Activities for an older man with dementia?

October 5, 2017 2:36 PM

My father moved into a long-term care home this week. He is (understandably) unhappy to be in the care home and has complained about being "useless." What are some activities that would interest an older man with moderate dementia and mobility issues? In particular, what are some activities that might give him a sense of purpose or accomplishment?

My father is relatively young compared to most of the residents in the care home (75) but suffers from Parkinson's disease and dementia. He's still able to walk, feed himself, and work on small tasks but he has fairly limited fine motor skills. He requires 24/7 care to assist him with hygiene, medication, and fall prevention. He also has significant limits on his short term memory and ability to learn new information.

One of the things that has given him a sense of purpose over the past couple of years has been doing household maintenance. As his disease has progressed, he has still prided himself on his time and effort spent working on things around the house (even though in reality he was causing a lot of damage to the house, like breaking water pipes or using a crowbar to open locked doors). Now that he's in the care home, he feels very bored and useless because he isn't able to accomplish things on his to-do list.

I've been looking for activities that he could do in the care home, either on his own or with the help of the care aide we have hired as a companion. Many of the activities I have seen suggested are things that he doesn't or wouldn't enjoy, either because they're traditionally feminine (e.g. baking or giving a manicure) or have no practical purpose (e.g. colouring or playing a game). He has always been a very driven person who is critical of "time-wasting" activities like watching TV or board games. His interests tend more towards outdoor or practical things like woodworking, home renovations, car maintenance, boating, airplanes, etc. A few activities that I think might work for him are raking leaves (still need to ask the care home if he can help rake their patio), sorting old photos, and assembling a pre-made birdhouse kit.

I would love any suggestions for other activities that he could do inside a locked care home. They should be doable within his mental and physical limits but still give him a sense of accomplishment, and ideally have materials that cost less than $30 CDN. Thank you!

posted by meadowlands to Human Relations (23 answers total)

When my father as in rehab (for multiple sclerosis) he did a lot of woodworking. It's excellent for hand-eye coordination and maintaining concentration, and certain projects won't necessarily require fine motor control. Dad made birdhouses, picture frames, pen and pencil holders and step stools.

If your father is used to working with his hands and enjoys woodworking (as you noted) "ready to assemble" woodworking kits may be the way to go. Many woodworking projects can be done indoors and the ready to assemble kits typically don't require a lot of tools.

Depending on the kit, the wood may be pre-varnished or untreated. It may simply require gluing and piecing together. It may require a bit of sanding or working with fasteners. If he has artistic skill he might consider painting or varnishing the things he creates. Or carving patterns or words in them if he's able to manage a blade or tool safely.

Home Depot sells some ready to assemble kits for dollhouses and birdfeeders, but they tend to be expensive. They also have much larger items, like pieces of furniture. I'm guessing you'll want to focus on things that are a bit more manageable size-wise. Cherry Tree also sells ready to assemble kits, mostly for children's toys. Again, they tend toward the expensive side, but some come in under your $30 price range.

The social worker at your father's long term care facility may be able to help you here and should be able to discuss what he will and won't be capable of doing (can he handle a band saw safely, for example. Or an X-acto knife.)

If your dad is able to do this and do it well, he may even be able to develop a business for himself in the facility making children's toys for various residents' grandchildren. The work he would be doing would be constructive in a different way, which might be a good selling point to get him to work on a project.
posted by zarq at 3:11 PM on October 5, 2017 [5 favorites]

I have a relative with similar issues -- she has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home. At the place she lives, the staff ask for volunteers to help with various activities -- like folding the napkins for dinner. They don't really need the help it is more to give the residents a purpose. Does the place your dad is at do anything like that? I would also maybe suggest buying old radios at a thrift store and asking him to fix them up for you. Once they are working, you can donate them back to the thrift store.
posted by OrangeDisk at 3:18 PM on October 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

If his long term memories are still intact, he could take on the project of writing down his family history. Stories about his grandparents, and parents, and his life growing up. This is important work, because he might be the only person left who knows these stories or remembers some of these people.
posted by ilovewinter at 3:19 PM on October 5, 2017 [9 favorites]

Here's a book to set down personal history, with writing prompts; your dad might ultimately prefer voice recording to writing, but the questions are still useful.
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:35 PM on October 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

I spent a decade playing music for elders at many different kind of facilities, and almost all the time, music can be a true balm. It doesn't have to be live.

Get him some super-comfortable headphones, a portable cassette player, and a small handful of tapes (don't overwhelm, he will probably just listen to one or two of them over and over). Make sure it's music he loves/era appropriate.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen people who are in some distress or confusion become soothed or light up with joy and/or memories listening to music.

I saw one man with Alzheimer's who hadn't spoken in a year start singing along with every song about trains we could play. He smiled at his wife (who happened to be visiting) and they had moment of connection that was one of the most magical things I will ever see in my lifetime.
posted by quarterframer at 3:36 PM on October 5, 2017 [16 favorites]

Response by poster: Thank you so much for the suggestions so far! I should have included a bit more information: my dad is no longer able to read or write, and when he "fixes" things he tends to make them worse. I think he would still really enjoy having something like a broken radio to work on, though! He's not really aware that his ability to fix things isn't what it used to be. His long-term memory seems to come and go depending on the day.
posted by meadowlands at 4:00 PM on October 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

What about metal tapping? it is art and not really useful but it does produce a tangible product and without having to use knives or anything else dangerous. Usually it is done by tracing a pattern so not hard to learn. Parkinsons might make it hard to be accurate that wouldn't be a problem unless he cared about it. And maybe you could tell him that you are going to use from something (maybe decorating containers for your kitchen) so it would have more of a purpose.
posted by metahawk at 4:12 PM on October 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

It requires following directions so I don't know if it is within his cognitive level right now but he might also enjoy assembling 3d wooden puzzles - maybe you can offer to donate the finished products to children who would enjoy playing with them.
posted by metahawk at 4:16 PM on October 5, 2017

Can you buy dad some broken radios at a thrift store and let him have at it? Or buy a few new, cheap radios and "break" them in a way you know he could fix it?

