Missing cat + smell of something dead nearby. How do I....you know?

April 12, 2017 9:29 PM

My most precious, beloved Lucy has been missing for a week. This is entirely, completely out of character for her. While I was out searching last night, I noticed the distinct smell of death coming from a neighbor's property a block away. Odds are, it's almost certainly just a squirrel or something. But I have to know. How do I go about...that?

I spent a long time last night searching the area where the smell was coming from with a flashlight, but couldn't see anything. The difficulty is that neighbor's yard is very overgrown, with dense plants and weeds. Part of the area was also behind a short fence, with an additional part of the yard behind a 6-foot fence, and I can't pinpoint the smell exactly. I've never met this neighbor, and I'm not 100% sure anyone lives there, especially this time of year with a lot of snowbirds headed home for the spring already, but I've seen someone outside there a couple times in the past. Obviously, the "proper" answer includes contacting my neighbor and asking permission to search his yard, but 1. I'm conscious of how crazy this is going to seem: "Hi neighbor who I'm meeting for the first time, I smell something dead in your yard, can I search it?" and 2. there's a good chance I won't be able to track down the neighbor at all. I am not at all afraid to get caught trespassing or the ramifications of that. What I am afraid of is, well, finding her. Or not finding her. I mean, I need to know if it's her. But if, say, she got hit by a car, and crawled off there to die, and has been decomposing in the FL heat for a week... I don't.... I'm not sure what seeing that would do to me. But if it is her, then maybe I do need to see her, to say goodbye and have some closure? Even if the sight permanently scars me? Anyone who's been in a similar situation, opinions please.

So what do I do now?
1. Go poking around there again tonight with... a stick or something?
2. Ask my neighbor if...he'd mind poking around there with a stick?
3. Is there a service I could hire that would do the searching for me?
4. I'm on good terms with a cop who was very helpful and sympathetic about my missing Lucy. Should I ask him for help? Is this the sort of thing people do?
5. Another neighbor, as luck would have it, is training a cadaver search dog. But this dog is trained only to search for human remains, and specifically NOT animal ones. But maybe this neighbor would know of someone else who has a dog that could help? Again, don't know this neighbor well, and am aware of how "hey, I need a dog to search for a dead thing" sounds.
6. Should I just drop it entirely? Continue to hope and pray that Lucy will come home? I am beside myself with grief, and consumed with thinking about, and looking for, Lucy. If I never find her, it will be months, maybe longer, before I'm able to move on, stop obsessively thinking about her and looking for her. Right now I don't go anywhere or do anything, because what if she comes home while I'm gone? But on the other hand, maybe having some hope would be better than finding her dead. Anyone who's found the body of a missing pet, was it better that way? Do you wish you hadn't found them and could keep hoping that they'd show up again some day?

My question is specifically what to do about this smell, and whether or how I should go about determining the source of the smell. But for anyone who'd like to chime in on missing-pet advice: please do so only if you have something out of the ordinary to share. Lucy is primarily an outdoor cat, so advice like "leave her litterbox outside" isn't helpful, and neither is "maybe she just took off on an adventure for a few days." Lucy is highly xenophobic, and would absolutely not get close to another human unless seriously injured and unable to escape. But she's very bonded to me, and always, *always* stays within earshot and comes when I call her. The idea that she took off for the hell of it, or found another home, is inconceivable. I've posted flyers, posted ads on Craigslist, Nextdoor, and 2 local missing-pets Facebook groups, filed a report with the County sheriff, been out to Animal Services (where all local strays are taken) and the SPCA (where all owner-surrenders are taken), called her microchip company, called local vets, talked to the leader of the local TNR program, and spent hour upon hour walking around the neighborhood calling her, focusing on every shed and garage where she could possibly be trapped.

