I'm a time-traveller making first contact with modern dentistery
September 24, 2017 3:35 PM Subscribe
and I need your help to make a first contact with a dentist, for starters. After a depressive episode during my teens and young adulthood which at my lowest point left me locked up in my room for years, made me neglect my dental health and totally prevented me from doing normal stuff like using the phone to make appointments, I have issues with my teeth and when I say issues, I don't mean that I'm afraid that I might have a cavity, but rather that I have whole missing teeth already half-buried in my gum, blackened stumps, and abscess(es?); this is truly something from the Middle Ages rather than the teeth of an office worker living in a big city in a First World country with socialized medicine and heck, even people from the Middle Ages probably had better teeth because there was no soda back then.
I fucked up, I know. But how does one go about fixing it?
I still get very stressed about phone calls if I don't have a script to follow, so is there any code words to warn the dentist what vistas of hell expect him? Is the neighborhood dentist from my very middle-class suburb who probably rarely ever sees a cavity even an appropriate person to take care of this kind of horror show or should I seek an appointment at an university clinic or something like that? I don't even properly have a dental phobia or a logical explanation about why I didn't deal with this earlier, just a very deep dread of authority figures supposed to care for me, or of people making decisions I can't challenge and then forcing me to go through things, which is of course inevitable in all kind of medical situations and why I avoid doctors at all costs, and also of people touching me in ways I can't control (does it all sound like childhood trauma? Because it is.) combined with a highly avoidant personality who hates not to be in control of a situation, which is a little hard to use as an explanation outside of psych circles and also means that while I won't need heavy stuff like conscious sedation, I might act weird or jumpy, so again is there any code words to convey this in a productive way?
Another thing that has also participated to my delaying this very necessary step is that I had bad experiences with doctors (not dentists) ignoring and dismissing my pain or my concerns as nothing important, and while I was able to rough it out in those benign but rather painful cases, I don't think that I would be able to bear pain from dental care without adequate drugs - I'm very bad with enduring chronic pain compared to procedural pain, and I guess that I'm also a loser who just don't have a very high pain tolerance despite having had chronic and painful health issues. I suppose that part of this previous neglect of my issues by doctors was because I didn't advocate for myself firmly enough, so what are the ways Normal People ™ make themselves heard by their care provider and go home with adequate pain prescriptions that allows them to find sleep at night? What are good strategies to use to have your issue to be seen and taken seriously by a medical professional? Or failing that, how do you safely buy pain pills on the dark net, haha.
By the way, is this concern of mine even warranted because when I'm not actively having a meltdown over it, I realize that truth about pain levels is somewhere between dentist's websites all offering breezy "nothing hurts at all, ever" reassurances and accounts of random people from the internet about being reduced to sobbing pain during each appointment or going days without sleep or mysterious painful complications that no one seems to be able to find the root of? Can you just walk out of the middle of an appointment if the pain gets too much? What are your other resources if a dentist dismiss your pain/issues?
To add to all this, I know no one who could recommend me a good dentist, and online reviews in my country don't help at all because for each doctor, they seem to be equally divided between "this man saved my teeth, my family and each of my children multiple times" and "this was a torture session, plus I had to go to the ER afterward and then to have many appointments to fix the mess he left in my mouth." So how do you find a good dentist - someone who is not forceful or dominating, who won't try to shame me with lectures and won't try to push me into non-conservative or purely esthetic treatments because it is more remunerative? Is it acceptable to just go meet a couple of dentists to see if I find them tolerable before committing to one and what are the signs that I should look for? What are useful questions that I could ask the dental office receptionist before booking an appointment?
Please help me put this behind me and join the society of normal people who can open their mouths in public and don't risk general sepsis on a daily basis.
I still get very stressed about phone calls if I don't have a script to follow, so is there any code words to warn the dentist what vistas of hell expect him? Is the neighborhood dentist from my very middle-class suburb who probably rarely ever sees a cavity even an appropriate person to take care of this kind of horror show or should I seek an appointment at an university clinic or something like that? I don't even properly have a dental phobia or a logical explanation about why I didn't deal with this earlier, just a very deep dread of authority figures supposed to care for me, or of people making decisions I can't challenge and then forcing me to go through things, which is of course inevitable in all kind of medical situations and why I avoid doctors at all costs, and also of people touching me in ways I can't control (does it all sound like childhood trauma? Because it is.) combined with a highly avoidant personality who hates not to be in control of a situation, which is a little hard to use as an explanation outside of psych circles and also means that while I won't need heavy stuff like conscious sedation, I might act weird or jumpy, so again is there any code words to convey this in a productive way?
Another thing that has also participated to my delaying this very necessary step is that I had bad experiences with doctors (not dentists) ignoring and dismissing my pain or my concerns as nothing important, and while I was able to rough it out in those benign but rather painful cases, I don't think that I would be able to bear pain from dental care without adequate drugs - I'm very bad with enduring chronic pain compared to procedural pain, and I guess that I'm also a loser who just don't have a very high pain tolerance despite having had chronic and painful health issues. I suppose that part of this previous neglect of my issues by doctors was because I didn't advocate for myself firmly enough, so what are the ways Normal People ™ make themselves heard by their care provider and go home with adequate pain prescriptions that allows them to find sleep at night? What are good strategies to use to have your issue to be seen and taken seriously by a medical professional? Or failing that, how do you safely buy pain pills on the dark net, haha.
By the way, is this concern of mine even warranted because when I'm not actively having a meltdown over it, I realize that truth about pain levels is somewhere between dentist's websites all offering breezy "nothing hurts at all, ever" reassurances and accounts of random people from the internet about being reduced to sobbing pain during each appointment or going days without sleep or mysterious painful complications that no one seems to be able to find the root of? Can you just walk out of the middle of an appointment if the pain gets too much? What are your other resources if a dentist dismiss your pain/issues?
To add to all this, I know no one who could recommend me a good dentist, and online reviews in my country don't help at all because for each doctor, they seem to be equally divided between "this man saved my teeth, my family and each of my children multiple times" and "this was a torture session, plus I had to go to the ER afterward and then to have many appointments to fix the mess he left in my mouth." So how do you find a good dentist - someone who is not forceful or dominating, who won't try to shame me with lectures and won't try to push me into non-conservative or purely esthetic treatments because it is more remunerative? Is it acceptable to just go meet a couple of dentists to see if I find them tolerable before committing to one and what are the signs that I should look for? What are useful questions that I could ask the dental office receptionist before booking an appointment?
Please help me put this behind me and join the society of normal people who can open their mouths in public and don't risk general sepsis on a daily basis.
