How do I soften my exit from a job?

May 20, 2017 12:35 AM

I work on a small software team. I've been here for 3 years and am currently Project Lead. Because of a whole mess of managerial and personal issues, I've accepted an offer at another company. I'll drop some special snowflake deets below, but I'm looking for tips around softening my exit and trying to make it as smooth and drama-free as can be.

Here are the issues that I feel like make this difficult:

-I'm the 'last man standing' for this particular product. It has been a fairly successful consumer product, but we've had problems keeping staff. I have a deep tribal knowledge about many of the gears and levers of the software and office ops.

-The Creative Director and I have had a mentor/mentee relationship for a few years, one that I feel I've outgrown. In the past I've told him when I was shopping around for jobs, but in this case I kept it quiet until I knew it was a done deal to avoid creating distractions to our current production. The same goes for the CEO who views me as a longterm asset. (I know. I sound like I have a huge head, but that's what's been communicated to me)

-The new job is with an ex-employee whose firing was contentious and political.

-I feel bad leaving my team.

None of these are good reasons to stay, but they're reasons that I'm afraid will make my exit difficult. I'm looking for best practices around leaving that could help smooth the transition.

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (11 answers total)

#1 - document as much of that deep knowledge as you can during your notice period. Set out everything you can think of that might be useful to know (even in notes form at first), and then add to it whenever you remember something else/something comes up. Leave it in a state that's intelligible to another person.

It might also be helpful to remember that no one is truly irreplaceable, even if you're personally fairly critical to the organisation right now. If you were out of action for a long time (or permanently) due to illness/injury/death, they'd have to figure something out. If it made sense to fire you for other reasons, they'd do it. You do not owe them yourself forever just because they've told you you're important to what they're trying to do.

#3 - you don't have to talk about where you're going if you think that would be easier. You can speak in vague terms about new opportunities, or claim NDA status about the new work if you don't want to go into tons of detail. Reasonable people will accept this and not probe further. I don't see any harm in being vague or non-specific if that makes your final weeks in the job less drama-filled. You are not under any obligation to say "oh yeah I'm going to work with [person who got fired for contentious/political reasons". The only harm in omission at this point is if later they find out and are surprised, but by then you'll have been gone a while and they'll be used to not having you around, so most likely it won't feel so raw/hurtful/whatever reaction you're worried about.

#2 & #4 are kind of the same thing - you have guilt-ish feelings about leaving, and about your mentor relationship. If you feel you've outgrown that relationship and you're ready to move on from the company, these are reasonable things to feel and reasonable reasons to pursue change - feeling guilt about leaving can keep people trapped and resentful in jobs for years. You've already made up your mind enough that you've accepted another job offer, so the main thing to do here is manage your own feelings of guilt, not let those feelings talk you into doing "helpful" stuff that's not reasonable when you're leaving (e.g. allowing them to call you and ask you lots of work questions once you've left, feeling you need to put a lot of emotional labour into the mentor/mentee relationship etc.).

"I need a change"/"I feel like it's time to move on" are complete sentences. You don't need additional justification or long handwringing explanations about why you're going/where you're going/why now. Be as conscientious as you reasonably can during your notice period, walk out the door knowing you've given them three years of great work, and enjoy your new job.
posted by terretu at 2:24 AM on May 20, 2017 [9 favorites]

You exited the second you accepted the new job offer. Your current employer just doesn't know yet.

If you have voiced your concerns to management in the past and you are stil leaving because of them then they should understand your personal decision to leave. More than likely they will just view this as a business decision.

If you are as valuable to the company/product as you say they are telling you you are then they should've made more of an effort to keep you whole, financially and professionally. That's how you keep an asset an asset.

Best you can do is to stay professional the rest of the time you are there. You are being extremely nice by doing a knowledge transfer to your team/boss/company. When you've left, they will forget about you before then next pay period is over and you will be too busy enjoying your new job to care.