Sorry for the rambling, paranoid post and mostly-crazy ideas. But I'm sick with grief, not sleeping or eating hardly at all, and just need someone to tell me what to do. And also, even though I'm agnostic, prayers are welcome too if you're so inclined.

posted by storminator7 to Pets & Animals (19 answers total)

I'm so sorry. If you feel you genuinely will not be able to move on without confirmation, then I think you do need to look. But, for goodness' sake, try to contact the neighbor first. I really don't like to think what might happen in FL if someone hears a stranger poking around their property at night. I think any reasonable person would understand your need to search the property if you just explain it in advance. It's not at all a crazy request. (Also, they're probably going to want a decomposing corpse off their property, too...)

Do you have any friends who could do this part of the search with you, just to comfort and steady you if the worst transpires? A cop is not going to, I'm afraid. Do the search in daylight so you can see better. If what you fear is true, delay is not going to hurt your poor kitty.

(Supporting multiple rescues, I have unfortunately become familiar with the sad stories of a number of people who have lost their dogs. I've never heard a single person who had the loss of their dog confirmed say that they would rather not know. And I know people who still seem to be haunted, years later, by a disappeared pet.)
posted by praemunire at 10:00 PM on April 12, 2017 [2 favorites]

You'd honestly feel better if you knew one way or the other for sure. If it were me I'd poke around in the neighbors' yard after dark and if I found something that you thought was your kitty, scream and run away. Get a friend and come back to the site or find someone else who will do so compassionately. The longer you don't know the more worried you'll be. Try to mitigate your worry by finding out for sure.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
posted by bendy at 10:01 PM on April 12, 2017

My message crossed with praemunire's. Use your own sense of safety of course.
posted by bendy at 10:03 PM on April 12, 2017

Best answer: First, put the idea of "how weird this sounds" out of your mind completely. It doesn't sound weird at all. Then, try to find a friend who can accompany you and help you. In broad daylight, take a cardboard box with a lid (like a shoebox) and some rubber gloves and an old towel. Go with your friend to knock on your neighbor's door. If no one answers and you feel safe doing so, go into the yard with your friend (if someone answers explain the situation and ask permission). Ask your friend to approach whatever is dead in the yard. If it's Lucy, your friend can pick up her body using the gloves, and put her in the box, partially covering her with the towel so that any damage to her body isn't visible. Then you can leave the neighbor's yard and go with your friend to sit somewhere more comfortable. Open the box with your friend holding your hand, and say goodbye. Then give her a proper burial in your garden.
posted by hazyjane at 10:15 PM on April 12, 2017 [23 favorites]

I'd say, don't go looking in that yard. It's probably not her. It could be a dead rat, a dead squirrel, a pile of hobo poop, all kinds of things that aren't your kitty. But if it is her, I don't think knowing will really be good for you. Instead of wondering what happened to her, you will have confirmation that something bad happened to her. If you see her body like that, it could be very scarring for you. If it's a choice between being left wondering if she'll ever come back, and knowing exactly how she met a bad end, I'd opt for uncertainty.

Try not to worry too much. It's not unlikely she's visiting at some nice family's house, getting fat on Fancy Feast like a stinker. Hopefully she'll come home very soon, but stressing about it won't do you any good.

If you're not signed up for Nextdoor.com, get on there pronto. That site seems to exist mainly for people to post pics of lost and found pets in the neighborhood, and the success rate seems pretty good. It's not rare for somebody to post a pic of a missing cat, and within a day or so a neighbor spots the cat a few blocks away. Try it!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 10:46 PM on April 12, 2017 [4 favorites]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds to me like you truly want to know, so I would plan to search your neighbor's yard in the day. However, thinking of my own cat, I think I wouldn't have to see much of the cat in order to confirm that it was her. My recommendation would be similar to hazyjane's, except I'd probably suggest that you plan not to see much of her body, if it is her. You don't need to see the extent of her injuries, especially after so many days. Hearing from your friend that "it appears that she was hit by a car" and seeing, maybe even touching, one undamaged paw might be the ideal way to know it's her and say goodbye (if it is her) without seeing anything that might upset you more than the situation does already. Hugs to you.
posted by salvia at 2:51 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

hazyjane's answer is right on the money. If you don't feel comfortable asking a friend to do this, perhaps you could post your general location in the thread and a MeFite could accompany you? If there is any chance you are in the Raleigh, NC area, I could do it this evening or tomorrow afternoon.
posted by Rock Steady at 4:51 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

You'll feel so much better if you check. Ask friends and as Rock Steady just said, feel free to ask here too if a friend can't.