Do you have anyone who can help you do this? I feel like it would help to have a trusted person who understands your situation call and suss out your options. Here's the script I would use if I were you or advocating for you -
"[Fear_will] needs to find a dentist who can help with their particular and sensitive issues - they have never been to a dentist, are [age] and know they have some chronic and immediate issues. They are nervous about judgement and also the pain and possible trauma to begin dealing with these issues. Have you ever dealt with a patient like this? What would be the first steps to getting started down the road of a healthy mouth? Can we start with a simple consultation and examination before we plan for a cleaning or anything else?"
I would start by asking friends for dentist recommendations. And while you don't think you have a phobia, I think working with a dentist who had experience or procedures for handling those who do have phobias would be good for you. Also, even rich people get cavities so banish that thought from your head. And even people who seem to have all their shit together might not be great at taking care of their mouth. Dentists see all kinds! You will not be the winner of the bad mouth pageant, I promise you.
Lastly, some procedures hurt or are uncomfortable. That's just how it goes. Always ask how much pain a procedure might be and whether there is something less invasive you can do. You can have that discussion. You also probably have some simple things to fix and some more complex but it won't happen in one day. And you should ask for remedial advice on a healthy mouth and then make it a commitment to yourself to follow their advice. Add a mouth rinse to your regular repertoire and you'll start feeling a lot better. I like to alternate a fluoride minty rinse with a gingivitis rinse on alternate days and my mouth has felt so much better since I started doing that. It's easy and it's taking care of you.
posted by amanda at 3:52 PM on September 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
"[Fear_will] needs to find a dentist who can help with their particular and sensitive issues - they have never been to a dentist, are [age] and know they have some chronic and immediate issues. They are nervous about judgement and also the pain and possible trauma to begin dealing with these issues. Have you ever dealt with a patient like this? What would be the first steps to getting started down the road of a healthy mouth? Can we start with a simple consultation and examination before we plan for a cleaning or anything else?"
I would start by asking friends for dentist recommendations. And while you don't think you have a phobia, I think working with a dentist who had experience or procedures for handling those who do have phobias would be good for you. Also, even rich people get cavities so banish that thought from your head. And even people who seem to have all their shit together might not be great at taking care of their mouth. Dentists see all kinds! You will not be the winner of the bad mouth pageant, I promise you.
Lastly, some procedures hurt or are uncomfortable. That's just how it goes. Always ask how much pain a procedure might be and whether there is something less invasive you can do. You can have that discussion. You also probably have some simple things to fix and some more complex but it won't happen in one day. And you should ask for remedial advice on a healthy mouth and then make it a commitment to yourself to follow their advice. Add a mouth rinse to your regular repertoire and you'll start feeling a lot better. I like to alternate a fluoride minty rinse with a gingivitis rinse on alternate days and my mouth has felt so much better since I started doing that. It's easy and it's taking care of you.
posted by amanda at 3:52 PM on September 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
Try to google for "Sedation dentistry". I do this because I too can't deal with "normal" dental procedure pain & novocaine doesn't work completey for me. I'm not a loser, and this doesn't say anything about me in particular except that this is how I have to get my teeth stuff taken care of. Dentists who specialize in this field can work with an anesthesiologist to have you totally asleep for the procedure. The other good thing about doing it this way is that they can get a lot more work done while you're under. Just think of it like getting surgery - you wouldn't want to be awake for that right?
If the dentist you see doesn't take your issues seriously, you don't have to go back there. Usually nothing is done in that first visit - it's just "getting to know you". If you don't like them, don't go back.
posted by bleep at 3:53 PM on September 24, 2017 [14 favorites]
If the dentist you see doesn't take your issues seriously, you don't have to go back there. Usually nothing is done in that first visit - it's just "getting to know you". If you don't like them, don't go back.
posted by bleep at 3:53 PM on September 24, 2017 [14 favorites]
If you could share the country/city you are in, you might get more specific resources.
But for starters, I think you should say when making that first appointment that you're interested in an initial consultation, to map out a treatment plan that's years overdue with the dentist. Then that first meeting is an assessment, where you can discuss your pain concerns and the dentist can have a look.
On preview -- yes, if you could bring someone with you, that might help relieve some of your anxiety. And I agree with the other answers, dentists have seen quite a bit. But since you are self-conscious about the state of your teeth, given the standards where you live, perhaps it's worthwhile seeking out a dentist sensitive to pain management issues who also does volunteer work in places where dental care is scarce.
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:58 PM on September 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
But for starters, I think you should say when making that first appointment that you're interested in an initial consultation, to map out a treatment plan that's years overdue with the dentist. Then that first meeting is an assessment, where you can discuss your pain concerns and the dentist can have a look.
On preview -- yes, if you could bring someone with you, that might help relieve some of your anxiety. And I agree with the other answers, dentists have seen quite a bit. But since you are self-conscious about the state of your teeth, given the standards where you live, perhaps it's worthwhile seeking out a dentist sensitive to pain management issues who also does volunteer work in places where dental care is scarce.
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:58 PM on September 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Where are you? If you happen to be in Sydney or environs I will wholeheartedly recommend my dentist.
Ask the dentist to book double appointments for you, and make sure they have supplies on hand for pediatric dentistry - you can ask for this in the initial meet and greet appointment. I don't respond well to some types of Novocaine, and my dentist will automatically book double appointments for me so we're not rushed. Honestly, the man has the patience of a saint - sometimes trying 2 or 3 different kinds of novocaine and using teeny tiny needles meant for kids. It's not like, fun, but it does result in largely pain free appointments. I agree scheduling a few assessment appointments and finding someone you're comfortable with who's really patient will go a really long way. You can absolutely do this!
I also have consistently better luck with young expensive dentists. YMMV.
Headphones also go along way - it turned out a huge portion of my anxiety was related to the noises made. Wear chapstick.
posted by jrobin276 at 4:06 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Ask the dentist to book double appointments for you, and make sure they have supplies on hand for pediatric dentistry - you can ask for this in the initial meet and greet appointment. I don't respond well to some types of Novocaine, and my dentist will automatically book double appointments for me so we're not rushed. Honestly, the man has the patience of a saint - sometimes trying 2 or 3 different kinds of novocaine and using teeny tiny needles meant for kids. It's not like, fun, but it does result in largely pain free appointments. I agree scheduling a few assessment appointments and finding someone you're comfortable with who's really patient will go a really long way. You can absolutely do this!
I also have consistently better luck with young expensive dentists. YMMV.
Headphones also go along way - it turned out a huge portion of my anxiety was related to the noises made. Wear chapstick.
posted by jrobin276 at 4:06 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
This is probably going to be counter intuitive, but I suggest you go to the most high-end, fancy part of town dentist you can. Look for one specializing in "dental anxiety" "pain free dentistry", "sleep dentistry", and seriously the ritziest one that you can because... They will be ridiculously nice to you. You are paying for them to be ridiculously nice to you. They will also probably be more generous with pain relief.
