What (if anything) to do about a friend faking illness?
June 13, 2017 11:04 PM Subscribe
A former friend of mine almost certainly has Munchausen Syndrome, and is defrauding entire communities. This has been going on for years and is getting more elaborate. Do I have an obligation to say something?
About five years ago, I met and befriended Kelly at a debate tournament. She was quieter and less outgoing than a lot of the other people there, but still friendly and articulate.
About two years later, she developed some facial tics. One day, the two of us were eating lunch with a group of people we had just recently met, and she mentioned that she had had these tics for a decade, a side effect of MS. Privately, I asked her about her diagnosis, and she said that she had not been "formally diagnosed" but that she definitely had it and it was getting worse. This interaction sent up several red flags for me, since 1.) she did not have any noticeable facial tics when we met or in the intervening two years, but claimed to have had them all along; and 2.) as far as I know, MS is not the kind of thing one can self-diagnose.
Throughout the last three years, her "illnesses" have been evolving and becoming more serious. She has shown up to parties on Saturday night after claiming to have been hospitalized on breathing machines and feeding tubes for a week. Two years ago, she told a large group of people that she had a brain tumor and likely only months to live. She recently began using a wheelchair full-time and claims publicly she is unable to walk at all. These are three of dozens and dozens of examples.
Kelly now champions herself as a leader in the disability community and is launching a run for local office primarily on the platform of disability rights. There are a handful of other people who met Kelly around the same time I did who agree that this is ludicrous, and that there's no way the illnesses that she is claiming are true. Do we just wash our hands of the situation, and let her move forward with her life? If not, how do we expose the truth gently?
About five years ago, I met and befriended Kelly at a debate tournament. She was quieter and less outgoing than a lot of the other people there, but still friendly and articulate.
About two years later, she developed some facial tics. One day, the two of us were eating lunch with a group of people we had just recently met, and she mentioned that she had had these tics for a decade, a side effect of MS. Privately, I asked her about her diagnosis, and she said that she had not been "formally diagnosed" but that she definitely had it and it was getting worse. This interaction sent up several red flags for me, since 1.) she did not have any noticeable facial tics when we met or in the intervening two years, but claimed to have had them all along; and 2.) as far as I know, MS is not the kind of thing one can self-diagnose.
Throughout the last three years, her "illnesses" have been evolving and becoming more serious. She has shown up to parties on Saturday night after claiming to have been hospitalized on breathing machines and feeding tubes for a week. Two years ago, she told a large group of people that she had a brain tumor and likely only months to live. She recently began using a wheelchair full-time and claims publicly she is unable to walk at all. These are three of dozens and dozens of examples.
Kelly now champions herself as a leader in the disability community and is launching a run for local office primarily on the platform of disability rights. There are a handful of other people who met Kelly around the same time I did who agree that this is ludicrous, and that there's no way the illnesses that she is claiming are true. Do we just wash our hands of the situation, and let her move forward with her life? If not, how do we expose the truth gently?
Expose the truth to whom? I think you probably have an obligation not to collude in her lies, and this may mean detaching from the friendship after telling her your concerns (if the alternative is playing along with her supposed diagnosis in front of people who trust you). But I don't think a broader effort to expose the truth to all and sundry will be helpful and it could be really disruptive.
posted by Aravis76 at 11:57 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Aravis76 at 11:57 PM on June 13, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you are not a Dr, are you SURE your friend is faking?
There is such a thing as Relapsing-remitting MS (RRMS).
"RRMS – the most common disease course – is characterized by clearly defined attacks of new or increasing neurologic symptoms. These attacks – also called relapses or exacerbations – are followed by periods of partial or complete recovery (remissions). During remissions, all symptoms may disappear, or some symptoms may continue and become permanent. However, there is no apparent progression of the disease during the periods of remission.