I know people who still seem to be haunted, years later, by a disappeared pet.

We got a second cocker spaniel when I was four, who disappeared when I was six. I'll never forget asking my father where he was, and if he was safe. We never did find him. That was 35 years ago.

On the flip side, I will always be grateful to the city of Nice for phoning me when someone found my lost cat, who had unfortunately been hit by a car. It made a world of difference to have closure, as sad as it was.
posted by fraula at 5:21 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

It is better to know. If it is her in your neighbour's yard, you can give her a proper burial and know that she is not suffering. The shoebox/towel/gloves idea is a good one.

Bring a friend and go in the daytime if at all possible. Knock on your neighbour's door and say "I'm sorry to bother you. My name is storminator7 and I live at #xx down the street. My cat Lucy has been missing for a week, and while I was searching the neighbourhood I noticed a smell that might be coming from your yard. I'm here to ask permission to search in that area in case it might be her."

If no-one is home at the neighbour's house, you might knock on the doors of the two houses on either side, tell them the story, and let them know your intention. One of them may even supervise the search, which gives you some safety in case the neighbour in question comes home while you're there, and prevents the other neighbours from calling the police.
posted by heatherlogan at 5:43 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Personally, I would have to know if this was Lucy - otherwise the uncertainty would eat away at me.

I don't think it's acceptable to trespass on private property, though, and I'm really surprised that so many people have encouraged you to do that. Especially don't trespass at night, which is likely to frighten your neighbor and could even put your own safety at risk. Knock on the door and explain what's going on and ask for permission to look. If they aren't there, come back at a different time. Don't involve their next-door neighbors.

I hope it's not Lucy, and that she comes home to you soon.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 6:32 AM on April 13, 2017

Yep, if I had a dead pet in my yard I would want the owners to remove it. But that's me.
Like heatherlogan said upthread, enlist the help of the homeowner or the neighbors so that you have "plausible deniability" if someone calls the police. Then search the yard with a friend and a box (I've buried pets in a Walmart recycle sack so that if I unearth their remains, I know what I am looking at).

This is rough. I've been there. But knowing what happened to Lucy is a healing thing. You've made all the right moves to find her if she is alive. But this will give you closure. And it is one less thing to worry about.

Storminator7, this is one of the hardest parts about being a pet owner. They don't live as long as we do. We cannot change that. What we can do is be as good to them as they are to us, and know that the love goes both ways.
I am thinking about you and Lucy, and I hope you have your questions answered soon. But take it one step at a time.
posted by TrishaU at 7:28 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

Why are people suggesting that you go at night? Do not go at night. In the daytime you are (a) less likely to freak anybody out (b) more likely to see things that would be hidden by weeds and shadows (c) more likely to correctly identify something as a squirrel/cat/raccoon without having to get very close to it, I'd expect less trauma from seeing my pet dead by day than seeing her dead by creepy flashlight and having to try to put her body in a shoebox while holding a flashlight in my teeth. True if you're not under cover of darkness you are slightly more likely to be seen by some nosy neighbor from across the street who might alert police, but on the assumption that you'd be using a bright flashlight at night, I'd say comparably likely to be noticeable.