As for warning them, you can probably just tell them that it has been many years and your mouth is in bad shape and ask for someone who specializes in dental phobia. People with dental phobia will avoid the dentist for decades and they have honestly probably seen severe situations before. You don't need to tell them that you don't have a phobia of dentistry. Just let them assume that you do. It's not like you aren't afraid; you obviously are.
If you really want to meet the dentist first, ask if they do consultations or meet and greets. You might need to pay for their time if they do this. Ask for a dentist who has a conservative approach if that's what you want. Tell them you are very afraid of pain if you are very afraid of pain. You say you don't need sedation but it kind of sounds like you might want to consider it.
Can you just walk out of the middle of an appointment if the pain gets too much?
Assuming that you are not knocked out or strapped down, yes. You'll still need to pay for the appointment, but they aren't going to tackle you. You are a free adult. You are free to choose to leave. You might need to be forceful about it, but they don't have a right to hold you hostage. You are not a kid. You get to decide. You have permission.
I do not suggest you go to a Universty clinic, I assume you mean a dentistry school? You aren't going to feel better if the student looks out of his depth or makes a tactless comment.
I also want to suggest roleplaying some scenarios with e.g. a therapist, friend, or teddy bear so that you have a script ready for if one of the scenarios you fear comes up, like if you feel pressured or ignored.
posted by windykites at 4:07 PM on September 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
As for warning them, you can probably just tell them that it has been many years and your mouth is in bad shape and ask for someone who specializes in dental phobia. People with dental phobia will avoid the dentist for decades and they have honestly probably seen severe situations before. You don't need to tell them that you don't have a phobia of dentistry. Just let them assume that you do. It's not like you aren't afraid; you obviously are.
If you really want to meet the dentist first, ask if they do consultations or meet and greets. You might need to pay for their time if they do this. Ask for a dentist who has a conservative approach if that's what you want. Tell them you are very afraid of pain if you are very afraid of pain. You say you don't need sedation but it kind of sounds like you might want to consider it.
Can you just walk out of the middle of an appointment if the pain gets too much?
Assuming that you are not knocked out or strapped down, yes. You'll still need to pay for the appointment, but they aren't going to tackle you. You are a free adult. You are free to choose to leave. You might need to be forceful about it, but they don't have a right to hold you hostage. You are not a kid. You get to decide. You have permission.
I do not suggest you go to a Universty clinic, I assume you mean a dentistry school? You aren't going to feel better if the student looks out of his depth or makes a tactless comment.
I also want to suggest roleplaying some scenarios with e.g. a therapist, friend, or teddy bear so that you have a script ready for if one of the scenarios you fear comes up, like if you feel pressured or ignored.
posted by windykites at 4:07 PM on September 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
Just in terms of managing your expectations about this process. What you describe will take multiple appointments with hygienist and dentist to sort over weeks an d possibly months.
So it is absolutely worth your time to get recommendations for dental offices and schedule more than one new patient appointment. Once you find somebody you feel comfortable with you can cancel the other appointments.
Also, there is more than one way to treat you. Especially if you live in a country where you have to contribute anything to dental care you should insist on a full evaluation and written treatment plan before they start any of the work. That way you can assess how much you have to contribute, ask about any alternative treatment options and get a 2nd opinion.
Your nice middle class neighbourhood practice would not be the worst place to start if for no other reason than accessibility.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:08 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
So it is absolutely worth your time to get recommendations for dental offices and schedule more than one new patient appointment. Once you find somebody you feel comfortable with you can cancel the other appointments.
Also, there is more than one way to treat you. Especially if you live in a country where you have to contribute anything to dental care you should insist on a full evaluation and written treatment plan before they start any of the work. That way you can assess how much you have to contribute, ask about any alternative treatment options and get a 2nd opinion.
Your nice middle class neighbourhood practice would not be the worst place to start if for no other reason than accessibility.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:08 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Asking this question is a good first step. Well done.
I think the next step is calling a dentist. Or you may be able to find a dentist with a website where you can enter an appointment request. They will then call, email or text you to schedule the appointment.
After that you will need to go to the appointment. It will probably start with an intake discussion with a tech or hygienist, where they'll ask you about your dental history. Be honest about how nervous you are. They are used to it. Feel free to ask plenty of questions about what they'll be doing and why, that may help you be less overwhelmed. If your mouth is in bad shape, you may need numbing or sedation for cleanings.
You can always ask to take a break if things get painful. And yes, you can always leave an appointment if it gets to be too much. And you never have to agree to a procedure if you are not convinced it is in your best interest. Be honest when they ask how you are doing. There's no need to impress them. They want to help you have a healthy mouth.
If you are uncomfortable with the staff or the dentist, don't go back to that dentist. It's worth having a dentist who makes you comfortable. (Well, as comfortable as dentistry can be.) Good luck.
posted by ewok_academy at 4:10 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I think the next step is calling a dentist. Or you may be able to find a dentist with a website where you can enter an appointment request. They will then call, email or text you to schedule the appointment.
After that you will need to go to the appointment. It will probably start with an intake discussion with a tech or hygienist, where they'll ask you about your dental history. Be honest about how nervous you are. They are used to it. Feel free to ask plenty of questions about what they'll be doing and why, that may help you be less overwhelmed. If your mouth is in bad shape, you may need numbing or sedation for cleanings.
You can always ask to take a break if things get painful. And yes, you can always leave an appointment if it gets to be too much. And you never have to agree to a procedure if you are not convinced it is in your best interest. Be honest when they ask how you are doing. There's no need to impress them. They want to help you have a healthy mouth.
If you are uncomfortable with the staff or the dentist, don't go back to that dentist. It's worth having a dentist who makes you comfortable. (Well, as comfortable as dentistry can be.) Good luck.
posted by ewok_academy at 4:10 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
When I was a kid an absolutely terrifying dental visit left me hysterical about dental visits so my family stopped making me go at the age of 13. I pretty much didn't go again until the age of 45. Like you I had stumps of teeth caught under gums, cavities, half teeth the works. Hell one of my front teeth had a huge chip out of it for years.
It took me ages to find the courage to call so I understand your fears. I ended up actually going into the office to make the appointment as I find face to face less scary than on the phone & also took the chance to see how sympathetic the staff were & the "feel" of the office.
It took me several attempts to find a dentist I trust. Step one after making the appointment, I went in only for a checkup and a cleaning. They do xrays a nurse looks at your teeth etc. While there I told them my full background of dental experience, my fears & that I hadn't been for ages and why. If I got an OK vibe I went back for one simple cavity filling.
