How can I tame my wild hair?

July 4, 2017 9:53 AM

I sometimes need to tie my long, wavy hair back. But my hair yearns to be free, and little by little, it escapes. The escapees dance wildly in a halo around my head and look very, very, very silly. They wander in every direction, defying gravity and curling together into 4"+ long horns. Strangers do a double take. Coworkers look at me strangely and try to hide their grins. Friends constantly make fun of me. Trust me, it is BAD.

The main problem is that for Reasons, I have many many strands of hair, mostly at my hairline, that are too short to reach the ponytail (too many to just trim). Reasons are ongoing (for years) so I can't just be patient until they grow longer. I am working on changing this but for now, solutions that rely on getting rid of these hairs are not helpful.

Added difficulty: hair is extremely fine and scalp is naturally oily, so most products I've tried make my hair look horribly greasy (and nothing so far holds it in place for longer than 10 min anyway!)

I've tried headbands but they 1) slip off my head instantly (seriously how do they work on others I don't get it) and 2) for the brief time they do stay put, it just moves the halo further back on my head, which isn't really a huge improvement.

Not tying hair back is the best solution I've found so far, but I play sports so it's not really optional, and my hair also goes absolutely crazy when it's loose in rainy or windy weather so it ends up looking ridiculous whether I tie it back or not.

I'm running out of ideas and really tired of feeling embarrassed about my hair all the time. Help??

posted by randomnity to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (35 answers total)

How about some light hold hair spray? My hair stylist says that some people just don't grow longer hair around their hairline - I have the same issue (but my hair is pretty straight and relatively short) and light hold hair spray works well and combs out at the end of the day.

Also, if you can stand it, we'd love to see a picture of your hair in all its fearsome glory. 4" curling horns sounds pretty wonderful, if you ask me!
posted by arnicae at 9:56 AM on July 4, 2017 [7 favorites]

Have you tried a stretch comb? Like a headband but made of bendy plastic teeth like a long continuous zigzag? That plus ponytail holder plus spritz of hairspray might do it.
posted by Ausamor at 10:02 AM on July 4, 2017 [6 favorites]

Grab the short bits twist them a few times and bobby pin them to your head. You might need 6 or so pins to get the whole halo. Or wear a hat. At work: hair spray.
posted by fshgrl at 10:02 AM on July 4, 2017 [8 favorites]

This probably wouldn't work in many professional environments, but "boxer braids" are great for sports, provided you do french/dutch braids and start them fairly close to the hairline. They can capture a lot of those small hairs that won't reach all the way to the back of your head. When I was growing out a pixie cut I found I was able to do french/dutch braids well before all my hair stayed in a ponytail. They make grippy headbands with a silicone stripe or dots inside that help keep them from slipping as well. I find they eventually slip back if I'm being active but it takes usually 20-30 mins before I need to readjust.

If it fits your style/workplace/occasion crown braids are a less sporty/more elegant option.

It takes a while to get the hang of them, but with practice braids can be a pretty quick and easy way to tame wild hair.
posted by misskaz at 10:13 AM on July 4, 2017 [5 favorites]

How do you fix your hair and what products do you use? Mine behaves better when I put on a little mousse and then dry it with a round brush, then flip over and spray it with enough hair spray that the trouble areas are coated.

Maybe something like the first hair style in this video would help work?

You might also try conditioning the ends (I have oily hair and conditioning the roots is just redundant, but it does help to do the ends).

When I was a kid my hair was always spilling out of braids - no matter how neat they looked at the beginning of the day, by the end of the day it was a mess. One time one of my aunts fixed my hair - she french braided it and she used hair spray liberally - every few turns of the braid and a big cloud at the end. That day my hair. stayed. in. place.

For sports, maybe tie a bandana around your head so that it basically covers most of the top of your head. Use some clips or hairpins to keep them in place.
posted by bunderful at 10:21 AM on July 4, 2017

I don't know if the look would work for you, but a bandana (worn like this) would do the job.
posted by Redstart at 10:22 AM on July 4, 2017 [2 favorites]

Look for "matte" products. Often called texturizers - the Sexy products have spray clay, for example. I think it's Sexy Short Hair Play Clay. It's a spray and works really well. Ditto matte pomades. They won't make your hair greasy at all - I've used them for years. You can just search amazon or ulta- whatever - for matte hair.