At different points in time, RRMS can be further characterized as either active (with relapses and/or evidence of new MRI activity) or not active, as well as worsening (a confirmed increase in disability over a specified period of time following a relapse) or not worsening. An increase in disability is confirmed when the person exhibits the same level of disability at the next scheduled neurological evaluation, typically 6 to 12 months later.
Approximately 85 percent of people with MS are initially diagnosed with RRMS."
posted by Murderbot at 12:02 AM on June 14, 2017 [12 favorites]
There is such a thing as Relapsing-remitting MS (RRMS).
"RRMS – the most common disease course – is characterized by clearly defined attacks of new or increasing neurologic symptoms. These attacks – also called relapses or exacerbations – are followed by periods of partial or complete recovery (remissions). During remissions, all symptoms may disappear, or some symptoms may continue and become permanent. However, there is no apparent progression of the disease during the periods of remission.
At different points in time, RRMS can be further characterized as either active (with relapses and/or evidence of new MRI activity) or not active, as well as worsening (a confirmed increase in disability over a specified period of time following a relapse) or not worsening. An increase in disability is confirmed when the person exhibits the same level of disability at the next scheduled neurological evaluation, typically 6 to 12 months later.
Approximately 85 percent of people with MS are initially diagnosed with RRMS."
posted by Murderbot at 12:02 AM on June 14, 2017 [12 favorites]
I get that you feel she is defrauding people, but you have nothing to gain by exposing her. Wash your hands of it and move on with your life.
posted by ryanbryan at 12:23 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by ryanbryan at 12:23 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
I'm going to go against the grain here: if you are SUPER confident that, in effect, she isn't who she says she is AND she is unfairly (and unethically) extracting money from people for personal gain, then I do think someone should do/say something. The problem is, of course, say WHAT and to WHOM?
Maybe the person to begin with is Kelly herself: Have you not asked her direct questions about the perceived conflicts between her history, her statements, her behavior, etc.? If so, how does she explain all of the inconsistencies? Is her explanation remotely plausible? Does she have a partner and/or parents and/or siblings that you know and who can attest to the authenticity of her explanation? In short, I would suggest approaching her first to try to better understand the situation as a friend. As others have said, maybe there is a reasonable explanation for the inconsistencies. But if you still smell a rat, then if her campaign gets high profile enough, maybe an anonymous tip to a journalist?
If she is a liar/manipulator, she shouldn't be allowed to take advantage of people's good political and financial will. We have enough con-men (-women) in political office these days as it is!
posted by Halo in reverse at 1:05 AM on June 14, 2017 [20 favorites]
Maybe the person to begin with is Kelly herself: Have you not asked her direct questions about the perceived conflicts between her history, her statements, her behavior, etc.? If so, how does she explain all of the inconsistencies? Is her explanation remotely plausible? Does she have a partner and/or parents and/or siblings that you know and who can attest to the authenticity of her explanation? In short, I would suggest approaching her first to try to better understand the situation as a friend. As others have said, maybe there is a reasonable explanation for the inconsistencies. But if you still smell a rat, then if her campaign gets high profile enough, maybe an anonymous tip to a journalist?
If she is a liar/manipulator, she shouldn't be allowed to take advantage of people's good political and financial will. We have enough con-men (-women) in political office these days as it is!
posted by Halo in reverse at 1:05 AM on June 14, 2017 [20 favorites]
Either way you put it, she is seriously ill: her take, physically ill with MS bad enough to have her in a wheelchair; your take, mentally ill with Munchausen's Syndrome, bad enough to have her faking needing a wheelchair.
If you are right, the harm she is doing is diffused through the community; if she is right, the harm you would do by publicly airing your suspicions would all land fair and square on her head.
There must be people, family or friends, who are closer to her than you are, and who would have a better chance of getting her the psychiatric care she needs if what you suspect is true. I don't think you're close enough to be able to intervene without damage, so i think you would be better to keep your distance from the situation.
posted by Azara at 3:22 AM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
If you are right, the harm she is doing is diffused through the community; if she is right, the harm you would do by publicly airing your suspicions would all land fair and square on her head.
