Can I get a dog without breaking my needy cat's heart?

April 16, 2017 9:17 PM

I adopted my cat as an adult and he's sweet, adoring, and clingy. He's very much a people cat and particularly loyal to me. I'd like to adopt a dog, and I've read about introducing a cat to a new dog and know the process, but my question is more along the lines of can I do it without causing my needy cat to be significantly less happy?

A while back my cat and I lived in my mum's granny flat for a few months between houses. The granny flat was dog-free but a few times my mum's (quite big) dog came in. My cat gave the dog a claw-free swipe and established himself as "top animal" but was clearly freaked out and just acting tough (he did the same when a friend visited once with her big dog). One time my mum's dog snuck in and jumped on my bed and napped there until I realised he was there a while later. My cat sleeps on the bed with me at night and stays there all night quietly until I wake up. After the dog had been on the bed, however, my cat refused to sleep on the bed again, instead rather glumly sleeping in an elevated and not overly comfortable looking place for the next 1.5 months or so until we moved out and losing a bit of zest for life in general. As soon as we got to our own place he was clearly much happier again.

I'm wondering if it's possible to adopt a dog without having my cat seeing out his days sulking around dreaming about the good old dog-free days? Would a puppy maximise the chances of success? Any other tips or advice?

posted by hotcoroner to Pets & Animals (10 answers total)

My suggestion would be to look for a dog that is smallish but relatively quiet and calm (for a smallish dog) with a sort of "beta dog" non-dominant temperament. Every dog has its own unique character, but I'd say I've known a several shih tzus who have this sort of demeanor. And give it time. I've got a cat who doesn't have a ton of confidence and she never developed a good relationship with a larger dog I used to own, but over time she and my pomeranian have come to be pretty much indifferent and tolerant toward one another, if not exactly best buds. I would also say you've got a better shot with an older dog that is more likely to ignore the cat rather than a puppy would will probably not be able to stop itself from attempting to engage in unwanted play.
posted by drlith at 10:22 PM on April 16, 2017

Best answer: I have bad news. Based on your pic and experience with multiple cats that look/ed just like yours (grey or silver tabby) I'm going to say this is a bad idea. If you are lucky, you might find a female cat he loves as much or more than you, otherwise, other pets of any type are probably a poor idea.

I mean try it. But have a Plan B?
posted by jbenben at 10:52 PM on April 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

We tried this and ended up with a cat and a dog who each live in separate parts of the house. I don't think the cat is broken-hearted, exactly, but it's a little annoying for us.
posted by Polycarp at 11:15 PM on April 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

We adopted a cat from someone who died, and she couldn't handle living with our other pets. After a few months, we gave her away to another friend, where she was an only pet, and she was much happier. Some cats are just too set in their ways to be happy living with other pets.

Ours was also a silver tabby.
posted by kjs4 at 11:30 PM on April 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

This is not what you want to hear, but I fear that your cat will be unhappy if you adopt a dog. He doesn't seem to like them, and having to share the house and your attention with another pet will most likely make him sad.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:29 AM on April 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: After the dog had been on the bed, however, my cat refused to sleep on the bed again, instead rather glumly sleeping in an elevated and not overly comfortable looking place for the next 1.5 months or so until we moved out and losing a bit of zest for life in general.

Don't get a dog; knowing this was your cat's reaction once, it's not going to be worth it. My sister had a really sweet cat years ago who was an affectionate boy, then she got a dog who was mellow and good with cats. Her cat would have none of it, though, and spent the rest of her life on top of the refrigerator, only coming down to eat and use the box when the dog was out on walks. Seemed like a sort of miserable life for a once-affectionate kitty.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:21 AM on April 17, 2017 [6 favorites]

Best answer: My silver tabby was a single pet for a long time. She had a serious issue with dogs from the moment one licked her. Like, hissing at them from the house serious (at least with little dogs).

She now rules the house with two labs. When we brought our first dog home, we specifically got her as a pup so that kitty could be bigger and set rules. Which she did. We also monitored interaction closely and trained, trained trained.

As part of the transition, we kept a kitty only space which was the master bedroom and ensured to set aside kitty play time.

Now, 5 years later, kitty still runs the house, but also sleeps on the bed/couch with the pups.

That gives you a counter experience to many of those above - but it was work. It took a couple months for transition and longer still for the near cuddling to happen. If you try, have a plan in place for transition and should it not go well.
posted by MandaSayGrr at 5:31 AM on April 17, 2017 [1 favorite]

I would not be inclined to do this to our cats in any case, but this seals the deal:

After the dog had been on the bed, however, my cat refused to sleep on the bed again, instead rather glumly sleeping in an elevated and not overly comfortable looking place for the next 1.5 months or so until we moved out and losing a bit of zest for life in general.

Not a good idea, sorry.
posted by languagehat at 7:49 AM on April 17, 2017 [1 favorite]

Not that silver tabbies are inherently territorial, but I got my silver/mackerel tabby kitty after she hopped the fence to get away from her previous people's new dog and basically moved in with me.

The neighbors let her out every time she swiped at the dog, so she pretty much decided to find a new home a few doors away.

I don't think your cat will be happy with another critter in the house. You say he slept in a new, uncomfortable place when the dog was around -- that's bad enough, but what if he starts peeing on the bed or stress grooming?
posted by vickyverky at 9:19 AM on April 17, 2017 [1 favorite]

A few years ago, we adopted a five year old rescue dog to join our two five year old feral born rescue cats. Despite our best attempts at socialization, the dog and cats do not get along. Our clingy cat, the one who slept in our room, now sleeps with her sister in the kid's room at night, and is STILL fearful of the dog. So another vote for no.
posted by Ruki at 1:45 PM on April 17, 2017 [1 favorite]