What if you never laugh?
July 18, 2017 2:48 PM Subscribe
No laughter? Nothing!...what is happening? I don't feel I've truly laughed in years. I've noticed that my reactions are pretty monotone. Recently I am self aware that I also have a hard or awkward time talking to people (and people I've known for years). I used to be the funny one, could think of comebacks instantly but now I feel like I can't come up with anything. People find things funny in their normal life...my work friends laugh at stuff and all I can muster is a fake laugh. What is wrong with me? I don't feel antisocial but I'm wondering if I'm some kind of weirdo?
People have a habit of laughing at things that aren't funny, your humour may have simply changed to something that's not compatible with your current surroundings and media.
Though, I suspect this is some flavour of depression, it's certainly one possible symptom.
posted by FallowKing at 3:05 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]
Though, I suspect this is some flavour of depression, it's certainly one possible symptom.
posted by FallowKing at 3:05 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]
With this sort of vague description, it's possible you're describing dysthymia? It's basically a long-term, relatively low-level depression. Wikipedia says "As dysthymia is a chronic disorder, sufferers may experience symptoms for many years before it is diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, they may believe that depression is a part of their character, so they may not even discuss their symptoms with doctors, family members or friends."
Obviously what you write here is far from enough to diagnose, but if you find the description/symptoms resonate, it may be worth talking to a doctor.
posted by brainmouse at 3:05 PM on July 18, 2017 [16 favorites]
Obviously what you write here is far from enough to diagnose, but if you find the description/symptoms resonate, it may be worth talking to a doctor.
posted by brainmouse at 3:05 PM on July 18, 2017 [16 favorites]
Recently I am self aware that I also have a hard or awkward time talking to people (and people I've known for years). I used to be the funny one
I didn't used to be the funny one, but I could crack people up. What changed is that I got older and my life didn't change that much and what constitutes "funny" when you're 24 is different than at 44. Therapy is working for me, as well as working on finding new friends (not instead of, but in addition to existing ones. OK, maybe instead of in some cases).
posted by rhizome at 3:08 PM on July 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
I didn't used to be the funny one, but I could crack people up. What changed is that I got older and my life didn't change that much and what constitutes "funny" when you're 24 is different than at 44. Therapy is working for me, as well as working on finding new friends (not instead of, but in addition to existing ones. OK, maybe instead of in some cases).
posted by rhizome at 3:08 PM on July 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
Are you on any meds? If so check the side effects and see if mood changes may be one of them.
posted by BoscosMom at 3:09 PM on July 18, 2017
posted by BoscosMom at 3:09 PM on July 18, 2017
Have you been under a lot of stress for a long time?
This sounds like it could be either chronic stress,
or burnout.
posted by Murderbot at 3:25 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
This sounds like it could be either chronic stress,
or burnout.
posted by Murderbot at 3:25 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is an anxiety symptom for me. If 1/3 of my brain is always distracted by worry subroutines, I end up with flat affect.
posted by mercredi at 4:05 PM on July 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by mercredi at 4:05 PM on July 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
No expert, just speaking as someone with a pretty dry sense of humor, which often is either misunderstood, or is understood, and is deemed rude, rather than amusing.
That said, if you have a sense of humor not in keeping with the prevailing sense of humor within a group or organization, it may make laughing or making others laugh more difficult.
If you work in a typically "serious" profession, or a workplace run by and large by humorless people, spontaneous laughter will be even harder to ellicit or erupt into, if laughter and having a reasonable amount of fun are not, um, frowned upon altogether.
Then, too, life weighs on everyone as we age. Doesn't mean anyone has to stop laughing, and some people do a great job of staying positive, but frankly speaking many people just get... weighed down, mortgage, kids, ailing parents, plain old " how did I end up here," etc, and that kind of short circuits anyone's sense of humor. And, for many, perhaps you as well, that does seem to lead to depression in one form or another.
They may be fake laughing too, and wondering how it is you just seem so upbeat all the time.
Finally, the people who really, sincerely find us funny and whom we find funny in turn are pretty rare, again in my experience.
posted by Crystal Fox at 4:16 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
That said, if you have a sense of humor not in keeping with the prevailing sense of humor within a group or organization, it may make laughing or making others laugh more difficult.
If you work in a typically "serious" profession, or a workplace run by and large by humorless people, spontaneous laughter will be even harder to ellicit or erupt into, if laughter and having a reasonable amount of fun are not, um, frowned upon altogether.
Then, too, life weighs on everyone as we age. Doesn't mean anyone has to stop laughing, and some people do a great job of staying positive, but frankly speaking many people just get... weighed down, mortgage, kids, ailing parents, plain old " how did I end up here," etc, and that kind of short circuits anyone's sense of humor. And, for many, perhaps you as well, that does seem to lead to depression in one form or another.
They may be fake laughing too, and wondering how it is you just seem so upbeat all the time.
Finally, the people who really, sincerely find us funny and whom we find funny in turn are pretty rare, again in my experience.
posted by Crystal Fox at 4:16 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
I dunno, is it causing you a problem in your daily life? Do you feel reasonably happy in general? Maybe you just have an unusual sense of humor. I know at my last job I never genuinely laughed at my coworkers' jokes, and it took them months to be able to tell when I was joking because my sense of humor is very dry. Even when I do find something funny, laughter is rarely my reaction. I still have emotions and stuff, but my worldview is pretty different from most people's (much darker) and so in some ways I don't really relate to most folks I meet. I don't see this as a problem, it's just who I am.