(I agree for the call for pics because your hair sounds amazing.)
posted by crankyrogalsky at 10:25 AM on July 4, 2017 [3 favorites]

(... maybe don't do boxer braids if you're not Black, as you run the risk of appropriation.)

I agree with the suggestions for light hold hair spray combined with grippy hairbands. My hair is like yours and the combination helps keep it looking decent.
posted by Tamanna at 10:28 AM on July 4, 2017 [9 favorites]

Team bandanna. I have thick hair that can not be tamed by mere headbands or bobby pins. When I need to work in the yard, I wear a bandanna.
posted by soren_lorensen at 10:31 AM on July 4, 2017

Also team bandana. To keep it from slipping off, I put a couple Bobbie pins on each temple and/or behind my ears. I also make sure to put the Bobbie pins bumpy side down so it grips my hair better.
posted by hydrobatidae at 10:36 AM on July 4, 2017

If you have a lesser amount of hair escaping, pull it back in a ponytail/bun and clip 3-5 snap clips around about halfway between your hairline and the ponytail to hold the stray hairs in place.
posted by asphericalcow at 10:53 AM on July 4, 2017

Instead of a braid, I did a front twist pretty much every day until my bangs grew out. Seriously only takes a couple seconds and you can easily vary it up by adjusting the thickness or looseness of the twist. I only used products on it if I was doing a very loose style, but it held up through many races and storms when pulled tight.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 10:54 AM on July 4, 2017 [8 favorites]

Have you considered hairstyles that are less than 4" long? I'm wearing a buzz cut, and it looks so tidy and organized!
posted by aniola at 11:18 AM on July 4, 2017 [5 favorites]

Short, fine hair will come out of braids of any kind unless they're laquered in with lots of product. I would try a two-step hairspray. Spray with strong hold hairspray (a fair amount) and pull back and smooth and comb the strays back. Let dry. Comb out the hair to remove the shiny, greasy look and pull back again and give another light spray with hairspray. Smooth all hairs back before the spray dries. This should give you hold and less of a greasy look. If you're doing sports, getting sweaty will reactivate the spray and you can smooth the hair back again or quickly redo the ponytail to grab the short hairs and pull them down again.
posted by quince at 11:53 AM on July 4, 2017

I have the fuzzy hairline halo too, complete with a three-inch corkscrew that sticks straight out like a quail plume. I think it's just hair that never grows longer than that; the quail corkscrew's been around for years and years.

Cutting my hair short (above shoulder-length) is the only thing that seems to reliably hide them. When my hair's long, it all gets weighed down except for the short frizzy bits; when it's shorter and layered, it all gets more volume and does kind of a messy beachy thing and most of the frizz just gets absorbed in it. For workouts, I use really wide fabric headbands to hold everything back and catch whatever doesn't go in a ponytail.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:36 PM on July 4, 2017 [1 favorite]

Have you tried this type of thick cotton headbands coupled with a ponytail? I'm growing my hair out and about 10% of it isn't long enough to go back in the elastic. These are a great solution for me - If you put the ponytail low on the back of your head it sort of holds the headband in place. (Note: I am not familiar with that specific brand, but you get the idea. You can pick up something similar at Target or whatever.)
posted by something something at 1:39 PM on July 4, 2017

I get that fine hair frizzy halo also. I find that the only thing that will hold them back, at least somewhat, when my hair is pulled back or otherwise, are this style of barrette clip. Any other barrette just slips off my hair, and then pulls at the root and they will even fall right out. This kind actually has enough friction to hold against all strands of hairs, not just big clumps of hair together. Good luck!
posted by itsflyable at 2:01 PM on July 4, 2017

~ oh, and sometimes, I even criss-cross those barrette clips to hold to each other in an X-formation, just to keep it in the same spot on my head. (even they will slip sometimes)
posted by itsflyable at 2:02 PM on July 4, 2017

(... maybe don't do boxer braids if you're not Black, as you run the risk of appropriation.)

I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. French braids are not appropriating black culture. It's a very very common and ancient way to wear your hair in numerous cultures. Anyone with long hair has worn this kind of braid, especially women engaged in athletic pursuits. Otoh I've always found it pretty useless in terms of containing my loose curls unless it's braided so tight it starts snapping my hair off. Better for straight or very curly hair I think. Hair spray your hair before braiding it for maximum hold.

