Neighbor's kitty is cute and sweet and neglected - what to do?
May 22, 2017 10:11 AM   Subscribe

How do I politely talk to the neighbors about the state of their animal's health without offending them/forbidding me to have anything to do with the cat?

I moved into my house about two years ago, and from the first our backyard had an inhabitant - the neighbor's cat. I love cats and but am unable to have indoor pets due to allergy issues. This cat clearly belongs to the neighbors - they call her by name, and she seems to be able to go into their house in bad weather. Unfortunately this seems to be all the care she gets. She is extremely thin, has worms and fleas, and her fur, for an animal that should be reasonably fluffy, has barely any sheen and no body at all. We feed her wet food regularly but this doesn't do much as I imagine the worms get most of it. She is also thirsty. We have seen her hanging over our swimming pool, drinking chlorinated water, and have started giving her water as well, which she laps up with great intensity. She seems to be young, and doesn't seem to mind her condition - runs around all over the place chasing things and hanging out on our fence and sleeping under the bushes. But I know from working with street cats that letting her live outdoors like this is definitely going to shorten her life span.

I don't think it's a matter of the neighbors not having any money. They have two German Shepards and recently acquired a Pit Bull, none of which look neglected, and which they fuss over. I have a feeling that the dogs eat the cat food and drink her water, if the owners even give her food or water. Now and then the cat turns up with a bald patch on her neck, which tells me they probably applied grocery-store flea products and which concerns me as those products (from certain manufacturers that should seriously be put out of business) have a long history of killing animals outright. Once she turned up with a flea collar, but that disappeared after a few days. I appreciate they are trying to do something, but it seems ridiculous to me that the dogs most of the care and attention while the cat is slowly turning into a cute, furred, charming, flea-bitten skeleton.

I want to approach the neighbors and ask them about adopting the cat. I know this is offensive and presumptuous, and this is why I haven't done it. Nonetheless my instinct is just to take her under my wing as I would if she were a real stray. My roommate suggested I offer to pay for some of her care. I am hesitant to take this approach, since that (could) lead to claims of it's-my-cat-no-it's-my-cat in the future and ugliness all around. The problem is compounded by the fact that I don't know the neighbors at all. All I know is that they are a bunch of guys probably in their thirties, one of which shot a gun into the lake out back shortly after we moved in. It didn't happen again and probably they were shooting at a snake or alligator, but all of that makes me afraid to approach them. Even if they were all little old ladies (no offense to all the little old ladies out there!) I would still worry that saying anything would offend them and lead to sweeping denials (of course we take care of the cat!) and impede what little care I am able to provide for the cat. Advice please!
posted by Crystal Fox to Pets & Animals (25 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
I assume you know she has worms because you've seen them in her feces. If so, then perhaps you could take a fecal sample to a vet for them to analyze. They should be able to ID the worms and recommend the best dewormer, which you could administer on your own. You should also pick up a proper flea treatment and preventative at the same time. Many vets are willing to administer these sorts of meds without seeing the pet in person, but not all, so you should definitely call in advance and explain the situation.

I think once the worms and fleas are under control the cat will put on weight and grow a healthier coat.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 10:20 AM on May 22, 2017 [7 favorites]


In terms of worms: I'd just start deworming the cat. You can get advice about it from a vet or do some googling and get the ball rolling. DISCLAIMER I grew up on a farm and I am 100% comfortable with doing this, you may not be, other people may think this is terrible. However, attempting to deworm the cat and continuing to provide safe access to food and water is the best thing you can do. If the cat so-happens to start staying at your house all the time, the people may not notice, or if they do, they may not care. It certainly does not sound like they care about the cat now, and I don't think you can do MORE harm by deworming the cat than by leaving it be. Maybe there is even this previously unknown cat-friendly shelter is there and kitteh just loves it!

You can also play with it, brush it, and generally be friendly with it outdoors as long as you're not keeping it from going "home." If the cat later decides home is your house, . . .well, it's a cat. They do that from time to time. I 100% would not feel bad about this.
posted by Medieval Maven at 10:21 AM on May 22, 2017 [16 favorites]


It sounds like you are doing a lot of guessing without any actual knowledge of what's going on with the cat. I would try talking to your neighbors, maybe casually in passing, and asking about the cat's condition. They might even tell you that they don't really want the cat, then you'd have the perfect opportunity to offer to adopt it. I'm only saying this because we also had a gnarly looking three legged cat that lived in our shared back yard space and I also thought the owners were neglecting the poor thing. Turns out it was incontinent and had medical conditions that contributed to open wounds and it was actually being cared for fine.
posted by monologish at 10:25 AM on May 22, 2017 [4 favorites]


