How do non-Jews teach a part Jewish child about her heritage?
October 31, 2017 7:08 AM Subscribe
I was raised Catholic but don't practice. My husband is half Jewish (through his father) but was raised by essentially atheist parents. He never had a bar mitzvah, went to synagogue or Jewish school, never celebrated Hannukah or the Sabbath meals. My husband's grandparents fled Eastern Europe in the early 1900s and considered themselves religious. His grandfather fought in WWII then spent 5 yrs in Israel setting that up (or something).
So I guess our baby will be maybe sort of Jewish? I don't really care if the baby is religious, but I think it would be good for the baby to know about Jewish history and maybe traditions. I don't know any Jews up close, but I have read the Chosen series of books. And I like the idea of Jewishness. How do I introduce a child to that part of their heritage? Are there classes at local synagogues? Do they go on a free trip to Israel? Would it be weird to put up a Xmas tree and a menorah? Am I even allowed to say it's part Jewish when it's not passed through the mother?
So I guess our baby will be maybe sort of Jewish? I don't really care if the baby is religious, but I think it would be good for the baby to know about Jewish history and maybe traditions. I don't know any Jews up close, but I have read the Chosen series of books. And I like the idea of Jewishness. How do I introduce a child to that part of their heritage? Are there classes at local synagogues? Do they go on a free trip to Israel? Would it be weird to put up a Xmas tree and a menorah? Am I even allowed to say it's part Jewish when it's not passed through the mother?
People put up mixed holiday stuff all the time. Go for it.
I am your kids background almost to a t. My parents raised me Unitarian, in a place with a material Jewish population. Most of the other kids in my Sunday school class were the same thing. we spent a bunch of time one year learning about all kinds of other religious traditions. It was pretty great.
posted by JPD at 7:28 AM on October 31, 2017
I am your kids background almost to a t. My parents raised me Unitarian, in a place with a material Jewish population. Most of the other kids in my Sunday school class were the same thing. we spent a bunch of time one year learning about all kinds of other religious traditions. It was pretty great.
posted by JPD at 7:28 AM on October 31, 2017
To be clear: I’m not giving you the go-ahead based on whether it’s allowed or not. I’m sure you could find many opinions in both directions on that. It’s what worked for our family, and if I reproduce, what I’d do too.
posted by supercres at 7:29 AM on October 31, 2017
posted by supercres at 7:29 AM on October 31, 2017
My mom is ethnically Jewish, raised by atheist socialists. My dad is an atheist Scottish Protestant. They sent me to day camp at the local JCC as a kid, which is a great low key and affordable way to impart Jewish education. I also recommend getting yourselves invited to a Seder ever year; look for those hosted by people with kids.
Another good resource is there's an organization that sends a free kids book every single month with Jewish themes. They are pretty good, not heavily religious, often talk about Jewish holidays or traditions. It's called PJ Library.
You can also just check out a couple local temples and see what you think.
Basically, my advice is to be around Jewish people and kid friendly Jewish activities and let stuff happen organically.
Even though I'm only half Jewish and not religious, I feel grateful for my sense of cultural connection.
posted by latkes at 7:30 AM on October 31, 2017 [8 favorites]
Another good resource is there's an organization that sends a free kids book every single month with Jewish themes. They are pretty good, not heavily religious, often talk about Jewish holidays or traditions. It's called PJ Library.
You can also just check out a couple local temples and see what you think.
Basically, my advice is to be around Jewish people and kid friendly Jewish activities and let stuff happen organically.
Even though I'm only half Jewish and not religious, I feel grateful for my sense of cultural connection.
posted by latkes at 7:30 AM on October 31, 2017 [8 favorites]
My parents are both 100% Jewish. Dad was raised in a very religious, kosher household and Mom was not.
They sent me to Hebrew school at our temple. I started in preschool and continued through middle school. They teach you about Jewish traditions, and as you get older, how to read Hebrew/common prayers. It's an on-ramp to a bar or bat mitzvah (you usually need to learn a Torah portion and lead part of services for that).
Some people go to Jewish schools instead of Hebrew School. (My parents sent my brother.) It's more intense and my brother wound up way more knowledgeable than me.
If you can, celebrate holidays with your family. If your school permits it, consider going into class and doing a presentation on a holiday or two. Sometimes people in where I currently live (I live in a very non-Jewish part of New England) say or do things that make me feel very uncomfortable if they find out I'm Jewish. Early exposure sort of stuff helps to normalize it.