Bobby pins only work if you're using them properly, most people don't. It's worth watching a YouTube tutorial if they keep coming out of your hair.
posted by fshgrl at 2:22 PM on July 4, 2017 [16 favorites]

wow! you have my hair. Condolences all around. At this point where I am old, I've cut it short for lower maintenance and I look like a poodle. I would not recommend this approach at all, but I have given up because I won't use the time it needs.

Mostly, I think fsgrl has it. Bobby pins are the best option when you know how to use them. But there are also products that can help - my stylist who is otherwise a genius doesn't get this at all and always either makes my hair look greasy or like a hairspray helmet — I'm just saying this so you get that I get it and not everyone gets it. What you need is a tiny amount of some leave-in anti-frizz product (pea-size or even less) that you put in your hairline only. This can bring those fine wild hairs together in some semblance of order. You can even form patterns with it and then freeze them with hairspray. More sensibly, you can guide them to do what you want them to do with the bobby pins.
posted by mumimor at 3:41 PM on July 4, 2017

Right now, I am tying my hair into pig tails, then combining the pig tails into a pony tail. Not classy, but it's for exercise. You can combine this with barrettes/clips/bobby pins, but with the hair sectioned it is easier for the clips to do their work.
posted by crazycanuck at 3:53 PM on July 4, 2017

Ugh I feel your pain. My hair was a constant source of amusement to others and embarrassment to me until I started doing keratin treatment. I do Brazilian Blowout but there are several different kinds. Seriously changed my life - no more hours spent on my hair in the morning, no more worrying that I look unprofessional and messy - I love it.
posted by Shebear at 5:11 PM on July 4, 2017 [1 favorite]

Bandanas or Buffs for the wind. I keep them in my purse at all times, and usually use the Buff as a headband or a foulard to keep my hair out of my eyes in windy prairie weather. I've bought the dollar knockoffs at Wall-Mart near the jewelry counter, too.
posted by TrishaU at 5:38 PM on July 4, 2017

Have you considered bangs? A thick fall of longish bangs with longer bits on each side would be able to incorporate the shorter odd bits. It's easier to style just bangs rather than your whole head of hair, and it's fast to just blow out your bangs while the rest of your hair air dries after it's gotten wet. As you learn how that shorter length of hair will fall and curl, you can pin it to the side or sides, twist or braid it to capture the frizzies, and tuck ends under headbands or bandanas. All things much easier to achieve with a slightly larger amount of hair that falls forward instead of just the wild bits.
posted by Mizu at 6:18 PM on July 4, 2017

Response by poster: For your viewing pleasure

It's more dramatic when it's humid out, but tragically the weather is amazing here today so it's a pretty average hair day.
posted by randomnity at 6:21 PM on July 4, 2017 [11 favorites]

I also have fine hair, a few short bits that invariably fall into my eye, and an oily scalp. A few years ago, I was introduced to Kerastase products by my stylist, damn her, and I've been hooked ever since.

Kerastase Lacque Dentelle flexible hold hair spray (buildable hold)
Kerastase Lift Vertige gel

They're expensive, about $35 or so per bottle. But a bottle will last months, and both of these products provide amazing hold while being truly almost weightless. I've tried other products and while they're okay, even good (like Kenra or Redken products), they are not even close to being as awesome as Kerastase. The other downside of these amazing(ly expensive) products is that they're only available online or at participating salons (which you can find on their website).

So, if you can handle the sticker shock, I would give it a try. And if you find a salon near you, go there and give the products a try/ask for a sample, they should have testers.
posted by Autumnheart at 7:21 PM on July 4, 2017

My hair has been like that in various stages of growing out bangs, etc.

I gather all the fly-away shorties on the left side of my head, roll together into a twist, and pin back on the side of my skull, above the ear. Another pin further back if the ends are sticking out.

Then repeat the same process for the right side of my head.

Jane Tran bobby pins are amazing for holding onto fine hair - I get the flat ones. They keep my extra fine hair in place and come in all kinds of cute colors.

I usually re-do my ponytail and pins at least once during a workday - more if I've been out in the wind.
posted by Squeak Attack at 7:24 PM on July 4, 2017 [5 favorites]

That is exactly what my hair does and I agree, it sucks. The only ways I've sorted out how to deal with this are with light hair spray that holds and isn't sticky, or a really light hair gel that doesn't make my hair feel all stiff (this took several tries with various brands...you'd have to trial and error to see what works for you). I've tried bobby pins or other clips and that doesn't seem to work because I find myself pinning so often and then it just looks hella weird with shit all over my head, but maybe it would look better with your hair. Your hair looks a bit finer than mine, so you might try one of those comb headband thingys someone discussed above.