Honestly, if I found this cat in my yard I would take it to the nearest no-kill shelter as a stray.
posted by HuronBob at 10:38 AM on May 22, 2017 [6 favorites]


I second what HuronBob said: the cat is functionally homeless, and leaving her in the care of people who can't be bothered isn't doing her any kindness.
posted by bile and syntax at 10:45 AM on May 22, 2017 [4 favorites]


I had a friend in this situation and she adopted the cat without permission. I guess this is stealing. But it's probably what I would do too, if I had the resources. You could certainly leave food & water out for her on a permanent basis and take her to the vet, anyway, probably without your neighbors even noticing.
posted by something something at 11:00 AM on May 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: I understand the impulse to take the cat to a no-kill. However, I have tried this in the past with actual strays. The shelter people always say no, for this reason or that. The real reason is that they just don't want to give care and resources to an animal that is surviving, however badly, on its own on the outside. They redirect me to the county shelter where they do kill. It may be my area but shelters around here are actually very difficult to surrender too, if the animal isn't in top shape to begin with.

I like the idea of deworming, just don't want them to dose her on top of what I give her and make her sick or kill her. That however I can research on my own. What I am really asking for, and I apologize for not stating this more clearly, are tips on how to speak diplomatically to her owners, without causing a fight or putting myself in danger.
posted by Crystal Fox at 11:09 AM on May 22, 2017


If I found this cat in my yard, I would probably bring it in to my nearest no-kill shelter as a stray ("This cat has been hanging out in my yard, it's friendly but in bad shape"), along with a small donation. This seems to me to be the moral thing to do, but as stated above, it is kind of also stealing.

I'm the sort of person who believes that there should be different punishments when a man steals a loaf of bread to feed his family. This cat is going to live a short brutal life without humane intervention. If the cat disappears, they may attribute it to nature taking its course, given their laissez-faire attitude on cat ownership.

Confronting the neighbors could result in unintended consequences, given their propensity for having aggressive-breed dogs* and shooting guns into your lake. They might agree that the cat is too much work and dump it, or even kill it. They might make your life unpleasant. Proceed with caution.

*Go ahead and give me shit about this, but what I'm saying is that all dog breeds are wonderful in a vacuum, but when someone adopts only aggressive-breed dogs in quantity, that owner is sending a message, whether the dogs themselves are aggressive or not.
posted by juniperesque at 11:09 AM on May 22, 2017 [13 favorites]


Where I live, cats being outside free range isn't seen as neglect, so my attitude on that is different (i.e. I don't think it's grounds to steal someone else's cat and take it to a shelter!) The parasites and hunger/thirst are a different matter though. I would keep feeding it and providing water, and maybe try to worm/flea it if you can. That's the best you can do in this situation. You might find it "adopts" you in the end if you begin feeding it in the house and letting it in!

If she starts hanging out at yours that could be an opener to talk to the neighbours. "Hey guys, is the [small tabby cat] yours? She's been spending lots of time round mine lately- I was wondering if you'd mind me taking care of her now? Must be a lot on your plate with those dogs as well." But to be honest, I don't think there is a particularly diplomatic way to say "I think you're neglecting your pet and want to take it for my own." They might love that cat to heck and see no reason why a busy-bodying neighbour should have any right to her. So I think caring for her on the side is still your best option.
posted by mymbleth at 11:20 AM on May 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I doubt you can talk to the owners about this very easily. We tried with a friend's housemate. This friendly professional office-worker guy who was making almost six figures at the time got offended every time we brought it up. Ultimately his neighbor brought the cat over one day informing us (I was there at the time) that the cat had just been to the vet and had XYZ done to it. We kinda felt bad for not doing that sooner ourselves.
posted by salvia at 11:21 AM on May 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Either find that poor cat a home or let it go and accept the fact that she will probably die of her illnesses. If the cat is already in this visibly bad state, the owners are unlikely to care. I've met a lot of people who honestly believe that the quality of life of an urban street cat is somehow okay or acceptable(it's not) or comparable to a cat's life on a farm,etc(it's reeeeeeally not).

Deworming an outdoor cat is only effective if you're willing to do it every 4-6 months, and that's if she has absolutely nothing else wrong with her, or doesn't catch something else. She also would need the legally required rabies and distemper vaccines. She may also have other infections that need tending to with eye drops/laxatives/supplements.
If any of that sounds like too much work, well, it's best that you either find someone to take her or find a legitimate shelter to bring her to(even if it is a kill shelter, she'd have a better shot at a healthy life than what she has now).

