Do I take this almost dream job with some downsides?

April 23, 2017 6:04 PM

I was just interviewed and references were requested for a position that would basically be my dream job, but not my dream location. I'd be leaving a non-dream job in a dysfunctional environment but with great financial and logistical benefits.

Positives to taking dream job:
Working with the age group I want, doing the main "thing" I want to do (see user name, ha), having flexibility and independence to grow the program but also with the presence and support of the person who has been running it for 10 years or so (she is stepping into a new role in the same institution), in an environment where change and trying new things is encouraged. One of my BFFs has worked in this institution already for two years (she's not the reason I'd want to work there, she plans on leaving soon for her own dream job) and she describes it as a very encouraging, supportive, balanced place to work. I would be leaving a toxic environment with poor leadership that is resistant to change, where we are over-worked and under-resourced, and no one in leadership takes anyone in my department seriously (see previous Asks). Oh yeah, and it's officially a 10 month position so I would get my summers off (I'll have to do some stuff but not 40 hours a week worth!) My BFF heard the salary range and it tops out at 13k more than I make now, so I would get a little pay bump, but not enough to make up for the negative financial hit due to...

Negatives to taking dream job:
A 40 minute one-way commute is my biggest problem. It's an easy, no-traffic drive, but I currently live two miles from work which is one of the best parts of the current job. We'd need to get a second car so my work-at-home spouse wouldn't be stranded during the day, and in case our child needed to be transported unexpectedly. It also sounds like a lot of work, which my current job is and it's exhausting. My current job also has excellent benefits that get better as you stay longer (better retirement match, better health insurance, a mortgage discount - we'd have to refinance our house at a cost of about $4000 rolled into the new mortgage if I took a new job - plus the only guaranteed infant childcare in the area if we have another child, and if I stay for the long haul, one of the best dependent education benefits in the country).

We could potentially move closer to new job, but our house equivalent in nearby towns would cost us $50k - 100k more. I could also potentially work 5-10 years at this dream job, then try to get a job back at current institution to get the sweet tuition benefit (I currently work in a very specialized field and have made a pretty good reputation for myself at current job so if there was an opening, I'm confident they would want me back).

I've been trying to get this type of job for the last six years unsuccessfully, and we've committed to live in a rural area with barely any job opportunities in any field, let alone this specific one, so "waiting for another dream job" is not really an option. My gut says to take it, but my brain says.... I don't know? I need a mystical magical life coach guru to tell me what to do!!! So, Ask Metafilter it is...

posted by wannabecounselor to Work & Money (18 answers total)

Response by poster: I have NOT gotten an offer yet, but I'm just trying to think it through if I did!
posted by wannabecounselor at 6:07 PM on April 23, 2017

Not working in a dysfunctional environment is probably worth it. But it sounds like you have good reasons to try to negotiate a salary on the higher end (or more benefits, if those are negotiable).
posted by yarntheory at 6:29 PM on April 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

A 40 minute commute one way becomes a lot more bearable when you're respected at work and not overworked. Or, think about it another way, your short commute gets you 8++? hours of a toxic work environment, vs. 80 minute round trip commute gets you 8 hours of meaningful work at a place where you're respected and can grow professionally? I would pick the meaningful work. Commutes aren't a drag until they hit the 1 hour+ mark each way (or if you're commuting to/from a soul sucking job), and besides, you can listen to NPR or podcasts and audiobooks during your commute.

If I were in your position and got the dream job, I would take it, find a used car for the spouse who needs to drive less, and see how the commute works out. You may find that the commute is perfectly doable, and that you don't need to move. You have plenty of time to decide that.
posted by ellerhodes at 6:32 PM on April 23, 2017 [9 favorites]

Take the dream job, if offered. You have been looking for six years, you have it in your user name, you have it on good authority that it is a functional work environment. Enjoying what you do, with people who are supportive of your work, is huge.
posted by pie_seven at 6:40 PM on April 23, 2017 [6 favorites]

Take the new job if it's offered. It sounds like things are kind of a dead end right now and the way things are going in higher ed, those sweet benefits may evaporate anyway. You may want to try to return at a higher level eventually, as you indicate, but coming from a job where you're not taken seriously and it's a toxic environment and coupled with the fact that you've been looking for 6 years, who knows when something similar is going to come along.

You and your partner might be able to mitigate some of the costs by either getting a cheap beater so that partner can run occasional errands and deal with child emergencies while you take the reliable car on your commute or by getting creative with a bike. I did 45 minutes by train each way for 8 years and it was OK ( yeah, I wasn't driving, but it was also the kind of train commute where you never get a seat and you have to change trains halfway through so not really relaxing). Since it's a 10-month position, you could also think about whether there are ways to earn some additional money during the slow months.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 7:46 PM on April 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

you might consider taking the job but moving closer to it, despite the increase in cost. I know it SEEEEEEMS like 50-100k is a lot more for a house, but have you factored in the cost of running a car (2 cars) over a year? with an 80 minute daily commute plus one beater (plus insurance etc) you're into at least 50k easy that first year. plus, that 80 minutes you would save every single day has to be worth something. Plus if you lived closer, you could bike, or walk, or run, saving you the cost of a gym membership. Plus you might be closer to activities and friends and cool hangout spots if you're closer to work (if we are talking urban vs suburban living). Plus, maybe you could get a slightly smaller place than you have now and downsize a bit and make it work? You might be surprised to find that you don't need all the house that you thought you did?
posted by andreapandrea at 8:53 PM on April 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm not going to get into the specifics of the pros and cons, but I encourage you to rid your vocabulary of the term "dream job," which you mention over a half a dozen times in your question. There are jobs that align with your interests, jobs that pay a crap salary, jobs that allow for a good all around lifestyle, jobs that are stressful, and so on. Take away the gauzy filter of dreams, and try to look at your situation with clear eyes.
posted by Leontine at 9:19 PM on April 23, 2017 [6 favorites]