The dentist I ended up staying with was the one that had actually kept notes in my file about my fears mentioned at the cleaning visit so when I went back for the filling the dentist spent ages talking to me before he did anything, arranged a signal I could give with one hand that would make him stop everything he was doing. I've now spent the past 18 months and ten visits slowly getting my teeth in order, I had a visit on Friday actually to get a shitty filling one of the first dentists I visited in this dental journey fixed. They have been nothing but supportive, but I had to look around & try out 2 terrible dentists first. It's OK to go no & move on & try another dentist until you find one you trust & that listens to you. Just take it slow & don't get any of the "big stuff" fixed until you find one you trust.
Yes you can walk out of a dental visit at any point. You can ask them to stop at any point and let you get your nerves together if you get overly anxious. You can tell them something hurts & have them do something about it. A good dentist wants you to have a good pain free experience.
If you have any questions or just need moral support from someone who has been there MeMail me.
posted by wwax at 4:10 PM on September 24, 2017 [19 favorites]
It took me ages to find the courage to call so I understand your fears. I ended up actually going into the office to make the appointment as I find face to face less scary than on the phone & also took the chance to see how sympathetic the staff were & the "feel" of the office.
It took me several attempts to find a dentist I trust. Step one after making the appointment, I went in only for a checkup and a cleaning. They do xrays a nurse looks at your teeth etc. While there I told them my full background of dental experience, my fears & that I hadn't been for ages and why. If I got an OK vibe I went back for one simple cavity filling.
The dentist I ended up staying with was the one that had actually kept notes in my file about my fears mentioned at the cleaning visit so when I went back for the filling the dentist spent ages talking to me before he did anything, arranged a signal I could give with one hand that would make him stop everything he was doing. I've now spent the past 18 months and ten visits slowly getting my teeth in order, I had a visit on Friday actually to get a shitty filling one of the first dentists I visited in this dental journey fixed. They have been nothing but supportive, but I had to look around & try out 2 terrible dentists first. It's OK to go no & move on & try another dentist until you find one you trust & that listens to you. Just take it slow & don't get any of the "big stuff" fixed until you find one you trust.
Yes you can walk out of a dental visit at any point. You can ask them to stop at any point and let you get your nerves together if you get overly anxious. You can tell them something hurts & have them do something about it. A good dentist wants you to have a good pain free experience.
If you have any questions or just need moral support from someone who has been there MeMail me.
posted by wwax at 4:10 PM on September 24, 2017 [19 favorites]
I have a low pain tolerance. I've also had a lot of dental work done.
There ARE dentists who will keep giving you pain medication until it doesn't hurt. I promise. There ARE dentists who will stop in the middle of a procedure to give you more pain medication because it started wearing off. There ARE dentists who will give you a valium beforehand to help with anxiety.
I would set up a "stop" signal with your hygienist/dentist. I always do this - it helps me feel more in control.
There was one bad day in my life where I called my dentist sobbing because I fell and cracked a front tooth and couldn't handle it and needed to be seen that day. They were nice on the phone and in person.
Good for you for even thinking about this! It's hard and scary. This internet stranger gives you major points for taking care of yourself.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 4:18 PM on September 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
There ARE dentists who will keep giving you pain medication until it doesn't hurt. I promise. There ARE dentists who will stop in the middle of a procedure to give you more pain medication because it started wearing off. There ARE dentists who will give you a valium beforehand to help with anxiety.
I would set up a "stop" signal with your hygienist/dentist. I always do this - it helps me feel more in control.
There was one bad day in my life where I called my dentist sobbing because I fell and cracked a front tooth and couldn't handle it and needed to be seen that day. They were nice on the phone and in person.
Good for you for even thinking about this! It's hard and scary. This internet stranger gives you major points for taking care of yourself.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 4:18 PM on September 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
If you ask beforehand, the dentist will likely be down to prescribe you xmg (I don't have a dose for you, because I'm not a medical professional) of lorazepam. The cool thing about lorazepam is that it's not only an anti-anxiety medication, but also acts like an amnesiac if you don't take it regularly (by regularly, I mean everyday).
My most recent dentist started prescribing this for me before cleanings (among other work) and while I need a bit more logistical support (rides to and fro, the dentist to follow up the next day with care plan stuff, etc), it's totally worth it. I usually go home after the appointments, and just zonk out and watch TV for a while. Having a kind of 'hazy-memory-sort-of' of the procedure is pretty great.
posted by furnace.heart at 4:20 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
My most recent dentist started prescribing this for me before cleanings (among other work) and while I need a bit more logistical support (rides to and fro, the dentist to follow up the next day with care plan stuff, etc), it's totally worth it. I usually go home after the appointments, and just zonk out and watch TV for a while. Having a kind of 'hazy-memory-sort-of' of the procedure is pretty great.
posted by furnace.heart at 4:20 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't have any dentist-specific advice, but anxiety has caused me to avoid medical appointments in the past. When I do manage to go in, my stock answer that I'm prepared to give if I 'm in any way asked about why it 's been so long since I've been in is "The important thing is that I'm here now."
End of sentence.
posted by bookmammal at 4:32 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
End of sentence.
posted by bookmammal at 4:32 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Absolutely not the case that middle class or upscale dentists haven't seen cavities and worse. They wouldn't be in business if all they did was cleanings. Humans get cavities even if they brush, floss and see the dentist regularly. Don't worry about that.
posted by kapers at 4:34 PM on September 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by kapers at 4:34 PM on September 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
I have bad teeth, and dentists say it's not my fault! Also, my body doesn't process anaesthetic like they expect it will. I hated going to the dentist for a number of reasons, but recently that all changed. SILVER DIAMINE FLUORIDE rocked my world.
How it works:
1a. They paint it onto the cavity.
1b. I tense up, then realize they're not drilling away perfectly good tooth to get rid of rotten tooth.
1c. I relax.
2. It sticks where the cavity is, and doesn't stick where there is healthy tooth.
3. It turns the tooth black where the cavity is, and kills the bacteria and strengthens the tooth.
4. It's super cheap. It's been done for decades in some parts of the world (and only recently came to the US). It works.
5. Dance.
posted by aniola at 4:38 PM on September 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
How it works:
1a. They paint it onto the cavity.
1b. I tense up, then realize they're not drilling away perfectly good tooth to get rid of rotten tooth.
1c. I relax.
2. It sticks where the cavity is, and doesn't stick where there is healthy tooth.
3. It turns the tooth black where the cavity is, and kills the bacteria and strengthens the tooth.
4. It's super cheap. It's been done for decades in some parts of the world (and only recently came to the US). It works.
5. Dance.
posted by aniola at 4:38 PM on September 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
Where do you live? Ask friends for references - my dentist does lots of work with anxious patients, and kids, and has absolutely done the kind of restorative work you are talking about.