The braids in my experience only work if you do a really tight french braid or a tight double french braid, and then you also use some kind of hair spray. And, I agree with fshgrl - don't feel bad about braiding if you go that route. People have been braiding their hair for thousands of years and it's been documented in numerous different cultures on several continents. It's not cultural appropriation.

Good luck. If you find something amazing that works, please share it here later!! :-)
posted by FireFountain at 7:25 PM on July 4, 2017

For sports, consider something like THIS combined with a ponytail. (I actually fuckin' love those things, they are great even for downy baby hair.)

This detangler has been really good for me in keeping my flyaway curls calmer and closer to my scalp. (Less dry so they're less frizz-tastic and less eager to stand up and fly away.) A light gel is also good. I mean bobby pins are fine but gel keeps it all down without pins all around my head!

Wearing a ponytail less often DEFINITELY HELPS, and if you can't do that, wear a gentler pony holder -- like switch to fabric scrunchies from hairbands that rip out a lot of hair. The less hair you rip out with your ponyband, the less you have to be flyaway.

(My front-hair halo is due to having babies, first all your pregnancy hair falls out and then the baby keeps grabbing it and yanking it out, you end up with hella halo!)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:54 PM on July 4, 2017

I am your hair twin pretty much, weird horns and all. My frizzies are not damage, they are a permanent feature. I am so sorry, ponytails always look so dumb on me and I tried for years to make them work. Clips, bobby pins and hairspray never really contain enough of the problem and things sproing out anyways and uggggggh. Two things do, although both are better for sports purposes than work purposes.

1) really tight double French braid pigtails, done when my hair is still wet

2) WIDE (at least 2") stretchy sport fabric headbands, preferably with a silicone backing (they sell these at many grocery stores)

in general in the last few years I have just gone with option 3

3) some combination of hat/visor/headband + pony + DGAF and overall strategy of embracing and enhancing the curl/wave so the messy looks and feels like it is more on purpose. Your mileage may vary.

God bless and good luck.
posted by charmedimsure at 11:15 PM on July 4, 2017 [1 favorite]

I do not have curly hair, but I have very fine hair. I have the little hairline pieces as well, especially one in a cowlick above my eye - fun times. Bobby pins (used rightly or wrongly) and physical items such as headbands are of limited help. Anyway, I've learned that keeping my hair around shoulder length and trimmed regularly cuts down on these hairs doing their own thing. I know my hair is getting too long when they start to get wild. Idk why, because the stylists never trim the fine hairs. Just advising that certain haircuts, judiciously considered, might help. For product assistance I spray Elnett hairspray (forget the cheaper sprays on fine hair) lightly on my hairline.
posted by Crystal Fox at 4:45 AM on July 5, 2017

The way to keep headbands from popping off is to clip them in with bobby pins or metal clips.

You can try a variety of protective styles like twists and braids and hair clips in different iterations.

You can also make life easier on yourself and just get a wig. Not good for sports but good for everything else.
posted by windykites at 6:29 AM on July 5, 2017

Saw your picture and THAT is my hair!! Clips, bands, braids, spray - nothing has helped tame these bad boys. Only thing that helps is getting the right shampoo and conditioner. I use really light things, which helps my hair stay smooth, and never any product, and I actually never brush it either (only brush before washing). Shampoo I use is a cheap tea tree one, and a cheap coconut conditioner to finish - ends only. I only wash it once a week, which took some (gross) building up to, but was super worth it.
posted by london explorer girl at 6:40 AM on July 5, 2017

I have the exact same thing (sometimes they even curl upwards in spirals defying gravity!) when it comes to athletics I've decided to accept that I look ridiculous (and wear some sort of head band so at least they're out of my eyes.
posted by raccoon409 at 8:21 AM on July 5, 2017

My partner gets this pomade from his barber, and I've started using it to tame the very frizzy hairs around my ears when I pull my hair back. It's awesome. Incredible hold, but not crusty/hard like gel or hairspray. It's also water soluble, so wetting it a bit allows you to control how much hold it gives. It gives a sheen, but is not greasy looking.
posted by amusebuche at 10:34 PM on July 6, 2017