My mom also felt useless and frustrated when I was still taking care of her at home. Instead of fixing things she wanted to take care of all the usual household chores like she used to, so I used to take all the towels and dishcloths, put them in the laundry basket, and then bring it out to her in the living room and ask her to help me fold the laundry. It made her really happy :(
posted by Room 641-A at 4:49 PM on October 5, 2017 [6 favorites]

Best answer: Cut up a variety of pieces of wood and pre-drill holes. Give him a short screw driver and screws, hinges, hasps, long bolts and wingnuts, anything he can attach. A trip to a hardware store or a well-stocked shop with jars of hardware will do the trick. Also, maybe an old clock, vacuum, whatever, that he can disassemble.

When my aunt, who's been in finance, had dementia, a staff member brought in an old ledger and checks, and my aunt balanced the books. The desire to be useful is long-lasting. Give him a hug from us.
posted by theora55 at 5:08 PM on October 5, 2017 [16 favorites]

It sounds like he doesn't like watching TV because it doesn't have a purpose other than entertainment. Might he enjoy watching YouTube videos on car maintenance, car repair, home appliance repair, woodworking technique, etc? There are tons of them out there. He won't absorb the maternal, but he might feel like he's learning how to do things and find it interesting.
posted by insectosaurus at 5:53 PM on October 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

My first though was gardening, though I don't know if the care home is equipped to let him work a small plot outside. But even a container garden--remembering to water, pinch back, repot, etc.

Ideally, though, he could get a little plot of ground outside and grow, say, a few tomato plants. That would involve planting, watering, weeding, staking, harvesting. It's late in the year, but if he starts in the spring maybe he could even do seedlings in his room.
posted by gideonfrog at 5:58 PM on October 5, 2017 [5 favorites]

Along the same lines as what zarq was saying.... Home Depot and Lowe’s have easy to assemble kits for kids that they use for their Saturday kids ‘classes’. They will sell them to you individually under certain circumstances, and I’m sure your dad’s need qualifies. They are cheap, super easy to assemble, rarely require more than a ball peen hammer and you/he can donate the toys once they are assembled.
posted by PorcineWithMe at 6:35 PM on October 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

Maybe he could monitor a weather station. I realize this isn't quite as active, but he could track the changes over time.
posted by maurreen at 6:52 PM on October 5, 2017

I can't think of the proper name for this.. string art. Hammer a few nails in a pattern and then use string to make the piece come alive. A little ball peen hammer is all you need really. I'm sure you can buy patterns.
posted by Ftsqg at 7:12 PM on October 5, 2017

It may fall too close to 'no practical purpose', but my grandfather was very similar and found that putting together puzzles to shellac and frame as gifts to family members worked for him. It's also possible that the home might be willing to put up some of those completed puzzles as art in the hallways, which might help give a feeling of giving back to his immediate surroundings. Sticking to reproductions of real paintings, like my grandpa, might also make it seem more meaningful as an act than random puzzles.
posted by neonrev at 9:03 PM on October 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

Whittling! A repetitive hobby - not necessarily requiring consistent 100% cognizance - that doesn’t always have a consistent goal. Maybe on Wednesday you thought this would be a stallion but today it’s clearly a mongoose.

Also, if he gets joy from giving things whittled objects could serve as great tokens/memories for family members.
posted by bendy at 10:23 PM on October 5, 2017

Another way you can help him to feel useful is to ask him for advice - tell him about little conflicts at work, etc. - I tell my mother problems my friends have with their kids and she enjoys teaching me what they ought to do. I do not pass this advice on, btw!
posted by moxiedoll at 6:18 AM on October 6, 2017 [3 favorites]

Folding laundry, setting a table, sweeping a workroom, raking, sorting things. Something with locks and keys. A piece of wood with nails mostly hammered in, and he has to finish the job.

Walking a dog is beneficial in many ways if you can find a way to do it safely.

Gardening could be very good. The facility could create raised beds on table legs so everyone can reach them.

Find ways to give the intangibles he seeks with these activities. Is it a feeling of competence, being of use, teamwork, interdependence, autonomy?
posted by ramenopres at 10:03 PM on October 6, 2017

I'd definitely look into projects that are fairly simple but result in a tangible thing that can be donated. Model aeroplanes, wooden toys, etc.
posted by h00py at 4:57 AM on October 7, 2017

Just wanted to mention that if the issue, at it's core, is that he doesn't feel useful, then no matter what you give him to do - tinkering with radios, woodworking, gardening, etc - everything will come down to the presentation. For example, if he thinks he is being given a radio just to tinker with and amuse him, that won't help. But if he thinks that it's important for him to fix the radio - that he's helping in some way - that's the key. There's probably a lot of things that would satisfy him if he felt they were useful in some way.
posted by quiet_musings at 10:56 PM on October 8, 2017 [1 favorite]

quiet_musings makes a great point. This is why I put the towels in the laundry basket, to make her think it was really needed.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:11 AM on October 9, 2017 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thank you to everyone who offered suggestions! It's been a tricky time emotionally and it's very heartening to have all of your help.
posted by meadowlands at 7:27 PM on October 12, 2017 [2 favorites]