Some people just have shitty teeth - this is absolutely not some horrible unique thing to you.
posted by geek anachronism at 4:40 PM on September 24, 2017
Some people just have shitty teeth - this is absolutely not some horrible unique thing to you.
posted by geek anachronism at 4:40 PM on September 24, 2017
I also have bad teeth and I super feel you on phone calls. I feel like fear of the unknown is a big part of the problem a lot of the time so I'll let you know how it went for me. The way I handled it was I went to my yearly doctor's appointment (I chose a doctor where I could request appointments online so look into that if you don't have a doctor) and I asked them for a recommendation for gentle dentists who could handle high anxiety. My doctor recommended a laser dentist. I'm not going to lie to you, even with insurance it's not cheap, but after getting a root canal before I was numb in high school, the fear of pain made every cent worth it. When I called them for the first time I had my insurance cards in hand and I said "Hi, are you accepting new patients?" which of course they were. The lady on the other end of the phone took it from there so there wasn't a whole lot for me to say impromptu. They asked me what my insurance was and what my availability was. I made an appointment.
My first appointment, I told them I had bad experiences with dentists in the past and I was pretty nervous, and they really made me feel at ease. It's still not fun to go to the dentist, but the dentist and the hygienists are super understanding and they usually occasionally ask me if I need a break, because I don't like people in my face. Just don't be afraid to ask for help and be really clear if you have pain or sensitivity. They don't want you to be traumatized either. Also, remember the first time you go in is just an intake. They'll do x rays and they'll tell you what your problems are and they'll give you a treatment plan and an estimate of how much it will cost and you can plan from there. If you don't like it, you don't have to go back and you can try again. If you don't want to go back and they want to schedule your next visit, just say you have to look at your schedule and you'll call them back and then don't call them. You can have them send your x rays to the next place. It will be another office visit fee, but what matters is you get the right place for you. You've got this.
posted by Bistyfrass at 4:50 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
My first appointment, I told them I had bad experiences with dentists in the past and I was pretty nervous, and they really made me feel at ease. It's still not fun to go to the dentist, but the dentist and the hygienists are super understanding and they usually occasionally ask me if I need a break, because I don't like people in my face. Just don't be afraid to ask for help and be really clear if you have pain or sensitivity. They don't want you to be traumatized either. Also, remember the first time you go in is just an intake. They'll do x rays and they'll tell you what your problems are and they'll give you a treatment plan and an estimate of how much it will cost and you can plan from there. If you don't like it, you don't have to go back and you can try again. If you don't want to go back and they want to schedule your next visit, just say you have to look at your schedule and you'll call them back and then don't call them. You can have them send your x rays to the next place. It will be another office visit fee, but what matters is you get the right place for you. You've got this.
posted by Bistyfrass at 4:50 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
" this is truly something from the Middle Ages rather than the teeth of an office worker living in a big city in a First World country with socialized medicine and heck, even people from the Middle Ages probably had better teeth because there was no soda back then. I fucked up, I know."
I want to reassure you that my next-door neighbor, a Ph.D. chemist directing a government laboratory and managing 40 people, had the same teeth issues. Dentists have seen it before. Other people have had the same problems. I understand the stigma and shame you feel (my neighbor never smiled because he was so self-conscious), but it's a normal medical problem that many people have, and you didn't fuck up. You're tackling it now! (And, hey, your suburban dentist has seen plenty of cavities, since they're no respecters of wealth or diligent dental hygiene -- a lot of dental needs is plain genetics. My husband is, I swear to God, more cavity than tooth at this point, and he's crazy diligent about oral hygiene and dental appointments. I'm lazy compared to him, but hardly ever have problems. It's not virtue, it's straight-up genetics. I just got lucky in the tooth lottery.)
Absolutely key words to look for are "gentle dentistry," "sedation dentistry," "twilight dentistry," and similar. If you're hooked into a local network of people (facebook, nextdoor, craigslist, whatever), you can put out a message saying, "Hey, I need a dentist who's super-gentle and good with people with dental anxiety, can anyone recommend someone?" You'll be SHOCKED how many people have dental anxiety similar to yours, often for no very good reason. (My college roommate is a doctor and can barely bring herself to go to the dentist and has bolted from the chair more than once when they were not even doing anything because the dentist just freaks her out.)
Like everyone says, tell the dentist and hygienist that you have a lot of fear about this. I think it's fine to talk to the receptionist; I think it's fine to set up a meet-and-greet (I've done it for ob/gyns); I think it's fine to bring someone with you as an advocate/support.
My neighbor, who hadn't been to a dentist since he was about 12, had a series of about 10 appointments over 18 months, gradually working on the issues, very gently and slowly and minimizing the pain. They were gentle enough he was able to keep going back! Eventually he didn't even have to take a whole day off work to manage the anxiety before the appointment! And he even felt confident in having some optional cosmetic work done at the end so he could have a "professional" smile. (Not a Hollywood set of glowingly white chompers, but just enough so that he's got a nice smile appropriate to a 50-year-old scientist.) He feels so much better, eating is easier, there's a lot less pain, he's really glad he went through with the process and finally got it all dealt with.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:07 PM on September 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
I want to reassure you that my next-door neighbor, a Ph.D. chemist directing a government laboratory and managing 40 people, had the same teeth issues. Dentists have seen it before. Other people have had the same problems. I understand the stigma and shame you feel (my neighbor never smiled because he was so self-conscious), but it's a normal medical problem that many people have, and you didn't fuck up. You're tackling it now! (And, hey, your suburban dentist has seen plenty of cavities, since they're no respecters of wealth or diligent dental hygiene -- a lot of dental needs is plain genetics. My husband is, I swear to God, more cavity than tooth at this point, and he's crazy diligent about oral hygiene and dental appointments. I'm lazy compared to him, but hardly ever have problems. It's not virtue, it's straight-up genetics. I just got lucky in the tooth lottery.)
Absolutely key words to look for are "gentle dentistry," "sedation dentistry," "twilight dentistry," and similar. If you're hooked into a local network of people (facebook, nextdoor, craigslist, whatever), you can put out a message saying, "Hey, I need a dentist who's super-gentle and good with people with dental anxiety, can anyone recommend someone?" You'll be SHOCKED how many people have dental anxiety similar to yours, often for no very good reason. (My college roommate is a doctor and can barely bring herself to go to the dentist and has bolted from the chair more than once when they were not even doing anything because the dentist just freaks her out.)
Like everyone says, tell the dentist and hygienist that you have a lot of fear about this. I think it's fine to talk to the receptionist; I think it's fine to set up a meet-and-greet (I've done it for ob/gyns); I think it's fine to bring someone with you as an advocate/support.
