Acclimating New(ish) Dog to Male Owner
July 14, 2017 1:25 PM Subscribe
Our friends, a family of with a young adult male, a young adult female, and their parents, got a new dog 4 months ago. Gracie is a 3 1/2 year old german shepard who was found roaming the streets with another dog 6 months prior to them adopting her, and had been being fostered by a friend of family member. Gracie has acclimated to everyone in the family except the adult male of whom she remains extremely cautious. Is there anything they can do to help her get over her fear of this gentle, calm, dog-loving man?
Gracie was being fostered by a single woman with 5 other dogs for 6 months. She enjoyed spending time with the other dogs and taking walks/runs with our friend's sister. What they knew of her was that she got along well with other dogs, was very sweet and calm, and loved walks. They don't have any knowledge of her life experiences prior to that time. When our friends brought her to her new home, she exhibited curiosity of new people and dogs, would go up and sniff them, but if the dogs showed any exuberance she would retreat. She was cautious of everyone, though slowly became comfortable with the two adult woman and in the house, and to a lesser extent, the young adult male. She would retreat slowly out of the room if any adult male entered. She didn't take her tail out from between her legs for at least 3 weeks. She is now at the point where she exhibits joy when the two adult women of the house are around, tolerates the young adult male, but still gets up and leaves the room if left alone with the adult male. If others are in the room, she will cautiously go up and sniff him, and then move away. He has tried sitting on the floor and letting her come to him if she wishes, walked with her with other family members - she refuses to go with him alone, offered her high interest treats - though she's not very food motivated. They have a couple neighbors who have dogs who visit frequently so Gracie has seen him be gentle with other dogs who are very comfortable being with him. In four months, very little, if no progress has been made toward her comfort level around him.
Have you seen success with a fearful dog become comfortable with a new owner? Techniques, a dog behaviorist?
Gracie was being fostered by a single woman with 5 other dogs for 6 months. She enjoyed spending time with the other dogs and taking walks/runs with our friend's sister. What they knew of her was that she got along well with other dogs, was very sweet and calm, and loved walks. They don't have any knowledge of her life experiences prior to that time. When our friends brought her to her new home, she exhibited curiosity of new people and dogs, would go up and sniff them, but if the dogs showed any exuberance she would retreat. She was cautious of everyone, though slowly became comfortable with the two adult woman and in the house, and to a lesser extent, the young adult male. She would retreat slowly out of the room if any adult male entered. She didn't take her tail out from between her legs for at least 3 weeks. She is now at the point where she exhibits joy when the two adult women of the house are around, tolerates the young adult male, but still gets up and leaves the room if left alone with the adult male. If others are in the room, she will cautiously go up and sniff him, and then move away. He has tried sitting on the floor and letting her come to him if she wishes, walked with her with other family members - she refuses to go with him alone, offered her high interest treats - though she's not very food motivated. They have a couple neighbors who have dogs who visit frequently so Gracie has seen him be gentle with other dogs who are very comfortable being with him. In four months, very little, if no progress has been made toward her comfort level around him.
Have you seen success with a fearful dog become comfortable with a new owner? Techniques, a dog behaviorist?
Treats and meals, but as a dog lover, some dogs are just not trainable. I say this as someone who hired multiple trainers for a rescue.
posted by geoff. at 1:41 PM on July 14, 2017
posted by geoff. at 1:41 PM on July 14, 2017
have him feed her every meal
Yep, just came here to say the same thing. Plus he should be the treat distributor. This worked with both of the dogs who came to us as being cautious/nervous around men.
posted by the return of the thin white sock at 1:42 PM on July 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yep, just came here to say the same thing. Plus he should be the treat distributor. This worked with both of the dogs who came to us as being cautious/nervous around men.
posted by the return of the thin white sock at 1:42 PM on July 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
All of the above, and time. Lots and lots of patient, quiet, on-her-terms time.
posted by jesourie at 2:14 PM on July 14, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by jesourie at 2:14 PM on July 14, 2017 [5 favorites]
Plus he should accept that no matter what, he may never be her favorite person, and she may never fully trust him. Something very traumatic must have happened to her at the hands of an adult male, and for some dogs, that deeply ingrained fear never fully goes away.
posted by jesourie at 2:17 PM on July 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by jesourie at 2:17 PM on July 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: All the dogs I have ever owned are either rescues or strays. I can say with great authority that this is not abnormal.
We have 4 dogs and all are very sweet. I'm going to talk about 2 of them. The first is Sarah and the second is Mia.
Sarah has a fear of EVERYTHING. I mean, if a box is turned the wrong way she's afraid of it. If something that doesn't belong somewhere is sitting where she can see it, she's afraid of it. She has an intense fear of men, loud noises, clock faces, toys with eyes, anything that changes, and a true-to-size Humphrey Bogart stand... and we thought having a male feed her would help. It didn't. Instead, she went on what I called a starvation diet. She simply would not eat what he gave her. She then began having a fear of food, so we had to back up a bit.
