What if I don't hit it off with the people in my group?

June 21, 2017 3:14 PM

I'm a middle-aged single woman going hiking in Ireland with a group. We will be hiking about 6 hours a day, and the rest of the day, not sure what we'll be doing. The group size is 16.

I just got the list of attendants, and it looks like a lot of couples, which, I must confess, bums me out a little. I'm now picturing a bunch of fit retirees. Not that I have anything against retirees! But I imagined there might be more group diversity. So I'm considering the possibility that I won't really connect with anyone in the group. Hopefully, that won't be the case, but have you been in a situation like this, and if so, do you have any tips or suggestions? On the plus side, the trip leaders are supposed to be beyond fantastic.

posted by wheeler10 to Travel & Transportation (16 answers total)

How long is the hike?

My gut reaction is that, if you don't hit it off with anyone in a group of 16, the problem might not be the group.

Just be open and willing to start conversations. People are generally interesting and interested. And failing that, a few days of walking in silence sounds pretty appealing too.
posted by 256 at 3:20 PM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've gone on several travelling groups like this as a single female and had really great experiences. The types of people that tend to sign up for things like this tend to be the types of people who are friendly and open to meeting new people. I was surprised by the people who I did connect with- not always the same demographic as me. I found it to be a pretty rich experience and still think fondly about the people from my group years later.
posted by shornco at 3:23 PM on June 21, 2017 [11 favorites]

Lots of couples will be plenty outgoing and companionable. I've done several group trips and even a cruise and always worried that I'd hate everyone on the trip, and I'm here to reassure you that there'll be at least one or two people that you'll enjoy talking to!

... That said, bring a good book or some kind of project that you don't mind doing alone (journaling, taking photographs without feeling rushes, knitting, whatever) just in case you tire of people's company. Have a wonderful time!
posted by TwoStride at 3:35 PM on June 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

The best thing you can do is stay open. I went on a tour like this with my dad and if you'd seen us on a list, we'd have looked like a couple when in fact, I was a 30ish person with a not-especially-fit early retiree in tow. I was surprised that I connected with older couples or halves of couples. There's a good chance you'll have more in common with these other people wanting to hike in a beautiful place than you'll have not-in-common by virtue of age/marital status. The worst that happens is that you have some adventurous people to keep you company while you hike but you don't make a new BFF. It won't ruin your time.

Other story: I did a group adventure hike with friends which was awesome but I really surprisingly connected with our guide. We are still Facebook friends 7 years later. Even if the group is not as awesome for whatever reason, the guide could be!
posted by *s at 3:49 PM on June 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

Remind yourself that absolutely nobody goes on a 16 person hike when they're looking for romantic couple time.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:53 PM on June 21, 2017 [27 favorites]

I do these kinds of trips often, sometimes with friends and sometimes by myself. The ones I have attended by myself have been often the best because I have made life-long friends. The very first solo trip I did post divorce (snowshoeing in France) I met a woman who I have since seen almost every year on a similar trip.

My advice is to be friendly, but not try too hard and to be open to people who might not be someone you would normally like on the surface. Bring a book. Enjoy.
posted by frumiousb at 3:54 PM on June 21, 2017

In that amount of time, I think it will be so much casual small talk and "getting to know you" type chatter that it won't necessarily matter if you "hit it off" with anyone. If you find that none of the conversations are going well and no one seems to get your sense of humor, then maybe you can just focus on the hiking part of it. Bring a camera and take lots of photos -- I always find that's a great strategy for getting away and doing something on your own.
posted by AppleTurnover at 4:02 PM on June 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

Look, it may happen. You just have to make the best of it. I went on a trip to Iceland recently with a group of 5 other people. They were perfectly nice but believe me when I tell you they barely left their hotel rooms. I mean they literally stayed in their hotel rooms watching netflix while I went horseback riding, hiked up glaciers, climbed up the backside of waterfalls, floated in the Blue Grotto, etc. It would've been nice if at least one other person in my group was into that stuff but, eh. It was still one of the best vacations of my life!