My neighbor, who hadn't been to a dentist since he was about 12, had a series of about 10 appointments over 18 months, gradually working on the issues, very gently and slowly and minimizing the pain. They were gentle enough he was able to keep going back! Eventually he didn't even have to take a whole day off work to manage the anxiety before the appointment! And he even felt confident in having some optional cosmetic work done at the end so he could have a "professional" smile. (Not a Hollywood set of glowingly white chompers, but just enough so that he's got a nice smile appropriate to a 50-year-old scientist.) He feels so much better, eating is easier, there's a lot less pain, he's really glad he went through with the process and finally got it all dealt with.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:07 PM on September 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
This blog was written by someone is a very similar situation, you might find it encouraging and informative:
http://www.metafilter.com/102530/Smile-Paul
posted by Dynex at 5:20 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
http://www.metafilter.com/102530/Smile-Paul
posted by Dynex at 5:20 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
You've gotten some great advice here, and I won't repeat it. I just wanted to add a voice to the reassurance that dentists are very familiar with this situation. They won't judge, and they will help you to work through it.
I had a boyfriend long ago in the same situation-- award winning photojournalist, radio personality, entrepreneur-- and hadn't seen a dentist since he was a young teenager. Part of the reason he had been scared to ask me (or any girl!) out had been his chagrin over how bad they had gotten.
His sister helped him find a dentist willing to use drugs (not so easy in NL!) and honestly he stopped asking for them after the first two visits. The dentist was kind and made an affordable plan with him. She told him that she sees dental phobia all the time.
posted by frumiousb at 5:21 PM on September 24, 2017
I had a boyfriend long ago in the same situation-- award winning photojournalist, radio personality, entrepreneur-- and hadn't seen a dentist since he was a young teenager. Part of the reason he had been scared to ask me (or any girl!) out had been his chagrin over how bad they had gotten.
His sister helped him find a dentist willing to use drugs (not so easy in NL!) and honestly he stopped asking for them after the first two visits. The dentist was kind and made an affordable plan with him. She told him that she sees dental phobia all the time.
posted by frumiousb at 5:21 PM on September 24, 2017
You don't mention cost; do you have insurance? Just to be prepared, they will understand that it's expensive and will be happy to set up a plan for getting your mouth healthy and a plan for paying for it. I temped in a dental office once, they will be kind and will have seen worse.
The one thing you can do starting now is to brush at least 2x a day with fluoride toothpaste and lengthen the time you spend brushing to a minute or so. I have terrible, soft, teeth so I brush my teeth, hold off on spitting, wash my face, then spit out and rinse. Fluoride strengthens your teeth by direct contact.
You will feel so much better after visit 1, and when your mouth is starting to get healthier.
posted by theora55 at 5:27 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
The one thing you can do starting now is to brush at least 2x a day with fluoride toothpaste and lengthen the time you spend brushing to a minute or so. I have terrible, soft, teeth so I brush my teeth, hold off on spitting, wash my face, then spit out and rinse. Fluoride strengthens your teeth by direct contact.
You will feel so much better after visit 1, and when your mouth is starting to get healthier.
posted by theora55 at 5:27 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
My teeth were nowhere near as bad as yours, but they were pretty bad after more than 10 years of not going to the dentist, and here's what I discovered:
1. It is possible to make appointments online. This takes the horrible first anxious step away. They will likely call you to confirm, but somehow, that's less bad than calling them, at least for me.
2. Dentists are very profit motivated. When they look into your mouth, even the ones who are totally lacking in compassion for you as a person are going to see a goldmine rather than a hellscape. You will never get the level of judgement you are anticipating, because they want you to keep coming back for more fillings and pullings and partials and whatnot.
3. Dentists are wildly more free with the prescription pad than doctors. Concern over addiction does not appear to have reached the dental profession. Nor concern over sedation.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:34 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
1. It is possible to make appointments online. This takes the horrible first anxious step away. They will likely call you to confirm, but somehow, that's less bad than calling them, at least for me.
2. Dentists are very profit motivated. When they look into your mouth, even the ones who are totally lacking in compassion for you as a person are going to see a goldmine rather than a hellscape. You will never get the level of judgement you are anticipating, because they want you to keep coming back for more fillings and pullings and partials and whatnot.
3. Dentists are wildly more free with the prescription pad than doctors. Concern over addiction does not appear to have reached the dental profession. Nor concern over sedation.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:34 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I have relatively severe anxiety about doctors and dentists. I second finding a higher-end dentist because they will be patient and capable. Tell them you are feeling a lot of anxiety because you haven't been to the dentist in a long time and didn't always take good care of your teeth.
A few pro tips:
1. You will likely need multiple appts to fix cavities, etc. It does get easier.
2. Valium or Xanax can help if you have access to them.
3. Be clear about what provokes your anxiety - tell them you are worried about pain, not being in control of the situation, feeling embarrassed about your teeth, etc. It can be hard to open up but it will help them give you better care. My dentist knows I am terrified of needles so always take that part slowly.
4. It's okay to ask to take a break part way through the appt to use the bathroom or whatever. This helps me feel calmer and more in control.
5. Music on headphones can be helpful.
posted by mai at 5:51 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
A few pro tips:
1. You will likely need multiple appts to fix cavities, etc. It does get easier.
2. Valium or Xanax can help if you have access to them.
3. Be clear about what provokes your anxiety - tell them you are worried about pain, not being in control of the situation, feeling embarrassed about your teeth, etc. It can be hard to open up but it will help them give you better care. My dentist knows I am terrified of needles so always take that part slowly.
4. It's okay to ask to take a break part way through the appt to use the bathroom or whatever. This helps me feel calmer and more in control.
5. Music on headphones can be helpful.
posted by mai at 5:51 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I have been somewhat in your shoes. I want to echo what people have said especially:
- dentists have seen things
- you can shop around
- modern dentistry is way better and kinder, and faster
- if you can tell them you're terrified, they will be nice
- you can completely have a signal to stop
- headphones are /awesome/ - if you can make a playlist or have a favourite audiobook it can help
You are really not alone in this.
A few things I didn't see:
- sunglasses or eye shades can help too
- for me, sedation dentistry (where you're under anaesthetic) fixed my mouth but made it harder for me because of childhood things and waking up sore and groggy...for other people though it is great, but something to consider
- some ppl do better with all the information. For me I had so much shame that I found it easier to say start where we should and here's the budget (with insurance) and please tell me after each appointment what we did - that was maybe? A bit risky but if I'd had to sit there and hear about each cavity I'd've had a harder time
posted by warriorqueen at 5:52 PM on September 24, 2017
- dentists have seen things
- you can shop around
- modern dentistry is way better and kinder, and faster
- if you can tell them you're terrified, they will be nice
- you can completely have a signal to stop
- headphones are /awesome/ - if you can make a playlist or have a favourite audiobook it can help
You are really not alone in this.