There are times that some fears are so deep-rooted that you simply have to adapt to it and try numerous ways to fix the problem. I would love to tell you that she'll get over it, but we have steadily tried alternatives since she was a puppy and she's five now and still has fears.
Adopted dogs that were strays can be difficult in getting over fear. Mia is our border collie/GSD that was found wandering around with her puppy. When she got here we couldn't even touch her. She wasn't mean or ugly or anything, she would just pretend to play and then run away; it was her defense mechanism. Now, she is my cuddle bunny and loves hugs, kisses. belly rubs and apparently has a rule that she must be petted at least for an hour every day. ;) Still, it took her a year just to let us hug her.
Remember that we do not know what they've been through. Their experiences may have been unimaginable. In the end, take your long sweet time, and never force an issue. Start with yummy treats like real lean meat (chicken, slices of beef, even cheese is a good one etc.) and when she is near him, he should treat her. Do not leave the other dogs out either or jealousies will arise. Treat them too.
Then try for him to pet her, then treat her, or vice versa. Just move up gradually. He can even switch to a bite of dog food instead of the really yummy stuff.
If you still have a problem, there are trainers out there. I wouldn't recommend group trainers though. Those are puppy classes. A one-on-one dog behaviorist is best, but try taking baby steps before resorting to the expensive stuff, unless you're wealthy enough to spend the money on it.
There are a few videos I recommend you see. None have anything to do with me, but they are a learning experience. To understand the emotional damage some dogs go through (and no, it's not like those neglected dog commercials you see on TV) but one dog and a woman who adopted him. The second is a dog trainer whose method really does work!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08S0IdusNic If you don't feel like watching the whole video, just watch the first 2 minutes and about 50 seconds.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-CCJxF-9U4&index=4&list=PLXtcKXk-QWoivpkvXgqhAC44tlofiw-CS This demonstrates what I was talking about, but she uses a clicker. Our Sarah is afraid of the clicker too. Either way, while this is much more minor than your situation it still explains how to get over fears. This one is actually in a playlist, but I highly suggest you watch as many of her training videos as possible. She's the one where I learned to treat all dogs. This helps them learn to stay out of the way while working with a single dog.
Well good luck to you. I know it's hard and frustrating, but just remember it takes time, love and patience.
Good googly goo! I think this is the longest answer I've ever written!
posted by magnoliasouth at 2:18 PM on July 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
We have 4 dogs and all are very sweet. I'm going to talk about 2 of them. The first is Sarah and the second is Mia.
Sarah has a fear of EVERYTHING. I mean, if a box is turned the wrong way she's afraid of it. If something that doesn't belong somewhere is sitting where she can see it, she's afraid of it. She has an intense fear of men, loud noises, clock faces, toys with eyes, anything that changes, and a true-to-size Humphrey Bogart stand... and we thought having a male feed her would help. It didn't. Instead, she went on what I called a starvation diet. She simply would not eat what he gave her. She then began having a fear of food, so we had to back up a bit.
There are times that some fears are so deep-rooted that you simply have to adapt to it and try numerous ways to fix the problem. I would love to tell you that she'll get over it, but we have steadily tried alternatives since she was a puppy and she's five now and still has fears.
Adopted dogs that were strays can be difficult in getting over fear. Mia is our border collie/GSD that was found wandering around with her puppy. When she got here we couldn't even touch her. She wasn't mean or ugly or anything, she would just pretend to play and then run away; it was her defense mechanism. Now, she is my cuddle bunny and loves hugs, kisses. belly rubs and apparently has a rule that she must be petted at least for an hour every day. ;) Still, it took her a year just to let us hug her.
Remember that we do not know what they've been through. Their experiences may have been unimaginable. In the end, take your long sweet time, and never force an issue. Start with yummy treats like real lean meat (chicken, slices of beef, even cheese is a good one etc.) and when she is near him, he should treat her. Do not leave the other dogs out either or jealousies will arise. Treat them too.
Then try for him to pet her, then treat her, or vice versa. Just move up gradually. He can even switch to a bite of dog food instead of the really yummy stuff.
If you still have a problem, there are trainers out there. I wouldn't recommend group trainers though. Those are puppy classes. A one-on-one dog behaviorist is best, but try taking baby steps before resorting to the expensive stuff, unless you're wealthy enough to spend the money on it.
There are a few videos I recommend you see. None have anything to do with me, but they are a learning experience. To understand the emotional damage some dogs go through (and no, it's not like those neglected dog commercials you see on TV) but one dog and a woman who adopted him. The second is a dog trainer whose method really does work!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08S0IdusNic If you don't feel like watching the whole video, just watch the first 2 minutes and about 50 seconds.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-CCJxF-9U4&index=4&list=PLXtcKXk-QWoivpkvXgqhAC44tlofiw-CS This demonstrates what I was talking about, but she uses a clicker. Our Sarah is afraid of the clicker too. Either way, while this is much more minor than your situation it still explains how to get over fears. This one is actually in a playlist, but I highly suggest you watch as many of her training videos as possible. She's the one where I learned to treat all dogs. This helps them learn to stay out of the way while working with a single dog.