Maybe your main problem is that you are seeing this as a problem. Being a weirdo ain't so bad.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:28 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
Maybe your main problem is that you are seeing this as a problem. Being a weirdo ain't so bad.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:28 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
I guess what I'm saying is that it's a biiiiiiiig leap from "I have noticed I rately laugh at work" to a diagnosis of flattened affect or disthymia, both of which affect your emotional life much more broadly than just not finding your coworkers' jokes hilarious. An irresponsibly big leap, I'd almost say.
Unless this is causing you real problems (beyond just making you worry if there's something wrong with you, I mean) I would just accept that your sense of humor has shifted and get on with your life. If this is part of a broader issue and is really affecting your happiness and ability to function, I'd talk to a doctor about it.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:40 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
Unless this is causing you real problems (beyond just making you worry if there's something wrong with you, I mean) I would just accept that your sense of humor has shifted and get on with your life. If this is part of a broader issue and is really affecting your happiness and ability to function, I'd talk to a doctor about it.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:40 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
You are not a weirdo.
It could be a symptom of some underlying thing that you can treat through therapy and medication and lifestyle changes. That doesn't make you a weirdo, it makes you a person dealing with subtle challenges that require a great deal of self awareness and resources to overcome.
It could be something that you don't need or want to change, like a perspective shift or a reflection of overall unhappiness with your life or the world at large and your place in it - work on changing the thing that is making you feel flat and awkward, not your lack of easy laughter. It's okay to become a serious person, or to respond to the current awfulness of world events with anxiety - that's what my doctor calls "productive anxiety", and you can try to use that energy to do good and make changes you need.
Right now, to give yourself a sort of reset or a quick boost, I suggest going to a raucous live show of some sort. Whatever thrills you the most, be it death defying circus stunts or a thrash metal band or a breathtaking opera or a fast paced basketball game or a hilarious Shakespeare play. Get tickets and become part of a big responsive crowd, and let yourself feel however you are feeling in the moment. Let the crowd change your mood, but if it doesn't, be okay with that as well. If you come out of the show still feeling flat nothingness, then maybe it is time to talk to a doctor about options. But if you can laugh at a clever actor or feel passion during a drum solo or gasp at feats of physicality, take that emotional experience and cherish it, focus on it, and try to chase more of it to a healthy degree. Maybe you're just bored with the day to day.
posted by Mizu at 5:24 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
It could be a symptom of some underlying thing that you can treat through therapy and medication and lifestyle changes. That doesn't make you a weirdo, it makes you a person dealing with subtle challenges that require a great deal of self awareness and resources to overcome.
It could be something that you don't need or want to change, like a perspective shift or a reflection of overall unhappiness with your life or the world at large and your place in it - work on changing the thing that is making you feel flat and awkward, not your lack of easy laughter. It's okay to become a serious person, or to respond to the current awfulness of world events with anxiety - that's what my doctor calls "productive anxiety", and you can try to use that energy to do good and make changes you need.
Right now, to give yourself a sort of reset or a quick boost, I suggest going to a raucous live show of some sort. Whatever thrills you the most, be it death defying circus stunts or a thrash metal band or a breathtaking opera or a fast paced basketball game or a hilarious Shakespeare play. Get tickets and become part of a big responsive crowd, and let yourself feel however you are feeling in the moment. Let the crowd change your mood, but if it doesn't, be okay with that as well. If you come out of the show still feeling flat nothingness, then maybe it is time to talk to a doctor about options. But if you can laugh at a clever actor or feel passion during a drum solo or gasp at feats of physicality, take that emotional experience and cherish it, focus on it, and try to chase more of it to a healthy degree. Maybe you're just bored with the day to day.
posted by Mizu at 5:24 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
This reminds me of how I felt dealing with chronic illness, extreme stress, and not realizing that my hormonal birth control had made me severely depressed. I would have never thought my birth control was the biggest mood problem as I had been on it for 8 years. So even long term meds can shift in terms of side effects.
Definitely speak to a doctor, examine your medications, see a therapist.
posted by Crystalinne at 6:44 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
Definitely speak to a doctor, examine your medications, see a therapist.
posted by Crystalinne at 6:44 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
Your question only brought up more questions in my mind, since you only mention laughing in social situations. Does anything make you laugh in non-social situations? Anything you read or see on TV?
posted by wondermouse at 7:31 PM on July 18, 2017
posted by wondermouse at 7:31 PM on July 18, 2017
You're not a weirdo. Well maybe you are a weirdo, but this is not part of it. I would go with a combination of growing up/aging and dysthymia. I am no expert, but I would talk to a therapist to see what they think. Not a big deal.
posted by AugustWest at 7:55 PM on July 18, 2017
posted by AugustWest at 7:55 PM on July 18, 2017
You don't feel like laughing because you're not feeling good. Something's up. Investigate what that could be by talking to a few people you've known for at least five years, whose opinions you trust and who you know have your best interests at heart.
(Outside of the things mentioned so far, could be any of: being single for too long, being in a crappy relationship for too long or not working at it, not feeding your heart with friendship or hobbies because you work too much or at a bad job or have a stupid commute or are just tired...)
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:33 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
(Outside of the things mentioned so far, could be any of: being single for too long, being in a crappy relationship for too long or not working at it, not feeding your heart with friendship or hobbies because you work too much or at a bad job or have a stupid commute or are just tired...)
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:33 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by amtho at 2:50 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]