There must be people, family or friends, who are closer to her than you are, and who would have a better chance of getting her the psychiatric care she needs if what you suspect is true. I don't think you're close enough to be able to intervene without damage, so i think you would be better to keep your distance from the situation.
posted by Azara at 3:22 AM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
You should all definitely talk to her about your concerns. If it still seems like she is out of touch with reality, does she have family whom you might contact? This is probably a serious situation either way, but I would try a lot of other things rather than expose her publicly.
posted by BibiRose at 3:57 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by BibiRose at 3:57 AM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
Yes, relapsing-remitting MS is the most common form of MS, so symptoms can come and go, but it still really can't be self-diagnosed, and there are many treatments that would slow its progression (which would, of course, require a diagnosis and a doctor's prescription). MS also doesn't cause brain tumors.
If you're part of the local disability community yourself, maybe bring this up with leaders/friends/community members. If you're not, I would just walk away from it.
posted by lazuli at 6:00 AM on June 14, 2017 [5 favorites]
If you're part of the local disability community yourself, maybe bring this up with leaders/friends/community members. If you're not, I would just walk away from it.
posted by lazuli at 6:00 AM on June 14, 2017 [5 favorites]
Right now it sounds like she's more in a space where she's making up lies to get attention from people around her rather than deliberately hurting herself to get medical attention, but you may not be seeing how much time she's spending in hospitals. Munchausen is extremely dangerous and potentially fatal, because people end up hurting themselves in order to get the attention they feel they're entitled to. Your friend is extremely ill, just not with the things she claims to be. She needs psychiatric help.
Stuff you might be able to do: can you talk to someone who is closer to her, particularly a family member, about what's going on? You're unfortunately not in a position to get in touch with her doctor directly about her. It may be worthwhile to talk to her about what's going on - keep in mind, people with Munchausen love attention - and see if you can convince her to get mental health help, or see if you can get a family member to start pushing for that.
On a purely social level, what you do is going to depend on what you want out of the situation. She's playing this for maximum sympathy, so you saying "you haven't had that for ten years" in front of people who believe her is going to make you look bad. It's going to be more effective for you to quietly have a word with people you want to know what's going on, and then avoid her.
Please do keep in mind that her behavior puts her in danger. She is very sick, but like anyone with a mental health condition, she will not get help until she is ready, or until she is forced to.
posted by bile and syntax at 6:28 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
Stuff you might be able to do: can you talk to someone who is closer to her, particularly a family member, about what's going on? You're unfortunately not in a position to get in touch with her doctor directly about her. It may be worthwhile to talk to her about what's going on - keep in mind, people with Munchausen love attention - and see if you can convince her to get mental health help, or see if you can get a family member to start pushing for that.
On a purely social level, what you do is going to depend on what you want out of the situation. She's playing this for maximum sympathy, so you saying "you haven't had that for ten years" in front of people who believe her is going to make you look bad. It's going to be more effective for you to quietly have a word with people you want to know what's going on, and then avoid her.
Please do keep in mind that her behavior puts her in danger. She is very sick, but like anyone with a mental health condition, she will not get help until she is ready, or until she is forced to.
posted by bile and syntax at 6:28 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
is launching a run for local office primarily on the platform of disability rights.