A few things I didn't see:
- sunglasses or eye shades can help too
- for me, sedation dentistry (where you're under anaesthetic) fixed my mouth but made it harder for me because of childhood things and waking up sore and groggy...for other people though it is great, but something to consider
- some ppl do better with all the information. For me I had so much shame that I found it easier to say start where we should and here's the budget (with insurance) and please tell me after each appointment what we did - that was maybe? A bit risky but if I'd had to sit there and hear about each cavity I'd've had a harder time
posted by warriorqueen at 5:52 PM on September 24, 2017
I have a lot of anxiety related to making appointments, talking on the phone, and interacting with medical folks in general. I've found that Zocdoc, an app that lets you search for medical folks, read reviews, and then make appointments in the app, has really helped me. Once I have the appointment it's a lot easier to make myself go, or even reschedule it in the app if I'm really feeling panicked. I don't know where you are, but Zocdoc is free to try so might be worth a shot!
posted by itsamermaid at 5:54 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by itsamermaid at 5:54 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
As a side note, I cried at the dentist while describing how embarrassed I was about the state of my teeth, and they were super kind about it and fully prepared to reschedule for another day if I needed time to pull myself together before they did any actual work. They said not only was I not the person to cry at the dentist, I was not the first person to cry at that dentist that week.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:54 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jacquilynne at 5:54 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Sedation. I haven't gotten as far as your kind of problems--yet, it's entirely possible I may at some point in future--but I have sensory issues that have made dental stuff very difficult for me, and look, I might possibly have taken a little more than my prescribed (usually quite low) dose of Ativan for those couple appointments, and just arranged to have a ride home, and it was amazing. You could even literally be the worst they've ever seen but... really, who cares? The sedated future version of you in the chair will not care, that's the miracle of sedation. As far as the pain afterwards, if your teeth are really visibly that bad, I don't think you'll have trouble getting painkillers for at least a couple days after anything they need to do that's likely to involve the gums.
The tl;dr is that since I got a prescription for my anxiety meds, I have more trouble with routine dental care than I do the actual dentist visits, which are a cakewalk. Maybe an expensive sugar-free kind-of-terrible-cake walk, but still.
posted by Sequence at 6:00 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
The tl;dr is that since I got a prescription for my anxiety meds, I have more trouble with routine dental care than I do the actual dentist visits, which are a cakewalk. Maybe an expensive sugar-free kind-of-terrible-cake walk, but still.
posted by Sequence at 6:00 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you everyone for your answers, each of them is a best answer by itself, and thank you people who went to the length to share their own history with neglected teeth or anxious medical appointments, this gives me hope that I too can see this through to the end!
I do realize that most of my apprehension comes from general fear of the unknown fueled by social anxiety, so this thread had been very helpful with making the unknown more known and giving me practical pointers and reassuring scenarios to roleplay in my mind.
My location is around Paris, France, which is why I didn't mention it in my post because unfortunately I don't think there are any mefites located there. (And conversely, we definitely don't have a local site such as Mefi with such a great and caring community.)
And yes, I do have assurance, and I'm in the process of having paperwork related to it sorted, so between it, socialized medicine and savings put aside for this very purpose, and according to my calculations, I should manage. (Not gonna lie, the money question is something I'm anxious about too, but less than all the rest.)
posted by Fear_will_keep_us_warm at 6:13 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I do realize that most of my apprehension comes from general fear of the unknown fueled by social anxiety, so this thread had been very helpful with making the unknown more known and giving me practical pointers and reassuring scenarios to roleplay in my mind.
My location is around Paris, France, which is why I didn't mention it in my post because unfortunately I don't think there are any mefites located there. (And conversely, we definitely don't have a local site such as Mefi with such a great and caring community.)
And yes, I do have assurance, and I'm in the process of having paperwork related to it sorted, so between it, socialized medicine and savings put aside for this very purpose, and according to my calculations, I should manage. (Not gonna lie, the money question is something I'm anxious about too, but less than all the rest.)
posted by Fear_will_keep_us_warm at 6:13 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I was once in a similar, though not quite as bad, situation. My SO made an appointment for me, they did some X-Rays and such, came up with a treatment plan considerate of my budget and insurance coverage, and told me to come back in a couple of weeks to get started. Nearly a year and a couple of specialists (I had wisdom teeth that required surgery and a couple of difficult root canals because of the shitty way my roots grew in thanks to the crowding from the wisdom teeth) and four or five visits to the regular dentist for fillings and permanent crowns and regular cleanings and all was well...at least until he sold the practice and I never bothered to make an appointment with the new guy. Oops.
Time to make another go of it, I guess.
In any event, at no time did I get any sort of judgement or anything from my dentist or any of his associates. Maybe they were all really nice only because I and my insurance paid for a goodly portion of the dentist's fishing boat, but whether from avarice or kindness, the result was the same: Fixed teeth with no judgement and only mild hassle and some expense.
posted by wierdo at 6:23 PM on September 24, 2017
Time to make another go of it, I guess.
In any event, at no time did I get any sort of judgement or anything from my dentist or any of his associates. Maybe they were all really nice only because I and my insurance paid for a goodly portion of the dentist's fishing boat, but whether from avarice or kindness, the result was the same: Fixed teeth with no judgement and only mild hassle and some expense.
posted by wierdo at 6:23 PM on September 24, 2017
On reading your followup - there are definitely at least a few Parisians on Mefi (proof: the IRL tag for Paris, they seem pretty cool, and I'm sure there are more lurkers out there) so, you know, don't count it out. Best of luck to you.
posted by btfreek at 6:38 PM on September 24, 2017
posted by btfreek at 6:38 PM on September 24, 2017
Joining in the chorus of people who have missed out on the dentist for an extended period and still found a dentist who was nonjudgmental and gentle to clean up afterwards. I went to an expensive dentist for just this reason, though I don't know if the dynamic (you are paying $$$$$$$ so they have an incentive to be kind to you) is the same in France.
Even the process of having your gums anesthetized for fillings is considerably less painful than it was.
You can do this. It'll improve your quality of life so much.
posted by praemunire at 7:47 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Even the process of having your gums anesthetized for fillings is considerably less painful than it was.
You can do this. It'll improve your quality of life so much.
posted by praemunire at 7:47 PM on September 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
What's your transportation situation? A good way to narrow down choices when looking for dentists is to pick practices that you can get to easily. If you can do the metro without a line transfer to your dentist that means you don't have to worry about being able to drive home after an appointment. And if it's easy for you to get there, like if it's near your work or somewhere else you will often be, that will make it easier to come in for the multiple visits you will almost definitely have to begin with.