I agree with everything terretu has posted. No need to feel guilty. You did your best to make it work but now it's time for something else.
posted by eatcake at 6:10 AM on May 20, 2017 [3 favorites]

And I also think you need to frame this as giving your employer an opportunity to grow in a more healthy direction. Depending on you so completely, not being able to retain staff on your team, the "mess" of managerial issues. Sometimes a bombshell like this forces management to take a long look at their practices, and hopefully make some positive improvements. You could actually help them in this area, and could do it in a positive way if you are very, very careful to present it in a professional manner.
posted by raisingsand at 7:35 AM on May 20, 2017 [1 favorite]

Quit being the old you immediately. Be your replacement's helper between now and when you hand in your badge. Your replacement does the work. You watch, explain, and write stuff down.
posted by pracowity at 8:03 AM on May 20, 2017 [1 favorite]

Your leaving the company will damage them, but you have every right to leave whenever, for any reason, to take whatever job you please. Your debt to them extends no further than doing what you can to minimize the damage. So give as much notice as you can - at your level, and given the situation, a month's notice would be considered a professional courtesy. Insist they name a replacement as soon as possible so you can transfer your institutional knowledge. Offer to keep a notebook for jotting down things only you know, and turn it over to them when you leave.

It is entirely possible, though, no matter how gracious you are when you give notice, that they'll say thanks but no thanks and escort you from the property immediately. That's their prerogative and their loss, but it's no reflection on you. I believe they are still obligated to pay you through whatever your resignation letter specifies as your last day, but that may vary depending on local law.

Making a classy exit from this company matters, not just to assuage your guilt but also because it burnishes your reputation as a professional.
posted by DrGail at 8:34 AM on May 20, 2017

I suggest that you be prepared for the possibility that they will want you to be available for questions after you leave. How would you handle that possibility? I'd be ready to tell them your consulting fee, which should be high.
posted by medusa at 8:56 AM on May 20, 2017 [2 favorites]

Do not say anything bad about anyone or anything on the way out. If the old employer is a mess, let them figure it out. It is not your job to fix your previous employer.
Also, don't feel bad about leaving. The company wouldn't care about you if they laid you off.
posted by coberh at 9:13 AM on May 20, 2017 [3 favorites]

Be prepared for them not to give a shit. This seems like a huge deal to you, because your whole working world is about to change, but you're just one part of everyone else's story. No one is ever as important as we think we are. Just because you care about this product and value your accumulated knowledge of it, does not mean anyone else in the company has the same priorities--I would actually assume they do not.

Let them know you're happy to help with the transition in the remaining time you have left, but be prepared for them to walk you out immediately, i.e., make sure you have everything you need saved before you announce. Do you have copies of your employment contract, stock agreement, etc., that is not on a company email server? Do you have documentation of how much vacation is owed to you? Will you need healthcare in the interim? This may vary by state, but here in California you get the remainder of the current month, so figure that into your announce date (e.g., it may be to your benefit to announce June 1st). Also in CA, you are due your final paycheck on your last day, if you give at least 72 hours notice (otherwise they have 72 hours to pay you). If they do not pay you within that time, including accrued vacation, you are entitled to a penalty each day they are late. Check your state laws.
posted by danny the boy at 12:53 PM on May 20, 2017

Lots of great advice above. I agree with documenting as much of your knowledge as you can, and letting them know your consulting fee and availability after you leave, but also being prepared for them to accelerate your departure. Don't say anything bad about anyone and frame this as a positive move for your professional growth.

In general, in situations like this, I've found that the attitude you communicate makes a huge difference, i.e. if you are matter-of-fact and professional about it, there is a much greater chance that they will be, too.
posted by rpfields at 1:28 PM on May 20, 2017

Be prepared for them not to give a shit. This seems like a huge deal to you, because your whole working world is about to change, but you're just one part of everyone else's story. No one is ever as important as we think we are. Just because you care about this product and value your accumulated knowledge of it, does not mean anyone else in the company has the same priorities--I would actually assume they do not.

Yeah, the reality of leaving a job is that in six months it'll be like you were never there. (Unless you're a programmer, in which case you live on forever in the history of your version control system.) It's not like they can sit around being sad forever, leaving your vacant office as a shrine to you - this is work and they have a job to do. So they will hire somebody else or change what the company does so they don't need what you did any more, and there will be a new normal that doesn't include you.

So the main things to focus on are things that are going to be useful in the short term - your institutional knowledge about why feature X was done five years ago isn't likely to be important, but the admin password to the system is.
posted by inkyz at 5:29 PM on May 20, 2017

This might be painfully obvious, but don't start anything new. I've seen it happen over and over when a dev is leaving they try to squeeze out one last feature or fix, that time is in the past, now it's all knowledge transfer and documentation, you shouldn't be writing anymore code.
posted by furtive at 9:39 PM on May 20, 2017 [2 favorites]