How to find humour together
June 10, 2017 2:51 AM   Subscribe

I would love to have some lightness and laughing and playfulness with my boyfriend. We don't seem to share the same sense of humour (an inter-cultural relationship and large age gap don't help). He likes humour that's a bit too racy/slapstick for me to enjoy, and I like either very childish sort of fun (making animal noises, silly words, etc) or clever but clean humour. We don't seem to find middle ground very often.

I remember what it was like in my previous relationship to be cute together and laugh and play, and I miss that dynamic. That relationship also started off serious and heavy and a few years in we found ways of being silly together. This came partly from watching the same movies or TV series together. Current bf and I don't share the same taste in what we watch either.

We have a lot in common (music, lifestyle, etc) and spend most of our day happily and peacefully together, but the air is often a bit heavy between us and I feel a growing desire for play! We've spoken about it and he would like some lightness too, but we can't seem to 'artificially' create it, and he's not much of a talker, so we can't troubleshoot it too much. Perhaps that would be counter-productive in any case!
posted by miaow to Human Relations (10 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
 
Off the top of my head, there are decent mixes of slapstick and childishness in Fawlty Towers, pretty much all of Monty Python, Bugs Bunny cartoons and Arrested Development.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 4:55 AM on June 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


Netflix has The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt show, which spans cutsie childlike, dry and subtle adult humor. It's one of my favorites.

I don't think most stand-in comedian shows sound like a good fit, usually pretty raunchy, although personally I love live performance.

For day to day living Alan Alda said he and his wife of 60+ years are laughing all through the day and find humor in almost every single thing. One can do this but I'm sure it's a thinking compatibility rather than just comedic genius. You can slowly develop inside jokes, knowing glances, favorite Kimmy Schmidt quotes. Keeping the humor in your own comfort zone is key, not forcing it. Sounds like you are both on board. A slow growth rate here isn't a bad thing, it will just get better and better.
posted by waving at 5:17 AM on June 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


Current bf and I don't share the same taste in what we watch either.

In my relationship, shared tastes came from both of us being willing to try the other's tastes in TV, movies and music. Could you trade off on choosing movies? Pick a TV series that's new to you both? It's incredibly fun to share something new with someone you love if you're both curious and keep an open mind.
posted by third word on a random page at 5:56 AM on June 10, 2017 [7 favorites]


we've found that finding a comedy that we both genuinely enjoy is a little tough (we both loved little miss sunshine and this is 40!) .. aand we love the dollop podcast - but thats..like it. louis ck & better things.

but we're more for doing physical stuff together like throwing a frisbee or ball around at the beach, doing silly showy dives and stuff. its a kind of fun any sort of peeps can share, or even just hanging around little kids (kids are a riot, like little drunk people)?
posted by speakeasy at 5:57 AM on June 10, 2017


Do you have or want a pet? Most animals are funny at least occasionally, most require play as part of their basic care, and there is a lightness in the way you'd both engage with the animal and with each other when the animal is around. (You haven't mentioned your living situation, but obviously if you live together you'd both have to agree you want a pet, and have a contingency plan for the animal if you split up.)
posted by kapers at 6:08 AM on June 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


If your tastes overlap at all on book genres, you could try reading hilarious books aloud to each other. The ones that come to mind are The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, any of Terry Pratchett's books (here's how to start), or the nonfiction culture/travel books of Bill Bryson. Pratchett is probably the most racy/slapstick of the lot, but in a very pro-humanist way.
posted by heatherlogan at 6:17 AM on June 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


Seconding heatherlogan's suggestion of reading out loud to each other. Take turns picking the books, being open to the other's taste, but always being willing go to another book if the current one's not working for one of you. Mr K and I have wildly divergent tastes, so sharing books out loud has helped us find common ground.

P.G. Wodehouse (almost all of them, and there are many - we like the ones set at Blandings. And try "Pearls, Girls, and Monty Bodkin")
The Dortmunder series by Donald E. Westlake

But I encourage you to read more than funny books. Mr. K and I have read all of Jane Austen's books (twice) and almost all of Dicken's, and there is so much shared enjoyment and fun there. There's also the use of quotes from the books and movies. As waving says, a knowing glance or muttered quote shared between you can lift the heart. And of course there's always fun in watching the movie based on the book and criticizing how poorly it was adapted.
posted by kestralwing at 6:48 AM on June 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


I too came in to recommend British humour. It is awesome and wonderful and surrealist at times.


Also, Animaniacs is back. Some of the jokes are dated, and some segments are better than others, but many are timeless classics.


Wee Bare Bears. Yeah, it's for kids. But every adult I've shown it to loves it.


Yesss Arrested Development
posted by Jacen at 7:20 AM on June 10, 2017


If you like old movies, the Marx Brothers' films have a great mix of slapstick and clever verbal humor.
posted by elphaba at 11:30 AM on June 10, 2017


The middle ground for your tastes + heart = The Muppet Show.
posted by softlord at 8:00 PM on June 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


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