I totally feel you on the authority figure issue. This is very, very common. You might find it easier to make appointments in person (someone mentioned this above) because you'll be able to visually understand in the moment that the people you're dealing with are just people and not arbiters of fate or anything. Or, if you have a friend who you trust and who is a little bit bossy, you could ask them to accompany you to appointments. That way you can take comfort in the presence of your bossy friend who will advocate for you if needed and who won't push you in ways you don't want.
posted by Mizu at 8:42 PM on September 24, 2017
I totally feel you on the authority figure issue. This is very, very common. You might find it easier to make appointments in person (someone mentioned this above) because you'll be able to visually understand in the moment that the people you're dealing with are just people and not arbiters of fate or anything. Or, if you have a friend who you trust and who is a little bit bossy, you could ask them to accompany you to appointments. That way you can take comfort in the presence of your bossy friend who will advocate for you if needed and who won't push you in ways you don't want.
posted by Mizu at 8:42 PM on September 24, 2017
You shouldn't have to persuade a dentist to listen to you, or use code. Ideally, find one who will listen. Share your concerns with them. In the US, where I am, I can tell if a provider will be good to work with through the initial conversation. You could ask for this -- a conversation ahead of the appointment, where you agree together on how things will go.
Dentist stories:
My current dentist is lovely and responsive. I do better with more numbing. The last time, I told her I usually need more than one novacaine shot. She started with one and told me a signal to use if her gentle probe resulted in any pain or sensation. It did, so I gave the signal, she stopped right away. She wound up building to three shots. I trusted her to hear my experience and also I trusted her to use her expertise for my benefit (fewer shots meant I wouldn't be numb as long). I asked her why she didn't start with three and she explained there are three nerves, it usually works to numb just one, but sometimes it doesn't... etc. I never feel like they begrudge the questions.
When I was younger I used to ask my dentist to explain what he was doing and why. It helped a lot. I also asked what was a normal level of pain or discomfort.
These days I listen to headphones and meditate while in the chair. I like knowing I'm investing in my heath and future. The dentist is an expert in dentistry, but I remain the authority of my body -- I'm hiring the dentist to provide a service to care for this important part of my body.
Medical trauma story:
I had a traumatic medical visit a while back. I had to go see a specialist for the same kind of medical work a couple years later. I told the nurse I'd had a bad experience and I was concerned about the appointment, nervous, maybe today isn't a good day for it, I was ready to back out...
The nurse reassured me without making me feel silly. I explained to the nurse and the doctor what happened the last time and why it left such an impression on me, so they'd know how to support me.
The doctor was super kind. Part of the previous experience was feeling control and agency we're taken away. She told me clearly that I was in control. Nothing would happen without my say and consent. I'd control the pace of the work. If we called it off and we didn't finish, not an issue. She also asked if I wanted a nurse to join in a comfort/support/distraction role. I accepted any and all offers of support. We were a team, working together. It was actually a healing experience. I cried, asked questions, felt listened to. And we completed the procedure. I hope your experience could be something like that, supporting your healing in whatever ways you need.
So you could say something like, "I've experienced trauma in the past related to my body. I feel very uncertain about this process generally; I'd like to go very slowly, step by step, as I get used to everything. In the past I've also needed a higher level of pain management or a different pace than usual. Are these things your office/dentist can address? Does your office have experience with things like this? I'd like to make a plan for getting treatment while addressing these concerns -- is that something we could do together before I come in?"
Good answers would include a lack of surprise, a feeling of "Yes this is part of our repertoire," concrete suggestions, maybe recommending specific staff.
At least in the US, a dental visit often includes a hygienist along with the dentist.
posted by ramenopres at 10:20 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Dentist stories:
My current dentist is lovely and responsive. I do better with more numbing. The last time, I told her I usually need more than one novacaine shot. She started with one and told me a signal to use if her gentle probe resulted in any pain or sensation. It did, so I gave the signal, she stopped right away. She wound up building to three shots. I trusted her to hear my experience and also I trusted her to use her expertise for my benefit (fewer shots meant I wouldn't be numb as long). I asked her why she didn't start with three and she explained there are three nerves, it usually works to numb just one, but sometimes it doesn't... etc. I never feel like they begrudge the questions.
When I was younger I used to ask my dentist to explain what he was doing and why. It helped a lot. I also asked what was a normal level of pain or discomfort.
These days I listen to headphones and meditate while in the chair. I like knowing I'm investing in my heath and future. The dentist is an expert in dentistry, but I remain the authority of my body -- I'm hiring the dentist to provide a service to care for this important part of my body.
Medical trauma story:
I had a traumatic medical visit a while back. I had to go see a specialist for the same kind of medical work a couple years later. I told the nurse I'd had a bad experience and I was concerned about the appointment, nervous, maybe today isn't a good day for it, I was ready to back out...
The nurse reassured me without making me feel silly. I explained to the nurse and the doctor what happened the last time and why it left such an impression on me, so they'd know how to support me.
The doctor was super kind. Part of the previous experience was feeling control and agency we're taken away. She told me clearly that I was in control. Nothing would happen without my say and consent. I'd control the pace of the work. If we called it off and we didn't finish, not an issue. She also asked if I wanted a nurse to join in a comfort/support/distraction role. I accepted any and all offers of support. We were a team, working together. It was actually a healing experience. I cried, asked questions, felt listened to. And we completed the procedure. I hope your experience could be something like that, supporting your healing in whatever ways you need.
So you could say something like, "I've experienced trauma in the past related to my body. I feel very uncertain about this process generally; I'd like to go very slowly, step by step, as I get used to everything. In the past I've also needed a higher level of pain management or a different pace than usual. Are these things your office/dentist can address? Does your office have experience with things like this? I'd like to make a plan for getting treatment while addressing these concerns -- is that something we could do together before I come in?"
Good answers would include a lack of surprise, a feeling of "Yes this is part of our repertoire," concrete suggestions, maybe recommending specific staff.
At least in the US, a dental visit often includes a hygienist along with the dentist.
posted by ramenopres at 10:20 PM on September 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm in the U.S., but I just wanted to note that here, the local university has both a practice providing free care performed by students, which you wouldn't want, but also a practice where the work is done entirely by faculty in the dental school, that sees more complicated cases or people who don't want to be someone's first tooth extraction.
posted by deludingmyself at 10:52 PM on September 24, 2017
posted by deludingmyself at 10:52 PM on September 24, 2017
You can make appointments with some dentists through online submission form or email. This might help you get past that first step.
posted by OrderOctopoda at 7:03 AM on September 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by OrderOctopoda at 7:03 AM on September 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Another anecdote about how some dentists are very caring about their patients: once a hygienist was messing around with a temporary crown, it hurt, so I started yelling - and my dentist came RUNNING in from ANOTHER ROOM to ask me if I was ok and if I needed pain medication. He knew that I had low pain tolerance. That hygienist was not allowed to touch me again.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 9:53 AM on September 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Ms Vegetable at 9:53 AM on September 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
In case it helps, my dentist had a couple German patients who said silver diamine fluoride was a standard treatment in Germany.
posted by aniola at 1:15 PM on September 25, 2017
posted by aniola at 1:15 PM on September 25, 2017
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posted by kevinbelt at 3:45 PM on September 24, 2017 [10 favorites]