Adult mother-daughter bonding activities
June 15, 2017 4:17 PM Subscribe
As an adult daughter or mother of an adult daughter, what quiet activities have you really enjoyed bonding with your daughter/mother over?
My mother will be visiting me for 20 days in the city where I live. My family (parents and sibling) have all visited together for shorter periods, and I frequently visit them back home, but I have never hosted my mother alone for this long of a visit, and I would really like to plan some nice things for us to do alone in that time.
So far, I'm thinking of taking her on some hikes, and cooking together. We can go walking in some parks in the city. We'll probably go out to a few restaurants. We may go to some drop-in times for a sport we both play. What are some other bonding activities that you've enjoyed with your parent/adult child?
My mother will be visiting me for 20 days in the city where I live. My family (parents and sibling) have all visited together for shorter periods, and I frequently visit them back home, but I have never hosted my mother alone for this long of a visit, and I would really like to plan some nice things for us to do alone in that time.
So far, I'm thinking of taking her on some hikes, and cooking together. We can go walking in some parks in the city. We'll probably go out to a few restaurants. We may go to some drop-in times for a sport we both play. What are some other bonding activities that you've enjoyed with your parent/adult child?
My mom and I have a few shared hobbies (sewing, knitting, eating), so we do those together. We like to share TV shows with each other -- knitting while watching British TV is one of our favorite things. Otherwise, all the things you mentioned are way up both our alleys.
posted by linettasky at 4:41 PM on June 15, 2017
posted by linettasky at 4:41 PM on June 15, 2017
Walking, going to museums, dining out, helping with the feral cat colony at the nearby university (OK, that might be a bit niche)...
posted by thomas j wise at 5:00 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by thomas j wise at 5:00 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
We play a lot of cards and sew. Both of them involve more swearing than you might think is appropriate for bonding time, but they work for us.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:01 PM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jacquilynne at 5:01 PM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
Shopping was my mother's favorite activity and we always enjoyed doing it together. Also playing cribbage, scrabble, and two-handed card games like gin rummy etc. In season, watching baseball games on TV. The common theme is we would do together things my dad didn't enjoy doing. Damn, now I'm missing my late mother something fierce.
posted by DrGail at 5:06 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by DrGail at 5:06 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
That's a lot of time. While I would normally never suggest "watching TV", watching some great miniseries might be fun. You'll get a chance to watch it and talk about it.
I am not sure the city but are there eating tours? Walking tours?
Antiquing, the library, cafes, garden tours..
posted by ReluctantViking at 5:09 PM on June 15, 2017
I am not sure the city but are there eating tours? Walking tours?
Antiquing, the library, cafes, garden tours..
posted by ReluctantViking at 5:09 PM on June 15, 2017
My Mom and I took a cooking class together and both really enjoyed it.
posted by SarahElizaP at 5:23 PM on June 15, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by SarahElizaP at 5:23 PM on June 15, 2017 [5 favorites]
Recently visited my daughter for 3 weeks and she suggested cards, which she learned from her grandmother and a bunch of the family used to play together. It was super fun. It provided a great structure for talking about unexpectedly intimate things. We also went on walks together, watched favourite TV shows together (Bones for her, Master of None for me), cooked for each other (I made banana bread and chicken soup, she made taco pie), and also--this is important--took breaks from each other. Because you need to pace yourself during a long visit. So sometimes we just web surfed companionably in the same room. Other times I'd go for walks on my own or read a novel on my own. Have a great time!
posted by Bella Donna at 5:32 PM on June 15, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 5:32 PM on June 15, 2017 [6 favorites]
Pedicures, cribbage, art exhibits, thrift store shopping, checking out new restaurants, drinking margaritas.
posted by sulaine at 6:21 PM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sulaine at 6:21 PM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
Jigsaw puzzles are great for low key times sitting around chatting.
posted by ktkt at 6:43 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by ktkt at 6:43 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
My daughter and I love going to movies, and getting movies and pizza for home, and going to a Tea Shoppe for tea with tiny sandwiches and fantastic scones. Also, painting pottery. Sounds dumb but we've had a great time, and give each other the pieces we make. Possibly too niche: walking a large labyrinth in a nearby church garden. And my daughter loves walking on the beach and thinking poetic thoughts, so I go to a nearby coffee place and enjoy longreads online.