This is a concern that goes beyond her own private mental health issues. There are enough cases like this where people actually do successfully deceive the public that I think it's wise to be alert. If you live in a small community without an autonomously vigorous professional local press I would consider asking the local paper to investigate all the claims of the people running for local office -- financial, health, or otherwise -- if the campaign is based on those claims. You don't even have to single her out, but point out that we're in an age of deception and the public needs objective evidence and truth before voting.
posted by flourpot at 7:42 AM on June 14, 2017 [11 favorites]
This is a concern that goes beyond her own private mental health issues. There are enough cases like this where people actually do successfully deceive the public that I think it's wise to be alert. If you live in a small community without an autonomously vigorous professional local press I would consider asking the local paper to investigate all the claims of the people running for local office -- financial, health, or otherwise -- if the campaign is based on those claims. You don't even have to single her out, but point out that we're in an age of deception and the public needs objective evidence and truth before voting.
posted by flourpot at 7:42 AM on June 14, 2017 [11 favorites]
Talk to medical and psychiatric professionals for advice. You have not convinced me she doesn't have MS, she might have MS and some mental illness for all you know.
Absolutely confront her if you want drama. If you want to help, research proper ways to assist someone who possibly might be making up some or all medical conditions (PS - pretty sure that's not exaclty Munchausen, so don't guess at a diagnosis when you talk to professionals, just describe her situations and let professionals determine what is going on.) You might start with the NAMI helpline.
We have medical privacy in the US, so if she is faking, it would be hard to prove. If she is faking some or all of her physical conditions, it's certainly a cry for help. Tread lightly. You don't want to hurt this person. She's fragile, even if you are primarily focused on the possibility she is scamming the community.
If you want to help her, help. If this is too much responsibility to help in the ethical and moral way, walk away.
posted by jbenben at 7:47 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
Absolutely confront her if you want drama. If you want to help, research proper ways to assist someone who possibly might be making up some or all medical conditions (PS - pretty sure that's not exaclty Munchausen, so don't guess at a diagnosis when you talk to professionals, just describe her situations and let professionals determine what is going on.) You might start with the NAMI helpline.
We have medical privacy in the US, so if she is faking, it would be hard to prove. If she is faking some or all of her physical conditions, it's certainly a cry for help. Tread lightly. You don't want to hurt this person. She's fragile, even if you are primarily focused on the possibility she is scamming the community.
If you want to help her, help. If this is too much responsibility to help in the ethical and moral way, walk away.
posted by jbenben at 7:47 AM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
I find it strange that people would advise you against letting your friend know that her stories aren't credulous as she prepares to seek public office--a situation in which, yes, others will certainly make an open issue of it. Frankness is a virtue, even if it's said in a private aside. You don't have to confront your friend publicly--to do so would risk trapping this person in a lie--but you can privately say something along the lines of, please know that I love you and that's why I don't want to make an issue of this, but the public (and journalists!) will not have qualms about asking you directly about your honesty.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 9:38 AM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 9:38 AM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
I get that you feel she is defrauding people, but you have nothing to gain by exposing her. Wash your hands of it and move on with your life.
I am going to agree to disagree. They will gain the self-worth that comes with doing the right thing and making the world a little better.
As J.S. Mill said "Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing."
Provided, of course, that she is not actually ill.
posted by Samizdata at 12:30 PM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
I am going to agree to disagree. They will gain the self-worth that comes with doing the right thing and making the world a little better.
As J.S. Mill said "Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing."
Provided, of course, that she is not actually ill.
posted by Samizdata at 12:30 PM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
It's hard for me to tell from this short description exactly what's going on. A friend of mine has MS, and much of the time you would actually never know it -- it is a really weird disease. And, in part because the disease is so frustrating and tricky and modern medicine doesn't have perfect solutions, she has definitely at times been pulled toward more of the woo woo side of the spectrum in searching for answers/solutions -- which, I mean, going gluten free is not going to cure MS, but if it's making her feel like she's doing something proactive when the doctors can't offer her a whole lot, I can't really judge her for that. It's not at all clear from your description whether your friend simply hadn't been officially diagnosed/there were still some tests being run but doctors strongly suspected this, or whether she literally had not been to see any doctor and was 100% self-diagnosing (her answer you've written above would be consistent with either option).