It's also important to discuss anti-Semitism when your child is old enough. My parents told me about their firsthand experiences and how my grandfather had trouble getting into medical school because he was Jewish. They also made sure I knew about the violence my grandparents faced in Russia. It made me more prepared for the stupid shit I've had to deal with myself, knowing that I'm not the only one.
posted by marfa, texas at 7:50 AM on October 31, 2017 [5 favorites]
They sent me to Hebrew school at our temple. I started in preschool and continued through middle school. They teach you about Jewish traditions, and as you get older, how to read Hebrew/common prayers. It's an on-ramp to a bar or bat mitzvah (you usually need to learn a Torah portion and lead part of services for that).
Some people go to Jewish schools instead of Hebrew School. (My parents sent my brother.) It's more intense and my brother wound up way more knowledgeable than me.
If you can, celebrate holidays with your family. If your school permits it, consider going into class and doing a presentation on a holiday or two. Sometimes people in where I currently live (I live in a very non-Jewish part of New England) say or do things that make me feel very uncomfortable if they find out I'm Jewish. Early exposure sort of stuff helps to normalize it.
It's also important to discuss anti-Semitism when your child is old enough. My parents told me about their firsthand experiences and how my grandfather had trouble getting into medical school because he was Jewish. They also made sure I knew about the violence my grandparents faced in Russia. It made me more prepared for the stupid shit I've had to deal with myself, knowing that I'm not the only one.
posted by marfa, texas at 7:50 AM on October 31, 2017 [5 favorites]
My background: My dad grew up pretty conservative Jewish, my mom is Presbyterian. We were raised nominally Jewish, by which I mean we only went to temple on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (my dad always fasted, but we typically didn't), we did Passover (but just the Seder part, we still ate bread during the day), and we did Hanukkah in addition to Easter and Christmas. We grew up across the country from my dad's family, or I'm sure we would have ended up much more observant. When we moved, my parents put us in a Sunday-school style class at a local synagogue, but then we ended up in a very, very casual weekday Hebrew school once we made some friends who also happened to be Jewish. We basically learned the prayers, a little bit of Hebrew, and mostly did holiday related crafts. We stopped going sometime in elementary school. Neither my sister nor I had a Bat Mitzvah (though our close friends both did). My mother (remember, not the Jewish one) would come into our classrooms and do a Hanukkah thing every year.
So basically, like everyone else is saying, do what works for you! I consider myself culturally Jewish but not religiously, and that's not uncommon. I'm glad I was raised the way I was -- I really value my Jewish heritage. Passover is probably my favorite holiday of all, and I was just telling someone about Herschel and the Hanukkah Goblins (a picture book that I have very vivid memories of) yesterday. (OK, those are pretty light and fluffy examples of Jewish heritage, but maybe they're a nice counter point to marfa's very valid comments above.)
You probably want to look at some of the more liberal synagogues in your area. You should be able to find a Reform one pretty easily. There may also be a chapter of the Society for Humanistic Judaism which sort of follows all the patterns and traditions of Judaism, but takes God out of it.
posted by natabat at 8:10 AM on October 31, 2017
So basically, like everyone else is saying, do what works for you! I consider myself culturally Jewish but not religiously, and that's not uncommon. I'm glad I was raised the way I was -- I really value my Jewish heritage. Passover is probably my favorite holiday of all, and I was just telling someone about Herschel and the Hanukkah Goblins (a picture book that I have very vivid memories of) yesterday. (OK, those are pretty light and fluffy examples of Jewish heritage, but maybe they're a nice counter point to marfa's very valid comments above.)
You probably want to look at some of the more liberal synagogues in your area. You should be able to find a Reform one pretty easily. There may also be a chapter of the Society for Humanistic Judaism which sort of follows all the patterns and traditions of Judaism, but takes God out of it.
posted by natabat at 8:10 AM on October 31, 2017
Just addressing the question of whether you are "allowed" to say baby is Jewish: Orthodox Judaism requires a Jewish mother, that is, a mother who either had a Jewish mother herself or underwent a formal conversion. Reform Judaism requires either a Jewish mother or a Jewish father and observance of major life-cycle events, such as brit, bar or bat mitzvah, or confirmation. Based on your non-Judaism and your husband's non-participation, I would guess that neither of you is, formally, Jewish.