Go into it thinking you will probably make friends and have fun. But in the off chance that you don't... you can still make it an awesome trip!
posted by silverstatue at 4:07 PM on June 21, 2017 [4 favorites]

You're going on a hike, not joining a prison work-gang. If you don't like anyone, do something else. Or hike by yourself.
posted by empath at 4:51 PM on June 21, 2017

Response by poster: Thanks, everyone. Apprehensions assuaged. I appreciate the notes from people who've actually been on trips like this. Very helpful. I'm looking forward to it.
posted by wheeler10 at 5:50 PM on June 21, 2017

Not hiking, but I went on one of those bus tours of Europe with my parents when I was 19, and our family group ended up really bonding with: a mid-20s single black woman, a 30-something black couple (whose race I mention only because my Dad is kinda racist and I would have thought thought that would be a problem, but apparently if you are willing to skip the Louvre to drink beer it doesn't matter what race you are) and two retired British women who were known by all and sundry as The Girls and who, now that I think back on it, might not have just been friends. We did not bond with the other parents and their surly teenager or the family with younger kids and we certainly didn't bond with the other Canadians even though one of them was a German immigrant like my dad.

So, you know, the usual affinities don't seem to apply on vacation.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:48 PM on June 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

I did an archaeology week with my parents. Most of the other volunteers were in their 60s and traveling as couples. There was one other pair of women friends in their 40s - they knew each other already but were very friendly. I had a blast. Became permanent friends with one hilarious Australian woman. Never got bored - it's not that long a time. People who go on things like these are generally an OK lot.
posted by Miko at 6:48 PM on June 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

I did a Sierra Club outing where I was much younger than almost everyone (the only person roughly my age came with her mom). It was actually quite delightful—they were all really nice and interesting people and I also didn't feel guilty wandering off and reading my book when I wanted alone time in the way that I do when it's all people my age. Also, I'm not that physically fit so it was really nice not to be the weakest link (many of them were in excellent shape, but some of them were a little slower, had backs that acted up, ectera).
posted by pie_seven at 7:41 PM on June 21, 2017

I have done these trips on several occasions recently and wanted to make a couple observations not previously mentioned -

- It has been my experience that the single women find each other and tend to buddy up in a very inclusive welcoming way so look for other singles and be the one who welcomes others in.

- Yes, the couples tend to spend more time with one another at the beginning of the trip. However, after awhile, they must get tired of one another because they tend to start reaching out to others after a couple days. Be ready to engage with them once that happens.
posted by eleslie at 7:00 AM on June 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

My wife and I have done a couple of outdoor group trips like this: one bike-touring trip in the US and one 7-day hiking trip in Iceland. For the bike trip, it was mostly retirees or people getting close (we were the youngest riders, and we were in our mid 30s). For the hiking trip, the group was much more diverse. But in both cases I did not have any trouble relating to the rest of the group, and I'm fairly introverted. I didn't make any life-long friends, but I could at least chat with people during meals and while on the trails and enjoyed their company. Of course there will also be some people you will prefer to avoid:)

For what it's worth, my wife and I tended to mix in with the rest of the group to a fair extent during the hike. While hiking, the group would spread out a little and form sub-groups. Most of the people who came on the trip together would occasionally detach from their friends/family and mix in with others. I even went on a little side hike with another hiker and the guide when my wife didn't feel like putting in the extra miles at the end of the day.

Also, the guides are really just additional hikers for the most part. They will eat meals with you and chat about their lives during the hike. So you'll get to know them pretty well.

In short, I would urge you not to get bummed out based on the group roster alone.

Have fun!
posted by crLLC at 7:05 AM on June 22, 2017

There is a possibility that you won't find someone whose company you enjoy, so take your iPod, charger, and adapter with you, filled with music and audio books you enjoy.
posted by RoseMadderly at 12:53 PM on October 31, 2017