Love and feeling loved
June 19, 2017 7:23 AM   Subscribe

How do you know if your partner loves you (a bit complicated)?

Long story short, I've realized that I have some messed up ideas about love. I posted a few days ago about asking for changes in relationship. I don't think the issue is necessarily that I'm just choosing people without the traits I want and am trying to mold them to the "perfect" person - I think the issue is that I want them to change for me to show that they love me. I suspect that even if I find someone that theoretically has all the qualities I want, I'll still find something and push this person to make these changes until he can't take it anymore and leaves.

So, I want to know, first of all, how can I stop doing this? And I'd like to know why I do this, but I think that requires a therapist, although if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear it. Any advice (besides the therapy option), or suggested books would be helpful.

Second, in a healthy relationship, how do you know or what signs do you have that your partner loves you? I don't trust the words, since my first boyfriend said "I love you" a lot but at the same time, he also called me a crazy bitch because I didn't want him to spend time with the girl who he ended up falling in love with ... so ... ಠ_ಠ
posted by eternallyinfinite to Human Relations (1 answer total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, this is sufficiently closely related to your question the other day that it'd be more appropriate as a followup comment in that thread rather than a brand new question. -- cortex

You have to deeply and compassionately accept, love, and validate yourself first. Sounds trite I know. But trust me, it is so true.
posted by jtexman1 at 7:33 AM on June 19, 2017 [1 favorite]

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