I Will Write You Letters
June 29, 2017 9:25 AM Subscribe
What things should I consider when writing letters to a person in rehab?
My younger sister is in a long-term rehab for substance abuse. We are very close. I want to write her letters but want to be considerate that she is away from home and may be homesick and dealing with a myriad of emotions. We are both in our forties. Only siblings. She has a child. She's had a very rough time battling alcohol addiction for the last five years or so. What kinds of things should I consider while writing letters? She has asked me to write, "even if it's something funny". I want to write her often but I tend to give advice and encouragement often and I don't want to overdo it. Thank you.
My younger sister is in a long-term rehab for substance abuse. We are very close. I want to write her letters but want to be considerate that she is away from home and may be homesick and dealing with a myriad of emotions. We are both in our forties. Only siblings. She has a child. She's had a very rough time battling alcohol addiction for the last five years or so. What kinds of things should I consider while writing letters? She has asked me to write, "even if it's something funny". I want to write her often but I tend to give advice and encouragement often and I don't want to overdo it. Thank you.
The most important part is to write things that you send. Write her as often as you can. Get a bunch of postcards or nice stationery and stamps and just jot things down and put it in the mail. Rehab is deadly dull and lonely in addition to all the feels stuff that it brings up. Tell her about your day, your family, the changing seasons, the goofy things people did at your job, the raccoon which is eating your vegetables, nearly anything. Go easy on the advice, tell her you care, are proud and that she's doing hard work.
posted by jessamyn at 10:01 AM on June 29, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 10:01 AM on June 29, 2017 [12 favorites]
Will she have paper, envelopes and stamps to write back?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:30 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:30 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you for replies. Yes, she has supplies to write.
posted by loveandhappiness at 11:53 AM on June 29, 2017
posted by loveandhappiness at 11:53 AM on June 29, 2017
I would stay away from advice. She's there to develop that as her own skill set. I'm a youngest child, and while I love my siblings' advice, there is something disempowering about it, as if I'm forever stuck in a certain roll. It might not be ideal as you don't know what patterns exist around that.
One idea might be to tell a continuing story. You start and write a few paragraphs, then she gets to write some, and so on. It might be something that allows her a bit of creativity and fun.
posted by Vaike at 3:24 PM on June 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
One idea might be to tell a continuing story. You start and write a few paragraphs, then she gets to write some, and so on. It might be something that allows her a bit of creativity and fun.
posted by Vaike at 3:24 PM on June 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
Seconding jessamyn that sending them is the most important part.
And I would just write about your days, even if it seems boring. When I was in long term rehab and felt totally disconnected from everyday life it was great to hear about people doing normal mundane stuff.
And, yeah, try to go easy on the advice, but I wouldn't worry about it too much.
posted by generalist at 9:15 PM on June 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
And I would just write about your days, even if it seems boring. When I was in long term rehab and felt totally disconnected from everyday life it was great to hear about people doing normal mundane stuff.
And, yeah, try to go easy on the advice, but I wouldn't worry about it too much.
posted by generalist at 9:15 PM on June 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
She is sitting in an environment where her entire 24 hours is literally filled with advice and encouragements. As nicely as possible, she not only doesn't need yours, she needs something else from you.
I want to write her letters but want to be considerate that she is away from home and may be homesick and dealing with a myriad of emotions.
Don't worry about the homesickness. Write about home, and your life, and what you did today in the real world. If you have news about her son, write about that. Write about the dumb thing the dog did.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:02 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I want to write her letters but want to be considerate that she is away from home and may be homesick and dealing with a myriad of emotions.
Don't worry about the homesickness. Write about home, and your life, and what you did today in the real world. If you have news about her son, write about that. Write about the dumb thing the dog did.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:02 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not advice. Tell her how much you care about her though. Distract her. Write about whatever comes into her head. But don't advise her unless you've been there, and even if you have been there, do it with caution.
posted by Laura_J at 7:35 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Laura_J at 7:35 AM on June 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
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As a letter-starter you could go with "I was thinking about you this morning and decided to take a minute to sit down and write you a note..." And even, maybe, a "Remember when we...." about an enjoyable time you spent together, particularly a time you appreciated her.
posted by puddledork at 9:29 AM on June 29, 2017 [2 favorites]