That said, I think it's great that you want to introduce your child to his or her heritage, but I think you're free to do it in any way that you and your husband find meaningful. If you show up at a Reform synagogue, it is unlikely that anyone will ask questions (other than "what dues can you pay?" if you show up a LOT). If, however, some day, your child decides they actually want to formally be Jewish, they will probably need to go through a formal conversion program.
posted by ubiquity at 8:20 AM on October 31, 2017 [5 favorites]
That said, I think it's great that you want to introduce your child to his or her heritage, but I think you're free to do it in any way that you and your husband find meaningful. If you show up at a Reform synagogue, it is unlikely that anyone will ask questions (other than "what dues can you pay?" if you show up a LOT). If, however, some day, your child decides they actually want to formally be Jewish, they will probably need to go through a formal conversion program.
posted by ubiquity at 8:20 AM on October 31, 2017 [5 favorites]
What works with our 8-year old (we are ethnically jewish but 100% atheist) is talking about specific historical events and people. As an example, we've talked about anti-semitism in the context of racism and sexism (plenty of opportunities with the current political situation!) and we've talked about famous scientists or creatives like Albert Einstein and Steven Spielberg (simply mentioning in passing that they are Jewish). We've considered adding some holiday flair but it's hard when you don't know what to do, not having grown up in the Jewish tradition ourselves.
Another good resource is there's an organization that sends a free kids book every single month with Jewish themes. They are pretty good, not heavily religious, often talk about Jewish holidays or traditions. It's called PJ Library.
I hate criticizing others' responses but I did this for our kid and the books were so awful that I was afraid to give them to my son lest he develop into a virulent anti-semite (or a book hater!). The content was just so painfully nonsensical - what really boggled my mind is how most of the illustrations had nothing to do with the stories, almost like an algorithm was employed to do random matching - and it was more often religious than not (the holiday-themed books emphasized the religious aspect as well). To be fair, the print quality was always nice... which only made me feel worse about throwing them out. I kept the subscription going for many months so it wasn't just one or two books.
posted by rada at 8:58 AM on October 31, 2017 [3 favorites]
Another good resource is there's an organization that sends a free kids book every single month with Jewish themes. They are pretty good, not heavily religious, often talk about Jewish holidays or traditions. It's called PJ Library.
I hate criticizing others' responses but I did this for our kid and the books were so awful that I was afraid to give them to my son lest he develop into a virulent anti-semite (or a book hater!). The content was just so painfully nonsensical - what really boggled my mind is how most of the illustrations had nothing to do with the stories, almost like an algorithm was employed to do random matching - and it was more often religious than not (the holiday-themed books emphasized the religious aspect as well). To be fair, the print quality was always nice... which only made me feel worse about throwing them out. I kept the subscription going for many months so it wasn't just one or two books.
posted by rada at 8:58 AM on October 31, 2017 [3 favorites]
Am I even allowed to say it's part Jewish when it's not passed through the mother?
After thousands of years of exile and evolution, there's no universally recognized definition of what it means to be Jewish. As ubiquity notes, there are specific religious definitions within specific denominations of Judaism-- but "Jewishness" is an ethnicity and a culture as well as a religion. A specific rabbi at a specific synagogue might or might not define your child as Jewish, but no rabbi has the authority to kick your child out of the culture or the ethnicity.
Speaking for myself (and, I suspect, for my fellow liberal-leaning culturally Jewish MeFites), I think "part Jewish" is a perfectly accurate description of your child's ethnicity. I think it's fantastic that you want to introduce the kid to their Jewish cultural heritage. And if your kid ultimately self-identifies as, simply, Jewish, I'm completely cool with that as well.
However, there's an old saying: if you ask two Jews, you'll get three opinions. And with more than 14 million Jews in the world, you are going to run into a lot of different opinions about this. The more Orthodox somebody is, the more likely they are to talk about Judaism not as a culture that allows for part membership, but as a binary yes-or-no category. Here, for example, is the opinion of one particular group of Orthodox Jews.
Even non-religious groups are sometimes forced into a binary determination. For example, Birthright Israel doesn't partially fund Israel trips for part Jews-- they fund completely or not at all. If I'm reading the guidelines correctly, they would not automatically recognize your child as Jewish. As another example, your child would not qualify for Israeli citizenship without a formal conversion process.