I don't care if you find it offensive to the neighbour to take the cat, as a cat rescue volunteer I find it offensive that these poor cats often die of neglect before their age is in the double digits. This is not a well tended cat in a rural area with plenty of prey, this cat is drinking pool water and is probably going to die of her illness or an environmental hazard if she's not started on veterinary care .
posted by InkDrinker at 11:24 AM on May 22, 2017 [3 favorites]


there was a cat who would climb a trellis and jump into a second story window to sleep at night with my kids. after about 6 months neighbor said "I guess she is yours". she lived with me for 16 years.

guess I am saying maybe you should open a window (don't let her in thru door) give her a treat but feed her outdoors or stop feeding her outside for awhile so you can say you are not feeding/luring her.

go to neighbors and say you want to adopt a kitten but you have noticed worms in their cats poop in your yard and you realize they are very busy with their work/responsibilties and you wouldn't mind taking their cat to the vet to begin cleaning up your yard. emphasize you know they have a lot on their plate and you have some free time. I feel like you have to do this to make sure the cat does not get double dosed which could really harm her plus this opens up the chance for them to say "hey you seem to really like her do you want to adopt her??

if this doesn't work, I agree you should re-home her somehow. not treating for worms is abuse, they shouldn't have her if they say no to you.
posted by cda at 11:26 AM on May 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


In terms of being diplomatic - you could go to your neighbours and tell them you've fallen in love with their cat because she looks just like the cat you had when you were a kid, plus she has the same sweet personality, etc etc. Lay it on thick. Then say you know it's weird but is there anything you can do to persuade them to give you (or sell you if you want to go there) the cat. Make it all about you and your love for the cat and do not even mention the neglect, etc.
posted by hazyjane at 11:36 AM on May 22, 2017 [19 favorites]


Best answer: You've made one super important assumption here: "This cat clearly belongs to the neighbors - they call her by name, and she seems to be able to go into their house in bad weather. Unfortunately this seems to be all the care she gets."

This assumption is likely true, but everything changes if this is not the neighbors' cat. You can check really easily: "What a sweet kitty! I've never asked you: is she yours? [other cat compliments and polite kitty questions]"

Before you do anything else, actually check that the cat belongs to them.
posted by MangoNews at 11:39 AM on May 22, 2017 [27 favorites]


Best answer: Are you ina new place or are there multiple shelters around (perhaps city/county run and a non-profit?) I ask because my local Humane Society does a community cat program and they might be able to get it some of the care it needs for low or no cost.

I would also just go over to the neighbors and say "hey X cat has been in my yard and bit and I think she has fleas and/or worms. I have some extra medicine for XYZ reason and I wanted to ask you if that was alright. I've heard you call cat X before but I wasn't sure if it was yours or not and I wanted to ask before I did anything."

That should at least get you some answers.
posted by raccoon409 at 11:39 AM on May 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


Do not dose the cat with anything before checking with the neighbors. In the unlikely event that they are actually treating her, you don't want to overdose her.

I like hazyjane's script for basically asking to own the cat.
posted by delight at 12:10 PM on May 22, 2017


I think this is a very different situation if you are willing to adopt the cat yourself. (My husband's cat allergies have gone away now that he lives with cats full time.) I think hazyjane has the right idea too. Please let us know how it goes!
posted by chaiminda at 12:12 PM on May 22, 2017


I think its a big assumption that they own the cat because they know its name (or call it a name) and let it in during bad weather.
We name our neighbourhood cats, usually something descriptive like shouty cat and creepy cat but its not impossible that they've just given the cat a name so they have something to call it.

We also used to let our next door neighbour's cat sleep in our house in winter because they didn't have a cat flap and we'd find her hanging around outside our house at 3am when it was below freezing - I think if she wasn't around when they wanted her to come in she just got left out all night. (she also let herself in during summer if we left the window open!) Didn't make her our cat though.
posted by missmagenta at 12:58 PM on May 22, 2017


It sounds to me that this cat could easily be a stray, that your neighbors have been willing to give a little bit of care to, but which is not really their cat. You've been willing to put food and water out for it -- they may think it's your cat that they're willing to feed and bring into the house once in awhile.

I believe you that it seems it's more their cat than yours -- but it could still be a stray that they have a pet name for, that they allow into the house once in awhile.

Ask your neighbors if it's their cat.
posted by vitabellosi at 1:01 PM on May 22, 2017 [4 favorites]


Hi, I volunteer with a few animal rescue groups. It's not offensive or presumptuous to ask someone to surrender a neglected animal--it's heroic! A common tactic is to simply say that the cat spends a lot of time at your home and you've become attached to her, and then to ask that, if the neighbors ever decide that they could part with her, you'd be happy to step in.