A 40-minute commute sucks compared to being able to literally hop over to work, but it's not that bad, honestly. Much longer than that can get wearing, but 40 is completely doable, especially if you've got a clear road ahead, taking you somewhere you want to be. (Nth getting the beater for spouse.)

Having stacked benefits with your current job is good, but if you work in a toxic environment for too long, you're definitely going to need them.

(I hesitate to offer suggestions for alternative planning re health and education because I'm assuming you're in the US [and I'm not], but would look into possibilities.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:47 PM on April 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

A ten minute walk (or whatever it is now) to a toxic environment that you have to work in for 8 or more hours a day vs. a 40 minute commute to a nice environment that you have to work in for 8 or more hours a day? I'd go with the 40 minute commute, because 8 hours is still 8 hours. Think of it as an extra 30 minutes for mental health.

A hop-skip-jump to get your proverbial balls busted for 8 hours a day, or a podcast-enriched (or whatever) drive to a supportive workplace that you say is basically your "dream job"?
posted by turbid dahlia at 10:23 PM on April 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Take the job! A 40 min commute is a minor annoyance. And 8 hour workday in a toxic environment is soul crushing.
posted by emd3737 at 12:01 AM on April 24, 2017

I have a 40 minute commute and hate it, but least I never have to drive on ice or snow; it looks like- given location in your profile- you will. For that reason alone I wouldn't consider the job if I were you, especially if you're considering having another child.
posted by mareli at 7:32 AM on April 24, 2017

I have a 45-minute commute, give or take, and I have been listening to audiobooks a lot, and generally have my music collection and preferred radio stations programmed in. To be honest, I find it to be a nice way to both mentally prepare for the day, and to decompress at the end of the day most of the time.

I also live in a state that has ice and snow, but also good management of those things, so it's fine. If you do too, then don't worry about that aspect of it.
posted by Autumnheart at 9:46 AM on April 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have a 45+ minute commute with little to no traffic. I now find it to be a very enjoyable pre and post workday experience. It helps me get out of work mode and into home mode and vice versa.

I am also an audible subscriber.

Nothing is worst than a toxic work environment no amount of money will make it worth it.
posted by jmsta at 11:36 AM on April 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I used to have about a 30 min commute to and from work and I greatly enjoyed the alone time to prepare for the day (in the morning) and decompress (on the way home). Podcasts and radio were a treat.
posted by stoneandstar at 12:44 PM on April 24, 2017

An eighty minute daily commute translates into one and half hours less with your child each day. For me, that would be a dealbreaker, with small children, for sure. I don't mention that as some sorry if guilt trip, but because it seems like no one has mentioned that yet. Also, as someone who had their 'dream job' for two years, a dream job is still more a 'job' than a 'dream'. I agree with the responder who suggests reframing the job via its specifics vs considering it a dream.
posted by mirabelle at 1:40 PM on April 24, 2017

This sounds like a no-brainer: it'd be crazy not to take this job. If you decide not to so do, you'll regret it for years and resent everyone who you made the decision to protect.

But, don't underestimate the cost of commuting. Choosing to live in a smaller, shittier residence that doesn't require a long commute, or seeking out a place with a single unbroken public transit connection to your work can be worth a lot more than the cash you'll save by staying put. Time is not free, and irritating time is incredibly expensive. In my experience, a long car commute will crush your soul much faster than a slightly higher mortgage payment.
posted by eotvos at 8:49 AM on April 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I had a 35-40 minute drive to work for almost 10 years and except for the odd occasion with messed up traffic/weather weirdness, it was really not a burden, and I used the time to listen to NPR to get my news updates for the day, and sometimes audiobooks. I found the mental break between work and home refreshing, actually. (And I did this in the course of going from one kid to two kids to three kids). Definitely grab the better car and get a beater for the second car to use mostly at home.

If you like where you live, I would not move, just to shorten what is already a pretty reasonable commute. Would it really be worth the costs of moving to get yourself, say, a 20 minute commute instead? There are no guarantees you could secure another 10 minute walk in the new location.

Based on my experience, making the best of a 40 minute drive to work is well worth getting out of a toxic job and into a dream job.
posted by gateau at 10:09 AM on April 27, 2017

Well, the great thing is that if you get the offer you can not move, do the commute for a while, and then start looking to relocate closer if the dream job really is as dreamy (and stable) as advertised.
posted by deludingmyself at 7:59 AM on June 27, 2017