I'm not trying to scare you off! Despite those exceptions, the vast majority of non-Orthodox cultural Jewish organizations would love to welcome you and your child (and your husband, if he wants to get involved.) Trust me on this. If somebody's job is to preserve and extend Jewish culture... and you tell them what you've told us... they are not going to see you as some kind of interloper. They are going to see you as somebody who wants to help them keep the culture they love alive.
Just to offer my own opinion of the PJ library: their books do often have religious content. As a culturally Jewish agnostic, I have sometimes used them as a launching point for a discussion about which aspects of the religion I don't believe in. I like having them as part of a balanced and varied cultural diet. Of course, everybody's approach is different! You can always subscribe and vet each book before passing it on. Alternately, you can just look at their list of books and use them as a leaping off point for your own purchases.
posted by yankeefog at 9:49 AM on October 31, 2017
After thousands of years of exile and evolution, there's no universally recognized definition of what it means to be Jewish. As ubiquity notes, there are specific religious definitions within specific denominations of Judaism-- but "Jewishness" is an ethnicity and a culture as well as a religion. A specific rabbi at a specific synagogue might or might not define your child as Jewish, but no rabbi has the authority to kick your child out of the culture or the ethnicity.
Speaking for myself (and, I suspect, for my fellow liberal-leaning culturally Jewish MeFites), I think "part Jewish" is a perfectly accurate description of your child's ethnicity. I think it's fantastic that you want to introduce the kid to their Jewish cultural heritage. And if your kid ultimately self-identifies as, simply, Jewish, I'm completely cool with that as well.
However, there's an old saying: if you ask two Jews, you'll get three opinions. And with more than 14 million Jews in the world, you are going to run into a lot of different opinions about this. The more Orthodox somebody is, the more likely they are to talk about Judaism not as a culture that allows for part membership, but as a binary yes-or-no category. Here, for example, is the opinion of one particular group of Orthodox Jews.
Even non-religious groups are sometimes forced into a binary determination. For example, Birthright Israel doesn't partially fund Israel trips for part Jews-- they fund completely or not at all. If I'm reading the guidelines correctly, they would not automatically recognize your child as Jewish. As another example, your child would not qualify for Israeli citizenship without a formal conversion process.
I'm not trying to scare you off! Despite those exceptions, the vast majority of non-Orthodox cultural Jewish organizations would love to welcome you and your child (and your husband, if he wants to get involved.) Trust me on this. If somebody's job is to preserve and extend Jewish culture... and you tell them what you've told us... they are not going to see you as some kind of interloper. They are going to see you as somebody who wants to help them keep the culture they love alive.
Just to offer my own opinion of the PJ library: their books do often have religious content. As a culturally Jewish agnostic, I have sometimes used them as a launching point for a discussion about which aspects of the religion I don't believe in. I like having them as part of a balanced and varied cultural diet. Of course, everybody's approach is different! You can always subscribe and vet each book before passing it on. Alternately, you can just look at their list of books and use them as a leaping off point for your own purchases.
posted by yankeefog at 9:49 AM on October 31, 2017
My mom is ethnically Jewish, raised by atheist socialists. My dad is an atheist Scottish Protestant.
This is my exact background and I think I might have benefited from knowing more about my Jewish heritage when I was younger. My dad was the "dominant" parent in terms of which holidays we celebrated and so I think I missed out feeling like Jewish holidays were mine. So I think one of the ways to explore Jewishness, leaving aside your baby's specific relation to Judaism, would be education, tolerance, and especially finding a local Seder to attend. They're often a pretty "open table" event for a lot of people so if you have Jewish friends you could mention you were interested. And they're not very religious.
Sometimes people in where I currently live (I live in a very non-Jewish part of New England) say or do things that make me feel very uncomfortable if they find out I'm Jewish. Early exposure sort of stuff helps to normalize it.