If you have a local vet (especially one that your friends who have at-home cats rave about), they're a great place to ask for information. I call my vet's office about once a month asking for animal adoption leads for (insert species here). They're pretty up to speed on which rescue/foster groups have capacity.

The shelter people always say no, for this reason or that. The real reason is that they just don't want to give care and resources to an animal that is surviving, however badly, on its own on the outside.

This is how "no kill" shelters work. They turn away animals when they don't have capacity, or animals in bad shape that they don't think will be easy to adopt out or might be too ill to treat.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 1:38 PM on May 22, 2017 [2 favorites]


You don't know the cat is theirs ... so don't know it.

Put up some signs saying you found a cat, take the cat to the vet, buy the cat a collar (if it's their cat, this will be a signal someone has stepped in).

Act like it's your cat until someone calls about their missing cat.

(I would make exactly two signs. One to put up nearish their house and a decoy a little farther away).
posted by crankyrogalsky at 3:17 PM on May 22, 2017


If you're willing to spend some money on the cat's veterinary care, you can absolutely bring the cat to a local vet, explain that it's a neighborhood cat, and get some basic care for it without ever once talking to the neighbors about it if you find them unsettling or threatening (and I would, myself, certainly find it prohibitively intimidating to approach a group of armed young men with large dogs).

While a one-off trip to the vet might not cure the cat of whatever it's got, even a small amount of comfort care would be better than nothing. And I'm 100% on the side of ameliorating suffering and neglect, even if it violates our culture's conventional wisdom around companion animal ownership. I'll happily risk people clutching their pearls at me because I "stole" someone's neglected animal for a few hours to assure it had basic medical care and wasn't living in pain.

Depending on how much money you're willing to invest, you could ask the vet to run a few basic blood and urine tests. Excessive thirst and hunger coupled with weight loss is commonly seen in diabetes, hyperthyroidism, and kidney failure. I'm no vet and I'm certainly not qualified to diagnose this cat, or any cat, but be aware that this kitty might have chronic health problems that need daily management. Be cautious about asking questions whose answers you don't want to know and about which you can't do anything.

We brought a neighborhood cat to the vet not too long ago when we saw him clearly having trouble peeing--straining, crouching in strange places to try to pee, not trying to get out of the street when cars were coming, etc. A urinary blockage can rapidly become fatal in cats, so we bundled him a towel, put him in a carrier, and took him to the local 24-hour emergency vet. We were clear that this wasn't our cat and that we couldn't bring him inside, even for one night, or adopt him--we were willing to pay for whatever immediate care he needed it, but he was getting dropped off right where we'd found him and sent on his way afterwards. (We had a cat with feline leukemia at the time and couldn't have other cats in our home without infecting them and dooming them to an early death.)

With that in mind, the vet gave him a quick once-over to confirm that he didn't have a blockage, a long-acting antibiotic shot, and a pain medicine injection. We brought him back to his part of the neighborhood and dropped him off. We still see him pretty much every day, right as rain, lounging in the sun and negotiating complicated détentes with the other kitties who live nearby. It cost us $250 but that was well worth it to us to see him healthy every day.
posted by jesourie at 3:35 PM on May 22, 2017


Just chiming in on the you don't know its actually their cat.... I lived in a place that had a friendly neighbourhood cat that i suspected was negleted (not worm/flee level) but left outside in bad weather/always thirsty level and I gave it a name and let it in my house in bad weather and feed and watered it because it was the right thing to do.... In my experience responible pet owners are responsible for ALL their animals, i find it weird they would keep their dogs healthy but leave the cat with flees/worms!
posted by Lesium at 12:17 AM on May 23, 2017


There used to be a sickly old stray cat in my neighbourhood that I called by a name, put a reflective collar on once, fed occasionally, and I let him inside whenever the weather was gross. But he wasn't my cat- he was a stray, and I was a broke student who already had one cat, so I just did what little $3 things I could do here and there to make his life a bit better, and I posted about him online a few times to see if he was lost, but he was obviously far far from home if he'd ever had one. It's entirely possible your neighbours don't own the cat at all. Our little guy had a happy ending- a different neighbour actually adopted him and took him to the vet.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 12:20 AM on May 23, 2017


Response by poster: Update - it turns out Kitty now seems to be spending most of her time living under the bushes in front of my house. She seems to have "adopted" our house as her territory. I think the signs point to her being an outright street cat. I am just going to take her to the vet and have her taken care of. I can't have her in my house (I would willingly put up with allergies, and have before, but my kids cannot tolerate cats at all) and I will build her a cat shelter (thanks, medieval maiden) and see to it that she is well taken care of. As for the neighbors... not sure they'll notice any difference. Thanks all!
posted by Crystal Fox at 1:39 PM on May 23, 2017 [8 favorites]


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