And absolutely Bella Donna's advice: take breaks.
My mom's gone, and my daughter's far away and very busy -- can't help but feel kind of envious. Have a wonderful time!
posted by kestralwing at 6:45 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
And absolutely Bella Donna's advice: take breaks.
My mom's gone, and my daughter's far away and very busy -- can't help but feel kind of envious. Have a wonderful time!
posted by kestralwing at 6:45 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
My mom and I always spend a day at an outlet mall when we're together and she convinces me to buy hundreds of dollars worth of clothes that I realize aren't me as soon as I get home.
We've made quilts together, either in person or by mail.
When I visit her I try to take her out to dinner and some kind of performance without the rest of the family.
If there's a tearoom where we are we'll usually indulge.
Complaining about current politics.
posted by bendy at 7:54 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
We've made quilts together, either in person or by mail.
When I visit her I try to take her out to dinner and some kind of performance without the rest of the family.
If there's a tearoom where we are we'll usually indulge.
Complaining about current politics.
posted by bendy at 7:54 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
don't underestimate the utility of TV as a thing that gives you relaxing, brain-resting downtime, but still togetherness (and stuff to discuss.) I like watching cooking and decorating/architecture shows with my mom.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:28 PM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:28 PM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]
As silly as it is, I have fun going shopping w/my mom. Just the dailiness of going to some dumb store or downtown-strolling neighborhood, and looking around and talking about stuff. It's relaxing, easy, and nice.
posted by Miko at 8:31 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Miko at 8:31 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
My parents love nothing so much as a cocktail party or brunch with all my local friends where they're the guest of honor.
Also hard to go wrong with a spa day.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:56 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
Also hard to go wrong with a spa day.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:56 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
My mom and I love doing jigsaw, logic, and crossword puzzles together. We hike, play at the beach, and go to protests together. I also like learning various crafts that she knows -- she's tried to teach me to knit and is currently teaching me to follow a pattern to make a dress. (Dresses are hard.) She doesn't watch much TV, but is willing to let me introduce her to my favorite shows-- we watched all of Buffy the Vampire Slayer over the course of four or five years, when she was spending the night once a week and had some nice discussions about it.
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:41 PM on June 15, 2017
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:41 PM on June 15, 2017
Both my mom and I sew, in fact she was a designer for some years, so the two of us have a fantastic time thrift store shopping; both for finding great deals, but also for having find-the-ugliest-dress competitions. (all time winner - I found a pair of magenta/teal/yellow/blue plaid-skirted bridesmaid dresses each with gold spraypainted birds on them - like actual life-sized birds made out of feathers. I showed them to her and with a look of horror, she said "imagine what the hats looked like") Thrift stores can hold a fascinating slice of life that leads to a lot of interesting conversation. Sure, a lot of that conversation may center around the question "what the hell is this thing?" but that's fun too.
Also, wine and jigsaw puzzles. very relaxing
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:54 AM on June 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, wine and jigsaw puzzles. very relaxing
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:54 AM on June 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
My mom is no longer living, but my mother-in-law and I have had some great times together.
On par with jigsaws for opening space/time for great conversations: adult coloring. Can be done with the TV on, too. Shopping for good coloring books and supplies (online or in person) can be a fun, low stress outing (bookstore with cafe!). Coloring can be down and picked up and put down again without much effort, and there's not much of a learning curve.
We also teach each other recipes, and have spent a lot of time laughing together in the kitchen. I have plans for us to take an art class together next time I visit her for an extended time, but watching a youtube video together and trying a new technique is fun and time-friendly and can be impromptu if you have basic supplies on hand.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 1:23 AM on June 16, 2017
On par with jigsaws for opening space/time for great conversations: adult coloring. Can be done with the TV on, too. Shopping for good coloring books and supplies (online or in person) can be a fun, low stress outing (bookstore with cafe!). Coloring can be down and picked up and put down again without much effort, and there's not much of a learning curve.