This is also me, so some of this depends on where you are. I have a take-no-shit attitude about people who presume everyone in the US celebrates Christmas or who want to fight about how a religious holiday turned secular and etc etc. It's worth having open and vocal conversations about diversity generally and your baby's mixed heritage is a good way to start those conversations. I made them put a menorah in the Xmas display at the public school and it started a lot more useful conversations around the ideas of diversity. Which isn't a Jewish thing per se, but I see it as definitely part of the Jewish identity in the US.
posted by jessamyn at 10:22 AM on October 31, 2017 [2 favorites]
This is my exact background and I think I might have benefited from knowing more about my Jewish heritage when I was younger. My dad was the "dominant" parent in terms of which holidays we celebrated and so I think I missed out feeling like Jewish holidays were mine. So I think one of the ways to explore Jewishness, leaving aside your baby's specific relation to Judaism, would be education, tolerance, and especially finding a local Seder to attend. They're often a pretty "open table" event for a lot of people so if you have Jewish friends you could mention you were interested. And they're not very religious.
Sometimes people in where I currently live (I live in a very non-Jewish part of New England) say or do things that make me feel very uncomfortable if they find out I'm Jewish. Early exposure sort of stuff helps to normalize it.
This is also me, so some of this depends on where you are. I have a take-no-shit attitude about people who presume everyone in the US celebrates Christmas or who want to fight about how a religious holiday turned secular and etc etc. It's worth having open and vocal conversations about diversity generally and your baby's mixed heritage is a good way to start those conversations. I made them put a menorah in the Xmas display at the public school and it started a lot more useful conversations around the ideas of diversity. Which isn't a Jewish thing per se, but I see it as definitely part of the Jewish identity in the US.
posted by jessamyn at 10:22 AM on October 31, 2017 [2 favorites]
i live in a rural college town in central virginia and our toddler playgroup includes two israeli families. one of them recently started a hebrew playgroup at the campus hillel house and invited a couple of us to participate even though we're not jewish.
if our rural college town has a playgroup at the hillel center maybe yours does too?
posted by noloveforned at 11:26 AM on October 31, 2017
if our rural college town has a playgroup at the hillel center maybe yours does too?
posted by noloveforned at 11:26 AM on October 31, 2017
My dad’s side of the family is Jewish but his mother decided that he was gonna because be raised Catholic because she wasn’t willing to convert to Judaism despite not being Catholic either. I grew up desperately wishing we were Jewish. We lost my Menorah early on, which I still miss, and as much as I adore Christmas and Easter I wanted to celebrate Passover, Rosh Hashonah, Yom Kippur, etc too but my parents don’t know enough about them to do so. We’re culturally Jewish in a lot of ways which has filled a little bit of the void. It’s not the same. I know more about Christianity and Hinduism than the religion I’m actually descended from.
So what I’m saying is, if my parents had asked, or if I’d made a point of asking, I would have liked to have connected with my heritage so much more than I did. I would have liked the option to go to Hebrew School, to go to church and temple and a Hindu temple (I was raised Hindu - Christian). Then maybe I wouldn’t still have this longing for that part of myself that never got developed, which is a lot harder to build on as an adult than it would have been as a child.
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:26 AM on October 31, 2017
So what I’m saying is, if my parents had asked, or if I’d made a point of asking, I would have liked to have connected with my heritage so much more than I did. I would have liked the option to go to Hebrew School, to go to church and temple and a Hindu temple (I was raised Hindu - Christian). Then maybe I wouldn’t still have this longing for that part of myself that never got developed, which is a lot harder to build on as an adult than it would have been as a child.
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:26 AM on October 31, 2017
As another example, your child would not qualify for Israeli citizenship without a formal conversion process.
Just a side note, this is not accurate - the grandchild of a Jew is allowed to immigrate under the Law of Return regardless of that Jew’s gender or the gender of the intervening ascendents (which that link points out), so your husband’s father would qualify your child.
posted by Itaxpica at 12:10 PM on October 31, 2017 [1 favorite]
Just a side note, this is not accurate - the grandchild of a Jew is allowed to immigrate under the Law of Return regardless of that Jew’s gender or the gender of the intervening ascendents (which that link points out), so your husband’s father would qualify your child.
posted by Itaxpica at 12:10 PM on October 31, 2017 [1 favorite]
The easiest, gentlest introduction to Judaism for kids is likely be through experiencing a Jewish summer camp program, such as the day camps that may be run by your local Jewish Community Center (JCC), assuming you have one nearby. These camp programs won't have much religious content, but will typically include some common Jewish cultural and religious elements - saying the Hebrew prayers before eating bread and/or juice, for example, or maybe singing some Jewish and/or Israeli folk songs. They should also have some pretty easy-to-get-behind values, like respecting others, respecting the environment, etc. There's a lot of politics and other stuff lurking at the margins, but most JCC-type Jewish summer camps avoid those topics and focus on having fun with a side order of "here are a few Jewish things."