I'd go over right after work before it gets dark, knock on the door, and se if anybody's home. If somebody's there it will be awkward, but you tell them you're looking for your lost cat and you smell a bad smell and would it please be okay if you just looked in the back corner of their yard, it'll take 5 minutes. Or if nobody answers, that's fine too, I'd write out a note that says "I'm in your backyard looking for a lost cat", which I'd tape to the front door while I was there then take with me when I left. i.e. they don't need to know you've been there, but in case somebody comes over while you're there (homeowner, neighbor, or police), you have your story in place.
posted by aimedwander at 8:14 AM on April 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

Just adding to the chorus that you are not crazy. Your beloved kitty is missing and you want to do all that you can. Please don't feel weird about enlisting the help of a friend or neighbor. If I was local to you I would glove up and help. Be safe, use the buddy system and I hope you have answers soon.
posted by annaramma at 10:34 AM on April 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm so sorry! What a pretty tortie. I'd be beside myself.

If it were me, I would want to know but I might not want to see--GREAT suggestion to enlist someone's help.

Personally I would NOT mention the smell to the neighbor (what if they get insulted, defensive?) I would just say you've seen your kitty run into neighbors' yards/ that area or whatever, and you won't be able to rest till you check their yard with their permission of course.
posted by kapers at 12:12 PM on April 13, 2017

Also, not knowing how warm it is there or how long since she has passed away, if it is her, I want to suggest a few other things. (I've sadly had the experience of burying several animals at different stages after their passing.) You may wish to stop reading now and just have your support friend read this. In fact, I'd suggest bringing 2-3 friends, as the process of collecting her body would go more smoothly with two people, and so that you can have a friend with you while that is occurring (you should be out of sight and out of earshot). Okay, stop reading now if you can and let your friends handle the additional details.

In addition to bringing a towel and gloves, bring a flat-nosed shovel, or two if you have them. Line the box with and bring a few extra compostable waterproof bags (e.g., the bags that people use to collect yard clippings or picnic scraps for composting, which can be found next to garbage bags in the grocery store). And after confirming (or refuting) that it's her, move to where you can't see or hear the transfer process. (The associated smell may cause a reaction in your friend physically.) Both you and your friend could probably use buddies to help, so a team of four would be ideal.

Another option, which would probably be even better if your neighbor is a nice person and comfortable with the idea, might be to bury her next to where she chose to lie down. You'll also need a pointed shovel for digging to bury her, if that's what is necessary, so that's a second reason to bring both the pointed and flat shovels with you when you go.

Again, I'm so sorry. We're all part of the circle of life, so all of this is the natural order of things and more normal than we like to consider, but that doesn't make it any less sad or upsetting. I hope you can approach this in a way that makes it easier on you and get lots of support.
posted by salvia at 12:23 PM on April 13, 2017

Lots of great ideas above. If I were in your situation, I would definitely go look and bring my police officer friend with me. Knock on the door first. If they answer, great; you can ask if it's okay to poke around. If no answer, go ahead & search with cop friend nearby.

But... I'm surprised no one pointed this out: Can you be sure that the smell of death is from an animal in the yard and not from, say, the neighbor themselves? After all -- they haven't been seen in a while. (And would you be prepared to find that?) With the smell of death evident, and cover story of a welfare check, this is another good reason to have the cop friend along.
posted by cuddles.mcsnuggy at 2:12 PM on April 13, 2017

Response by poster: Thank you all for your support and advice. I've only lived here a year, so while I have friends, none are of the "help me find a dead thing" variety. So I went over there by myself, knocked on the door, and got no answer. Armed with gloves and a stick, I set about searching the yard. And found a dead squirrel!! Never thought I'd be so happy to see a dead squirrel. Still no Lucy, of course, but I feel a lot better knowing that the smell isn't her. Thanks to everyone for giving me the courage to go through with it.
posted by storminator7 at 3:07 PM on April 13, 2017 [43 favorites]

While you're waiting for her to come back, here is something good to read.
posted by salvia at 7:32 AM on April 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Is she back? Hope so!
posted by salvia at 9:55 PM on April 20, 2017 [1 favorite]