don't go in there" about the haunted/falling apart house, squealed at the not-quite-sex scene at the climax (ahaha) of the movie. I'm convinced the size of the sleeves on the enormous dresses is deeply symbolic. It didn't get good reviews but I genuinely believe the director Guillermo Del Toro intended it to be watched with an appreciation for ridiculous melodrama. Reviewers wanting horror were just watching it wrong.

Plus if you like both Clue and Pacific Rim, I feel like you'll enjoy it anyway even if it doesn't fit into this project.
posted by harriet vane at 5:29 AM on November 16, 2017


Vamps is an Amy Heckerling vampire movie with Alicia Silverstone, Krysten Ritter and Sigourney Weaver (and Richard Lewis, Wallace Shawn and Malcolm McDowell). I will never call this a good movie, but it's a good cast and did I mention it's a vampire movie by Amy Heckerling? I wouldn't say it's quotable, but it's fun and campy and everyone understands exactly what movie they're in.

(I own it. Yes, only digitally and I don't think I paid that much for it. But I still own it and I've watched it more than once. In fact, I think I'll probably watch it again.)
posted by darksong at 5:54 AM on November 16, 2017


Oh! If you can find it, watch One From the Heart. It's absolutely beautiful and bankrupted Coppola.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:57 AM on November 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


How has nobody said "Showgirls" yet?!?!
posted by mccxxiii at 8:25 AM on November 16, 2017 [5 favorites]


I came to say The Apple, and since it's been mentioned, I am seconding it enthusiastically. The pacing is much better than Can't Stop the Music or Xanadu. For a godawful movie, it really holds your interest all the way through. It is very colorful and shiny. It has songs--bad songs, but songs, and production numbers, yet, with chorus girls and boys. And over the top acting, the over the toppest of which is by Vlad Sheybol as Mr. Boogalow, aka The Evil One. Oh, did I forget to mention it's a modern Faust story? Kinda? Also, it takes place in the future--in 1994. And it was put out by Cannon, purveyors of highly entertaining trash.
I consider myself a connoisseur of movies, and this is one of the most ridiculous, dumb films I've ever seen, and one of my favorites. My gf and I riff on it as we do when watching The Room (which I also love, but trust me, this is a totally different experience).
I know I'm going on and on about this movie, and there's even more I could say, but I love it so much, and I think you will, too.
The trailer
posted by zorseshoes at 11:04 AM on November 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


Sliding Doors. Well-produced, acting is fine, conceit is fun -- but the script is abominable. It's so badly written, and it's pretty hilarious mocking it as you watch it. John Hannah, who I love, plays the creepiest refuses-to-be-friendzoned romantic hero I've ever seen in a romcom.

The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover. This is a fantastic film, IMO, but it's also ridiculous. Maybe more in line with what you're looking for -- really over-the-top, gorgeously-shot, but confounding and bizarre. But awesome.

I also second Crimson Peak. It's so silly.
posted by nonmerci at 11:19 AM on November 16, 2017


Oh, and Bound is aggressively terrible, softcore porn that seems like it was written to arouse straight men. Sorry, not sorry.

Similarly, The Professional which I'm sure was already mentioned features some of Gary Oldman's worst over-acting (although that is what he does, as a rule, in everything he's in).
posted by nonmerci at 11:22 AM on November 16, 2017


Okay, so it seems like there might be some success with "films that could have plausibly been watched at a sleepover or cast party circa 1995 - 2005" ?

Moulin Rouge (I will not say this movie is objectively crappy, but it does check the "loud, gorgeous, ridiculous spectacle" box)
Ever After (ANJELICA HUSTON DISAPPROVING WHILE WEARING FANCY HATS!)
Blast from the Past
Across the Universe
The 2004 remake of The Phantom of the Opera
Also, Evita! Antonio Banderas scowling! Madonna wearing 1940s suits and scowling and/or scheming! It's got everything!

I need to also second Drop Dead Gorgeous although it's much more self-aware.
posted by castlebravo at 11:25 AM on November 16, 2017


My guilty pleasures: Grease 2! Empire Records! Mannequin!!
posted by Threeve at 1:53 PM on November 16, 2017 [3 favorites]


Both Mystery Men and Rat Race are extremely star-studded movies that should have worked and just . . . didn't.
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:05 PM on November 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


Congo seems to fit the bill: pointlessness, excellent cast, talking gorilla, Delroy Lindo's sesame cake...
posted by Alison at 5:54 PM on November 16, 2017


How is Little Shop of Horrors not on this list yet? Rick Moranis, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, a talking plant, and a classic greek chorus!
posted by Gneisskate at 6:31 PM on November 16, 2017


Gneisskate: How is Little Shop of Horrors not on this list yet?

Because it’s not a bad movie.
posted by tzikeh at 6:46 PM on November 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


Hell yeah Grease 2!

One From The Heart is kind of amazing in its own way.

I keep telling people to watch Happiness of the Katakuris but to my knowledge none of them has.

