Can I get feedback on my okcupid profile?
August 24, 2017 8:02 PM   Subscribe

Following up from this question about finding my fellow weirdos on dating sites, I would love some feedback on my OkCupid profile.

I've never done the online dating site thing so I'm feeling pretty unsure of the content on my profile, and I would appreciate any feedback.

I hope this link works...

NB: I know I need more/better photographs that show me as a Real Human with Human Friends rather than a selfie addict.

Also, for any one who recognizes me from real life and/or another username here, surprise! It's a brand new day account and also I'm almost done with a divorce.
posted by We'll all float on okay to Human Relations (13 answers total)
I'm no online dating expert, but I just wanted to say that your profile is delightful. It is well written, funny, and feels wonderfully authentic. :)
I think your photos are just fine and show your personality. (Personally, I think the selfie-addict thing becomes a *thing* when they're all strangely-angled cringey bathroom photos)
posted by eggs at 8:28 PM on August 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

Looks good to me - I'd be interested if you weren't most way across the country from me. 94% match, nothing off-putting in the text, attractive photos. I say don't change it.
posted by ctmf at 8:33 PM on August 24, 2017

I really like your profile! You sound natural, interesting, and humorous, and you don't sound like you're taking yourself or the dating process too seriously. Granted, I'm not in your dating demographic, but you sound like you'd be a lot of fun to hang out with!
I love the smiling headshot and you might consider making that one your lead photo--but that's the only change I'd suggest.
Good luck!
posted by bookmammal at 8:41 PM on August 24, 2017

Your written profile is pretty great, seriously. You come across as genuine, interesting, and funny, and I love that you have thoughtfully built in several potential conversation starters. If I were to change anything at all, I'd probably mention your divorce somewhere. Here's why: after I read your profile (but before I read the small print in your post), I was thinking that this person must have something seriously wrong with her, something that eclipses all of her good qualities, to have remained partnerless until 37 (the three cats only help propagate the stereotype).

Consider having some better photos taken (and... I'm not your target audience, and these things are subjective, but since you asked: I think your eyewear choices in the posted photos--while a testament to your quirkiness--are seriously unflattering and make you look older and less attractive). I don't think you need photos with friends, but I'd definitely throw in some photos of you actually *doing things*. You like to travel, why not share some photos of you in your favorite places?
posted by halogen at 9:05 PM on August 24, 2017

I think your last photo looks the warmest, just so you know. The first one looks a little aloof.

The only thing that strikes me as "Don't say that" is the thing about tips for unpacking—meh, you're an adult. I'm sure you know how to unpack. Heh. Maybe substitute something more specific about your neighborhood or branching out, e.g., "I just moved into a new apartment, and I'm trying to check out more places nearby to eat, drink, explore, etc."

And yeah, I was about to say, the only thing I'm on the fence about is mentioning the divorce and/or its status, e.g., if you're separated but not fully divorced, some would say you might want to be upfront about that, e.g., "I'm separated and almost done with the divorce process (ask me anything)." Others will differ on this—there's no clear consensus among the many AskMe threads addressing that, and it really depends on how you feel about everything, where things stand, and how you plan to address it if someone asks about it.
posted by limeonaire at 9:11 PM on August 24, 2017

You seem great, and if I ever venture into online dating again, I would want you to write my profile! Considering that, all further points are just nitpicking.
Your opening line about being an "unfortunate optimist" stuck me as a bit of a downer statement. Is there a way you could rephrase it while still maintaining your writing style?
I agree that your fourth picture should be your profile pic. You are smiling (wryly even) and you look warm and engaging.
I'd take out the dog photo, it's kind of meh. Do you have a photo where you're doing an activity (biking, on vacation, posing in a cool location). I think that's all you're missing.
Oh, one last thing, on your "message me if" section, I'd add a specific question that someone could use as an ice breaker. Something like "if you've found the Mecca of midwestern new mex restaurants" or mention the last good book youve read and ask for a suggestion of another in the same genre.
Best of luck to you!
posted by Champagne Supernova at 9:39 PM on August 24, 2017

Super great. I might switch the second and third photos so there's a smiling one in the second slot. Try switching up a smiling and not smiling photo as the primary one.

I might also shorten the first section by moving some of it into "What are you doing with your life?"
posted by ramenopres at 10:05 PM on August 24, 2017

Ahhhh! Love it! This is all really great. I don't imagine you'll get a flood of responses because that's not how OKCupid works for profiles like this (not "I just wanna bone" themed) but the folks who read the whole thing will be really obvious and ideally a decent match!
posted by masquesoporfavor at 10:05 PM on August 24, 2017

Your self summary starts with "I'm an unfortunate optimist -- I can't help but look at the bright side". This is not, at all, the personality conveyed by your primary profile picture. I strongly recommend switching it for the last of your photos.
posted by Cozybee at 1:32 AM on August 25, 2017

Your profile is delightful - you're obviously funny and appreciate levity, but there's a depth to your answers that is certainly intriguing.

I feel like the only photo I would keep of the ones you have is the fourth one of you smiling - it lines up with the description. The others look much more serious/aren't as flattering.
posted by notorious medium at 6:20 AM on August 25, 2017

I absolutely love your profile. I wouldn't change a thing!
I personally love the close up glasses photo most. I think it's your most babely photo and I always felt it was important to have my most babely photo first. I don't really smile in photos so mine were all serious. And I married someone I met from okc so I think I did ok?
posted by shesbenevolent at 10:44 AM on August 25, 2017

Nthing what everybody else said. You seem really nice and funny, and I'm not in your dating demographic but I would love to be your friend.
posted by spicytunaroll at 10:53 AM on August 25, 2017

Thank you so much, all of you. I really appreciate it. I'm making tweaks based on your suggestions.

Two follow up questions:
Obviously I'm not turned off by mention of a divorce but I'm not sure about saying it's not totally done. For me it's completely emotionally done and I've spent some time doing some work on myself since the separation. It really is all over except for the end of the legal wrangling. But I also don't want someone to feel like I've misled them.

Second, the dog photo. I put it in there to show my body type -- didn't want anyone to be surprised. I've lost a good deal of weight since then so I should probably just drop that photo altogether, yes? I'll work on getting a body shot soon.
posted by We'll all float on okay at 8:47 PM on August 25, 2017

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