Well good luck to you. I know it's hard and frustrating, but just remember it takes time, love and patience.
Good googly goo! I think this is the longest answer I've ever written!
posted by magnoliasouth at 2:18 PM on July 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
German sheppards can be pretty intractable. Not that they are dumb but they are often extremely rules based, and if they have made those rules themselves it can result in behavior that is deeply mysterious to humans. I think it will just take time, and she might not ever act the same around men as she is around women, but that's okay. Dogs that act differently around different folks aren't necessarily uncomfortable. I would focus on rewarding her whenever she appears calm when a man is in the room. Don't push her for one on one time or interaction with guys, just associate good things with calm body language.
posted by Mizu at 2:58 PM on July 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Mizu at 2:58 PM on July 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I'm an adult male and I've been around several rescues who are scared of me. I do my best to ignore them, keep my body language quiet and non-threatening, and not force the dogs to interact with me any more than they have to. One tiny rescue I know pees every time a man reaches for her but by ignoring her she eventually came over and wanted me to pet her (apparently the first man to do so since she was rescued 3 years prior). To be clear - I also mean avoiding watching the dog as that kind of eye contact can be interpreted as predatory and can freak the dog out.
You might need to do things slowly. Let her get used to her new family environment - this can easily take 6 months or more. See if she'll take food from him. See if she'll eat food from him. Don't force it, just try it and leave it alone if she doesn't seem responsive. Have him be a source of good things like walks and fetch (if she will go with him) or feeding time. A lot of shepherds respond well to a new "working relationship" so doing things with her can help deepen her bond with her humans and, once she's comfortable enough, with him as well.
Let her make approaches as she sees fit. Don't force interaction on her. She might come around, she might not, there's no way to make something like that happen. He'll have to learn not to take it personally and to accept whatever she is willing to give him :)
posted by buteo at 5:30 PM on July 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
You might need to do things slowly. Let her get used to her new family environment - this can easily take 6 months or more. See if she'll take food from him. See if she'll eat food from him. Don't force it, just try it and leave it alone if she doesn't seem responsive. Have him be a source of good things like walks and fetch (if she will go with him) or feeding time. A lot of shepherds respond well to a new "working relationship" so doing things with her can help deepen her bond with her humans and, once she's comfortable enough, with him as well.
Let her make approaches as she sees fit. Don't force interaction on her. She might come around, she might not, there's no way to make something like that happen. He'll have to learn not to take it personally and to accept whatever she is willing to give him :)
posted by buteo at 5:30 PM on July 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
He'll have to learn not to take it personally and to accept whatever she is willing to give him
Exactly! As others have said, he can't force it. Four months is not a long time. You have no idea what the dog's life was like before she was in foster care, so you have no idea of the duration or severity of any trauma she endured. They should give her much much much more time, and he should make sure he's not reacting out of ego but only out of concern for her. "I want to make sure that she's calm and happy and comfortable" should be the guiding principle, not "I need to prove that she likes me."
I know dogs are not cats, but I adopted a one-year-old cat who likely had been mistreated by her previous owner's fiance, and she remained wary of men (generally hiding from them) for a good five or six years, until she gradually started warming up to a guy I was living with (I had previously lived with a male roommate, so it wasn't just constant exposure). People can seriously hurt animals, we're much bigger than they are, and they're perfectly within their rights to be wary of us.
posted by lazuli at 7:32 AM on July 15, 2017
Exactly! As others have said, he can't force it. Four months is not a long time. You have no idea what the dog's life was like before she was in foster care, so you have no idea of the duration or severity of any trauma she endured. They should give her much much much more time, and he should make sure he's not reacting out of ego but only out of concern for her. "I want to make sure that she's calm and happy and comfortable" should be the guiding principle, not "I need to prove that she likes me."
I know dogs are not cats, but I adopted a one-year-old cat who likely had been mistreated by her previous owner's fiance, and she remained wary of men (generally hiding from them) for a good five or six years, until she gradually started warming up to a guy I was living with (I had previously lived with a male roommate, so it wasn't just constant exposure). People can seriously hurt animals, we're much bigger than they are, and they're perfectly within their rights to be wary of us.
posted by lazuli at 7:32 AM on July 15, 2017
Four months is not a long time.
Just wanted to reiterate that. Just keep up the kindness and be patient. As other folks have pointed out, a year or more is not unusual for a dog to ease out of trauma.
posted by mediareport at 5:24 AM on July 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
Just wanted to reiterate that. Just keep up the kindness and be patient. As other folks have pointed out, a year or more is not unusual for a dog to ease out of trauma.
posted by mediareport at 5:24 AM on July 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:30 PM on July 14, 2017 [14 favorites]