The next step up from this, content-wise, will be some sort of Sunday school program at a local synagogue or JCC. There are many, many other families in situations similar to your own, so there are programs in these topics, and they're popular. Given your goals, I'd start with the local Reform synagogues and the JCC and see what they have to offer. Your profile doesn't indicate where you are, but if you live near any sort of Jewish community classes like this should be offered, at least periodically.
This last suggestion should obviously wait until your child is old enough, but since your child will be (or is) 25% Jewish, I think it's important that you speak to your child about antisemitism and how they could be affected by it. I don't intend to Godwin this thread, but as we have told our kids, "If you're Jewish enough that the Nazis would have wanted to kill your family, you should consider yourself ancestrally Jewish, and it's something that others may want to use against you someday to hurt you or discriminate against you. Unfortunately, this will be true whether or not you choose to observe the religion."
posted by mosk at 5:31 PM on October 31, 2017 [5 favorites]
The next step up from this, content-wise, will be some sort of Sunday school program at a local synagogue or JCC. There are many, many other families in situations similar to your own, so there are programs in these topics, and they're popular. Given your goals, I'd start with the local Reform synagogues and the JCC and see what they have to offer. Your profile doesn't indicate where you are, but if you live near any sort of Jewish community classes like this should be offered, at least periodically.
This last suggestion should obviously wait until your child is old enough, but since your child will be (or is) 25% Jewish, I think it's important that you speak to your child about antisemitism and how they could be affected by it. I don't intend to Godwin this thread, but as we have told our kids, "If you're Jewish enough that the Nazis would have wanted to kill your family, you should consider yourself ancestrally Jewish, and it's something that others may want to use against you someday to hurt you or discriminate against you. Unfortunately, this will be true whether or not you choose to observe the religion."
posted by mosk at 5:31 PM on October 31, 2017 [5 favorites]
I actually came in to recommend PJ Library. My experience has been very different than rada's--I've found all the books really charming and over the past 13 months we've only gotten one that was too religious for us. (Ethnically Jewish atheists.) They're some of my daughter's favorites and they've really helped me feel more connected to my own Jewishness. I wonder if the books vary depending on location? I'm in the Boston area.
posted by JuliaJellicoe at 8:37 PM on October 31, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by JuliaJellicoe at 8:37 PM on October 31, 2017 [1 favorite]
Would it be weird to put up a Xmas tree and a menorah?
Not even remotely. FWIW, the attitude in our Jewish-by-way-of-Litvak-mom household was that Christmas is all well and good, especially since Hanukkah is most assuredly not the "Jewish Christmas", or anything like that. It is not a High Holy Day or anything like that. It is a holiday that has gained in recent years outsized attention because it occurs around the same time as Christmas. Hell, the idea of a Hanukkah gift is a late-20th century invention - it was basically just gelt before. Not to say that there's anything wrong with that evolution, but the point is that modern Hanukkah is in large part a modern invention.
So, anyway, the attitude around our house was that Christmas is a nice holiday and that Christmas trees are fun and are a part of the Western culture in which we live, so why regard Christmas as a threat? For our family, the idea was as absurd as thinking Halloween will turn you into a druid. That said, Christmas trees are what you decorate, not "Hanukkah bushes" - in our house, that idea...would not have gone over well.
Anyway, my point is less to present my family's traditions as the One True Way - it's not - but rather to show you that people negotiate blended traditions in a variety of ways. There is nothing inherently strange or wrong about displaying both a Christmas tree and a menorah.
People who think that Judaism is only matrilineal are just flat-out wrong. Orthodox belief may hold as much, but you're not Orthodox, so who cares.
Getting back to your question, JCC camp would be a great idea. We had kids in our JCC camp who were in your kid's same position, more or less. Plus, it's camp, so it'll give your kid something to do.
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:06 PM on October 31, 2017 [2 favorites]
Not even remotely. FWIW, the attitude in our Jewish-by-way-of-Litvak-mom household was that Christmas is all well and good, especially since Hanukkah is most assuredly not the "Jewish Christmas", or anything like that. It is not a High Holy Day or anything like that. It is a holiday that has gained in recent years outsized attention because it occurs around the same time as Christmas. Hell, the idea of a Hanukkah gift is a late-20th century invention - it was basically just gelt before. Not to say that there's anything wrong with that evolution, but the point is that modern Hanukkah is in large part a modern invention.