I guess what I'm saying is that before going public with this type of accusation, you had better be pretty darn sure that you're right.
posted by rainbowbrite at 1:23 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
I guess what I'm saying is that before going public with this type of accusation, you had better be pretty darn sure that you're right.
posted by rainbowbrite at 1:23 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
If this person is "defrauding entire communities" you absolutlely have an obligation to say something.
She is hurting people. This must stop.
I would think an anonymous letter to the election board (?) that says something about how in the several years you have known this person, you (and others) have come to seriously doubt/question this person's "self-diagnosis", and how if she is seeking the platform to speak for others, her condition should at least be verified by an actual doctor.
posted by blueberry at 1:51 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
She is hurting people. This must stop.
I would think an anonymous letter to the election board (?) that says something about how in the several years you have known this person, you (and others) have come to seriously doubt/question this person's "self-diagnosis", and how if she is seeking the platform to speak for others, her condition should at least be verified by an actual doctor.
posted by blueberry at 1:51 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
It's hard to tell from what you've written if this really is Munchausen's syndrome (fabricating illness to gain the sympathy of others) or if this person is outright malingering (fabricating illness for secondary gain e.g. financial gain or self-publicity). The former is a mental illness; the latter is despicable. Don't confuse the two.
There is also a substantial possibility that your friend's illnesses are in fact organic. MS patients, in particular, can be misdiagnosed as hysterical for years (not helped by the fact that most MS patients are young women). Tics wax and wane throughout life and are somewhat suppressible -- a person might be able to suppress them transiently in social situations but then have a buildup and burst when they are in a more relaxed environment. Just because you hadn't seen a tic doesn't mean she never had them before. (There is a rare association between MS and Tourettism; also an MS lesion in the right place can cause hemifacial spasm, which can be mistaken for tics.) There are definitely benign brain tumors, and even the malignant ones have a wide prognosis, anywhere from a few months to several years.
Unless you have objective evidence that your friend does not have these illnesses, you should proceed with extreme caution, because this scenario has Drama Llama written all over it. There really is no gentle way to tell someone you think they are a fraudster.
posted by basalganglia at 2:50 PM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
There is also a substantial possibility that your friend's illnesses are in fact organic. MS patients, in particular, can be misdiagnosed as hysterical for years (not helped by the fact that most MS patients are young women). Tics wax and wane throughout life and are somewhat suppressible -- a person might be able to suppress them transiently in social situations but then have a buildup and burst when they are in a more relaxed environment. Just because you hadn't seen a tic doesn't mean she never had them before. (There is a rare association between MS and Tourettism; also an MS lesion in the right place can cause hemifacial spasm, which can be mistaken for tics.) There are definitely benign brain tumors, and even the malignant ones have a wide prognosis, anywhere from a few months to several years.
Unless you have objective evidence that your friend does not have these illnesses, you should proceed with extreme caution, because this scenario has Drama Llama written all over it. There really is no gentle way to tell someone you think they are a fraudster.
posted by basalganglia at 2:50 PM on June 14, 2017 [4 favorites]
You've already had a lot of answers, but I wanted to respond because of my own experience with people who fake illness.
15 years ago I met Jane (not real name). She had just moved to to my city from another English-speaking country and we were introduced by a mutual friend. I liked her a lot-- we had a lot in common. She was pretty and funny.
Before long, she shared a tale of woe which involved needing repeated surgery because of a teenage gang rape which left her unable to have children and with permanent agonising pain. I believed her 100%, and also believed her when she didn't want any visitors at the hospital because of the original cause.
I lost track of her for a while, and then saw her again at a party with her new fiance. Only now she (also) had MS which somehow also caused potential cancer but she was facing it all bravely and with humour. She wanted to see me again soon. I had alarm bells ringing then, to be honest. MS and tumors? But, I figured she might just have had really bad luck and I invited her to a dinner party at my house.