Strictly Ballroom is a great movie, but very campy and colorful, and one of the most quotable movies ever. I was surprised to not find it with Ctrl-F!
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 7:19 PM on November 16, 2017


Murder by Death! It's like Clue's slightly less handsome brother. A younger brother that really likes the show Archer. The rest of the movie hits the bullseye, but that's the hurdle you'll have to decide whether it's worth jumping over: Peter Sellers (white) plays a Chinese guy. The gag has not aged well. May be worth looking past that for the silly skewering of famous mystery authors and their pet plot tropes, or maybe not.
posted by wires at 7:46 PM on November 16, 2017 [2 favorites]


“Tapeheads” (especially the B.A.D.D. sobriety test and the “Roscoe’s” ad) is a delightful mess.

Maybe also 80s-cheesy “My Chaffeur,” though I think that’s got some stuff that won’t have aged well since the last time I saw it. Still a lot of good lines, though.
posted by wenestvedt at 3:07 AM on November 17, 2017


under_petticoat_rule: Strictly Ballroom is a great movie, but very campy and colorful, and one of the most quotable movies ever. I was surprised to not find it with Ctrl-F!

Again — looking for BAD movies. Bad ones. Strictly Ballroom does not fit the #1 criterion for to be considered.
posted by tzikeh at 9:09 AM on November 17, 2017 [1 favorite]


Plunkett & Macleane!

Oh, that helps! I think the genre you're looking for is "Pretty, Self-Aware Schlock." (And not all schlocky ridiculousness is bad, per your Little Shop of Horrors example.) If so, something like "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves" is probably out, despite its high production values, as only Alan Rickman is in the know.

(Still: The Pirate Movie.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:19 AM on November 17, 2017 [1 favorite]


Iris Gambol: I think the genre you're looking for is "Pretty, Self-Aware Schlock."

No - from the question as posted:

5) EVERYONE IS WORKING SO HARD TO MAKE A GOOD MOVIE OMG IT’S JUST NOT HAPPENING

It can be self-aware to a degree, but not to the degree that it knows it’s bad. Everyone involved must be trying to make a good movie.
posted by tzikeh at 11:29 AM on November 17, 2017


The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:53 AM on November 17, 2017 [1 favorite]


Another one I thought of today - Red Sonja from 1985. Early Schwarzenegger where he can barely speak English and just kind of yells one liners. Lots of cheeseball fantasy and action sword fighting with some nice scenery (filmed in Italy according to wikipedia).

I haven't actually seen it since I was a kid though so I can't say for certain where it sits on the good-bad/bad-good spectrum.
posted by mannequito at 4:07 PM on November 17, 2017 [1 favorite]


[A couple deleted. OP, a couple of clarifications are fine, but the standard for Ask Me isn't for continued reactions and criticisms of answers. Some suggestions won't precisely fit your exact preferences, but it's fine to just pass those by and concentrate on what works for you.]
posted by taz (staff) at 11:41 PM on November 17, 2017 [1 favorite]


If your gathering can be on saturday night at 8, and you get MeTV the basic cable channel, you could let Svengoolie be your curator.
posted by vrakatar at 5:51 PM on November 18, 2017


The Da Vinci Code / Angels and Demons.
posted by rollick at 6:04 PM on November 18, 2017


Yeah! Svengoolie is now on at 7:00 pm Saturday nights, and does hit some classic movies. They had an Abbott and Costello feature tonight.
You might try imdb.com and look up movies by actor -- Johnny Depp, Nicolas Cage, Christoper Walken, Samuel L. Jackson and Jon Voight have serious camp factor.

Anaconda, Snakes on a Plane, Arachnophobia, and Eight-Legged Freaks come to mind, along with almost any movie with sharks, crocodiles or piranha. Also, Ray Milland and Sam Elliott in Frogs, an amazingly weird piece of cinema.

It's bizarre to watch a "scary movie" about animals that some people keep as pets or calmly observe in the wild.
posted by TrishaU at 9:20 PM on November 18, 2017


The Who's Tommy!! Ann Margret, Jack Nicholson, Tina Turner, and more. 70's pop royalty all pretty much coked up and lip-syncing through 2 hours of groovy scenery with costuming wild-by-Elton-John-standards. (TW's: pedophile Uncle Ernie and sadist Cousin Kevin.)
posted by klarck at 5:42 AM on November 20, 2017


Cutthroat Island (1995). Such high production values they bankrupted a production company and destroyed several careers. But gorgeous to look at and definitely ... ill-conceived.
posted by Sonny Jim at 1:14 PM on November 25, 2017


The Christian Slater mention way up there reminded me of another much loved movie of my youth: Pump Up the Volume. I mean, I loved this movie, but just watching that trailer makes me cringe with joy. It doesn't even matter if you watch this, as you have now inspired me to have my own drinking lady party with this movie.
posted by LKWorking at 2:22 PM on December 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Down with Love (great sets/cast/costuming)
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:27 PM on December 1, 2017


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