We also teach each other recipes, and have spent a lot of time laughing together in the kitchen. I have plans for us to take an art class together next time I visit her for an extended time, but watching a youtube video together and trying a new technique is fun and time-friendly and can be impromptu if you have basic supplies on hand.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 1:23 AM on June 16, 2017
Like so many others, shopping. We also (and by we I mean my mother, who is no longer with us and I and my daughter and I) have had some unexpectedly good times doing household projects, like emptying, organizing and refilling the linen closet or the pantry. The task gets done, so we feel useful and there's often a lot of whoa how did that get in here hilarity. Then we have cocktails.
posted by mygothlaundry at 5:17 AM on June 16, 2017
posted by mygothlaundry at 5:17 AM on June 16, 2017
Afternoon tea! My mom is retired and on a mission to try all of the fancy tea places she can.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 5:38 AM on June 16, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Ms Vegetable at 5:38 AM on June 16, 2017 [2 favorites]
If your family has happy memories or at least ones worth revisiting, I really like pouring some drinks and sifting through some old photos or memorabilia, or just swapping stories with my mom.
posted by knownassociate at 7:16 AM on June 16, 2017
posted by knownassociate at 7:16 AM on June 16, 2017
We do some stuff that she is into but located where I am so it's novel. I know she's into gardening so we will hit the garden store so she can putter around there and be amazed at what can grow here. She still talks about the time I took her to a different style of yoga class than she was used to. She is into art and architecture so we'll go on a guided tour of historic buildings or visit the contemporary arts museum. She helped set up the children's museum in my home town, so we've visited the one here even without kids so she could see new developments. We also threw a brunch for my friends and had cocktails at the house with my work colleagues and both went over very well.
When her health was better, she liked doing a project or two at my house together -- setting up shelves or planting something in my garden. It's also fun to get a glass of wine in her and ask her about her 5 siblings or her parents or family photos. Longer visits allow parents to unspool a little and relax.
posted by *s at 8:51 AM on June 16, 2017
When her health was better, she liked doing a project or two at my house together -- setting up shelves or planting something in my garden. It's also fun to get a glass of wine in her and ask her about her 5 siblings or her parents or family photos. Longer visits allow parents to unspool a little and relax.
posted by *s at 8:51 AM on June 16, 2017
Might be a tad woo, but my mother and I deeply enjoy going to Reiki sessions together.
Seconding the spa day. Maybe combine both ideas for an afternoon dedicated to inner and outer beauty? ;)
posted by Amor Bellator at 10:56 AM on June 16, 2017
Seconding the spa day. Maybe combine both ideas for an afternoon dedicated to inner and outer beauty? ;)
posted by Amor Bellator at 10:56 AM on June 16, 2017
My Mom and I took a cooking class together and both really enjoyed it.
Taking a class together is a great idea. It doesn't have to be cooking, just something at least one of you enjoys (as a way to understand and appreciate the others' interests).
The local community colleges usually one-off courses or lectures; the local botanical garden has the same. A couple of the smaller galleries in our city do art classes; the local aquariums have events. Just depends on where your/her interests lie.
Be sure to bring your friends round for coffee or drinks too. Sometimes it's easier to get reaquainted with someone when you see them in their native habitat, ie, see who they are spending time with and do what they normally do. Being apart from your kids is really hard when you knew everything about them, and then they go away and live a life that you have nothing to do with. Let her see how you're living your life.
posted by vignettist at 12:04 PM on June 16, 2017
Taking a class together is a great idea. It doesn't have to be cooking, just something at least one of you enjoys (as a way to understand and appreciate the others' interests).
The local community colleges usually one-off courses or lectures; the local botanical garden has the same. A couple of the smaller galleries in our city do art classes; the local aquariums have events. Just depends on where your/her interests lie.
Be sure to bring your friends round for coffee or drinks too. Sometimes it's easier to get reaquainted with someone when you see them in their native habitat, ie, see who they are spending time with and do what they normally do. Being apart from your kids is really hard when you knew everything about them, and then they go away and live a life that you have nothing to do with. Let her see how you're living your life.
posted by vignettist at 12:04 PM on June 16, 2017
Response by poster: Thank you for all these lovely answers - it's fun to get a glimpse of the nourishing mother daughter relationships some of you enjoy :)
posted by mossicle at 6:15 PM on June 18, 2017
posted by mossicle at 6:15 PM on June 18, 2017
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