Before I knew it, she was heavily involved in my life via my friends. One of them even organised a fundraiser for arranging special medical treatment in the US. I started to have really serious misgivings but didn't feel very comfortable sharing them with anybody because I wasn't sure. But her stories started getting wilder and internally inconsistent. In the end I distanced myself from her because I really didn't believe her anymore, but couldn't prove what was true and what wasn't, and just wanted no part of it. I found it hard to be around her and her fiance because he obviously loved and believed her.
Later I found out she faked a severe pregnancy related illness (remember paragraph one, where she couldn't get pregnant?) and her fiance's mother finally staged an intervention with her other son (a doctor) to question all of Jane's stories which led to the whole house of cards coming down. Her fiance called me (among others) because he discovered Jane had been accepting money and gifts from many people for a wide variety of things. I ended up calling everyone I had introduced to her, and discovered that just among my friends they had donated a lot of money for people in their early 30s-- one had even financed an expensive weekend getaway to help her "recover" from all her illnesses.
All this to say that in a three year period she did an incredible amount of damage to a lot of people. If you have reason to suspect someone like this is active in the disability community I think you should disclose your suspicions. I don't have good advice for you about how to do this because I obviously failed to do it myself-- I understand what's difficult about it. All I can say is that my silence around her suspicions (along with the silence of others) allowed Jane to essentially defraud a lot of good people. I still regret not sharing more openly.
posted by frumiousb at 2:52 PM on June 14, 2017 [8 favorites]
15 years ago I met Jane (not real name). She had just moved to to my city from another English-speaking country and we were introduced by a mutual friend. I liked her a lot-- we had a lot in common. She was pretty and funny.
Before long, she shared a tale of woe which involved needing repeated surgery because of a teenage gang rape which left her unable to have children and with permanent agonising pain. I believed her 100%, and also believed her when she didn't want any visitors at the hospital because of the original cause.
I lost track of her for a while, and then saw her again at a party with her new fiance. Only now she (also) had MS which somehow also caused potential cancer but she was facing it all bravely and with humour. She wanted to see me again soon. I had alarm bells ringing then, to be honest. MS and tumors? But, I figured she might just have had really bad luck and I invited her to a dinner party at my house.
Before I knew it, she was heavily involved in my life via my friends. One of them even organised a fundraiser for arranging special medical treatment in the US. I started to have really serious misgivings but didn't feel very comfortable sharing them with anybody because I wasn't sure. But her stories started getting wilder and internally inconsistent. In the end I distanced myself from her because I really didn't believe her anymore, but couldn't prove what was true and what wasn't, and just wanted no part of it. I found it hard to be around her and her fiance because he obviously loved and believed her.
Later I found out she faked a severe pregnancy related illness (remember paragraph one, where she couldn't get pregnant?) and her fiance's mother finally staged an intervention with her other son (a doctor) to question all of Jane's stories which led to the whole house of cards coming down. Her fiance called me (among others) because he discovered Jane had been accepting money and gifts from many people for a wide variety of things. I ended up calling everyone I had introduced to her, and discovered that just among my friends they had donated a lot of money for people in their early 30s-- one had even financed an expensive weekend getaway to help her "recover" from all her illnesses.
All this to say that in a three year period she did an incredible amount of damage to a lot of people. If you have reason to suspect someone like this is active in the disability community I think you should disclose your suspicions. I don't have good advice for you about how to do this because I obviously failed to do it myself-- I understand what's difficult about it. All I can say is that my silence around her suspicions (along with the silence of others) allowed Jane to essentially defraud a lot of good people. I still regret not sharing more openly.
posted by frumiousb at 2:52 PM on June 14, 2017 [8 favorites]
MS is difficult to diagnose. It requires testing and can't be diagnosed without testing. Some people may get a diagnosis of We can't confirm it, we'll reconsider in a couple years.
Someone can have serious symptoms and not be correctly diagnosed with a specific illness. The person may actually have a disease. This has happened to several people I know, and to me.
What gets rewarded, gets repeated.