So, anyway, the attitude around our house was that Christmas is a nice holiday and that Christmas trees are fun and are a part of the Western culture in which we live, so why regard Christmas as a threat? For our family, the idea was as absurd as thinking Halloween will turn you into a druid. That said, Christmas trees are what you decorate, not "Hanukkah bushes" - in our house, that idea...would not have gone over well.
Anyway, my point is less to present my family's traditions as the One True Way - it's not - but rather to show you that people negotiate blended traditions in a variety of ways. There is nothing inherently strange or wrong about displaying both a Christmas tree and a menorah.
People who think that Judaism is only matrilineal are just flat-out wrong. Orthodox belief may hold as much, but you're not Orthodox, so who cares.
Getting back to your question, JCC camp would be a great idea. We had kids in our JCC camp who were in your kid's same position, more or less. Plus, it's camp, so it'll give your kid something to do.
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:06 PM on October 31, 2017 [2 favorites]
I was raised atheist in a family with Jewish, Protestant and Catholic backgrounds. For me, it has been a gift and an advantage that my strongly atheist parents and grandparents taught me about the spirituality, literature, culture and traditions of all three religious positions). We never actually did rituals except funerals and a couple of weddings, these have as far back as I remember been Protestant. Even my great-grandfather, who returned to his Jewish faith (from atheism) as he grew old, preferred to be buried in a Christian cemetery, because community was more important than faith to him.
FWIW, my ethnically Jewish grandfather went all in on Christmas. He really, really loved it. He also gave a little lecture every single time we had roast pork or lobster, on how it was logical from a health perspective that these items were forbidden in the holy land, but that they were perfectly good in the North.
posted by mumimor at 7:54 AM on November 1, 2017
FWIW, my ethnically Jewish grandfather went all in on Christmas. He really, really loved it. He also gave a little lecture every single time we had roast pork or lobster, on how it was logical from a health perspective that these items were forbidden in the holy land, but that they were perfectly good in the North.
posted by mumimor at 7:54 AM on November 1, 2017
We use this book with my kids, my wife is not Jewish, so in some technical definitions neither are they. I fall into that weird spot of "Jewish Atheist", I did do more Jewish cultural stuff than your husband but have spent my whole adult life as a person who fundamentally does not believe in the supernatural. But people have been trying to murder my family for millennia and I'm a contrarian, so I carry on with the holidays regardless.
But yeah, get the book, kids love holidays. If you just do what's in the book, you'll be more practicing than most american Jews I know.
posted by French Fry at 8:16 AM on November 1, 2017
But yeah, get the book, kids love holidays. If you just do what's in the book, you'll be more practicing than most american Jews I know.
posted by French Fry at 8:16 AM on November 1, 2017
It's pretty difficult to give your child a religious education in a religion that's not yours, and that you yourself don't intend to convert to, and that the other parent doesn't have much connection to either. If your husband and other relatives aren't connected to Judaism in any way, it's going to be pretty difficult. This is based on my experience as an ex-Catholic raising the child of a Jewish dad who is pretty uninterested in his heritage.
That said, JCCs usually have pretty inclusive holiday events. You could also enroll the child in a Jewish preschool, and JCC camps later on. There are also often high-quality Jewish day schools as well.
Synagogues in my experience aren't very friendly to casual "seekers," but there may be a better one in your area. JCCs are much more open.
Another option would be to seek out an observant family and ask to be invited to Passover and other holidays.
posted by yarly at 8:58 AM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
That said, JCCs usually have pretty inclusive holiday events. You could also enroll the child in a Jewish preschool, and JCC camps later on. There are also often high-quality Jewish day schools as well.
Synagogues in my experience aren't very friendly to casual "seekers," but there may be a better one in your area. JCCs are much more open.
Another option would be to seek out an observant family and ask to be invited to Passover and other holidays.
posted by yarly at 8:58 AM on November 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
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Absolutely do all the holidays if you want. Elide or discuss the history behind them as it suits you and your kid. As to what to tell people, I either say I’m a quarter Jewish (wrong quarter) or that my grandfather was Jewish, usually prefaced with non-practicing.
posted by supercres at 7:26 AM on October 31, 2017 [1 favorite]