People who are sick tend to have low energy. After about age 35, if you've been severely ill, you rarely the energy to go to a party a few days later. Your description and the fact that a number of people have similar misgivings is concerning. She is getting attention and perhaps tangible rewards for her illness.
If you want to be the one, meet with her, explain that a number of people are confused by her actions, and explain that if she runs for office and labels herself disabled, and is then found to have been otherwise, the results would be awful for her. Don't argue with her; she'll try to prove stuff. Just tell her you wanted to give her a heads-up and that you don't want to see her life ruined. Recommend a therapist if you can. If you don't want to be the one, suggest it to someone else. And then GTFO - Get her out of your life. I would not call her out publicly unless you have real proof.
posted by theora55 at 3:24 PM on June 14, 2017
Someone can have serious symptoms and not be correctly diagnosed with a specific illness. The person may actually have a disease. This has happened to several people I know, and to me.
What gets rewarded, gets repeated.
People who are sick tend to have low energy. After about age 35, if you've been severely ill, you rarely the energy to go to a party a few days later. Your description and the fact that a number of people have similar misgivings is concerning. She is getting attention and perhaps tangible rewards for her illness.
If you want to be the one, meet with her, explain that a number of people are confused by her actions, and explain that if she runs for office and labels herself disabled, and is then found to have been otherwise, the results would be awful for her. Don't argue with her; she'll try to prove stuff. Just tell her you wanted to give her a heads-up and that you don't want to see her life ruined. Recommend a therapist if you can. If you don't want to be the one, suggest it to someone else. And then GTFO - Get her out of your life. I would not call her out publicly unless you have real proof.
posted by theora55 at 3:24 PM on June 14, 2017
Everyone is focusing on the tics and the self-diagnosis of MS and saying maybe she does have MS but ignoring much bigger red flags like claiming to be on a ventilator with a feeding tube for a week and then showing up at a party on Saturday like nothing happened. You cannot be comatose on a vent for a week and then show up at a party a few days later feeling great; it just doesn't happen that way. I think we should accept that the OP knows this lady very well and has a lot of reasons to doubt the veracity of her many stories.
OP, I think you are in fact obligated to say something, especially since she is launching a campaign for office based around disability rights. I think it would be really detrimental to the cause to have something like this come out during the campaign. There are a few things you could do. One would be to stage an intervention with your friends focused around getting her help, and the other would be to have a word with the folks helping with her campaign or even with the local press. Or, if you still run in the same circles, you could have a quiet word with anyone you suspect is likely to be supporting her materially.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 4:27 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
OP, I think you are in fact obligated to say something, especially since she is launching a campaign for office based around disability rights. I think it would be really detrimental to the cause to have something like this come out during the campaign. There are a few things you could do. One would be to stage an intervention with your friends focused around getting her help, and the other would be to have a word with the folks helping with her campaign or even with the local press. Or, if you still run in the same circles, you could have a quiet word with anyone you suspect is likely to be supporting her materially.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 4:27 PM on June 14, 2017 [3 favorites]
A tip to a local reporter, and possibly a $100 to a private investigator, might save a lot of people a lot of heartache, and save her from herself.
posted by at at 5:44 PM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by at at 5:44 PM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
If she runs for office, I also thought tipping off someone in the press might be the way to go.
posted by jbenben at 6:11 PM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jbenben at 6:11 PM on June 14, 2017 [1 favorite]
Be aware that many disabled people, particularly those in the disability rights community, have a reflexive loathing of healthy people policing our diagnoses.
If your suspicions are true, make sure that any unmasking is not solely in the hands of doctors.
posted by Jesse the K at 7:01 PM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
If your suspicions are true, make sure that any unmasking is not solely in the hands of doctors.
posted by Jesse the K at 7:01 PM on June 14, 2017 [2 favorites]
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posted by Silentgoldfish at 11:21 PM on June 13, 2017 [18 favorites]